I have not been a very active member of this forum in the past 2.5 years. Today I feel that I have the right to post and participate, I have gotten my appointment to see the endocrinologist later this month. I've never been sure or confident about who I am or what I should do with this gender maze that life has presented me. I've had no thunderclap moments where I knew right then and there, exactly what to do next. Instead I've slowly fumbled my way towards understanding myself and where I'm supposed to be.
In a way I think TV and movies have ruined me leading me to think that the major events in my life should be momentous things, not something that you barely make note of. I got my referral letter from my psychologist 2 weeks ago after about 30 minutes of chatting, I was expecting a deep mental probing that would leave me crying right out of Good Will Hunting. Nope. It seemed obvious to her and by leading me to question myself over the past months it's becoming obvious to me.
I'm not floating on a pink cloud it's more the opposite, I've been trying to punch holes in this belief but I haven't been able to overcome the simple statement "would someone who is not transgendered do or think that?" I do or think "that" a lot and the CIS people I know don't, and that's that. I'm nervous about the path I'm going down and the fears still pop up but they are outward fears about losing friends and loved ones or my appearance. I have yet to say "This is the the wrong thing for me to do because I don't really, truly mean it". I look forward to feeling like a woman when I'm not trying to be one. I'm starting to believe it's possible and looking in the mirror I'm seeing what I can be.
I've had a lot of small aha moments where I've though "yup this is right for me"; finding the right hair style that suits my face, putting on enough make up to hide the beard and nothing more, reading my referral letter. Not one earth-shattering event but a series of small confirmations. I've hit the point where I go out with my head up because this is me and everyone else can get stuffed if they don't like it, I guess I'll work on ladylike later.
I've diligently kept up reading the posts and I realize that I'm in an incredibly good place to start my transition, I'm well employed, my wife is aware of what's going on and is willing to try to make it work, there are legal protections against discrimination in place where I live. All things considered it won't get much better than this, I'm not deluded into thinking it's going to sunshine and roses but it's one hell of a lot easier that divorce, abuse and unemployment.
I really don't have a question, I just wanted to share that I finally feel like I belong in this very exclusive club. I'm gonna weigh in on CJ, if I had her resource I'd hide, go under the knife and pop out a finished product as well. Maybe one day that will be the normal way of doing things.
Anyway thank you all for sharing it's helped me deal with my life.
Kelly
Originally Posted by kdraper45
