just didn't expect it

[Jean 103]

I went to the bar last night, loud band, Too loud. Different crowd, a couple of people I know. Larry the tile layer is there with his best friend and best friend’s girlfriend who is form OC, like south of LA. This is what this post is about. They are playing pool and I’m sitting at that end of the bar because it is the far as I can get away from the band, I’m not the only one that said they were too loud. Anyway after the band shuts down let’s call her Ms. OC comes over and says hi, we talk about how I know Larry and things, again nothing new. Now she asks if she can ask me some questions, I know she has questions about T-girls, I tell her she can ask me anything I will not be offended. Well we are talking and then it comes out. She has a son that has been dressing from a young age and has just graduated high school. This is what she really wanted to talk about. She loves and supports him but is a little confused. I told her that all she has to do is love him and talk to him. He is in counseling. She asked if I would talk to him, I told her I would. I don’t think I need to tell the kid anything, but if I can get a feel for where he is at I may be able to help Ms. OC understand him. He is with his dad somewhere in the OC and that is where he is going to attend college. He will be up here in a week or so. I gave her my phone number at told her they can call me any time. Of course right in the middle of this I started crying, not for me but for them. I know I’m out there I should expect this stuff, I just didn’t. I find women talk to me about their problems as I’m one of the girls. This is different. I’m suppose to go to the beach with them today. I will call her in a bit. I realized I only have a bikini to wear, I didn’t bring any of my one piece swimsuits. I wear bikinis to the beach I just keep my distance. There are pics of me in a bikini on this site.

Love Jean

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Jean

I would be extra careful in what you say to her son since he is in counseling.

By all means be supportive but ensure he knows everyone if slightly different.

[Jodi]

Also, if the boy is under 18, be real careful of what you say to him.

Jodi

[RADER]

I would not talk to the boy unless his Mother was present; then be very careful on what you say or how you say it.
Rader

[ColleenCD]

Hi Jean,

It appears mom trusts your authenticity. IMHO, Rader is right, be sure mom is present for all conversations. I imagine her son would place high value in mom's acceptance, support, and friendship. If you could make one point for both of them to take away, it would be open communication.

Thanks for sharing,

Colleen

[Monique53]

First of all, I would request that his mother ask her son if he would like to meet with you. If so, I would be very careful with this situation and maybe just try to establish some rapport with this young man on the first visit. He may be very comfortable or not and this is something that you will have to determine. I would let him ask the questions and then answer as honestly as possible. He should not be made to feel that he has to disclose any aspects of his life that he doesn't want to talk about. If things go well, ask him if you, Mom, and he can meet again. This will give him an opportunity to think about things and not feel pressured about addressing his questions and concerns!
Monique

[docrobbysherry]

It would be a bad idea to give u advice on your "talk" unless I was a licensed counselor, which I'm not, Jean.

But, I CAN advise about loud music/bands as I spend a lot of time out at clubs. They ALL blast it out near 100 dcbs. or more! Which will damage your and their hearing. One of the reasons DJ's and band musicians play so loud. Especially after they've had a few.

I can't take it and usually forget my ear plugs. So, I chew up cocktail napkins and use them as ear plugs. Cuts damaging noise down to a bearable, not dangerous, level!

[Jean 103]

Ok I guess I could have given more details. First I would not meet with the kid who is likely at least 18 without his mother there. Second there is nothing I can do for the kid and as far as his mom she is already doing the right thing. I think she just needed to hear it from someone like me. I talked to her for a long time about her son. She has been living with this all these years and doesn’t know the difference between TS and TG. Her son has a boyfriend and doesn’t know he if is gay (her son that is). The thing that started me crying was when she told me that before they pulled him from the school in OC and they moved he had considered suicide. I been thinking about this and feel that I don’t need to talk to her again. If she asks I will talk to her, as for her son he is from the OC, is returning there, he in on face book. I’m sure he has plenty of friends to talk to.

Love Jean

[Alice Torn]

I would not meet with the boy. His dad could get very pissed, and a bad scene enfold. Doc, you are so right. i almost never go to clubs or live music, because they blow your ears out, really damaging hearing for life. Ear plugs are a must. But, it is almost impossible to carry on any conversation with anyone, with such super loud noise!!!!!!!!!!! The had a band at my 25th high school reunion, and after the started , i had to just leave early. I hate having to shout to the person i am trying to talk to, and strain to hear their shouting. It makes clubbing highly dysfunctional!!!!!!

[char GG]

It seems that if the son is over 18, the mom would give the kid your information and let him contact you himself if he wanted to talk to you. Otherwise, he has a counselor. From the few CDers that I have met, many of them are on different levels of CDing and it may be best not meddle in someone's life.

What difference does your bathing suit make in this situation?

[Jean 103]

I’m not going to get in the middle of anything, I wasn’t born yesterday. My advice was continue to listen and love him, nothing more than she is already doing.
Ms. K (the Bartender/lifeguard/surfer) told me that Larry always promises to go to the beach and never shows. So during breakfast I sent them a text. I didn’t hear back so I went to Pismo beach by myself to work on my tan, nothing new.
I will see Larry and his friends again, they are regulars at the bar. Confirmed by Ms. K, I knew Larry was, wasn’t sure about his friends. Larry uses my guy name, but as a guy I use my last name as my first name is too common. My last name is a girls name, this confused his friends till I explained it to them. Lately when people call me Jean it feels funny. I wish I would have just used my last name which is how I am known in guy mode.
This is new but not really related, Mike one of the guys I work with, his sister is Ms. M’s (the bar manager) best friend. Mike has a boat and they all go to the lake with him. I just found this out yesterday. Mike lives across town from the bar, I haven’t told him about Jean yet, I wanted to know if there was a chance I would see him there. And just yesterday our secretary at work who I have told and just lives up the street from the bar, said she would like to meet me at the bar. She refers to Lompoc as Peyton Place, she asked me how things were going at the bar. I told her Sunday was funny. This guy is sitting at the bar with a girl and his cousin (who I know) when his girlfriend walks in, from the way she was dressed she just got off work from the hospital up the street. The girl left, mad girlfriend stayed. Ms. M was there with her boyfriend (not working) she said Hi as usual, they were doing fine and then she got into a tiff about something with her boyfriend and they left. If that is not enough there is another couple arguing out back. As for me, I’m staying out of all of it, I may dress like a girl but I’m not crazy.
Love Jean