How Many Have Reached a Certain Level of Comfort then not Gone Farther?

[Lacy PJs]

That may sound like a strange question but I do like threads that have the main subject somehow contained in them.

For the past few weeks I've been debating a couple of purchases; my first wig and a pair of strappy sandals. My better half is on board with this but I'm not sure. Not sure because I'd like to think that this would pretty much satisfy my level of interest in crossdressing. I have no desire to go out in public so an extensive wardrobe isn't necessary. The wig is sort of contrary to my main interest which is simply the feel of the clothes I'm wearing. The shoes would just seem to add to the sensations. But I'm hesitant because I don't want this to be the beginning of something that grows a lot bigger than I really think I want it to be.

I'm concerned that one wig will lead to another style or color; one pair of shoes will lead to different styles, different colors. I guess I'm just afraid that I'll want more and more. And for what? As mentioned above, this won't really go any farther than pretty much where I'm at right now. The last thing I really want to do is to have closets full of shoes, wigs & other clothing that I just wear in the privacy of my own home.

This may be a strange analogy but does buying that first rare coin satisfy your interest or do you become an avid coin collector for the rest of your life?

So, how many people here have gotten to a certain, interim point on the cross dressing spectrum and are satisfied with that level? Are you comfortable with that or do you feel like once you get to point C, you really want to go to point D? Both the wig and the shoes would be new items for me (not counting two pairs of slippers) and I'm wondering if it will be an end point or the beginning of a whole new chapter. I'd appreciate your thoughts... Thanks!

Lacy PJs

[kimdl93]

For me, the first wig, the first breast forms etc, etc opened my eyes to possibilities that I had long repressed, both in how I might present myself, and, underlying that, how I felt about myself. There's no mystical power, or force. These are inanimate objects. But allowing myself to try helped release what had been contained for so much of my life. New wis, clothes and forms etc, etc followed, but those were driven by a growing appreciation of what looked good, what worked for me.

[Jenniferathome]

Lacy, I have to question he veracity of your statement. You would NOT be buying a wig if you didn't want more than just feeling the clothes.

[Isabella Ross]

Lacy...buy what you need. Life is short. To answer your question, in my experience, I did go a little crazy a few years ago...but now that the closet is sufficiently full, and I'm out of it, everything is fine...I add a purchase only every now and again these days.

[sometimes_miss]

You can't predict how far you'll go with this. I reached saturation point a few years ago when I got all the dream outfits I wanted (now I just routinely buy underwear to replace those with worn out elastic). Sure, you can always buy more, evidenced by how women fill their clothes closets with stuff they never wear, but at some point you may decide you have enough. I regularly replace my wigs because wig hair get damaged just like real hair, but there's no way to fix it, and of course it doesn't grow back. So I just look at it as it compares favorably with the costs that a real girl pays to get her hair trimmed every so often. Unless you're really trying to convince people that it's your real hair, decent synthetic wigs off of ebay cost less than $20 including shipping.

[Michaelasfun]

In my opinion, you're trying to apply logic to an emotional, tactile experience; in my case, CD'ng became like an amusement park ride which I was afraid of at first, especially when I heard my front door close and lock for the first time while I was dressed and going out, then realized how happy it made me to feel like I was expressing my true self for the first time. Similar to you, I went from having a few items that I wouldn't ever be wearing out, to a modest wardrobe replete with footwear, wigs, and makeup, sort of "fully functional", if you will. My thought is that indeed you may want more, but it will come from your heart, not your head, if it happens. If not, so be it.

[Rachelakld]

Point C is fine with me.
To get to point D, would mean giving up A, B & C (and I ain't giving up those)

[pamela7]

Hi Lacy PJ's,

The thing is that our "addictive personality" is independent of our CD, meaning that we're not only a full spectrum of CD type experiencers but also a full spectrum of collector-types too, from just basics/functionals to massive wardrobes. You have to "cut your cloth to your budget" and to your other life interests, then there's no problem.

Personally I have settled nicely into "man in a dress" lifestyle, which i accept is a tiny minority here (one or two others among thousands), and I don't feel a pull for more and more.

The big differences between male and female clothing are colour/matching combinations and numbers of layers, as well as feel/touch/fabric, so as its a wider spectrum than boring man-mode, it needs MORE, and therein lies the rub. :-)

xxx Pamela

[ReineD]

Not sure because I'd like to think that this would pretty much satisfy my level of interest in crossdressing. I have no desire to go out in public so an extensive wardrobe isn't necessary. The wig is sort of contrary to my main interest which is simply the feel of the clothes I'm wearing. The shoes would just seem to add to the sensations. But I'm hesitant because I don't want this to be the beginning of something that grows a lot bigger than I really think I want it to be.

Why do you want the wig, to look more feminine? And what will happen when and if you discover that a wig alone doesn't produce the desired effect?

The same urge that propels you to want a wig and strappy sandals, will likely propel you to want to improve your presentation until you've tried any means there is (within budget and your wife's level of tolerance or support) to attain the image that you want to see reflected back from the mirror. This may mean a better wig if the first one is inadequate, possibly breast forms, makeup, jewelry, better clothes and shoes. If you get into the jewelry you may discover that clip-on earrings are uncomfortable and if you feel you can get away with it, you may eventually want pierced ears. My SO discovered that he could go out without people treating her badly, and he took it another step further by getting laser beard removal until all the dark beard was removed (laser is not effective on gray beard).

Doing all of this is only moving forward in terms of surface presentation. It all comes off and then you can be your normal guy self. It's the path that many other CDers have taken before you and it doesn't mean that you will want to alter your body or come out to everyone as a woman. But, reaching a level of presentation that is satisfactory (where you will no longer see a man staring back at you from the mirror), seems to be fairly standard procedure .... If and only if you feel you will be able to get away with it without upsetting the things in your life that you value as a male, such as your job and marriage.

The CDers in a pickle are those whose wives have NO tolerance, so they don't feel they can even move forward with baby steps. This is when things can become dangerous.

A very wise and practiced CDer I met when I first began my involvement in this community told me years ago that most CDers take it a far as they think they can, short of transition. People are vastly different and there are many factors that influence how far you think you will be able to take this: the area in which you live, the proximity of your neighbors, your freedom in terms of time and money, whether or not you have an internal resistance to how much you feel you "should" crossdress, how supportive is your wife including support for potential future body shaves, whether you have a face and body that doesn't scream "male" even with forms, wig and makeup, the proximity of a gender support group where you can hang out with like-minded people, whether or not you will have made CD or TG friends in your real life who will show you the way and make it easier to go out, whether or not you have young children at home or family that is constantly dropping in, etc. Basically, it's all about the ease (external AND internal) with which you CAN move forward. It's about how many barriers you will feel able to knock down while still preserving the other things that are important to you.

How far you go will depend on all these factors combined.

[Lynn Marie]

I was quite happy with the "guy in a dress" thing for a number of years. I avoided mirrors and was just concentrating on the eroticism of lingerie and tight skirts, etc. Then a few years after my divorce I started experimenting with a wig and makeup. I found that even made up I was still that "guy in a dress", but when I put on my wig, everything changed. For the first time I could actually see a pleasing feminine edition of me in the mirror! I actually enjoyed seeing myself enfemme and the mirror became my friend rather than a source of shame and embarrassment. Of course that lead to more truly feminine attire that was a lot less erotic and more in good taste. And, yes, I've pretty much gone as far as I want to go with this.

[Katey888]

Lacy - short answer: it will be the beginning of a whole new chapter...

Even if this were just a hobby for all of us, there would always be new boundaries to push - but something deeper drives us and we will only satisfy that urge as individuals by experimenting and finding a balance... It's all about balance. Many folk here are fortunate in many ways - extensive wardrobes; tolerant SOs; 3,000 acre ranch with no neighbours... Others may have none of the material or practical benefits and still be driven to exhibit and express this part of themselves more and more - and only you can really determine where you stop... or at least pause...

I love the process of fully transforming - I have gone out and I will again, but I know now that I am happy being event focused and satisfied by a few of those every year and a bit of home dressing. My perspective is quite a minority here - and I see all too often here, imho, a curious encouragement to go further and deeper and a subtle pressure that being here transmits... so take care! Know your own mind and feelings...

Having said that... heels are very tactile and quite intoxicating, and wigs are much more than visual with that persistent brush on ones shoulders...

It can be a deep rabbit hole....

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Lacy,

How far will it go? As others have said quite well . . . it will depend on where you are in life (supportive SO, partially supportive, no support) and what cross dressing means to you. Some folks who water here are quite satisfied with limited presentation (e.g., clothes, lingerie, heels, wig but no make-up) while others require the whole presentation to satisfy themselves. If you gravitate to full presentation then as Reine said, you may well find yourself trying new ways to improve the image you see in the mirror (make-up, more flattering clothes, padding, breast forms and whatnot).

I think most CDers were where you are now . . . standing on the precipice of dressing wig and strappy sandals in hand, breathing deeply and wondering just how far down it really it is. The one constant in this thing we do is "never say never". A year and half ago, I never dressed and when I came out I said "I will never go out in public" . . . that is until I bought my first good wig, got a bit better at make-up and bought my first complete girl outfit . . . then I jumped over the precipice and never looked backed. I now live about 40 percent of my time as a woman. I am not saying this will happen to you as we all march to the beat of our own drum. However, the only way forward is to meet this head on and see where it goes. It is kind of like being in a boat and big wave is coming toward you, although it may seem counterintuitive the best way not to get swamped is to head directly into the wave, hit it head on and ride the crest to the top. CDing is kind of like that . . . you may suffer some pink fog (we all do) but eventually you will crest the wave at your comfort level and continue. Where you end up will be dependent on where you need to be.

Hugs

Isha

[Donnagirl]

Lacy,
I can vouch for the futility of constructing arbitrary limits... I was never going to tell any one, never going to join a forum, never buy a wig, never use make up, never post a picture, never go out in public... Get the drift!!!
Whilst limitations can be set by environmental, social or other 'external' factors, a change in situation may (will inevitably?) result in an erosion of those limitations or a complete discarding of them. Many here have found a happy plateau where some stability can be found. Ever time I think I'm there I go leaping off chasing something new, some new experience or desire...
I don't believe there is a 'end point' to this for me, only the restrictions of finances, time, employment, social acceptance and will... I've long forgotten where the brake pedal is!!!

[Lacy PJs]

Having said that... heels are very tactile and quite intoxicating, and wigs are much more than visual with that persistent brush on ones shoulders...

Katey x

When I think about it, that seems like the sensations I'm looking for. Not so much the appearance but rather the feel...

Lacy PJs

[ClosetED]

The best answer is try it - you can get things very cheap on Amazon or eBay or AliExpress. Then see how it makes YOU feel. If it makes you happy, then great. It may be enough for YOU or you may feel you want to add a bit more. It is common for those who have all restrictions lifted to get lost in the pink fog (aka go crazy), but then settle back to a level they are more comfortable. See what your SO is confortable with and her response to your emotions when trying the new stuff. It may make you so happy and nicer to be with, she will encourage you. Or it may cross her comfort line and be too much.
Hugs, Ellen

[AbigailJordan]

You never know until you try Lacy.. I was once where you are.. had never really thought about wigs and heels and makeup.. and a friends asked me one day "why not?" And I'm not usually short of an answer to any question.. but that one stumped me.. I couldn't think of a single reason why not.

So if you have your partners approval.. and the finances.. and you want a wig.. buy a wig.. you want shoes.. buy shoes.. you want more of either.. then buy more. You never know.. once you get the full look going on you might change your mind about wanting the odd discreet night out in a t-friendly environment.. you may not.. But you won't ever know if you've reached saturation point until you actually do reach it.. and the only way to reach it.. is to keep going until you feel it's enough.

[sabrinaedwards]

Crossdressing is certainly a journey. I remember first trying on stocking then progessing to other feminine attire. Then I wanted to just get dressed etc. You can see where this is going. Currently, I do not crossdress unless I go the whole way with makeup, wig, my nails done, cute shoes and nice attire. I love to go out being able to present myself as a female. I will not buy shoes for example unless I can shop for them "en femme" and try them on. You never know where this journey will take you.
Love, Sabrina

[Jaymees22]

I think sometimes I've gone as far as I care to go, then of course I go a little farther. I started by fully dressing head to toe, but that's just me. Everyone is different and you may be happy to reach a plateau and stay there. Good luck, Hugs Jaymee

[docrobbysherry]

Here's how it goes for many of us. We start out like Alice following the white rabbit. Not quite sure what we r doing or why. Then, he disappears down a rabbit hole. While staring into the dark, ominous, cavern, some of us slip down into it! And then, our journey becomes unexpected, unpredictable, and occasionally fantastic. So, be careful when staring down there, Lucy.

Altho I'm quite content to just dress at home the rest of my life, I've too many crazy dressing friends I'd miss if I did than. Gotta go! One of them's throwing a big tea party!

[Dana44]

Lacy, for me, I think that for now I'm satisfied as being a cross dresser and not going any farther. Yet I have considered other things. For now I'm okay with what I am. Tomorrow I may push things farther?