Not sure what to think anymore...

[SuzanneS]

Okay...so I don't talk a lot, I don't comment a lot, either. I do read a lot when I'm here.

Been doing a lot of thinking of what to do lately. A good friend of mine from years ago has given me the number of a good doctor to talk to about my options as Suzanne.

Been thinking about it a lot lately.

Growing up, I was taught to deal with what you were dealt. I think that's what I've been doing all these years. I'm good, but I'm just not completely happy.

I want to be Suzanne. I'm NOT sure that it's the best idea if I want to be around my immediate family.

I've called the doctor to make an appointment a couple of times so far. I've hung up a couple of times so far. The doctor is 160 miles away.

It's going to be a solid commitment if I finally do this....

Any opinions are welcome... Thank you.

Suzanne

[arbon]

I don't have an opinion for you specifically, just know that transition can be quite an ordeal and in the end it may be nothing like you imagine it to be now.

[Terri Andrews]

I am on the same journey as you ,but have decided to talk to Dr. about HRT and take things one step at a time .

[Robin414]

I look at it this way, I'm middle aged by the way. ..I've lived half my life happily as a boy and I've cleared my bucket list as such...but to completely experience "life" is becoming transgender not the obvious choice? Just a thought😕

[Leah Lynn]

Hi Suzanne, Maybe a therapist would be a better start. A good therapist will work with you to find the answers to those questions and sort out the doubts. Then, if you do need to see a doctor, you'll know what you want, what to say.

I've been blessed with a family that accepts my transition. You need to live your true life, not what anyone wants you to live. "To thine own self be true".

Hugs,

Leah

[ErikaS]

This is something we each need to answer, for me it was 10 years of not accepting who I really am and it took a long time to make the call. I thought it was my problems with combat PTSD but no so it was the girl inside of me wanting to come out. so Im talking to my doctor and therapist to have a conversation. What will become of this who knows. I do know this site has given another tool in my tool bag to assist in going down that road better.

Erika

[Laura912]

Unless you are certain about starting the journey, starting with a therapist trained in these issues will be better than starting with a physician. The therapist will have more time to help you examine yourself.

[SuzanneS]

Maybe I should have been a little more clear...I had a long day yesterday and was just thinking out loud.

My plan is to meet with the Doc and see what she recommends. There doesn't seem to be a lot of resources in my area for trans people, but this doc apparently knows her stuff.

Suzanne

[Rachelakld]

Just 2 silly little questions, when you die, what name would you prefer on your headstone? and what do you want people to say about your life?

A gender therapist would give you a better "cost" of either path (one cost could be your family, the other cost could be losing yourself etc).

I'm at an age and place in my life, where crossing over would destroy my last 50 years of hard work, besides I'm more like 2 people in 1 life raft on this journey.

[Aprilrain]

I look at it this way, I'm middle aged by the way. ..I've lived half my life happily as a boy and I've cleared my bucket list as such...but to completely experience "life" is becoming transgender not the obvious choice? Just a thought��

WTF?!?!?

Um? Uhhh? Where to begin?

Ok so if you are happy as a male DON'T TRANSITION! That's like patently obvious and pretty much tranny 101 stuff.

And NO "becoming transgender" is NOT the obvious choice for experiencing all life has to offer. Please seek professional help!

[Rachel Smith]

See the Dr. and if she truly knows her "stuff" she will be the first to point you to a therapist and most likely a knowledgeable one. Therapy is the place to start. After 6 months to a year of that see how you feel and what you have found out about yourself.

As for Robin414 the answer is NO! HELL NO!

[karenpayneoregon]

As others have stated, if possible a trained therapist that has experience with transgender is the best place to begin rather than a doctor. You might also take a look at the following chart which might prove helpful
SOS_Table.jpg

[Jorja]

Hi Suzanne, it would be my suggestion talk to your doctor and get their medical opinion. Are you fit to transition? Next, find an experienced gender therapist and talk it out with them if you feel transition is in your future. Find and talk with a few transwomen in person. Get their knowledge before making any decisions. And of course, we have several women right here who have traveled down that path and will talk with you.

"becoming transgender" is NOT the obvious choice for anything. One doesn't "become" transgender. It is there from the start. Sometimes it takes a lifetime for it to come to the surface.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Gee thanks Robin...ummm not


Rachel said..
Just 2 silly little questions, when you die, what name would you prefer on your headstone? and what do you want people to say about your life?
A gender therapist would give you a better "cost" of either path (one cost could be your family, the other cost could be losing yourself etc).
I'm at an age and place in my life, where crossing over would destroy my last 50 years of hard work, besides I'm more like 2 people in 1 life raft on this journey.

I really relate to this comment... i thought of it as lying on my deathbed...breathing final breaths and thinking to myself that i never ever lived a life, that i wasted my life
... being transsexual is akin to living an unlived life..
that's a pretty powerful concept...and it terrified me...

when i had that thought, there was no other thought...it buzzed around my brain and laid me bare...i had no quality of life... my 48 years of very successful living in so many ways didn't exist because I was not able to feel as if it was actually me?? I risked destroying those 48 years because my cup of life was empty...no matter how much i tried to fill it, no matter how much i tried to feel it just leaked out the bottom ...

As long as Rachel can feel alive she is living her life and can blend genders as she sees fit...where do you come out on this Suzanne??
Identifying your thought process and coping mechanisms in your mind is hugely helpful... thinking about money and relationships and what they mean to you relative to your gender thoughts is hard work...do the work, and you may make good progress on living your best quality of life..i hope you get good help from the doctor

[Badtranny]

LOL April, grrrrrl you crack me up.

My standard advice to those considering transition has changed over the years since I pulled the pin myself.
Don't do it.

I can't imagine anything good coming from it UNLESS you've had a pervasive and persistent sense of being socialized wrong for as long as you can remember.

Yes I was a late transitioner, yes I never cross-dressed, yes my transition caught a lot of people by surprise, so why am I different? From the outside, I am no different than any typical panty fetish CD. The only difference that makes any difference is my honest assessment to the condition I posed above. I knew that transition was the solution to a riddle that had puzzled me from the beginning. I also knew that my life as I knew it was over.

Here's the deal, I was ready to trade everything for the chance to not feel out of place anymore. I posted as much on this very board back in 2011, I was certain that going forward would cost me my job, my family, my friends, my whole life in fact. When I coined the term Tranny Grenade(tm), I wasn't being cute, I was trying to be descriptive. I truly felt that my transition was going to cost me everything and rearrange everything that was left.

Ultimately, it didn't cost me everything but that's not the point is it. The point is I was truly prepared to stand alone. How do you know when it's the right thing to do? When you will give everything for it. This is not a compulsion, this is not something you think about right before you need a napkin. This is something that is a mystery to all of us, yet somehow feels profoundly right in a way that I don't have the talent to explain. I have always felt uncomfortable in crowds of people. I was a performer so I wasn't shy and I will dance like an ass on a stage, but I couldn't dance on a dance floor. Very soon after transition, I was no longer uncomfortable in crowds. I still don't understand why I was uncomfortable as a reasonably good looking dude with no physical issues, yet I felt totally comfortable as an obvious tranny. It's damn weird I know.

This is a life you have to be willing to trade your current one for because even in the best of circumstances, your life will completely change. One thing I can assure you is if you pull that pin for the panties, you will find out very soon that there aren't enough panties in the world to make you feel better about it.

[stefan37]

So what color panties are you wearing?

[whowhatwhen]

You're supposed to wear panties?

[SuzanneS]

Well......looking at the chart that karenpayneoregon has posted.....I'm not sure I fit all of the required areas that I should...pretty sure that I fit in at least group 2...but I'm not sure....

Kind of hard to decide which is which.

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. I'm not sure that I can fit it all into a certain chart.

Suzanne

Maybe I'm not where I'm supposed to be.... I guess I don't know. I know how I feel, though. Hopefully getting in touch with a good therapist that the doctor knows will help. Thank you...

Suzanne

[Kaitlyn Michele]

try not to think too far ahead..

you can get a lot of really good work done with the right person

you will have lots of ups and downs and lots of conflicting thoughts regardless of what happens next...

also remember this is your life, its a long haul...i spent 20 years after college cross dressing thinking that was it...(even though a part of me knew differently)..

it still took a good 4 years to come to terms with it once i started thinking about what i was...

[Leah Lynn]

Suzanne, don't try to fit into a box! No box is a "One Size Fits All". We're all different, so don't compare an apple to an orange. Even apples come in a wide variety. Take a little time and find a quiet place to be alone with your thoughts. Ignore boxes and labels and anything else that "defines" a person. Just let your feelings out. Find out how YOU feel about yourself. Ignore any influences. Just your own pure feelings.

Ultimately, it's up to you to figure out if you are trans or not. A good therapist can help you find your answers, but can't answer it for you. And we're always here.

Hugs,

Leah

[Felicia Dee]

... if you are happy as a male DON'T TRANSITION! That's like patently obvious and pretty much tranny 101 stuff.

And NO "becoming transgender" is NOT the obvious choice for experiencing all life has to offer. Please seek professional help!

What she said. xox