Well ladies, my time on this site has certainly decreased but many of you were around during my pre-HRT days and helped me get through things so I'd like to share an update on my progress.
Later this month, I'll be hitting 1 year on HRT!!! A full year into transitioning. Wow! I recall being extremely apprehensive toward starting, fearing the world would explode or something. Since I'm here typing this today, it's safe to say the world is still in one piece and life has continued very much the same as it did before.
So how has the first year on HRT been? Pretty lacklustre, to be honest. I commented earlier on in the year that I question whether the pills are in fact real or not, and I still have that same thought fluttering through my head daily. Now of course they're real, they have to be. I trust the doctors I'm seeing, perhaps my body simply responds poorly to the pills. If that's the case, I believe the only other option I have would be the gel pads. At my last endo appointment they raised my E dose and I'm now at what appears to be the max dose allowed in Canada. Let's see what happens.
Now, I shouldn't say that my body has been completely unresponsive because there certainly have been some changes but they've been subtle, at best. A friend recently commented that, if it weren't for me telling him, he wouldn't have any idea I was taking female hormones. More recently, however, a friend at work said that she was starting to see some facial changes; this put a huge smile on my face. The same week one of my aunts, who I don't see very often, commented on how I'm looking more and more like one of my sisters. I almost burst out laughing because she has NO idea about the transition. It's nice knowing that, to those I haven't seen in a long time, the changes are more noticeable.
The biggest changes, literally, would be my chest. I most definitely have two lovely little breasts that are growing, albeit slowly. I'm not sure what size they are but I'd guess an A. They large enough to warrant wearing a compression sports bra every day to try and hide them. The bra makes them look like pecs so it's ironic that I look more fit and masculine than pre-HRT. The fact they're growing though means they won't look like pecs for much longer. In terms of sensitivity, I've come across several reports of breasts being extremely sensitive and sore, banging into things could cause extreme pain. For me, I haven't experienced any of this. Sure there's been days when they're a little sore, but certainly not enough to wince or really react too, I barely notice it. For someone who already has a very low pain tolerance, this is nothing.
Oh! Something strange that I'm not sure if I've mentioned here before, I'm lactating. Not much, just a few dribbles if I squeeze my breasts, but this caught me completely by surprise the first time it happened. It's certainly nothing to write home about but still a nice addition to this journey.
Other areas of change would be psychological, however it's also been quite subtle. I do feel less angry, aggressive and irritable, perhaps more patient too. It's possible I even feel a little happier than pre-HRT with some real genuine smiles. But again, being so subtle, I can't say with certainty how HRT has affected my brain. There's been no emotional roller-coasters, no crying or even eyes watering. This last bit is a shame as I would just looooove to cry and release sometimes. I used to be so incredibly negative, full of doom and gloom, and it's true I'm still like that to an extent but feel I'm more receptive to positive thoughts and able to handle stress slightly better. Emphasis on slightly. My main stress reducer is still smoking a substance that shall not be named here. Don't worry, it's not like crack or anything too extreme.
Something else I've noticed is that I appear to have developed a monthly cycle. For approximately the first three weeks of the month I will be fine and pretty decently happy. But starting around the 20th of the last several months, my mood drops, the gender dysphoria skyrockets, the glass isn't half empty anymore, it's broken. It could just be coincidence but the pattern has been fairly consistent over at least four months.
The facial hair removal battle is still going strong. I had pretty decent results after 6 sessions, took a small break then resumed with a different practitioner. I seriously question the professionalism and knowledge of this second person. We had no discussion about the laser, my goal, hair type, aftercare, limitations, nothing. She just laid me down and zapped my face...or so she said. This laser was painless. She ran it over my face like an airbrush and I only felt the occasional prickle. After she was done my face felt normal as if nothing had happened. Days went by and there was no sign I had been zapped, no discolouration, no ingrown hairs, no shedding, absolutely nothing. I mentioned this during our next session and asked her to turn up the power. Same thing, nothing happened. I researched her laser and its primary use is for removing nail fungus. Hair removal was on its list of uses too but near the bottom of the list. I never went back to her after this, this laser was clearly not designed for beard removal. I have since found another place and have had one session with them so far. This laser is so much better! The pain and discomfort is quite high BUT it's worth it. Healing was easy and there was a lot of shedding too. I'll definitely stick with this place for the time being, until electrolysis is needed.
The baldness battle is also ongoing. I'm thankful that my head is still mostly covered by hair, but it's still pretty thin up top. In January I was prescribed Finesteride and have been taking that daily since. Results are uncertain, however, I believe I'm starting to see some new baby hairs growing around my widow peaks. It's quite downy, like peach fuzz, but it's growing longer than regular fuzz so I think it's looking positive. Despite this discover, I strongly believe I'll need hair transplants to get things looking properly.
Let's see, what else has happened over the past year....
Oh yeah! I've come out to a lot of people and there has only been one negative response from an old ex-girlfriend whose opinion means nothing. The love and support I've received has been tremendous. Some people are surprised, others weren't. One friend actually said he figured it out already but didn't want to ask. I've started dressing a little more than I used to and actually wear stuff around people if they come over for a visit. I haven't gone out as myself yet, still figuring out who I am. I'm getting better and more confident though, slowly, day by day.
I think this update is long enough.
