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Thread: Those of us who identify as gay?

  1. #1
    When in doubt? Smile! Chrissi's Avatar
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    Those of us who identify as gay?

    From an earlier thread Boyfriend and dressing some interesting questions were raised about those of us who identify as gay, or sexually & emotionally prefer men as our SO's. Along the way I felt and indeed indicated that I would start a new thread....

    So who among us feels comfortable to post in here about your sexual identity...

    me, when in guy mode, I identify as gay. I have a long time boyfriend we live together, and yes he knows I crossdress. But up until recently he didn't know the extent...now he does, and yes he is supporting. When in female mode, obviously I prefer men too...

    So stop in if you identify as gay, and say hello.
    Chrissi
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  2. #2
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    Hi Chrissi. I don't identify as gay, but I thought I'd stop in and offer a greeting. I am glad that your partner is supportive. I wonder if the notion that gay men are generally not attracted to CDrs is valid or simply another gross over generalization.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

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  3. #3
    Amanda countrygirl's Avatar
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    Dressed as Amanda or Ben I also identify as gay preferring guys dressed as Amanda or as Ben.
    Last edited by countrygirl; 05-19-2015 at 08:16 PM.
    Amanda

  4. #4
    Member julia ann's Avatar
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    Not real sure where I fall on the LGBT scale. Dressed as a male I have no desire for men and little for women. TG or TS weather dress male or female is of interest. Dressed I have great great desire for men, women, TG/TS. I feel so much more sensual and confident in a dress rather than jeans and flannel!��

  5. #5
    Full Geek Status Adriana Moretti's Avatar
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    I am really beginning to think I am gay....I know I'm bi-sexual for sure, but for the past year and a half I have been finding men and other cd's more sexually appealing than women, and I have only been with them in that time frame....not sure if I lost intrest in girls, or I find them needy and annoying....I cant tell, but I do know I lean heavy that way...but I still wouldnt kick the right girl out of bed. Until I figure it out, I'm just going to enjoy myself and go with what just feels right.

  6. #6
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Adriana -- being bisexual (or pansexual) doesn't imply a constant interest in both sexes all the time. Most bi people of my acquaintance say they go through phases of attraction and I know that I do too. So I think you're bi-normal.

  7. #7
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    I'm BI, but in a heterosexual relationship. So, I go with the flow. If I was single then I would probably do both.
    Part Time Girl

  8. #8
    Member weyburn's Avatar
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    Hello Chrissy

    For most of my life I would never had thought I would be a crossdresser let alone being with a man
    Now I am dressed as a woman almost 24 hours a day every day and prefer men
    Recently I was with a woman but it just didn't happen for me but give me a man and Mmmm ...Mnnnn.......good
    On the rare occaision I am out as a guy I certainly am gay and when dressed I certainly love playing the woman in as many aspects as possible
    I don't have a boy friend per se but rhere are a couple of guys I see on a semi regular basis
    Great pics by the way

  9. #9
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Hi Chrissi, I'm so happy that your bf turned out to be supportive! I remember an earlier thread when you hadn't tested the waters yet and weren't sure. Congratulations!


    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I wonder if the notion that gay men are generally not attracted to CDrs is valid or simply another gross over generalization.
    My opinion (just based on common sense) is that the percentage of accepting gay men to total gay men in relationships with TGs is likely the same as the percentage of accepting hetero women to total hetero women who are in relationships with TGs (I'm using TG as a catch-all for everyone). Both these groups are attracted to men. Both these groups are comprised of people who have a wide spectrum of backgrounds, personalities, value systems, etc, and it is these things that determine whether someone will accept or not.

    To go further (another conjecture), the level of acceptance may have to do with how a partner sees the TG. If they are open-minded and if they see him fundamentally as a male who dresses, then they still feel they are in a relationship with a male; this would not upset their beliefs about who they are in a relationship with. Issues occur when partners (gay men or hetero women), begin to feel that the TG does not want to be the sex they are attracted to. I think this is why so many partners are OK with the CDing and not transition. Things really get complicated when the partner wants to see the TG as a male (because that's who the partner is attracted to), but the TG does not want to be seen as a male. There begins a push-pull effect where the TG wants to present as a woman more than s/he feels the partner can bear and this creates an imbalance in the relationship and within each individual.
    Reine

  10. #10
    Member AndreaCD1963's Avatar
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    From my early teens, I have been attracted to both males and females. However it wasn't until my early 40's that I truly accepted that I'm BI and that it is ok to be BI. Throughout the years I suppressed my attraction to other men, or had casual encounters when the urge was too strong. It was also in my early 40's that I accepted that I was a cross-dresser, and always have been. It took me quite a long time to be able to separate the two and realize that my sexual orientation and my gender presentation were completely separate and unrelated.

    I'm currently in a heterosexual relationship with an absolutely awesome and totally accepting woman who accepted from day one that I was BI and a cross-dresser. I'm able to control my urges and desires to be with a man - I think that the fact that she knows they are there helps. She points out good looking men to me when we are out and about - and we both admire from afar. She also supports that I'm a cross-dresser - whenever we travel to the US, we BOTH can't wait to find a Dress-Barn :-)
    Andrea
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  11. #11
    Junior Member Alexis08's Avatar
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    I'm mostly attracted to men. but I'm not turned on by sex between two guys that look like guys, and I never watch gay porn.

    Hmm.. maybe I'm transsexual? but I don't feel really uncomfortable in my own body.

  12. #12
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    Heyo, I have no real idea why i'm joining but...I guess i'd be considered happily bi.I tend to like men and women-though I do have to admit, I tend to be "dominant" with women and "submissive" with guys. Sometimes I get the feeling i'd rather just be...Softer all the time :/.
    Also YAY for you Chrissi

  13. #13
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Chrissi, hello and good for you

    For ease of labeling I go with Bi, and as that implies I have been with both. For now I am only dating as Jean and only men, which so far have all been Gay. As for the girls I hangout with, I find them attractive but I prefer to have them as friends. They know I date men so that makes me one of the girls and for now that’s how I prefer it.

    Just being Jean

  14. #14
    Junior Member Glorialovesheels's Avatar
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    as a man I am attracted to women, but do have interest in transexuals... but when I cross dress I do have some feelings for men, but in a sensual way...if that makes sense
    Last edited by Glorialovesheels; 05-20-2015 at 09:09 AM.

  15. #15
    @--}----- Sissy_Michelle's Avatar
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    Chrissi,

    Sexual identity ... Do I prefer guys or gals, do I see myself as gay? About two weeks ago I was having this conversation with a coworker that has surmised that I underdress. So we discussed at great length clothes, shops that I frequent, do I fully dress and so on. Although one of her topics was of my sexual preference while dressed... I wasn't sure how to answer her because I don't believe you can just switch on or off your sexual preference. You either have or haven't . If you have was the experience wonderful enough to try again or was it not what you thought and haven't looked back. So I discussed with her my feelings about this subject in regard to "do you look at guys and find them attractive only when dressed or all the time?" Well if I find a woman attractive and I am dressed why wouldn't she be attractive still...

    This shouldn't be a question about sexual identity, more along the lines of sexual preference. I find both men and women attractive in their own way. But could only see myself with a woman. I have been with a guy on one occasion a long time ago, mostly touching and kissing. I was curious, he was attractive, (not to mention I was loaded on Jagermiester) it was a fun evening, when we woke up the next morning we laughed, showered, and went to breakfast. For fear and only fear of my job did I then realize what we did and how others could perceive us together. Sadly after breakfast we parted company and never spoke again... It wasn't like we were holding hands and sitting next to each other in the dining facility. But the thought of "perception" and what it could do really woke me up to look at everyone in a new light. Would I do it again? Possibly. Does that make me "gay" ? Like racism I see it as a label so I do not like being labeled. If anyone asks me if I am gay I tell them "yes I am Lesbian" when they ask me what race I tell them "American". When they ask religion I tell them "yes"...

    Sorry for the rant Chrissi. I am happy for you and your boyfriend, that y'all are happy together. It is good to have support.

    @--}----
    Michelle

  16. #16
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    Chrissi,
    I am so pleased that your relationship is working so well. Long may it endure.

    I had a boyfriend for a few years and he loved seeing me dressed. I used to find myself in relationships with both women and men but now, when cross dressed, I prefer to be with a man.

  17. #17
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    Adriana, the girls are probably 'needy' and annoying because they sense you aren't really interested. On some level you aren't able to meet their needs. So they ramp up behaviors that only serve to push you away. It's easier to want to do things others want when you want to and enjoy pleasing them. You might be able to enjoy them in a shallow sort of way, and even be turned on - but doubt from what you say a relationship is doable. Just my own opinion.
    Last edited by withasmile; 05-20-2015 at 01:16 PM.

  18. #18
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    I consider myself heterosexual,but when all dressed and dolled up maybe a little bi-curious. i've only felt like this in the last year or so.

  19. #19
    When in doubt? Smile! Chrissi's Avatar
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    Thanks girls for the responses, and keep them coming.

    I am curious about how some of you feel that you have changed over the years. I wonder if upbringing and social and familial backgrounds had anything to do with that. For me, I knew I liked to try on girl's clothing from an early age. I knew I was gay when I was 16 (I suspected it before that, but for other reasons...didn't put a label on it) I came out to myself as gay, in my 20s and finally to pretty much everyone in my 30s. These days, I am openly gay and proud to be so.

    What's odd, is that I never really ever felt the need to "come out" as a crossdresser/transgender until more recently. Several people knew I crossdressed for many years (sister, boyfriend and a couple other friends) just not the extent of my need to do so. So I never ever felt the dichotomy of personality (dysphoria) that some of us experience. I do find my desire to suppress my feminine side to be rapidly disappearing of late.

    For those of you, who find yourselves attracted to men...is it because you feel you are a straight woman? I am a bit curious about that too

    thanks all,
    Chrissi
    Smile! You'll always brighten someone's day, including your own from their return smile!

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissi
    For those of you, who find yourselves attracted to men...is it because you feel you are a straight woman? I am a bit curious about that too
    Well, I'd like to be a straight woman - that's really what I had hoped I was. However, I am apparently bisexual. I pass as a straight woman pretty well though, which is just all sorts of messed up, I think.

    In my prior life, I tried to appear to be a straight man. It's interesting to note my own internalized homophobia / biphobia. It's taken a while to figure this all out about myself.

    My history does make a lot more sense now. I started out pining for guys, but being with women. Now I'm with a guy, and pining for women. What a mess!

  21. #21
    New Member Satwiwa's Avatar
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    i would nowadays identify as Bisexual, I realize now that I've always been Bi, even though I tried for years to avoid acknowledging that fact. something to do with Friends & family what they would say about it, silly now that I look back at it.
    I am attracted to both Men and women, though nowadays I tend to be more into Men. and my going in feminine mode has little bearing on how I feel. I have been with Men & Women both as my Male self and as a Girl... some of them like me as one or the other, but rarely as both.. except my Dear Friend Sandy, Sandy will invite either Me or my Female side over. She enjoys me either way, so that is very nice.
    I have noticed that a few Men got upset when they find out I Crossdress, but most seem to accept - even if they do not want to be with me in Female Mode.

  22. #22
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I have always had sexual hangups,all my life.For many years, i was afraid of girls, and always got rejected. Later, i finally got to dating women , in my late 20's and 30's, but never could keep a relationship going.I have always been a virgin, too, not "going all the way" with a lady. i kind of felt that the male sexual desire was predatory, and women were terrified of it, too. Now, when i get all dolled up, i do fantasize of being a lady with a gentleman, and i have met three different men over the years, but set limits with them, no allowing penetration sex. I am attracted to only a few types of women, and very little attraction for any man. I am kind of asexual, but when all dressed, tend to desire to model and dance for a gentleman. I guess i am asexual Bi.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    I have always been "pansexual" since the age of 14 in that I had to like who I was with,not the gender they were..I am married with a teenage daughter,but my feelings remain the same. I like some men and some women...

  24. #24
    New Member Sophie Hogletta's Avatar
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    Definitely not 'gay'. As that is not my identity normally. However, when dressed that is my overwhelming slant. And as I am small and slim, and favour tall muscular blokes then I would like to think that is self-identifying as a straight woman. But as everyone knows it is not that simple. At the moment I am kind of sick of the merry go round of being male, with women, dressing confusion etc. So looking to settle and find an appropriate big bloke to settle with for a while. I am not sure if that makes me gay or not, but I don't think so as it is so tied up with self-identity, and the whole thing will be as self-identification as a woman, which might make me TS, which is another story all together, and potentially another chapter. :-)

  25. #25
    Member lesli's Avatar
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    in drab guy mode, i am straight heterosexual, but when i dress my persona changes completely and i am not looking at women sexually then... but i do admire their attire and makeup!

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