Those of us who identify as gay?

[Chrissi]

From an earlier thread Boyfriend and dressing some interesting questions were raised about those of us who identify as gay, or sexually & emotionally prefer men as our SO's. Along the way I felt and indeed indicated that I would start a new thread....

So who among us feels comfortable to post in here about your sexual identity...

me, when in guy mode, I identify as gay. I have a long time boyfriend we live together, and yes he knows I crossdress. But up until recently he didn't know the extent...now he does, and yes he is supporting. When in female mode, obviously I prefer men too...

So stop in if you identify as gay, and say hello.
Chrissi

[kimdl93]

Hi Chrissi. I don't identify as gay, but I thought I'd stop in and offer a greeting. I am glad that your partner is supportive. I wonder if the notion that gay men are generally not attracted to CDrs is valid or simply another gross over generalization.

[countrygirl]

Dressed as Amanda or Ben I also identify as gay preferring guys dressed as Amanda or as Ben.

[julia ann]

Not real sure where I fall on the LGBT scale. Dressed as a male I have no desire for men and little for women. TG or TS weather dress male or female is of interest. Dressed I have great great desire for men, women, TG/TS. I feel so much more sensual and confident in a dress rather than jeans and flannel!��

[Sandie70]

I've commented on this on another thread, but for me, there is an odd dynamic taking place. I identify as being bi-sexual, but I find myself attracted in different ways to different genders. I am attracted both emotionally and sexually to women, but only sexually with men. I suppose if I started living more and more as a woman I might find myself changing... but I can only guess. From what I read here and on other websites it is quite obvious that what motivates us to crossdress is different for each of us and the sexual aspect of it seems to be all over the map. I suppose it boils down to "whatever fits your fancy."

[Sammy777]

So I wonder does this mean that I am becoming to realize that when dressed that I am bi? or is it the euphoria of the sexual feelings that come with getting dressed up when I can?

Like many have said before.........
What you wear has no effect on your sexuality.

Do you:
A] Find men attractive on a normal daily basis?
B] Only find men attractive when dressed, or "feeling fem"?

If you answered A - Congrats, you are most likely Bisexual, or at least seriously Hetero-Flexible ("Straight" but willing to go that way)

If you answered B - Then no, you are not Bisexual nor Hetero-Flexible.
You are simply a straight guy who enjoys (maybe a bit too much) the fantasy of being a straight girl (while "dressed") who is attracted to guys.


<Rant> (this is not directed at you Stephanie A, but to anybody who happens to fit the bill)

Quite frankly I am seriously sick and tired of hearing tales of "weekend bisexuals" who are in reality straight men, who are happy being straight men, who have NO - ZERO attraction to other men in their daily Male lives.
(Except of course when they are *giggles* wearing a pair of *#^%$ panties.)

It is stuff like this that is another reason why [REAL] Bisexuals are thought of as myths, like unicorns.

Why Straight, (But mostly) Gay and Lesbian people want nothing to with Bisexuals because we are seen as jokes, closeted Gay/Lesbians who are afraid to come out, untrustworthy, will (and want to) have sex with anybody.
Or more simply are "greedy" or "can't decide" who they like.

I am Bisexual, in every sense of the word, but I "identify" as Lesbian because:
1) I like both, but have a preference towards other women, but more importantly
2) There are plenty of Lesbians who will not touch a "Bi" girl (trans or not) with a ten foot pole.
Mostly due to the above reasons.

So I will leave you with the picture below. </Rant>

index.jpg

PS: Chrissi, I do apologize for "going off" in what has other wise been a very nice (if sometimes fanciful) thread.

[ReineD]

Hi Chrissi, I'm so happy that your bf turned out to be supportive! I remember an earlier thread when you hadn't tested the waters yet and weren't sure. Congratulations!

I wonder if the notion that gay men are generally not attracted to CDrs is valid or simply another gross over generalization.

My opinion (just based on common sense) is that the percentage of accepting gay men to total gay men in relationships with TGs is likely the same as the percentage of accepting hetero women to total hetero women who are in relationships with TGs (I'm using TG as a catch-all for everyone). Both these groups are attracted to men. Both these groups are comprised of people who have a wide spectrum of backgrounds, personalities, value systems, etc, and it is these things that determine whether someone will accept or not.

To go further (another conjecture), the level of acceptance may have to do with how a partner sees the TG. If they are open-minded and if they see him fundamentally as a male who dresses, then they still feel they are in a relationship with a male; this would not upset their beliefs about who they are in a relationship with. Issues occur when partners (gay men or hetero women), begin to feel that the TG does not want to be the sex they are attracted to. I think this is why so many partners are OK with the CDing and not transition. Things really get complicated when the partner wants to see the TG as a male (because that's who the partner is attracted to), but the TG does not want to be seen as a male. There begins a push-pull effect where the TG wants to present as a woman more than s/he feels the partner can bear and this creates an imbalance in the relationship and within each individual.

[kkaye]

Without being an authority on being Gay. Being attracted to other men or feeling a certain way is the difference between night and day. Having sex with another man is a big difference between gay feelings. I had attractions towards other males all my life. I acted on it and in my denial of being gay, I just considered it passing acts because in large part, I first and foremost was into girls like any average guy until, I faced the reality. No straight man pitches are catches from the other. I have been married, fathered children and lived years without acting on my attractions and did not consider myself gay or bi.
But then came the reality. Straight men do not do other men. A man is not gay because of attractions. It is acting on it. For example. Is a man a cross dresser because he like the way women clothes look and would like to try it. Or does he become a cross dresser when he start wearing women clothes.

[TeriJean72]

I'm most definitely BI. Have been since my early teens. Fortunately this is one aspect of my relationship with my wife (GG), that is not a problem, she has no issues with this, and we have been known to be socially friendly with other people (in certain environments). Ironically enough, she has concerns and fears about the whole CD thing..

[Adriana Moretti]

I am really beginning to think I am gay....I know I'm bi-sexual for sure, but for the past year and a half I have been finding men and other cd's more sexually appealing than women, and I have only been with them in that time frame....not sure if I lost intrest in girls, or I find them needy and annoying....I cant tell, but I do know I lean heavy that way...but I still wouldnt kick the right girl out of bed. Until I figure it out, I'm just going to enjoy myself and go with what just feels right.

[Pat]

Adriana -- being bisexual (or pansexual) doesn't imply a constant interest in both sexes all the time. Most bi people of my acquaintance say they go through phases of attraction and I know that I do too. So I think you're bi-normal.

[weyburn]

Hello Chrissy

For most of my life I would never had thought I would be a crossdresser let alone being with a man
Now I am dressed as a woman almost 24 hours a day every day and prefer men
Recently I was with a woman but it just didn't happen for me but give me a man and Mmmm ...Mnnnn.......good
On the rare occaision I am out as a guy I certainly am gay and when dressed I certainly love playing the woman in as many aspects as possible
I don't have a boy friend per se but rhere are a couple of guys I see on a semi regular basis
Great pics by the way

[Bandie]

I see myself as bi

[withasmile]

Adriana, the girls are probably 'needy' and annoying because they sense you aren't really interested. On some level you aren't able to meet their needs. So they ramp up behaviors that only serve to push you away. It's easier to want to do things others want when you want to and enjoy pleasing them. You might be able to enjoy them in a shallow sort of way, and even be turned on - but doubt from what you say a relationship is doable. Just my own opinion.

[Kristy 56]

I consider myself heterosexual,but when all dressed and dolled up maybe a little bi-curious. i've only felt like this in the last year or so.

[Chrissi]

Thanks girls for the responses, and keep them coming.

I am curious about how some of you feel that you have changed over the years. I wonder if upbringing and social and familial backgrounds had anything to do with that. For me, I knew I liked to try on girl's clothing from an early age. I knew I was gay when I was 16 (I suspected it before that, but for other reasons...didn't put a label on it) I came out to myself as gay, in my 20s and finally to pretty much everyone in my 30s. These days, I am openly gay and proud to be so.

What's odd, is that I never really ever felt the need to "come out" as a crossdresser/transgender until more recently. Several people knew I crossdressed for many years (sister, boyfriend and a couple other friends) just not the extent of my need to do so. So I never ever felt the dichotomy of personality (dysphoria) that some of us experience. I do find my desire to suppress my feminine side to be rapidly disappearing of late.

For those of you, who find yourselves attracted to men...is it because you feel you are a straight woman? I am a bit curious about that too

thanks all,
Chrissi

[PaulaQ]

For those of you, who find yourselves attracted to men...is it because you feel you are a straight woman? I am a bit curious about that too

Well, I'd like to be a straight woman - that's really what I had hoped I was. However, I am apparently bisexual. I pass as a straight woman pretty well though, which is just all sorts of messed up, I think.

In my prior life, I tried to appear to be a straight man. It's interesting to note my own internalized homophobia / biphobia. It's taken a while to figure this all out about myself.

My history does make a lot more sense now. I started out pining for guys, but being with women. Now I'm with a guy, and pining for women. What a mess!

[Dana44]

I'm BI, but in a heterosexual relationship. So, I go with the flow. If I was single then I would probably do both.

[gailbridges]

I'm BI, but in a heterosexual relationship. So, I go with the flow. If I was single then I would probably do both.

Word. In male mode, guys hold no interest for me, but as Gail, they are getting my attention online. I'll let you know more if and when I get out of the closet.

[AndreaCD1963]

From my early teens, I have been attracted to both males and females. However it wasn't until my early 40's that I truly accepted that I'm BI and that it is ok to be BI. Throughout the years I suppressed my attraction to other men, or had casual encounters when the urge was too strong. It was also in my early 40's that I accepted that I was a cross-dresser, and always have been. It took me quite a long time to be able to separate the two and realize that my sexual orientation and my gender presentation were completely separate and unrelated.

I'm currently in a heterosexual relationship with an absolutely awesome and totally accepting woman who accepted from day one that I was BI and a cross-dresser. I'm able to control my urges and desires to be with a man - I think that the fact that she knows they are there helps. She points out good looking men to me when we are out and about - and we both admire from afar. She also supports that I'm a cross-dresser - whenever we travel to the US, we BOTH can't wait to find a Dress-Barn :-)

[Alexis08]

I'm mostly attracted to men. but I'm not turned on by sex between two guys that look like guys, and I never watch gay porn.

Hmm.. maybe I'm transsexual? but I don't feel really uncomfortable in my own body.

[BenE]

Heyo, I have no real idea why i'm joining but...I guess i'd be considered happily bi.I tend to like men and women-though I do have to admit, I tend to be "dominant" with women and "submissive" with guys. Sometimes I get the feeling i'd rather just be...Softer all the time :/.
Also YAY for you Chrissi

[Jean 103]

Chrissi, hello and good for you

For ease of labeling I go with Bi, and as that implies I have been with both. For now I am only dating as Jean and only men, which so far have all been Gay. As for the girls I hangout with, I find them attractive but I prefer to have them as friends. They know I date men so that makes me one of the girls and for now that’s how I prefer it.

Just being Jean

[Glorialovesheels]

as a man I am attracted to women, but do have interest in transexuals... but when I cross dress I do have some feelings for men, but in a sensual way...if that makes sense

[Sissy_Michelle]

Chrissi,

Sexual identity ... Do I prefer guys or gals, do I see myself as gay? About two weeks ago I was having this conversation with a coworker that has surmised that I underdress. So we discussed at great length clothes, shops that I frequent, do I fully dress and so on. Although one of her topics was of my sexual preference while dressed... I wasn't sure how to answer her because I don't believe you can just switch on or off your sexual preference. You either have or haven't . If you have was the experience wonderful enough to try again or was it not what you thought and haven't looked back. So I discussed with her my feelings about this subject in regard to "do you look at guys and find them attractive only when dressed or all the time?" Well if I find a woman attractive and I am dressed why wouldn't she be attractive still...

This shouldn't be a question about sexual identity, more along the lines of sexual preference. I find both men and women attractive in their own way. But could only see myself with a woman. I have been with a guy on one occasion a long time ago, mostly touching and kissing. I was curious, he was attractive, (not to mention I was loaded on Jagermiester) it was a fun evening, when we woke up the next morning we laughed, showered, and went to breakfast. For fear and only fear of my job did I then realize what we did and how others could perceive us together. Sadly after breakfast we parted company and never spoke again... It wasn't like we were holding hands and sitting next to each other in the dining facility. But the thought of "perception" and what it could do really woke me up to look at everyone in a new light. Would I do it again? Possibly. Does that make me "gay" ? Like racism I see it as a label so I do not like being labeled. If anyone asks me if I am gay I tell them "yes I am Lesbian" when they ask me what race I tell them "American". When they ask religion I tell them "yes"...

Sorry for the rant Chrissi. I am happy for you and your boyfriend, that y'all are happy together. It is good to have support.

@--}----
Michelle