Heartwarming

[LeslieSD]

I just have to share this story that happened yesterday.

I have been to this Panera Bread restaurant store dressed occasionally. Because of the hours I went, it was always a Hispanic looking man who took my order. Though in other situations I passed fine, my voice is always a give away. So I assumed that he knew that I am a crossdresser. And that actually made me less stressed (because he already knows how much worse can it get), and we sometimes even had a friendly small talk while I am paying for my order. (For those who are not in the region, this is a casual restaurant that is an upgrade from coffee shops. You need to pay at the counter, and they will take your food to your table.) He always treated me with good respect.

For the last half a year or so, my schedule has changed (and my wife is home a lot more), so I haven't been there for a long long time. Yesterday, my wife went out, so I went out on my own (dressed) and went there for a quick sandwich on the way. The usual cashier was not there. A young lady in her 30s was behind the counter cleaning. When I said hello, she looked up and smiled at me. That's nice, so I thought. I ordered with the best voice I can. And the she said something that stunned me, "We haven't seen you for a long time. You still want you usual order?" I don't know what to say. Does everyone in the store knows me? Have they been talking about me as a weirdo? But she does not look like any disturbed, indeed she very happily helped me with my order. My head is still spinning when I finished the order and about to walk away, that when she added "It is really great to see you again!"

I almost want to hug her right there. That's so heartwarming. Young lady, you have just made my day. Thank you so much.

[ReineD]

People always remember us too. I think it's because they don't often see birth-males who present as women (I'm reluctant to use any labels anymore lol). In any case, I don't think the general population has any clue whether my SO is full-time, part-time, or what my SO's gender identity is. All they see and hear is a birth male who presents quite nicely as a woman. They are quite free to make of it what they will.

We've been out a lot in the last 7-8 years or so, and service personnel (SAs, restaurant people, doormen, people at the grocery store, people who give directions at kiosks), have no stake in what we do. We don't impact their lives in any way, and so for the most part they do not have an emotional reaction to us. They are trained to be polite to everyone and give good service, and we reap the benefits of this.

Of all the people who have served us over the years, we've only encountered a few whose facial expressions indicated they did not approve. Now, what they do when we leave is as varied as are general opinions about CDs/TSs/TGs in society as a whole. Some people will admire my SO for being brave enough to express herself in public, others will secretly have a little giggle, others will put it down to just being weird and shrug their shoulders, while others will privately judge us with disdain. We can't put all people's opinions in just one box. On more than one occasion I have noticed staff get other staff to show them my SO, but I put this down to simply being a novelty in their lives. They do not see birth-males who express themselves as women every day.

The people who work in the places we go to regularly over time have come to chat with us as well, and they're always very friendly. Maybe we helped them to understand that people who present differently than what they're used to seeing, can still be very nice to talk to ... and rather harmless.

[Tracii G]

Thats awesome Leslie.
There are good people out there.

[AllieSF]

Yes, there are a lot of the general public out there who realize who and what we are, and still treat us the same as anyone else. Yes, sometimes they think that we are different, but that does not mean that they think bad of us. Some do, but my guess is that the majority want to and will treat us well. Since we are different in appearance, they definitely remember us. I always make it a point to get to know the service personnel, whether at work, stores, restaurants, museums, theaters, everywhere I go. I acknowledge them and because of that, they specifically remember me and smile, nod or give me a little wave when I come in. I appreciate them and I think that they appreciate me too, not just because I am different, but because I pay attention to them. And, one more yes, it still makes me feel special every time that it happens.

[Katey888]

That is a sweet experience Leslie...

I don't get the feeling they're seeing you as a 'weirdo' - different, maybe, but what comes across is that they care about a regular, polite client who went absent a while. Some of that might just be good customer service at work, but perhaps you're also engaging people in a good way too, and they respect and appreciate that.

Personally I'll always go back to friendly service - it just makes the world a more pleasant place to get by in...

Katey x

[Claire Cook]

Hi Leslie,

Thank you so much for sharing this. It says a lot about the "passing trap". When we are accepted as the people we are -- not so much as a crossdresser, not so much as a woman, but as ourselves, it is a wonderful feeling. I fully concur with Allie's post. I've had people who know me "both ways" tell me they miss Claire when I am not dressed.

Hugs,

Claire

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Leslie, It just doesn't get any better than that.

[Isabella Ross]

Yep, nice story, Leslie. Made my morning!

[carhill2mn]

I frequently go to a certain Caribou coffee place in a mall. For many months there was an older woman there who knew what I usually ordered and would engage me in small talk every time. She always gave the impression that she was glad to see me.

[docrobbysherry]

It's funny how just a few words can make our day isn't it, Leslie?

In Vegas I stopped at the snack counter in the Flamingo to grab a sandwich. The black women behind the counter was scurrying around to handle all the orders. "What can I get for u, sir? Er--mam?"

Because there's no chance of me passing if u see my face, I expect to be called, sir, if anything. I gave her my order and when she brought it I thanked her for trying to be considerate and sensitive.

[Sarah-RT]

I work on a deli counter in my local supermarket and we often pass remarks about customers we have served, generally just if they are rude or regular customers who can be a tad peculiar. It sounds mean now that I type this in hindsight but we do treat them all with respect when serving. Im sure all the girls here who often shop in boutiques and say how helpful the staff are most likely are talked about briefly after they have left the shop, its probably the normal thing to mention something out of the usual in a day at work since it can be quite dull and unexciting. while it may seem like they were talking about you at least it was in good respect to remember you as a regular customer and what you often order.

Sarah x

[Kristy 56]

Great experience Leslie ! Always nice to be accepted for who you are. I'm sure it was very sincere too.

[Allisa]

I love happy stories when we are accepted for who we are and being remembered is great. What happened to your "boyfriend" order taker?

[Fortuneta]

Nice story, thanks for sharing. I would think she might have liked a hug...you look very nice and it would not have been a big deal.
Fortuneta

[justmetoo]

Very nice, Leslie! And well said Reine and Claire and others.

[LeslieSD]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, sisters.

Think back about it, it is really the sense of _acceptance_ that got me. That is being recognized as a customer, or a human being, regardless of what I wear and how I present. It just makes me think what a beautiful world we are in.

[MissTee]

That had to feel great, Leslie. To be viewed as a good customer and carry no other label shows progression.

[MarisaRose.]

Leslie, just a great post! Life is good and hope you enjoy many more experiences like it!!!

[Beverley Sims]

You do get remembered for who you are but if you conduct yourself properly you are remembered for being a nice person.

What you wear usually does not come into it.

[Marcelle]

Hi Leslie,

A great story indeed and a testimony to the kindness of people who when they see out and about . . . make us feel . . . umm . . . human vice weird. Many of the places I frequent as Isha know me quite well and even now refer to me by name when I come in to order and you are right . . . it just feels nice. They know naturally I am man presenting as a woman but they don't get all weird about it which if very nice. I am glad you had such a positive experience as I find it is those experiences which make the less than positive ones become background noise in our lives.

Hugs

Isha