My wife put me in a bit of a spot

[2B Natasha]

So a quick background. My wife has known since to day we started seeing each other's. Never hide this from her. I also believe that when you tell someone your little secret. You cannot expect them to keep it to themselves. They are free to do with what they please.

Now the part I'm scratching my head about.

My ex-wife and I have a child together. Greatest kid EVER IMHO. But my ex is crazy in a way that she doesn't seem to think about what is good for the kid when making decisions. My philosophy is that I make decisions based upon what is best for him. If that means I go without so be it. He just turned 10.

Now. This makes my current wife frustrated that I choose my kid as a priority as it looks like from the outside that I have made my ex a priority and not her. That is not the case at all. Let me also a clear here that I was very blunt when we decide to date that his best interest was my first priority and that if it came down to a choice of his well being. Be it mental or otherwise and her desire. She would loose every time until he is 18 or so.

Anyway. One day a couple of weeks ago. While she was feeling quite put out. She wanted to give her mother some more context about our relationship. So she decided that telling her about my fem side was necessary. So now everybody on her side knows about my fem side. But see here is the rub. Nobody on my side knows. So it feels a bit awkward when we get together that everybody in the room knows this but my own mother. So do I tell her? I think she knows already. It's not like I hide it very well. Just we have never had a formal convo about it. Heck. I live in the house right next door to her. We share a backyard even.

So maybe your asking why I've never told her if I believe she knows. The answer is simple. I see no upside to telling her. I see no downside either for that matter. It's never been a burning desire to tell her or a great fear to tell her. I've always been sorta meh. About it.

So back to my original question. Do I tell her? Or not. It doesn't help her. We have a great relationship her and I. Couldn't be any better really.

[Gardener]

Hi Natasha

In my view you have posed a question and answered it for yourself. You seem a very decent and thoughtful person. I wonder how your mother would react if she found out from anyone but you? Good luck and best wishes.

[Jenniferathome]

My opinion is that nothing has changed. If she knows and wants to ask, she will. If she does't know, what will telling her do for her? Nothing. There is no balance of power in information. It does't matter.

I heartily recommend that you two talk about the situation with your son, again. Kids come first. No other option.

[kimdl93]

It's your mom.no one decides but you.

[Rachelakld]

For my money, if it ain't broken, don't fix it.

[Shelly Preston]

If you suspect your Mom knows, you are most likely correct.

She may be thinking its not her place to raise the subject, as you are a responsible adult who has always made the right choices.

If there is a sudden need to tell her for some other reason they can I suggest you think about how, when, and exactly what you will say.

[Alice K]

I would Leave sleeping dogs lie. I imagine Your mother knows and prefers the quiet knowledge rather than the billboard. How many mom's and aunts and knew when their clothing drawers were disturbed by a 14 year old. They all knew but we're too gracious to say.
Alice

[sometimes_miss]

Don't ask, don't tell. Don't stir up problems. If they present themselves, then take care of it.

[Stephanie47]

As a parent I will not butt into my son or daughter's business, even if I know what's going on. If they want to discuss something or ask for advice, then I'll offer it. If my son were a cross dresser, I'd let him decide when to bring up the subject.

If you suspect your mother already knows, and, if she lives next door to you, I cannot imagine she does not know, then I'd sit down and have a chat with her over a cup of coffee. I think she'd rather be told by you, than to find out from somebody else. And, how do you think she would feel if she finds out everyone else knows but her. If I were a mother I'd been a little disappointed in my son.

[Teresa]

Natasha,
I'm posed with a very similar problem, my mother is a very active and alert lady for 86. She still has two jobs, one helping in a charity shop and the other in the local Art Centre, where she either serves refreshments or ushers the audience to their seats in the small cinema. There's the rub, I want to go and see the New Girlfriend film showing over the next weekend, I'm not expecting my wife to go so if my mother happens to see me I may have to explain why I'm going to see a film about a crossdresser by myself !
I've had separate discussions with my family members about telling my mother and all agree that it would serve no useful purpose in telling my mother at her age, it's not going to achieve anything and may upset her. She did say something amusing some time ago , while working in the charity she commented on the men who come in to buy women's clothes sometimes asking if they may try things on . My wife ask what she thought of it and she replied that it was none of her business if that's what they want to do, I knew she would have on open attitude to it but I don't think she has any idea that I'm a CDer.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

As someone said in an earlier post..... if you have ever worn your mothers clothes, she knows. My mom actually caught me once and gave me explicit orders on what clothes NOT to wear and to make sure no one else ever knew as my brothers and step father would probably have beaten me to death. we didn't talk about it in depth until years later.

[Pat]

There's the rub, I want to go and see the New Girlfriend film showing over the next weekend, I'm not expecting my wife to go so if my mother happens to see me I may have to explain why I'm going to see a film about a crossdresser by myself !

You can't just say because you saw the trailer / read a review and it looked like a good movie?

[CONSUELO]

I'm not sure what would be best for you but perhaps telling her would open things up. You live so close that keeping it a complete secret would be a tremendous burden. I was struck by something that Caitlyn Jenner said in her Vanity Fair interview. She felt she was living a "lie" in that she was not being what she felt she wanted to be in life. We all do this to a greater or lesser degree but it is a burden and for you and one day she will see you and perhaps accidental discovery would be harder for her than your telling her.

[Maxi]

If ever asked about it, explain, It's very educational. It has really opened your eyes as to how much work it takes a female to try to be what men expect. It helps you relate to them. And how you have learned, "Men are pigs", for expecting so much of women. Also how much work they have had to do, just to look like they do.

That's how I explained it to my sister, who said she is happy I have I have finally learned why women feel like they do toward men.

[2B Natasha]

Thanks for all your input. I'm still not sure what I am going to do in the long run. I think it would be best to tell her, just to get it out of the way. It would make my life a little easier I suppose.

anyway. Something for me to think about.

Cheers

[Sharon B.]

When I was getting a divorce twenty plus years ago my ex made it a point to call my side of the family up and tell them about my cross-dressing. My side never did asked me one way or another about it. To this day I haven't said nothing about it either.

[DonnaT]

I think so, because at some point, someone on your wife's side of the family will mention it in your mother's presence. It would be best if she was prepared, properly by you.

If she asks why you are telling, it's because of your wife telling your secret to others.