I almost left the house last night...

[Julie1123]

I scored two purchases from the Memorial Day weekend sales. A black jumpsuit that was all lace around the shoulders and a pair of Aerosoles Barista Pumps. I'd been wanting to try out a jumpsuit but had kept going back and forth on how fashionable they were (not that I ever go anywhere...). They both arrived yesterday. I've never felt that comfortable in an outfit before! The jumpsuit was perfect for lounging in front of the computer, but the shoes, they're like heaven. I think I could wear them all day long. Around midnight, after I had been wearing them both for a few hours, I was standing at the back door listening to the wind, and the thought crossed my mind how easy it would be to just open the door and walk out to the truck parked under the carport. Once I got there I would be mostly concealed from neighbor's eyes. After a few minutes deliberation, I opened the door, but not the screen door. I thought about how amazing it would be to be outside wearing no guy clothes what so ever. I shut the door. Went back to the living room. Looked at the truck keys. Realized if I made it out to the truck it wouldn't be that much more to just get in and go for a drive. Boom. Heart pounding. No wig or makeup on, and I was scruffy from a few days of not shaving. If anyone did see me driving the only give away would be the lace shoulders of the jumpsuit and the black bra straps underneath the lace. I deliberated for about a half an hour. Working myself up to it, just grab the keys and wallet and go!

In the end though, two things stopped me from taking the leap. One, neighbor's lights were still on and the backyard has a motion activated flood light, and two, I'm not sure my girlfriend would be to happy about me leaving the house. She's fine with me going out underdressed but all women's clothes might be too much. Not that she would ever know I did but... gotta keep things honest.

In the end, no regrets but I can't even imagine how great it would have felt.

I guess I have to start admitting that I do have a desire to go out more dressed than just underdressed.

[Laura912]

To paraphrase Yoda, " You will, Luke. You will." Or Elmer Fudd, "Be werry, werry quiet. I'm sneaking out. Heh heh heh."

[Julie1123]

Laura:

Edit: It will really depend on if my girlfriend ever becomes comfortable with it.

[Jean 103]

First it's just a drive, what ? shopping, dinning out, hanging with friends is there an end point. LOL

[lostinmyworldcd]

I use to get dressed up and would walk around the yard , to the garage at 12 - 3 am ..... wanting to do it , without getting caught ..... It was a rush , thrill for me ...... Sometimes I would get my nerve up thur the years , and hit a shoe store for heels ..... i would have them on before i even left the parking lot , as discreetly as I could .....

[Barbara Black]

usually before I make excursions like these, I think about them a few times, and back down. but eventually it overcomes me and I jump out of the door and take off, however I'm dressed. As they keep telling us around here, no one is really interested in watching us, especially at 2 or 3 AM. Or break it down, go out to the truck and return, don't take the drive until the next attempt. Or while you are thinking about it during those failed attempts, set yourself up for the next time, shave, run out the door before you have a chance to change your mind, and go for it. My only restriction here would be to tell your SO that you are thinking of doing something like that, just for the forewarning, and to find out for sure how much she would dislike your doing this. I know my SO was always opposed to my being seen outside of my own yard, but eventually she suggested that going out in a skirt at night was okay with her, that no one would see me anyway in the car. (It may have something to do with my going out for ice cream though. LOL). Good luck, shedding paranoia isn't easy. Say "F#@k it!" and run!! (unless you are in heels) ha ha.

[Pat]

Have you ever tried looking into a moving vehicle at night? Nobody's going to see your lace shoulders. Even if you're at a stoplight, it's very difficult to see into a dark vehicle at night. Next time you hear the call of the wild, consider that. It'll happen in its own good time.

[Amanda M]

Time to get this sorted out, I think. You appear to have this incredibly strong urge to be out - literally. Your not sure if your GFwould be happy about it.

You two need to get this in the the open, and agree mutually acceptable boundaries - which you both stick too - unless they are mutually re-negotiated.

The neighbour - who could care less. Your GF, the most important person in your universe. She is what is important. So for goodness sake be man or woman enough to communicate honestly with her. If ther is going to be a problem, better now than five years and two children later.

[MonicaMarie]

After my first time out, dressing at home by myself lost all appeal to me. There's nothing like being out among other people, just being in the outside world as the person you feel you are inside. It was terrifying at first, but as long as I'm in a friendly place, I no longer have any nerves. Being out in the general public is another story altogether...

[rocketscientist]

First things first, start shaving and using makeup. Also, get yourself a nice wig. Nothing too expensive or over the top. Just something realistic looking. Next, practice using makeup and walking in a femme manner, arms with elbows tucked in and palms turned more out than usual. If somebody does see you they will probably assume you are a woman, at least from a distance. Going out unshaven with no makeup or wig is just asking for trouble and unless you are prepared for it, it could be brutal. No disrespect to those who do just that (Jason X comes to mind), just be sure you are ready physically and psychologically to handle any situation that you may find yourself in. I'm not sure what exactly your physical dimensions are. If you are on the small side, presenting enfemme might be easier for you than if you are over 6' 200 pounds (me! Lol). Do the best you can to present the best feminine image with what you got. Find a support group in a distant yet nearby city where you can be yourself in the comfort of like minded people. When you do eventually get out, carry yourself with confidence and remember that you are doing nothing wrong. When you go out you gotta be comfortable with how you are presenting. And the last bit of advice I have for you is this, Always remember, if you are uncomfortable with how you are presenting, others will be too. Hope some of this helps you. Hugs, Tonya

[reb.femme]

It's no good trying to be quiet and creep out, the neighbours will hear your heart thumping.

It will happen in it's own good time. My first time was a dark, rainy evening, so I was able to cover my head with a hood and umbrella. It's the CDs call of the wild and it won't be held down.

Rebecca

[ShayLeigh Dominique]

And another Yoda quote is apropos... "Do. Or do not... There is no try."

Easier said than done, I know...

[Jorja]

Jorja sets a trail of peanut butter cookies to your car.

Keep trying, it will happen when you have had enough hiding away.

[Janey Jane]

Make sure you have turned off the porch/carport lights long before you go, and also set the interior lights of your vehicle in the off position in advance. Nothing worse than having the car light up your outfit when you least expect it! Also parking so the driver's door is closer to the house if it gives you more cover. Going for a drive in a skirt and shoes will do wonders for you. I've known about being a CD'er for 3-4 months and having a supportive wife makes it possible.

Janie

[irene9999]

The best way to satisfy this desire is just to go out and do it! You could go out late at night in your car like other girls said

[heatherdress]

Julie - Your feelings are so normal. It is quite exciting to step out the first time - and maybe every time after that. The excitement is always part of the fun.

Many good suggestions have already been made. You should try a wig and makeup.

Maybe to be out the first few times, you could try putting your outfit and shoes in a bag and change in you car somewhere safe.

I am excited and happy for the joy you have when dressed. Good luck.

[Maxi]

That's how I got caught. I figured the neighbors house was dark so i would wheel the trash out to the street. When the light came on my neighbor came out to see why. It turned into a good thing. They accept me for who I am, not how I am dressed. And to think I hid it for 12 years.

[Julie1123]

Thank you all for the replies.

I always love the double meanings of words. I really don't have any desire one way or the other about being out to the world. My girlfriend knows and that's the only one that really matters in this. I do have a desire to be out in the world, but at the present it feels more like a thrill rather than anything else. Not something that necessarily has to be indulged. If in the future the opportunity comes along where it's not going to end up being harmful to our relationship than maybe I'll take that leap.

[Beverley Sims]

Julie,
One day you will make it and then there will be no stopping you.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Julie,

I think you will know when the time is right. Taking that first big step is a big first step, but ... yes .. it does become habit-forming. (What a nice habit to have ....)

[Lori Kurtz]

I really appreciate that you are considerate of your girlfriend's feelings about this. That's certainly an important part of maintaining a successful relationship with her.

Assuming that you and she can come to a comfortable agreement about your out-of-the-house activities ... well, I can certainly relate to the overwhelming feeling of excitement. At some point, you're going to break through the fear and step out that door. I agree with earlier commenters who say one step at a time is a good way to go. Just open the door and step outside. Breathe the air ... then go back inside. Then next night, try again and walk over to the car. Another night, actually get in the car. Once you're inside, it's your own private little world of protection. You're going to love it.

One thing you might try, to lessen that feeling of terror: I would often go out dressed, but wearing a loose (drab) jacket, and carrying my wig and high heels in a paper bag. If anybody happened by, they wouldn't know I was partially en femme. Then in the car you can put on the final touches and voila, Julie is going for a drive. Have fun.

[CarlaWestin]

no one is really interested in watching us, especially at 2 or 3 AM

Well, at that hour it's you and the police, which is a good thing. During the daytime you just blend in. Trust me on this one.

......how easy it would be to just open the door and walk out....

Oh yeah, that beckoning call!!

[Julie1123]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 years. We pretty much behave like we're married.

I'm kind of torn on the hair and makeup right now. I've tried a few different wigs and they always feel really awkward and my makeup skills are definitely lacking. Had to stop trying for awhile. I'm almost to a point where I would be ok with just foregoing the hair and makeup but on the flipside I really do want to look the part. For hair I've been kind of kicking around the idea of having a hairstyle that is easily converted between masculine and feminine. As for the makeup, more practice I guess.

[Suzie Petersen]

Tonya: Also, get yourself a nice wig. Nothing too expensive or over the top.

Hmmm ... if the wig is not "over the top" .... you are probably not using it right

Sorry, couldn't help it!

- Suzie

[Jacqueline85]

Whenever I go out, late at night, for a walk, I can't help but think that if the neighbours see a tall 'woman' in 5" heels and a tight skirt leaving my flat, their first thought won't be "The guy who lives there wears women's clothes." It will most probably be "The guy who lives there pays for sex." Maybe I just have some really weird self-image issues though.