They Should Think A Little Further

[deebra]

I think when folks see a male dressed to what ever degree female they think he's strange, whacked out, gay, effeminate, he's a joke, lets laugh and make fun, why would a guy want to wear heels, skirts, makeup, he looks so *&%$*. This judgement also includes sales assistants in Victoria Secret, Payless, cosmetics and others that appear to accept a man in fem but "really" don't. Why does he do this, what's wrong with him ???? I think how few of them think a little further and see that a CD loves feminity, women, a woman's persona and relates and wants to be like they are.......feminine, he prefers this to being male. Why is this wrong, he's doing his best to be and present what he wants to be, he wasn't fortunate enough to be born with all the physical, mental and emotional gifts they have but he's trying the best he can to be like them. He was born with a brain that's drawn to feminity, he can't change his brain and neither can they. He's not a threat to them or anyone else!! They should try to understand there are some males that really dislike the harsh, rough world of being male and are drawn to softness, the non-violent world of the female which includes being pretty, soft fashionable clothing, mannerisms, etc. Women and folks just like crossdressers have different tastes, some like spicy foods and others don't, some fish in the rain and others would hate it and some guys wear bra's and panties; are we that different?? Perhaps if they thought a little further into "why" he is wearing the clothes they wear maybe society wouldn't be so non accepting, judgemental and harsh on CD's and accept them a little more.

[AllieSF]

I agree that some people think this way. However, I also believe that the vast majority do not think in such a negative way. They may see us as different and wonder why we do it, and then they focus their attention back on whatever else they were doing or thinking when they noticed us. As much as I would like total acceptance, our fantasy goal, I will be more than happy with total tolerance, another fantasy but more realistic goal. Look at your own self and how you see other people, specifically those different than yourself in regards to appearance, beliefs, race, ethnicity, attitudes, whatever. I am sure that there are some out there that you could never accept, but can tolerate as individuals. I know that I do not accept some, but I do respect their rights to be who they are and to believe whatever the believe, even if I totally disagree with their beliefs. I am far from perfect and cannot expect others to be either. I am more concerned about respect of rights than acceptance, though both would be wonderful.

[kimdl93]

Honestly, Deebra, you're reading way too much into the thoughts and beliefs of others. As Allie says, few really are so judgmental, many may simply view us as a bit odd, and get back to their own lives. The trouble with Such attempts at mind reading is we tend to project our own beliefs or fears onto other people. In reality, we will never know someone's opinion until someone tells us.

[Laura912]

One of the things therapists learn is not to project their thoughts onto the client. Instead they ask questions that lead them to understand what the client is thinking. Just for fun, take a VS salesperson (or several) to lunch and ask them what they are thinking.

[hope springs]

First, I agree with Laura. Ask one what they are thinking. Second, if they are giving you the stink eye, give it right back. Some folks are judgemental, we CDers are a good target since giving homosexuals the stink eye is frowned upon. Some people just need to hate. Do what you do and leave them behind you.
It sounds like you had a bad experience. Its bound to happen if you go out enough. Hold close the people who don't judge you. I treasure those relationships.

[Rhanda]

You should never judge a cross dresser until you have walked a mile in her/his heels. LOL

Rhanda

[Jenniferathome]

... They should try to understand there are some males that really dislike the harsh, rough world of being male and are drawn to softness, the non-violent world of the female which includes being pretty, soft fashionable clothing, mannerisms, etc. ...

Two things:

1), Allie and Kim beat me to it. No one is out to get us. The RARE attacks make headlines, and that is good. But there are thousands of daily interactions that happen unaccosted.

2), your statement above is bit nuts. Who is to say 'they' are not already trying. But, 'they,' being the normals, are the 99%. We, the cross dressers are the 1% (maybe 1%). The 99% never have to make the move, the 1% does. Positive interactions is all it takes.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hi neighbor,
Sounds like you had a bad experience. Most people tend to make quick judgement based of appearance and lack of real information. unless you can sit them down and talk to them one on one you're not going to change them. I find a smile and a kind word goes a long way, but in the end your not going to change a true hater. If they are rude, belligerent, or threatening ya I'm gong to do something about it. If they are just insincere, then hey I'm going to let it bother them more then it bothers me.

[Ineke Vashon]

You should never judge a cross dresser until you have walked a mile in her/his heels. LOL

Rhanda

Then, if you still feel like judging the cross dresser you are a mile away and you have his/her heels .

Ineke

[Nadine Spirit]

I used to think that everyone was judging me and then I realized one day that I was actually judging myself. The truth was that while I thought that people were thinking bad things about me, I had never heard anyone say anything bad about me. The only bad things that were being said were coming from my own internal thoughts. Once I realized this, relaxed a bit, and actually began putting myself out there by engaging with others, I found out that most people are just curious and willing to listen.

[Robin414]

Very good topic! I'm a crossdessser!! There I said it! I often ponder why anyone would judge us and violently at that? If this is a 'weakness' why in the hell do we accept such brutal treatment to be this way!? Is being LGBT a choice? Ummm, yah of course! It's just SO EASY to be attracked to the same sex/TG and getting the crap kicked out of us because of it I just can't resist! How do you do it truck driving, truck nuts, knuckle dragging dude?

[grace7777]

I went to Payless a few weeks ago dressed en femme and felt like I was treated respectfully by sa's.

[Eryn]

I've been going out regularly a couple of times per week for the past four years. I'm 6'2", in my 50s, and not terribly pretty. I can count the bad experiences I've had on the fingers of one hand, and those experiences are minor such as being misgendered by a waiter or giggled at by teenagers. 99+% of people treat me as if I was a genetic women, even after I've outed myself by showing ID or using my male-name credit card.

I used to worry a lot about what other people thought of me, but much introspection has led me to the conclusion that most of the people I encounter in public simply don't notice me at all. Even if a few of them make me all it does is add a little spice to their day!

[Kandi Robbins]

Times continue to change and evolve hopefully some day this will be universally accepted as well. But it touches people at their core, at who they really are. Even we have all fought it, by either denying it (me) or doing hyper-masculine things to try to cover it up, or by simply hiding in the shadows. All we can do, and this is what I try to do, is go out and present ourselves with class and dignity. Smile. Interact on a one-on-one level. Just be a good person and people will look right past the clothing and just treat you like a friend. I have had that type of interaction with a many including a few SAs (while you may argue they are in it for the money, that is the case with all SAs and many are not as welcoming), who figuratively wrap their arms around you and make you feel like part of their "club" as it were. If you really stop and think about it, you probably have many more negative interactions as a male with other people than you do dressed. You (and it is the case with me) are just more aware of how you are viewed when dressed. Let's just all relax (and I am talking more to myself than anyone else) and be who we are. We were made this way and we should embrace it (yeah, I know, easier said than done!).

[Kate Simmons]

This is why I care about my friends for who they are as individuals and people rather than this, that or the other thing. The way they choose to express themselves is just as individual as who they are.