So a quick background. My wife has known since to day we started seeing each other's. Never hide this from her. I also believe that when you tell someone your little secret. You cannot expect them to keep it to themselves. They are free to do with what they please.
Now the part I'm scratching my head about.
My ex-wife and I have a child together. Greatest kid EVER IMHO. But my ex is crazy in a way that she doesn't seem to think about what is good for the kid when making decisions. My philosophy is that I make decisions based upon what is best for him. If that means I go without so be it. He just turned 10.
Now. This makes my current wife frustrated that I choose my kid as a priority as it looks like from the outside that I have made my ex a priority and not her. That is not the case at all. Let me also a clear here that I was very blunt when we decide to date that his best interest was my first priority and that if it came down to a choice of his well being. Be it mental or otherwise and her desire. She would loose every time until he is 18 or so.
Anyway. One day a couple of weeks ago. While she was feeling quite put out. She wanted to give her mother some more context about our relationship. So she decided that telling her about my fem side was necessary. So now everybody on her side knows about my fem side. But see here is the rub. Nobody on my side knows. So it feels a bit awkward when we get together that everybody in the room knows this but my own mother. So do I tell her? I think she knows already. It's not like I hide it very well. Just we have never had a formal convo about it. Heck. I live in the house right next door to her. We share a backyard even.
So maybe your asking why I've never told her if I believe she knows. The answer is simple. I see no upside to telling her. I see no downside either for that matter. It's never been a burning desire to tell her or a great fear to tell her. I've always been sorta meh. About it.
So back to my original question. Do I tell her? Or not. It doesn't help her. We have a great relationship her and I. Couldn't be any better really.