I like dressing female and doing female things, and even thinking in what i assume is a more feminine manner of thought than masculine manner. Not just the act- I like the idea of doing this.
And perhaps i am going out on a limb here, but I would imagine the majority of crossdressers would agree (in general at least).
But do i like the fact that I feel this way?
I think this is what we would call a second order analysis.
Just to fill in the background a little, i've been helping my wife with research for her MSN, and their is a lot of focus on "reflection" and "leadership" in this particular school (which shall remain nameless, for now). Nurses (and me, since i'm playing along) are being asked to assess their actions and motives from outside of themselves, kind of like playing 3rd person omniscient, to analyze their actions.
My first reaction is "no", I am not happy with the fact that I am at odds with my gender identity.
Now wait--- I do not want to change-- i want to be female, overall, or at least pursue the feminine aspect. i will not transition in my life- because my wife is not willing to be in a female-trans relationship- and also that i do not want to complicate things this late in my career stage- but the desire to do so is still there.
But do I want to be like this? Again, I am going to say no. I don't wish this complexity or convolution, but nor am I willing to fight it.
I identify myself as gender dysphoric, rather than transsexual. Settle down, i know labels are imperfect and all that, but language is what you think with, for better or worse.
i don't want the opposition and estrangement that the zeitgeist reacts with when they see gender non-conformity. That really sucks. And honestly, I do not think the majority of people want to react with revulsion or with fear or distaste at gender fluidity. But we were raised this way. Or at least some of my generation (50ish) were raised to feel this way.
I love the way society is moving to accept gender excursion. I never thought it would happen as fast or as powerfully as it has. That non-genderdysphorics (I really cannot use the word 'straight', now, can I?) are in the majority behind gender issues is outstanding in every way… I’m overwhelmed here and not thinking intelligently anymore.. ..
But this thing bugs me incessantly. I do not want to have to be different.
Looking at this from a logical perspective- to me this indicate that gender issues are not just deep-seated, but that the way that gender plays out- in its various social aspects- is showing that our society has some serious soul searching to do.
I don’t know quite how it maps out, but transgender issues are unequivocally going to benefit the feminist equality movement in general, and change the way men feel they have to act in detail.
There is a lot more that a small subset of gender indeterminism changing here, this is society at large learning that there are more than just two numbers in the arithmetic.
As fast as things are changing, I doubt we will see the fruition of transgender indiscriminacy in our lifetimes, but that is a poor reason not to continue to push as much as each of us feels we can to advance.
No, I do not like that I feel transgendered/gender-dysphoric. But I am non cis-gender, and I do feel different that my genotype gender. And I thank everyone of you who show others that we are simply pushing forward and exposing this age old idiocy of gender bifurcation/bilateralism.
Think about this second order function- think about the dissatisfaction you feel. It is not wrong, it is not any kind of failure, it is rebellion against the failure of a system of duality. This is deeper that anything you read in the media.
Okay. Enough. Maybe this is just a ‘purge’ of anger… but there is something going on deeper or more diffuse than is reported… people are not satisfied with the gender roles of the 1900’s. It is the new millennium, after all.
k
Originally Posted by Krististeph
