Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 51 to 70 of 70

Thread: Those of us who identify as gay?

  1. #51
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    2,428
    I am surprised that I haven't participated on this thread...the reason is I've been busy having a great time with my boyfriend

  2. #52
    When in doubt? Smile! Chrissi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Metrowest, Massachusetts
    Posts
    275
    love you Barbara! How is Mr. Wonderful anyway?
    Living my happiness and facing my problems as ME...no more filter... is...so...much...everything...better!

  3. #53
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Houston
    Posts
    2,428
    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissi View Post
    love you Barbara! How is Mr. Wonderful anyway?
    Doing great also having a great time with me too!! we just finished our Memorial Day weekend with a Cook Off with friends and my family

  4. #54
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    3,913
    Quote Originally Posted by Sammy777 View Post
    Why Straight, (But mostly) Gay and Lesbian people want nothing to with Bisexuals because we are seen as jokes, closeted Gay/Lesbians who are afraid to come out, untrustworthy, will (and want to) have sex with anybody.
    Or more simply are "greedy" or "can't decide" who they like.

    I am Bisexual, in every sense of the word, but I "identify" as Lesbian because:
    1) I like both, but have a preference towards other women, but more importantly
    2) There are plenty of Lesbians who will not touch a "Bi" girl (trans or not) with a ten foot pole.
    Mostly due to the above reasons.
    It's funny, I never really had a bad attitude about bisexual people until I spent time in the LGBT community.

    I think another reason we aren't trusted in the gay and lesbian community is that by and large, the big gay organizations and their leadership are busy promoting the notion that:

    "Two Mommies = Two Daddy's = A Mom and a Dad."

    That is, they've decided to promote marriage equality, and pinkwashing the gay community into sort of a heteronormative / cisnormative mold.

    This makes bisexuals a big problem - unless of course, you are one of the "good ones" who stick to a straight or a gay relationship. So you better "pass" as gay or straight, or they don't want to talk about you. Not at all. Also, if you are making the argument "BEING GAY IS NOT A CHOICE!!!!!!!!" then having someone who apparently does have a choice of appearing to be gay or straight is problematical. (Of course being bisexual isn't a choice at all - I'd rather be anything but this, in fact.)

    They spent $300M on this one issue in this country alone last year. (As compared to $5M that was spent for all trans advocacy, education, and lobbying.) By the way - if you complain about such a disparity, most gay or lesbian people I know will be happy to rationalize away the vital importance of marriage equality to all of us, while trivializing our concerns.

    So that leaves people like you "passing" as lesbian, and people like me "passing" as straight. (I am really just about 50/50 - but given that, it's just a whole lot easier to be with a guy. Unfortunately for me, I'm not one of the good ones - it's just not going to be possible to shoehorn me into anything like a heteronormative relationship. (Even the recast gay version from marriage equality.) Want me to promise to only be with my spouse, and to foreswear all others? Not going to happen. If I'm with a guy, I can promise to not be with another guy, or if I did end up with a woman as my primary relationship, I'd swear off other girls. I really hope that doesn't happen. I don't like dealing with the crap associated with lesbian relationships. Maybe if I really identified well as a lesbian, if I loved the community, if I felt at home, a real kinship around the gay and lesbian community I'd go for that. But I just do not. Don't get me wrong, I like lots of gay and lesbian folks I know, I really do. I live in the heart of the Dallas Gay community. It's been a good place for me to transition. But they just aren't my peeps.

    I'll go out and celebrate marriage equality when it happens here in the US. But I'll know it's a non-event for me, and that the focus on this event pushes people like me back further into the closet. At least all things trans are becoming marketable now, and those funding machines are going to need a good cause to keep drumming up support for. Hey, maybe as trans people we'll finally get a few percent of the funding they collect, huh? That'll be worthy of a celebration, right?

    So I'm queer. (There's more stuff than wanting to have sex with both a man and a woman going on. I'm really just not straight.)

    I can pass pretty well for straight though, at least assuming my boyfriend can continue to deal with me and my weirdness. I don't see myself as living fulltime with a woman ever again. Been there, done that, and uh, no thanks. Now if only I weren't so attracted to women still, life would be really simple. Anyway, I already know I'm exactly what people don't want to hear about when you say the word "bisexual."

    Anyway, welcome to not having a place at the table, I guess.

  5. #55
    Senior Member Sammy777's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,364
    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    If I'm with a guy, I can promise to not be with another guy,
    if I did end up with a woman as my primary relationship, I'd swear off other girls.
    THAT is it right there! And why Bisexuals have the bad name we do.
    I hate to say it, but in those two statements you sound like the poster child for all things bad about Bisexuals.

    We can't be trusted.
    We will (sooner or later) run off with someone of the opposite gender of our current partner because we simply "can't decide".
    We are just fundamentally incapable of being faithful or staying in a monogamous relationship for any length of time.

    Your statements above are the holy grail of reasons why (Most) Gay men and Lesbian women avoid Bisexuals like the plague.

    And as far as LGBT rights and advancements go, its simple, first to get axed "For the greater good" is the T.
    The second is the B. Because Bisexuals muck up the works. "Real" bisexuals are a myth and don't really exist anyways.
    Last edited by Sammy777; 05-26-2015 at 12:36 AM.
    Warning: This post may contain up to 63% post consumer recycled Sarcasm ... or Peanuts."
    "Sammy, really next time do try to make your point without being quite so abrasive." -RD

  6. #56
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    3,913
    Quote Originally Posted by Sammy777 View Post
    THAT is it right there! And why Bisexuals have the bad name we do.
    I hate to say it, but in those two statements you sound like the poster child for all things bad about Bisexuals.

    We can't be trusted.
    We will (sooner or later) run off with someone of the opposite gender of our current partner because we simply "can't decide".
    We are just fundamentally incapable of being faithful or staying in a monogamous relationship for any length of time.

    Your statements above are the holy grail of reasons why (Most) Gay men and Lesbian women avoid Bisexuals like the plague.
    I am the poster child for everything that is perceived as wrong with bisexuals. I hate it, and I'm having a very hard time liking myself overmuch because of these feelings I have. ****, I talk about these feelings with my therapist and she isn't very sympathetic.

    Why does it have to be wrong to be what I am? I didn't choose this, frankly it sucks.

    Why is this different than straight people hating gays or lesbians because they are different?

    I think you are wrong though - trans people are marketable now, so you'll see BigGayInc start to fundraiser on our behalf. We won't get much of the money, but we'll be included. The local equality campaigns here in Texas mostly don't mention bisexuals anymore, but they do mention trans.

    Anyway, I'm not sure if you are saying that I shouldn't feel as I do, or that I'm a horrible person. I certainly don't claim to speak for anyone who's bisexual other than myself. It's certainly difficult to accept that my sexual orientation is considered evil by gay and straight people alike.

    I guess I have no right to be what I am, because I make others look bad? I should just hide it, right? That's what the world seems to be telling me.

    Does any of that really seem right to you?

  7. #57
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,308
    Hi Paula

    Your statement reads as "If I'm with a guy I won't touch other guys, but I'm liable to cheat with another women" and visa versa.
    I'm thinking that's not how you meant it?
    But it comes across that you're untrustworthy.

    Who wants to be in a relationship with someone, that is always looking for something better?
    Whatever way I go I'm loyal, I hate cheaters as they usually delude themselves into finding reasons why it's ok.

    I have little experience with Bisexual people, but if the above was a common trait, it's understandable people would be wary.
    I suspect like most things in life it's the bad apples that tar everyone else. That happens in everything, you can't generalise.
    Last edited by becky77; 05-26-2015 at 05:29 AM.

  8. #58
    When in doubt? Smile! Chrissi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Metrowest, Massachusetts
    Posts
    275
    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Good points Jennie.
    Sexual preference doesn't change because of the clothes.
    Absolutely Tracii, and this is what, I guess, I am finding most curious. If anything, I get more in the mood when dressed, especially when dressed nice, and so far no complaints from the beneficiary
    Living my happiness and facing my problems as ME...no more filter... is...so...much...everything...better!

  9. #59
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    3,913
    Quote Originally Posted by becky77 View Post
    Your statement reads as "If I'm with a guy I won't touch other guys, but I'm liable to cheat with another women" and visa versa.
    I'm thinking that's not how you meant it?
    It depends on your definition of cheating. By societal norms, I am untrustworthy, deceitful, and evil.

    I have disclosed these apparent tendencies of mine to my partner. I have told them that well before I would ever act on them, I would discuss this with them, and negotiate what is tolerable to them. I would discuss who it would be, what I might do, etc. at whatever level of detail he'd want, based on his desire for disclosure, and with the utmost attempt at respect for all involved. I will not sneak around. He'll know, and whoever I'm with will know my situation in turn. I won't announce this all to the rest of the world, but everyone involved will know in advance. At any time, my boyfriend, or the other woman, can end the relationship with me.

    I'm trying to be ethical about this. I am fully aware I may NEVER find long term relationships that would agree to such terms. If so, so be it.

    Quote Originally Posted by becky77 View Post
    But it comes across that you're untrustworthy.

    Who wants to be in a relationship with someone, that is always looking for something better?
    Whatever way I go I'm loyal, I hate cheaters as they usually delude themselves into finding reasons why it's ok
    I'm not looking for "something better." I love my boyfriend. He's all the man I need or want. I don't want another guy. Unfortunately, he's not a woman, and it appears I need both.

    When I was with women, I pined away at male friends, longing to be more than friends. I never acted on it, nor hinted about it. But it sucked for me, and it wasn’t honest nor fair to anyone else, either my male friends, my wife, etc. I’d assumed, after I started transition and realized that I had a very strong attraction to men that I had simply been a straight girl, unable to bring myself to be with a gay man. I didn't feel like a gay man, after all. On top of that, I hated having sex as a man.

    Unfortunately, a couple of weeks ago, I realized that as happy as I am with my boyfriend, I am very attracted to, and was forming a crush on a female friend of mine. I had been denying these feelings for a while, trying to pretend to myself that I was super-duper-straight-girl. Well, I'm just not.

    I am completely convinced based on my past history, that were I to unceremoniously dump my boyfriend (I don't want to do that - I love him and our sex life), and take up with this woman, six months from now, I'd be staring at men, wanting something with a guy. Looking back at my past, this all makes sense now, these feelings, and they aren't going away. Indeed, if anything, since transition, they are much, much stronger. If I have to totally suppress them, I am going to be miserable, and I've gone through too much to live my life being miserable. I'd rather be alone than that.

    This isn't going to go away, it is something I'm going to have to deal with, and suppressing it, the strategy I've used for my prior life, hasn't worked well for anyone, really. So I'm not going to try to do the same things I've done in the past. Because I know where that goes.

    If you feel this is horrible, immoral, unethical, or whatever you feel - I'm not surprised. I'm having a fairly difficult time reconciling these feelings myself - but I'm not going to deny they exist any longer. The only thing I can think of doing is simply being upfront with everyone about who and what I am. If that means I experience "serial monogamy" - having relationships for a few months with a man, breaking it off, and then with a woman, that's how it goes. Maybe it just means I'm alone most of the time - I'm not "all that." I have no illusions about this.

    Other possibilities, assuming my boyfriend and I can't find a way to navigate this would be for me to be the third person in a M/F triad - a poly relationship. If my boyfriend and I can manage this, I'd hope to find a woman like myself who doesn't want a fulltime relationship with another woman. This may be a little hard to find - I know lots of women like this in the trans community. They are married to their pre-transition spouses. The relationship lives on, but there is no sex. None. Because of my position in the community as part of the leadership of an outreach organization, I don't feel I can ethically seek such relationships. In fact, I'd eschew them, even if offered, because I end up being a mentor / sounding board / counselor / friend for many in the community, and the resulting relationship is unlikely to be particularly healthy for either of us. So it may mean I simply don't find anyone else to be with, and my boyfriend gets a lucky break. I'd look instead in the kink / poly community locally. This overlaps with the trans community somewhat, but I'd be more likely to find someone receptive. (I have some trepidation about this - my first contacts with the kink community haven't been pleasant, which is really unfortunate. Hopefully I've just had poor luck so far.) The big problem with those two, I fear, is the "no men" stipulation I have. For the time being, though, I'm doing nothing. It'll be a while before I do.

    Quote Originally Posted by becky77 View Post
    I have little experience with Bisexual people, but if the above was a common trait, it's understandable people would be wary.
    I suspect like most things in life it's the bad apples that tar everyone else. That happens in everything, you can't generalise.
    I believe most bisexual people are capable of being in a monogamous relationship with a single person. If they fall in love with someone of the opposite gender, they may well identify as straight. If they fall in love with someone of the same gender, they often identify gay or lesbian. Most of the bisexual people I've talked with are like this.

    I do know one other bisexual person who has both a boyfriend, and a girlfriend. Both know it, and both are OK with it, I suppose. (I don't know their partners.) They are much younger than I am, so that may be a really critical difference.

    As I said, apparently, I'm one of the bad apples. If it makes you feel any better - I don't much like this. I'm also not willing to live in denial about who and what I am. This kills me, because I really want to conform to social norms. You have no idea how important this is to me. However, I simply do not totally conform. I may be all girl in terms of gender identity, and expression, but I'm viewed as a freak in terms of my sexual orientation, apparently.

    I will just say again, because I want to emphasize this, that I don't intend to sneak around on anyone, cheat, or do anything that I don't thoroughly discuss with my partner well in advance of actually doing anything. Everyone involved will understand what the deal is, and if anyone is uncomfortable with that, they shouldn't have a relationship with me. I intend to be completely upfront about that.

    If you still wish to judge me as somehow lacking in character, then that is your prerogative. I suspect that a great many people will, and unlike being trans, I don't intend to just tell everyone I know about all this. But it is clear to me that people like me have no place at the table in gay rights - I barely have a spot as a trans woman. Even if I was willing to put up with this - I'm pretty brazen, after all - I have to consider whoever else I'm with. Being in the closet, to some extent, may be necessary, as much as I think that freaking sucks.

  10. #60
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    tecas
    Posts
    203
    Quote Originally Posted by Sammy777 View Post
    [COLOR="#800080"]Like many have said before.........
    What you wear has no effect on your sexuality.
    <Rant> (this is not directed at you Stephanie A, but to anybody who happens to fit the bill)

    Quite frankly I am seriously sick and tired of hearing tales of "weekend bisexuals" who are in reality straight men, who are happy being straight men, who have NO - ZERO attraction to other men in their daily Male lives.
    (Except of course when they are *giggles* wearing a pair of *#^%$ panties.)

    It is stuff like this that is another reason why [REAL] Bisexuals are thought of as myths, like unicorns.
    Sammy, I'm one of those weekend bisexuals you loathe. My preferences are changed by my attire. I make no apologies for it. Be sick and tired. However, one thing I won't do is announce to anyone I'm bi. Nor would I attempt to "fit in" at a gay bar or the LGBT community as a whole. I support them, but never will lay claim to fall under their umbrella. Perhaps I am in the closet and am a true bisexual. But so long as I'm in the closet I'm not planting my flag where it can do material harm to someone is a "true" bisexual. For now it's a fantasy, even if indulged doesn't make bisexual, just curious. To all you other gurls who lean toward men when dresses, don't muck up the pot. As Sammy said, if your not attracted to men while presenting as a guy then your not bi. But I'll indulge the fantasy as often as I like. Without any labels

  11. #61
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Central Massachusetts
    Posts
    2,353
    I'm very much into guys, at the same time I'm in a very committed M-F relationship.

    My girl is a big-ol-bear with an identity problem. She is genetically female, but has NO idea how to be a girl amongst other girls. In a wine-sipping bridal shower, she feels as out of place as I do at a football game.

    I guess I would just say that your question isn't that simple.

    I find males HOT. I also find 'generous' women HOT.

    I also feel a bit alienated by fun group of horny males who have little to no understanding of emotional connection. HUNGG.. Yah, you are SUPER cute, but will you cook me breakfast or go out for coffee tomorrow? Will you ask after the conversation we had last night?

    It is about 'gender interaction' more than 'sexual identity' (and now all my old friends come after me with sticks), but isn't it more about how the two of YOU interact?

    I have had very failed bed sessions with pretty women who identified as Lesbians, even though they were hot and cool. I have had 'floppy' sessions with super hot guys because I didn't have that *link*.

    That *link* is (to me) the heart of it.

    If you don't have that link, nothing else *CAN* happen. I don't care what you say your sexual identity is.

    - MM

    Quote Originally Posted by hope springs View Post
    Sammy, I'm one of those weekend bisexuals you loathe. My preferences are changed by my attire. I make no apologies for it. Be sick and tired. However, one thing I won't do is announce to anyone I'm bi. Nor would I attempt to "fit in" at a gay bar or the LGBT community as a whole.
    Gay bars, especially gay bear bars, make me sad.

    I *so* wanna dive in there, but I can't do that without throwing aside years of promises.

    "Bi", doesn't mean the same thing is "promiscuous". A lot of people get hung up at that specific point.

    I may *LOVE* chasing down a fit, furry boy.. but that doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on my wife for that.

    How is that different than a Het couple who foregoes people *they* don't find attractive?

    HOW is it **ANY** different? Is it about being attracted or about being faithful??

    Honest to Goddess, that has been my #1 bitch with any of our other classes. HOW and WHY does that matter? Did you make a promise or not??

    - MM

    I know I'm chaining posts here. I didn't really see another way of responding based on when I saw them.

    - MM
    Last edited by Lorileah; 05-26-2015 at 02:28 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts. try and merge posts with edit or use multiquote
    - Madame 'Kitty' Moose

    I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor

    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"

    - Hillel the Elder

  12. #62
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    11,805
    Quote Originally Posted by mechamoose View Post
    I know I'm chaining posts here. I didn't really see another way of responding based on when I saw them.

    - MM

    Really? see the little quotation icon in the corner? also see the "edit post"? both let you respond and not multipost.

    Now, I didn't realize there was so much wrong with me. In my world, you love who you love and it doesn't matter the parts. Also human nature (not societal) is directed toward sex in any manner (watch primates, sex is sex with anyone). So here I am, totally going to be hated by every gay, lesbian, straight person in the world because I an bi, poly, sub? (PS as an aside I still contend if you gots the boy parts and you use them to insert into someone with the girl parts, you aren't lesbian, you are a man having sex with a woman. To be a lesbian, the boy parts don't get used at all...sort of by definition).

    I do agree I do not understand people who claim heterosexuality but look for a man when they are dressed (See above...that would be like gay sex...two boy parts..right?) Nothing wrong with being bi, in fact I think it is normal human sexual behavior. I have never had a gay man turn me down because I was bi. Lesbians, OTOH have rules...or say they do.

    Being bi doesn't mean you are promiscuous. Being poly doesn't mean that either. If your mores say you can sleep with one of each and your partner(s) don't mind, then it's all good. If you believe in exclusivity (and that is a good thing for health reasons) then be exclusive. For me, jealousy is not a part of my relationship as long as honesty is.

    Do (did) I switch when dressed, no. I liked who I liked no matter what the wrapper. Seems silly to do that since, in all probability, you will somewhere along the line be naked. (then it is gay sex again...right? See "boy-boy parts") If you imagine you are a pickle during sex doesn't mean you are vegetarian.

    Paula may very well be true to her boyfriend while seeking and/or getting a woman. Maybe that's their rules. I know poly groups who actively interchange within their own community as long as they remain honest and safe. Everyone is happy. It doesn't hurt me in any manner. I am part of a poly family and while I am exclusive with one person, they in turn are poly with others in our "family". (and before you ask, yes I have swapped in the family on certain functions but always with my primary)

    What you call yourself or what you think of yourself is between you and yourself. I do believe though the majority of CDs who think about being with a man when dressed would back out quickly IF it were to come true

    See you can add stuff with edit
    Last edited by Lorileah; 05-26-2015 at 02:54 PM.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  13. #63
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,308
    Paula I'm not judging, I don't know enough about being bisexual to understand.

    Purely from my point of view, if I was with a guy that made it known he may well need another guy to satisfy his needs, he can take a walk. But he can also walk if he wants to stray with another woman.
    I don't share.

    Perhaps Bisexuals biggest failings are being too honest?
    There are loads of people that are cheaters, (not that I'm calling you a cheater), who don't start their relationships with "Well I probably will need another woman to fulfil my appetites at some point".

    How many Trans people are cheating on their spouse because "I have sex with other men because I can't tell my wife I CD".
    What's the difference?
    Intention is the same, you are just open about it and not lying to someone.

    Who's the bad apple here?

  14. #64
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    3,913
    Quote Originally Posted by mechamoose
    "Bi", doesn't mean the same thing is "promiscuous". A lot of people get hung up at that specific point.

    I may *LOVE* chasing down a fit, furry boy.. but that doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on my wife for that.

    How is that different than a Het couple who foregoes people *they* don't find attractive?

    HOW is it **ANY** different? Is it about being attracted or about being faithful??
    A lot of those heteronormative people are really freaking miserable too. They cheat. They have a super high divorce rate. They do all manner of unethical things. I would argue that the normal relationships between men and women fail pretty hard a lot of the time. But that's not my deal - I don't care. I am pretty sure I don't need to be with a bunch of random men or women. I am apparently a promiscuous person. I like sex - a lot. I think I scared my boyfriend a little the first time we went out. (He got over it in a New York minute, however - best deal ever, cheap date, classy woman, pretty much sure thing with sex.)

    I'm really tired of feeling horrible about myself about this. I won't cheat on anyone I'm with. I won't. I'd rather break it off and be alone than do that. Anyway, yes, I understand the world thinks I'm terrible. I get it. I know you don't think I am horrible - we've talked too much. I feel, really, really, really bad about myself though. I really dislike these feelings.

    Quote Originally Posted by becky77
    There are loads of people that are cheaters, (not that I'm calling you a cheater), who don't start their relationships with "Well I probably will need another woman to fulfil my appetites at some point".

    There are loads of people that are cheaters, (not that I'm calling you a cheater), who don't start their relationships with "Well I probably will need another woman to fulfil my appetites at some point".
    I appreciate that you aren't judging me, thanks becky77. I really can't tell you whether or not most bisexual people feel as I do. Let's be generous though, and assume that they do not feel that way, or at least find ways to be involved with only one partner.

    No, I suspect most people don't have the conversations I've had with my boyfriend. For the reasons why, see the first statement I quoted. BTW, my boyfriend doesn't really understand that it wouldn't bother me overmuch if he had another girlfriend. (I'd say another guy, as well, I wouldn't care about that, but there's no way in hell he'd do that - he is the straightest person I've ever met.) It'd be better if she was in a relationship with both of us. It'd be tough if he dumped me, or totally ignored me for someone else. It'd be tough if he wasn't upfront with me about it - and I found out about it without it being disclosed. I'd probably break up with him under those circumstances. He doesn't believe that I would be OK with this, however. I mean, who am I to demand something from him I can't give myself?

    Anyway, most people are going to judge me about that. Straight, gay, lesbian, whatever. Maybe the asexual folks will cut me some slack while the enjoy knowing perhaps the only person on earth who envies them sometimes... I don't know if this is clear from what I'm writing - but I'm really miserable about all of this. It's not that I think I'm super-cool and deserve all these partners. Actually, I'd like nothing better than to just be a simple little straight girl. Seriously! That I'm not, that I'm some complicated thing just sucks on so many levels.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah
    Paula may very well be true to her boyfriend while seeking and/or getting a woman. Maybe that's their rules.
    Yeah, the jury is still out on all that. I'll write about that in another thread. I have a horrible, sinking feeling this is going to go only slightly better than my transition did for my marriage. I'm kind of used to "OMG, I love you, I can't live without you! Wait, you're what? Oh you can GET THE HELL OUT!" Honestly, if that's how it goes down, I'll just give him back everything he's ever given me, and write him a check to cover what he's spent on dinners and stuff for me. (I do buy for him from time to time.)

    What Paula really wants is to find a way to not be miserable, always wanting what she doesn't have. (We're not going to be bold here and shoot for "happiness." Just "non-miserable.") What Paula really wants is to find relationships where she isn't the object of intense resentment and hatred at the end of them. (Again, we'll set modest goals and not shoot for "lifetime relationships" here, just "no hate when they end.") Or at least where she doesn't have to write a big check if she does more than shake hands with someone. All kidding aside, I have terrible feelings of guilt about every relationship I've been in. I am very afraid of hurting anyone else. I just don't want to live with those feelings again. I'd rather be alone - or have meaningless one night stands. (Not a big fan of those, btw.)

    Pretty clearly, Paula has a bunch of stuff to get over, not the least of which is "how can someone who's only ever had sex with women before her current relationship suddenly find themselves ashamed of having sex with women?"
    Last edited by PaulaQ; 05-26-2015 at 03:32 PM.

  15. #65
    Member Lexi_83's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    CT, USA
    Posts
    387
    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissi View Post
    Absolutely Tracii, and this is what, I guess, I am finding most curious. If anything, I get more in the mood when dressed, especially when dressed nice, and so far no complaints from the beneficiary
    ...Because you look amazing!

  16. #66
    Bad Influence mechamoose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Central Massachusetts
    Posts
    2,353
    Quote Originally Posted by PaulaQ View Post
    I'm really tired of feeling horrible about myself about this. I won't cheat on anyone I'm with. I won't. I'd rather break it off and be alone than do that. Anyway, yes, I understand the world thinks I'm terrible. I get it. I know you don't think I am horrible - we've talked too much. I feel, really, really, really bad about myself though. I really dislike these feelings.
    To me, it comes down to some pretty basic things: Are you being deceptive with the new person? Are you keeping your previous promises? Are you being true to *yourself*?

    If any of these don't line up, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

    (Viewer update: I'm a bi 'man' in a long term MF relationship, I have a long time male friend who is on my wife's 'approved' list for me to frolic with.)

    My 'approved' BF set up a meeting with a super cute man who wanted us both. I just.. couldn't. This guy hit every 'hot' button I have, but I just couldn't do it..

    This is part an identity question and part a relationship question. There is no clear answer to one without the other, and neither are simple.

    (Hang in there Paula!)

    - MM
    - Madame 'Kitty' Moose

    I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor

    "If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?"

    - Hillel the Elder

  17. #67
    Luv doing girl stuff CherylFlint's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    625
    When in drab, I’m all a 100% guy who likes girls.
    When I’m dressed as “Cheryl”, I’m 100% female who likes guys.
    Can’t get any easier than that.

  18. #68
    Junior Member Pink Susan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Perth , Australia
    Posts
    77
    Attracted to same , God if I met some of you lot , I couldn't control myself !
    Theres No Point In Living , If You Can't Feel Alive

  19. #69
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Manchester
    Posts
    465
    Hi Chrissi

    Hello! I'm gay and currently in a relationship. Was married to a man that completely accepted my crossdressing - he knew from the moment I first met him. We separated well over a year ago now (a few months later our civil partnership was officially "dissolved" (can't call it a divorce as it wasn't a "marriage" in the legal sense as gay marriage wasn't legal when we committed to each other).

    Anyway, met my current boyfriend back in February, and while I told him that I crossdress, he isn't too receptive about it all. I'm fine with that and don't push it in any way. He's seen me dressed a couple of times - the first time his reaction was to laugh and then apologise!! It's quite a telling reaction all said and done though, hence why I don't push it with him. He's a great guy and I'm really happy with him though, so it's all good really.

  20. #70
    Junior Member antonyio's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Location
    morrinsville ,new zealand
    Posts
    59
    i cant class myself as gay,yes i have been in a relationship with a guy,who couldn't handle me as a transgender,but i prefer females,i still have my male parts,but class myself as 90% female,so does that make me a straight transgender or a lesbian transgender

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State