For the last 6 weeks, I have been sick with a bad cough. I was diagnosed with bronchitis. I saw a doctor twice, and was prescribed two round of meds. It has been a very nasty cough, that also drained my energy. Recovery has been very slow, and on some days I feel better, while others I feel worse.
And I am not the only one who has had this cough. I know plenty of people who either had it during the winter, or who had it during the last month. Even the doctor said that everyone is getting it.
Last week was my birthday, and I spoke with my mom, brother, and dad on the phone. My dad tells me that he knows that I have been sick for a month. First I am upset that my brother and mom told him that I was sick. I told them both earlier on not to tell dad, because I had a feeling that he would freak out. I couldn't hide being sick because it was obvious in my voice. I told my dad that it was bronchitis and that the doctor put me on medication. I also told him that lots of people are getting it and that there has been a bug going around. He then asks me "are you sure about that?" as if he is accusing me of lying. He also asks me about my job and I told him it's going well. He then starts with his you should look for a job elsewhere crap again. I told him that you really upset me and that I don't want to talk to him and I hung up the phone.
However, it really really upset my evening.
I really, really, hate my father and I wish he could be thrown behind bars where he could no longer antagonize me. I really, really hate the family structure. It is nothing but a tool of oppression by forcing us to accept people that are toxic for us.
I am disappointed in my mom and brother for telling him that I was sick for such a long time.
I hate myself for being so stupid. For foolishly asking to speak to him the night before my birthday. Ok, we have this tradition where they call me up the night before my birthday to sing happy birthday to me. This is because I was born just after midnight eastern time, so that makes it during the evening the night before in California. I spoke with mom and my brother. I stupidly asked to speak to my father and I wish I didn't. I hate myself for being so stupid. For thinking that I could even try to talk to my father. For thinking that it's my birthday, and that he would go easy on me. He had to be such a shit even on my birthday.
Also, a few weeks earlier, my brother asked me if the hormones are causing me to be sick. I later on found out that that idea originated from my father. What a surprise? My father came up with that idea.
The stress caused by my father certainly is not helping my recover, and the other day I really felt like my life is over. That there was no way out of this. That my dad would continue to torment me, and that I would never recover from bronchitis (or whatever else it could be).
I spoke with my mom and brother about this. My mom is very supportive, and although she still calls me by my birth name and misgenders me, she is still supportive and understanding of me. She has far more empathy towards what it is like to be transgender than the other two do. When I spoke to my brother, he accused me of ruining his birthday 8 years ago. Yes, I did a stupid thing 8 years ago, that was a result of my drinking, but my father is the one who ruined his birthday. My father is the one who chose to yell and scream like he was possessed by the devil for three days, the third one being my brother's birthday. My dad can get really, really violent, and scary, when he loses his temper. He is literally a god damn tyrant.
I also told my brother that I spoke with both my doctor and a pharmacist, and both told me that the hormones are not causing this. My brother than says "it's not a perfect world" and I asked him what do you mean by that, and he basically said that he thinks this is some kind of freak reaction to the hormones that even doctors and pharmacists aren't aware of.
I do wonder one thing. Is this kind of reaction from families normal? Has anyone else ever experienced yourself, or maybe someone you know who is TS, having a family member blame your being sick on the hormones, or blame something that has gone wrong in your life in discrimination, even though hormones or discrimination is not to blame?
Btw, please do not give any medical or drug advice. I don't want to break any rules and have the thread closed. Please only talk about your experience with your family( or the experience of someone else you know who has transitioned or currently is transitioning). Please talk about the way your family or someone else's family has reacted to things going wrong during transition. I repeat, please do not discuss medical or drug advice. That is reserved for doctors and pharmacists.
For what it's worth, this is my post #911.
