Never would have believed this a year ago

[Donnagirl]

I'm hearing you Jenny, and believe you me its not a decision taken lightly...

There were a number of points I found it difficult to argue with, chiefly the fact that this is not going away!!! I didn't want go join the ranks of the late in life transitioners, regretting many wasted years of conflict, denial and angered suppression...
And how long have I really been hiding it, from myself as well as the world? I guess if I'm truly honest with myself, I was something a little more than a cross dresser, my story never really meshed with the majority. (Although there is always the tendency to post along the groupthink lines! Something I'm also guilty of!)

I'm still on relatively low dosages, about 1/3 of what someone fully transitioning would be on, I'm seeing the doc and psych three monthly and have a good local counsellor.

For the whole of this year I've gain much inner calm, ok a few falls from the wagon but they were all when I (again) thought I could 'man up' and beat this... Acceptance is far better for my health, the families sanity and the structural integrity of the house.

The need to present is becoming quite an aggressive one, perhaps again a symptom of my character and it's something I now refuse to fight. I have gone from an oaf in a dress to a relatively capable 'blender'. I want that to increase, effeminate male I can accept and camouflage, more presentable female is the ongoing goal.

Full transition I see as way away on the distant horizon and a destination I do doubt I'll achieve (or want). Full time (most of the time) presentation, well that's more the endgame I'm hoping for.

I do really thank you, and the others who have expressed similar sentiments... I need the criticism, the dangers flagged and the warnings. I do always go 'all in' early in the piece with varying results and comments to make me continually reassess are valuable, truely valuable.

Thanks and hugs,

Donna

[Suzanne F]

Donna
Only you can know what is right for you. For me every step I have taken toward transition has made me feel like the authentic me. Like Paula said in an earlier post I always knew at some level. It seems that a low dose HRT protocol is a wise way for you to begin since total transition is not your goal at this time. I respect your decision and wish you the best!
Suzanne

[nathaliedove]

I wish you nothing but the best Donna! Will be following your story for sure!

[Teresa]

Donna,
I'm going to offer my congratulations on your tough decision , I sense this time you're not jumping in with both feet you have considered the consequences of family and work .
Demolition of the house at times wasn't good lets hope it brings the calmness and inner peace you're hoping for ! I get your comments about older members wondering if it's all too late, I'm still waiting for my next round of counselling with a gender therapist mainly now to confirm my inner feeling and thoughts but I don't think I will be taking your route. At least I will be sure in my own mind what I really feel and can talk to my family knowing it's not something I've been making up just to satisfy a silly need to wear dresses sometimes.