As a crossdresser, do you feel left out of all of the trans publicity right now?

[maya1love]

Hi everyone:

I really do feel blessed to be a crossdresser, but sometimes I feel left out and misunderstood by all of the transwomen that are coming out in the media -- because they don't quite represent me. I have yet to see a man come out and just say "hey, i like to wear women's clothes from time to time". Perhaps that is the next frontier? For the crossdressers in the group, how do you feel about the representations in the media about transwomen? Do you feel it confuses others to think that you will transition? Or that you are really a transsexual?

[Laura912]

I do not feel left out because I can empathize with everyone's feelings all across the spectrum.

[Pat]

I see the whole thing as a huge plus. I think it opens a conversation that you get to use to educate the public further. Most of the transsexuals in the news aren't being referred to as transsexual. They're being referred to as transgender and that's great because it gives all the rest of us a chance to say, "Yes, I am transgender, but there is more than one kind of transgender person..." It's also great because the news is also filled with stories about "Gender Identity" issues -- "bathroom bills" and workplace protection laws, etc. And you can bring gender identity into the conversation and they'll have heard of it before.

[Madeleine Quinn]

I wouldn't generalize about all transgender women that they misunderstand me (a heterosexual male crossdresser). For one thing, as various threads on this forum make clear, there's a pretty wide range of views—among both those who identify as transgender women and those who identify as male crossdressers—regarding where, if anywhere, crossdressers fit on the transgender spectrum. So, do trans women misunderstand me? I'm sure plenty do, but since clearly trans women aren't all of the same mind about crossdressing, it's hard to make any universal assertions.

I also don't think that trans women have any obligation to represent or include me in their media appearances. As I pointed out in another thread, their experiences and challenges are drastically different from mine. I can go about my daily life, looking like a man, without feeling that, by doing so, I'm denying some part of who I am. I can be as public or private about my crossdressing as I feel comfortable with. In short, I have a lot of privileges that trans women don't, so I'm not the least but put off by the fact that their media appearances aren't about me.

As for confusion to others, well, that's just going to be a fact of life for the foreseeable future, and I don't see trans women making things any worse in that regard. There was mass confusion (among the US public, anyway) about distinctions between trans women, gay men and crossdressers long before Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner started getting media attention, so I'm highly reluctant to hold them responsible for other people's ignorance. It is now as it always has been: those who are truly interested can and will choose to educate themselves. If anything, the only thing that might increase the amount of confusion could be media outlets and journalists who just don't know how to talk about transgender identities and issues. But that's not something I'd lay at the feet of trans women, either.

[Kate Simmons]

Why not be the first man to do it yourself my friend? Someone has to do it.

[Barbara Jo]

Catilyn is a rich media star /long time celebrity and that is the only reason she is getting attention.
It is reported that spent almost $200,000 so far which includes her recent facial feminization surgery in march.
Many of us can barely afford to go to a doctor for a flu shot.

Media celebrities are more or less expected to be outside of the norm... that is why they are media celebrities.

On the other hand, run of the mill people (like us) are expected to walk the straight and narrow and conform to all of societies standards.

So nothing has changed due to Catilyn except that she renewed a conversation about TS' ... a conversation that started many decades ago.
Talk alone solves absolutely nothing and she and her plight will soon fade from memory for the most part when it stops being news.

Fact is most people stil view being TS /CD as having a sexual issue and not a gender issue.
The general public can not even understand being gay .... being a TS is just another life choice made by immoral people to them.
CDs are not even part of the conversation.

[Cheryl T]

I feel that it has always been the Transsexuals in our community that have led the way.
My first exposure to anyone else that "dressed" was Christine Jorgensen. When she went to Sweden and had her operation it was big in the press. That event told me that I wasn't alone in this world and that meant there had to be many more like me.

The TS's have much more at stake than we do as CD's and have always been at the forefront for TG rights. Without them the vast majority of us that are out would still be in the closet. What advancements that have been made have come from their fight and I'm sure that in some respects we are seen as "tag-alongs". We must help the cause in different ways. We can be ambassadors for all when we go out by being Ladies and presenting a positive image. You know what they say about one bad apple....

[Amy Lynn3]

In short, I do not feel left out. Like Pop Eye says..." I am what I am". I was born a crossdresser and I have made my own way as such.

Yes, Ms Jenner made a big splash in the pan, however, big as it was, it would never be big enough to carry all of us with her to the fore front.

[heatherdress]

I do not feel left out. I am glad for Caitlyn and believe her public transition is overwhelming positive for others in the transgender category. I think it is positive and healthy in general because it educates and promotes understanding and acceptance of others. But...I must confess I have concerns.

Her public transition and the continued media coverage that will follow her TV shows, her family adjustment, her dating and her fashion style does not necessarily coincide with understanding and acceptance of crossdressers. Today, most people are both sympathetic and supporting of Caitlyn as a transitioned woman, not as a crossdressing man. I have not heard any discussions or inclusions of crossdressing in countless media stories. It is all about transitioning. While that is very positive, and wonderful for those members on this site who have a similar transition goal, most of us don't. Most of us want to remain male and simply crossdress, and be accepted.

Will there be greater understanding and acceptance for crossdressers because of Bruce Jenner's transition to Caitlyn Jenner? I hope so. But...

It is probably easier for most people to try to understand and accept the notion of a person born in man's body who identifies as a woman and seeks correction by transition than to understand and accept men who want to remain as men but want to, or need to, dress like women.

A man living as a woman is OK - it is now gutsy and admired. A man dressing as a woman is not OK - it is still a perversion and looked down upon, by many. Is this where we are?

The term "transgender" covers so many different categories and gender expressions. Caitlyn is now the "face" of the transgender population. As beautiful as she is, and as positive as her story has become, she also promotes a new public stereotype for all transgender people. Does that stereotype promote more understand and open more doors of acceptance for crossdressers and other categories of transgender people, in general, or does it confuse and oversimplify an array of transgender behaviors, all of which require more understanding and deserve greater acceptance.

My wife, who is very knowledgeable, accepting and supportive, has asked several times recently if I have a desire to transition, and if I am hiding it as Bruce Jenner did. I continue to assure her, but once again, Caitlyn's transition is not about crossdressing. In fact, there may be a misconception being promoted that all male crossdressers want to be, or should be, women, which might even promote more challenges for crossdressers. Caitlyn's story, unfortunately, can promote doubt, both for spouses and significant others of crossdressers and, perhaps, for crossdressers, ourselves.

Why are we not as brave as Caitlyn? When we see Caitlyn, and how beautiful she is, do we want to be more like her? Would we risk divorce, and family problems, as she did, to be more open and honest with family, friends and ourselves? When we die, will we look back with regret if we do not fulfill our innermost yearnings and needs, as Caitlyn has bravely done? What do we really need to do to successfully pursue our dreams and be happy? All tough questions which may surface for some of us.

I am in no way unsupportive of Caitlyn, whom I admire, or of the many people similar to her, whom I sympathize with. I hope her story, and their stories, will promote overall understanding and acceptance. But...

I am cautious and continue to remind myself that Caitlyn's story is not my story and that acceptance of others who are different in any way in our society will unfortunately continue to be - a challenge we must recognize, understand and help improve. I also remind myself that I, alone, are responsible for my story, and that is why I am who I am.

[Stephanie47]

I think the educated public has accepted and understands nature sometimes makes and error. I really do not think society is ready for a male cross dresser presenting himself as a guy who just happens to like wearing women's clothing. The question will always arise.....why? I am not one to accept the blissful statement of "I like to wear women's clothing because "I love the colors...yada, yada, yada." And, why do I also wear a wig to hide my balding head? Or wear a bra when I have no boobs? Why don't I want to wear a colorful floral dress with a wig and a bra? For me, I can admit I really do not know why I do what I do. That is different than saying how I feel when I am en femme.

I don't think my wife of forty plus years thinks I am going to transition to a woman. Even though we are in a DADT marriage, we've been together long enough to understand each other. Those marriages of young people probably have not been together long enough to fully understand each other.

[Karen RHT]

I don't feel left out at all. Then again, I don't pay much attention to celebrity/social media happenings. Certainly I wish Caitlyn well, but don't see her story having a dramatic impact on the general public. The haters will still hate, the moderates will swing both ways, those who support will continue to do so.


Karen

[Leslie Langford]

Much as I applaud Caitlyn's courage, the favorable light that she has shone on the whole concept of transgenderism, her success in helping educate the masses about who and what we are, as well as getting the media and other "opinion leaders" on board - for me, the bigger issue is creating a clearer delineation in the public's eye between the concepts of "transgender" vs. "transsexual".

There is an old joke that asks the rhetorical question "What is the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?", the answer being "About 5 years". There is certainly a foundations of truth to this as with most other stereotypes, and we ourselves have seen a steady stream of ladies here who - over time - have migrated to the Transsexual Forum from the Crossdresser Forum as their status changed.

Certainly, transsexuals such as Caitlyn Jenner, Janet Mock, and Laverne Cox etc. have made great strides for their community and at the same time have provided some welcome visibility for the strictly crossdressing sub-set of the transgender spectrum as a by-product of this initiative. Still, it's now time for us to take off the training wheels and assert ourselves based on our own merits rather than continuing to ride on their coat-tails

[KittyD]

I think "Eddie Izzard" might fit into the statement " I have yet to see a man come out and just say "hey, i like to wear women's clothes from time to time".
He's a British Comedian and is well know for cross-dressing etc... Check him out

Kate

[LilSissyStevie]

There are a some CD celebrity types: Eddie Izzard, Grayson Perry, Conchita Wurst, Steven Tyler, Jaden Smith to name a few. I don't think this helps the garden variety CD much since everybody expects celebrities to act like freaks. The TSs that are coming out are not going to go to bat for CDs (why should they?) and the general public can fathom transsexuality better than it can crossdressing. It doesn't concern me much since I'm just the typical stay at home fetishistic crossdresser. I don't care what people think of it as long as they leave me alone.

[CONSUELO]

It doesn't bother me one bit. Perhaps it wil help educate the public.

[Dana44]

Oh heck yes we are misunderstood. Left out. I think the umbrella is for gay and lesbian folks mainly and a few transsexuals. Now as a CD. Golly I really do no like that name. We can fit one of the trans properties. Transvestite. This does not make us transsexual or gay. Or that we would ever transition. Too much fun having a high sex drive. In fact I think what I have is a gift. Yes we are blessed and provide a dimension to our society. One gay guy I knew was a college professor and a concert pianist. The arts would not be where it is at without us and that includes Bruce (Caitlin.) and his life that he accomplished a lot.

[Rachelakld]

Well we got lumbered with the gays in the 80's
Now we get lumbered with the transsexual
But
I still don't care what they think, I like being me.

[jessicabf]

I imagine that is common concern with some SO's - that one may want to go further and transition. I feel that such a concern is a sign of miss-understanding. I(we) enjoy the fem aspect of my male person and indulge that from time to time. But it is part of a whole. I am as disinterested with 'becoming a female' as I am in losing this part of me. So ... we will remain forever misunderstood.

In the end, I don't need, nor care for, understanding from society. I feel fortunate my SO understands and enjoys all that is me as I do the same for her. There are many other interests I have that are miss-understood. A part of living in a macro-society of modern times.

Still, it's now time for us to take off the training wheels and assert ourselves based on our own merits rather than continuing to ride on their coat-tails

I would like to dissolve the classification of cross-dressing. And hope to see society remove these labels and artificial constraints on what we wear and how we express ourselves. GG's have been in this change for some time. Why should it be termed anything but just getting dressed in the morning if a guy wants to put on make up and wear a skirt - in the same way a GG get's up and decides not to put on makeup, wear jeans and boxers for the day? Can't dad wear a pink shirt without snide remarks? Any who...

[Alex!]

I don't feel left out, but then I am not really an active participant in the community. I just do my own thing and enjoy the company of those who share my interests in this behavior or are sympathetic. If I describe myself as a complex multifaceted jewel, crossdressing barely registers as one of the facets. Since it plays a tiny role in my identity, it is not a big deal to me personally what happens with the hoopla generated by Ms Jenner.

Having said that, it is my hope that American society grows to accept people regardless of attire or enhancements to appearance, to see that what we adorn ourselves with is merely an artistic form of expression that changes based on mood, outlook, politics, ethnicity, religion, or whatever. As long as no physical harm is generated to others, what does it matter? It will take a good long while before such a day comes, if ever.

[OCCarly]

If you are looking for a male celebrity who crossdresses, this is it right here. http://www.cbsnews.com/news/jaden-sm...ndla-stenberg/

The reality is, nobody under 30 cares if a dude wears a dress, at least in the big cities. That the above news item is a non-event piece of fluff pretty much proves this.

The problems always seem to come from the older folks and the small town folks, and if Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes and John Leguizamo could not change their opinions in "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar," then nothing will.

Caitlyn Jenner is the baby boomer's LGBT heroine, and our great hope for changing perceptions among the middle aged and older folks. And it probably will happen, judging by how much perceptions of gay folks have changed in the past fifteen years.

[CynthiaD]

A rising tide lifts all boats.

Even though the media is focused on only one segment of the trans community, the attention can't help but be good for us all. Although the focus now seems to be on a single individual, this is not the case. You can hardy pick up a fashion magazine these days without seeing something about at least one trans woman.

As for Caitlyn Jenner, I am so proud of her! I'm so happy for her! Finally having the courage to be the person she truly is! It makes me feel all warm inside. The world is finally beginning to see that trans is a good thing. Although the perspective is limited, I believe that the good feelings for Caitlyn will, in some way translate to all of us.

Our day is coming. And soon.

[Sarah-RT]

I wouldn't be jealous, I think it can only be a benefit. The only flaw I see is when it comes to having to explain the differences between transsexuals and crossdressers, I know transgendered is the umbrella term but Caitlin seems to be regularly referred to as transgendered which poses the challenge of if I tell someone I am trans but not in the same way. It's just messy.

As I said though, it's only going to be helpful for us all, I wish all the best to cait and as I heard a quote from her upcoming TV show

"it must be nice to travel through the public in a normal way"
-"you are normal"
"I'll become the new definition of normal"

[PaulaQ]

If you want visibility, the answer is very simple. Be visible.

I know some of you are. You are very brave, btw, to be visible, because you face the same discrimination people like me do, and you don't have to. You can pass for cisgender. And I know what really sucks is that there are members in my part of the community who have historically been hostile to CDs. (It's gone both ways, believe me.) But do know that some of us have your back and are on your side. Please believe me when I tell you that. We do not want to do to you what gays and lesbians have done to bisexuals, or until really damned recently, to transgender people. We watched it happen to us, it sucked, and I believe many of us are not keen on repeating the mistakes that were made with us.

But until more of you come out and are visible, until you define yourselves in ways people can't argue with, people are going to think whatever they want to think about you, and define you as you see fit.

This is cruel, it is awful, and it is highly unfair.

And if I didn't believe it was the truth, I wouldn't say it.

[sometimes_miss]

Do I feel left out? No. It's all about getting the world to recognise that we are a very diverse species, far more varied than how we are currently portrayed by our current educational system. See, Im active on a number of discussion boards on the net. I've participated in the threads about Jenner. And while there's no surprise that there's a lot of negative backlash and joking about it, what did surprise me is the percentage of people who DON'T think anything of it, and how many support the right to be left alone in our lives concerning our own behavior (and a surprising number of which who also understand the lack of support systems for trans people). It reminded me very much of listening in to discussions during the 60's race riots, when as a kid I would listen in to adults talking about blacks. Some were still bigoted blowhards, but there was also a number who recognised that black and white weren't all that different. And while most people now understand that the color of our skin doesn't define us, we still have quite a ways to go to get lots of them to accept that gender isn't any more of a choice than race is.

[Suzanne F]

I like Paula, am TS. I began my process here in the cross dressers forum. I hope that cross dressers do not feel left out. Some of my best friend are cross dressers from this site. I have nothing but love and support for my sisters that want to keep their lives as males. There is no reason that we can't be supportive of each other. We face some of the same issues and surely we should understand each other's issues that we don't necessarily share. In fact Allie and Rachael, both cross dressers from this site, were instrumental in me becoming comfortable living as a woman. I hope that I have supported them in some way.

Caitlyn's transition at least can be a starting point for conversation about how we view gender. If chosen I think it might be the time for more cross dressers to come out. I agree with Paula that the more of you that come out the better chances are that you will be viewed favorably. Believe me I know that is a difficult proposition.

Suzanne