I realized I am old...

[Bria]

I think that Suzie has the right answer, it's the quality of the mirrors. Ellie, I was 20 when you were born and I must tell you that age is just a number, sure we don't look like we did when we were in high school, but real beauty comes from within. If you look carefully you will see ladies my age that still look great by carefully choosing their clothes and accessories. Maybe just a bit of self delusion helps, just remember that you can't stop growing older (as long as you are on this side of the grass) but it doesn't mean that you have to grow up!!!!

Hugs, Bria

[Jaylyn]

Ellie you are not that old I'm a cool 65 and my wife is soon to be 64. She will not let go of that hope a glimmer that she is aging. She says I look younger than her. Women age faster than men. I think that's just the Gpgenetics of the species. My wife has recently took on a whole new plan and it seems to be working. She said last year that she was going to get old fighting it. We both have started a walking and eating healthy plan. I really believe that the plan is working as our attitudes are also changing about the aging process. It seems as we accepted we can't do anything about the age number we can do something about our age look number. The first thing one must do though is start being a positive person with the aging process. When our attitudes of getting old changed to "its ok and we are going to get old fighting age " then we started feeling younger. Just getting our legs in shape and me adding some old muscle instead of flab and every thing has began falling back in place. We started a very healthy diet and I won't say what it is on here but my daughter found it and it actually is working. I feel full but still have the energy to work out at the end of the day. Fight fight fight. We know we will get older but the body clock can be turned back in the looks department or at least as my wife said we will age gracefully and slow it down just a little. To sum it up I've noticed we've started focussing on our attitude of aging and enjoying more the years we have left.

[Debra Russell]

My wife once told me after seeing a picture of me when I was out shopping with my grand daughter that I looked like an old woman ...I said that works for me.........................Debra

[CONSUELO]

Ellie, Don't get maudlin about your aging. You can always look fabulous and remember that all of your peers are in the same boat. Retreating is not the answer.

[Katey888]

Bless you Ellie.. That's an honest and sensitive perspective of what many GGs must feel and some of us too. I can totally understand what you're feeling and have often felt similar things myself along with the question: "So how long before I think I'm TOO old..."

It's good to hear that you're still getting out though - and I'm guessing you do still carry a slim figure so I know that will help preserve the image and probably more so than you realise. And I know we always envy you Aussies your climate (in the sunny parts, anyway..) but all that sun does have its downside, so yes: plaster on the sunscreen and all the moisturisers you can find - and a little extra primer and foundation doesn't go amiss either, just to assist when Ellie does get out again...

I wonder if what you've described here so eloquently (and I feel very much the same as you) is one of those strong indicators of just what 'nature' of individual we are. While I completely respect and admire those who are able and willing to both continue and expand their activities into later life, I somehow can't see myself continuing once the glamour has gone from it. Some might think that's shallow in some way - and it probably is! - but for me that's so much of the fun and joy of transformation, it wouldn't be the same without it. I don't think retouching photos is the answer - not for me anyway - but let's hope you keep enjoying it for a while longer.

Thanks for sharing an interesting and thoughtful perspective - not depressing, but pragmatic and real...

Katey x

[Dana44]

I have to say for those comments that women know less or getting older that they give up. I know and knew several people that even in their nineties, they were pretty and always looked their very best and had the attitude that showed it. My old ant Bess was ninety three and went shopping with her. She had more energy that I did. Some of those very old were far better people than I see in the world today. Heck when I was young, those people knew how to party. Drank the best scotch. Sang around the piano. It was a time forgotten. But one thing I know they did their best to live and enjoyed life.

[Amy Lynn3]

Yep, as others have said the mirror quality has gone South...ugh, China. I am 69 and as long as I can cause myself to look pretty, I am fine.

Like Laura tells me....I look like three miles of bad road as a man, but I look so much better as a woman and I'm sure you do too. Keep on being as pretty as possible when you are Ellie, the guy can only be a guy.

[AnnieMac]

And, as we all head towards this journey to going home . . .the good part is there is no gender in heaven.

[Isabella Ross]

Very poignant and thought provoking thread. Well, for some of us, we accept that there is no heaven (or hell)...so you might as well maximize what you do while you're here. One of my favorite flickr folks is a gal named Laurette McGovern. Anybody wondering how they should age as a tgurl should check out her photos, which are absolutely wonderful. See them here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/30517065@N00/ It's all about attitude, I believe.

[Alex!]

Ellie,

I hear you. I went through this in February this year. Sometimes, the camera makes me look good. At other times, it reveals in horrifying detail both my maleness and that I am 46. I'm not old, nor do I feel old. But I realized what was going on: My archetype was not matching reality. I think folks tend to do this with a bunch of stuff, and is probably the essence of the saying that "It's not the destination that counts, it is the journey," or, as Spock once said: "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true." In terms of crossdressing, this means that I had a vision of myself that wasn't matching reality, and that the end state, whatever that means, is not as fun as simply being. I needed to stop focusing on the end state and focus on the fun I was having while getting ready and being out and about with friends (the journey).

But what does that mean? First, I abandoned the idea of passing as a woman. This is unrealistic and, in fact, not the most important thing for me as I am not transgendered. Rather, I want to be out and about in whatever I want to wear and do so with dignity. In addition, I need to focus on how I really look and not how closely I should match some idealistic vision I have of myself (it reminds me of the struggle women have in particular when they compare themselves to models in advertisement or actresses in film, all products of fantasy).

So, I was bummed like you after the initial realization in February. Really bummed. I packed everything up and was saddened at the prospect of never seeing Alex again. In fact, I felt as though a good friend had moved away. Very weird. But then, I thought about it more, adjusted my perspective on things, and now I think i can dress again as Alex. This time, it might be even more empowering and satisfying, because of the confidence that comes with knowledge and realistic self assessment.

I'm not sure I'm being helpful, but your story struck a cord with me. And this forum is about kindred spirits, I think Be well, and though it sounds cliche, it will look better down the line.

PS - It is worth noting that there are many crossdressers who are in their 50s and beyond who look absolutely smashing (when not dressed as teens or hookers - my personal opinion, of course). These wonderful folks inspire me.

[Isabella Ross]

It's also worth noting that some crossdressers in their 50s or beyond also look absolutely smashing when dressed as teens or hookers. For some, it's about the fantasy...it doesn't always have to be this serious business. And just have to say this...if you're a crossdresser, you're transgendered. That's why you crossdress.

[flatlander_48]

E52:

We are Old (and I've got 1.2 decades on you), but there is NOTHING that says we have to BE Old. And that makes all the difference in the world.

My wife tells me I'm the only person she knows who has to slow down to get on an expressway!!

Let the Good Times Roll!!

DeeAnn

[Alex!]

Isabella, I am not transgendered. Of this I am quite certain. Crossdressing is a generic term for a set of behaviors that overlap sex and gender expression. I am of the former variant.

As for my other comment, I edited my post to reflect that this is just my opinion.

[AnnieMac]

hmmmm Isabella, that might be true, but when I look into my own heart, I feel more bi-gendered, than transgendered. But Haha, maybe it's like when they tell people that claim they are bi-sexual, that they are really gay and lying to themselves - . But I honestly believe you can be bi-sexual, so bi-gendered isn't so far off.
Also Alex, I love that in your profile you call it "The Craft". So true - awesome thought! It is indeed isn't it?

[Isabella Ross]

Alex, I'm going to take exception to your position...but I want to stress I am doing so as politely as possible, with the utmost respect for you. For you to say "I am not transgendered. Of this I am quite certain." is akin to me saying, "I am not a human. I am a cat." I can claim to be a cat until I'm blue in the face, but you and everyone else know that I am a human. The word "transgendered" is universally-accepted as an umbrella term used to describe all persons who feel an urge to dabble or portray themselves in the opposite gender to that they were born with--and this includes people who crossdress. (The exception to this are people who move beyond transgendered to transexual...and for those that do this, I'd rather just call them a woman in the case of M2F if that is their preference). Transgendered is an excellent and sensitive term that we should be proud of wearing, rather than one that we should try to wiggle out of because, for reasons we're not willing to explain or some associated stigma that we refuse to come to terms with, we're somehow not comfortable with it. So once again, every time I see a crossdresser deny they're transgendered, I will politely push back, because I see this as unnecessary muddying of the waters -- and a disservice to those who have fought long and hard for transgendered rights.

[AnnieMac]

Isabella, while I agree with most of your above comments, and get your point. I disagree that transgendered is universally accepted and understood by the general public to be what it is you describe. Most folks in the general public will assume that transgendered means you want the operation. We had a rather lively, and fun too, impromptu family conversation about this over Memorial day, and it was fun to get my relatives and in-laws take on all of this. But, I had to be very careful, what I had to say, I was close to outing myself, at least by guilt by association, so I had to take the high road and listen more -

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is one of our favorite red heads of all ? It's Elle , of course!! Take Rush off of your turntable & play more Merillion. Peace always, mel

[Isabella Ross]

Annie, thank you for the comment. I would counter with this: transgendered is universally accepted by those in the know. But you're absolutely correct -- thanks in part to ABC News, other misguided media people and Bruce Jenner, the term has been hijacked. While that's a shame, it doesn't mean we should abandon it. If anything, we should redouble our efforts to correct this misinformation and misuse of a perfectly good term.

[Lorileah]

This is why you don't see a 60 year old in mini skirts....

you really went there? You don't see a lot of 30 year olds in minis either but that is moot. It becomes a practical thing over looks. Really people, I know a woman who is in her late 70's, she looks great, has a nice body. She wears tennis dresses...in public...to lunch. But she does work at it I also know people who are 35 that can get discounts at Denney's. Here in the Mile High city and I would bet most cities, you will see women of "age" dressed in a lot of different things. Have you looked at society page photos?

All the "Dress appropriate" crap is just that. Dress for what you like.fireplace33.jpg
Unretouched 58 year old. I am not wearing stockings, I do have makeup on. Any reason I can't wear a mini?

[Isabella Ross]

Absolutely none. You're gorgeous.

[steftoday]

Seconded, Isabella. Lorileah, you've got killer stems. ;-)

[Alex!]

Just to be clear on my comment - Everyone should wear whatever they want, regardless of age. I certainly don't advocate otherwise. I was referring to what I find attractive. We all have different preferences.

[bobbimo]

Here is the secret Ellie.
SMILE.
It doesnt matter how good I think I look, If I dont have my 'happy to be Bobbi' smile on my face, I'm a guy in dress.
I too remember having to snap pics of me in every new dress I bought, but after looking at them. The ones where I was concentrating on the camera and not on how happy I was, really shows.
SO dont worry, be happy, and SMILE!
Bobbi

[Ellie52]

To everyone who has posted - thank you so much i really needed the advice and I have read every comment (more than once in many cases).
I really appeciated all the comments and have taken a lot of the advice to heart.

My wife probably summed it up by saying "Toughen up Princess" then asking if we should go out and buy some thermal underwear..... Women, What can you do with them?

So where do I go from here? The thermal vest is quite comfortable and the surgical hose is OK but I prefer black stockings.

Seriously, I think the shock has worn off, but the underlying problem still exists - Age.

As mentioned to someone recently, I feel like Im walking into a tunnel and there is light behind me but as I walk further into the tunnel the light behind me dims and I cant see what lies ahead of me in the darkness. I think the day in the coffee shop was the first day I saw the darkness ahead.
Because of the comments I received on the forum the light in tunnel is brighter and I can see my way now and its not as scary.
I hope this analagy is rational as it tends to describe (loosly) the feeling I got when I looked in the mirror.

I am now looking at my male face in a different way. My wife gave me some eye revitalizer !!! and something by 'Nivea' that should help. I am hoping I can slow the inevtable decline but at least I wasnt hit by a train going through the tunnel.

Thank you again to everyone for your advice, it has really helped. Though, I may change my mind on Monday if I get a chance to dress and take some photos.

Still smiling
Ellie
Also, I had an offer by my wife, of a pair of $700 diamond earings for my birthday and I chose a Samsung Tablet instead. The guy is still in charge....

[CarlaWestin]

This is why you don't see a 60 year old in mini skirts

Yeah, at 60 I guess you should just knock it off, get fat, be a real man and then just die.

NOT!

Skinny.JPG