Him and Her? Flirting with the fantasy of Multiple Personality Disorder

[Collette Z]

No, I'm not schizophrenic nor do I suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder. Nor do I have a fantasy of having Multiple Personality Disorder.

However, it is true that I felt an enormous psychic 'breakthrough' recently wherein I let my female persona really jump in and take the reins. It gets a little complicated from there, I might need a little more time around here before I really describe the experience, but what I really want to know is:

Does anyone here have / has had the experience of being your female self, that regards your male self as a different person? Likewise that your male self regards your female self as a different person? To the extent that you start referring to the other side of yourself as 'him' or 'her', depending on your mode?

I know it sounds a little crazy, but it also feels right to me... for now... to play this game, for now. And I do realize that it is a game. But the benefits of insight seem worth it, and it feels somehow right. I just wonder if I'm alone in this.

[Barbara Jo]

If your only a CD, that can potentially be dangerous.

By that i mean if your female self s gets too much of the attention and your male self gets neglected.
So, one must be careful that "she" is not the only one who gets all the new clothes or, "she"is not the only one who gets to have fun.. etc
Your male self has to be happy also.

[Ceera]

Well, when in male mode I do tend to talk about Ceera as if she was another person, while in female mode I speak of Ceera as being myself.

In female mode I rarely speak of my male self at all, and never by name. Not to say that I won't admit to being a male cross dresser when I am dressed, but rather that I strongly tend to 'stay in persona' as Ceera, referring to myself as female and using my female voice.

Part of that, however, is that my 'character' as Ceera started out as an on-line roleplaying character, where I quite clearly gave everyone the impression that the person typing my responses was a genetic girl. And when I wasn't roleplaying her part, I always referred to 'her' as if she was someone else.

[Samantha2015]

I don't think I feel (mentally) that different when I'm dressed as Samantha. More obsessed with how I look than as a dude for sure.
But I do feel different when shopping online for women's clothing or shoes or jewelry.
I do get that rush of seeing a pretty dress or shoes and imagining what it will look like on me. As a man I have always hated
clothes shopping for mens clothes it always seemed like a chore to get over with asap. I guess the female part of my brain is
a shop-a-holic. Collette I highly doubt you are alone in your feelings, especially on these forums.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

There are times when talking about my female side to other people I will use third person references, but internally I have always thought of both sides as just "me".

Bridget

[Rachelakld]

Yes
I also have multiple personalities (or sub-personalities if you prefer, or a "split soul" as psychics called it during a reading).
The (sub) personalities either have full rein to "drive the bus" or we cross talk (multi-mode).

1 (sub) personalities are NOT allowed out to play - he tends to hurt people, and is very difficult to put back in the box.

[cd_dominique]

I wouldn't say Dominique and Ian are "two different people", but my wife does address me differently when I'm one vs. the other.

Since I only dress and present myself as Dominique around the house and usually with my wife, she knows that when I'm dressed, either fully or underwear under my clothes, i'm Dominique. But for us to continue to have a good marriage, i tell her immediately when i'm Dominique and when i'm me (as Ian).

[Nikkilovesdresses]

The sudden breakthrough you describe obviously brought up powerful feelings and the dust is still settling. Your femme side is a novelty; it's shiny and exciting. But it's part of a whole, not another person. Revel in it by all means, but don't consciously encourage yourself to see yourself as two people- it's disharmonious, and it could lead to conflict.

Congrats though on the breakthrough, I do understand what you're talking about.

[Marcelle]

Hi Collette,

Personally, I would not read too much into thinking of your two personas as different. Sometimes it is the mind's way of making sense of a particularly odd situation. As we all begin life socializing in our birth sex/gender if you stay on the path (no inklings of being TG/CD/TS or points in between) no big issue. However, if all of a sudden you start to deviate from your socially assigned gender (for whatever reason), it will seem odd and we may seek to insulate ourselves at first by referring to this strange aberration in the third person, something we can compartmentalize in our life. I think we have all been there. As you progress and find your way along the spectrum you will eventually come to the realization that you are one in the same and depending on where you fall on the spectrum it will vary. For example, those who are truly TS will realize that their birth sex is not who they were meant to be and will come to think of themselves as the target gender only (no he/she only he or she). Those who just like to dress up and feel feminine from time to time will quickly realize that they are just a guy who happens to like wearing women's clothing from time to time (no he/she just a he). Then there are those who are kind of caught in between . . . the gender fluid folks who feel both male and female depending on the point in time. I am such a person and while I may identify female some days and male others, I still realize that I am the same person with a differing gender presentation.

Hugs

Isha

[Claire Cook]

But it's part of a whole, not another person. Revel in it by all means, but don't consciously encourage yourself to see yourself as two people- it's disharmonious, and it could lead to conflict.

Nikki's made what for me is a big point. Embracing all of me was a big breakthrough, and when I stopped trying to differentiate my "male" side from my "female" side, much of the angst went away. Collette, I hope you can find a way to balance -- or should I say integrate -- the two.

[Kate Simmons]

It kind of used to be that way for myself until I amalgamated the different facets of myself under one aegis. I grew up thinking never the two should meet but ended up debunking that fable.

[melanie206]

Psychologists sometimes use the term cognitive dissonance and it applies to more than just gender situations. However, for us, it describes that sudden dizzy feeling you may have when you are feeling quite fem but suddenly lusting after a new welding machine so you can restore your rusty truck. It helps to take a step back and examine the origin of this unease. For me at least, it is always the fear of other peoples attitudes or assumed attitudes toward us and the need to conceal and protect our female identities. It's hard to get away from it especially for those raised with heavy dosage of christian guilt. My personal realization of gender fluidity is my salvation because I don't have to align myself with one or the other and only have to strive to be who I am.

[Freya]

I'm absolutely new at this (and a GG) so you can take what I have to say with a pinch of salt....but my husband of almost 8 years just came out last week (by accident) and since "she" finally broke out of her repressed prison she is really feeling some freedom. I realise this is also new to my husband who hasn't really allowed his female side out very much before and certainly not around others - but I can definitely tell the difference between a response from his feminine side and one from his male side. To me as an outside observer, it looks to me like there are two very different persona and yet it doesn't really feel like a personality disorder (but I'm not a doctor). It is more like one side of the personality is dominate but the other is still there. As if he split his female side off and compartmentalised her. When she is out she is very different but yet still partly the same. It may not be the same for you -- but I can see how keeping two parts of yourself separate may lead to a divergence of personality developments in both the male and female side. Needless to say it can be confusing and I find myself referring to us as a group of three... instead of just me and my spouse.

[Sarah Beth]

I am never completely one or the other. I am mixed up blend of two personalities at the same time which at times can be very confusing for me. I have found that after all these years that even in full male mode, hands dirty, face sweaty, sawdust or whatever in my hair there is still that part of me that thinks and feels feminine. I do not however believe this has anything to do with multiple personality disorder. There, to me at least, needs to be a different way of defining, if we must define it, for how we feel. I think as long as you aware of who you are all the time that you understand that there are two sides to you and one does not just take over and you don't loose touch with the whole of our being that you are not mentally ill. I'm not saying I'm not crazy, just that having a feminine side to me isn't it.

[Shelly Preston]

I don't think its a change of personality or multiple personality.

I would suggest for the most part its behaviour. To over simplify this the most obvious is walking in heels. This alters your posture especially if your new to wearing them. Carrying a bag can be another. Most men will not carry this in the crook of there elbow.

I am sure there are more subtle changes that I have not mentioned, but I know you will all be able to think of some you have seen.

[jigna]

I too have dual character.
Today for the first time I tried tucking and the experience was amazing after wearing Bra and panty.
I feel like a complete women, however I do not have that luxury to openly wear any of female dress except when I am alone with my wife.
During day time, I am a complete man and the entire character is different.
During night I am 100% female, wearing woman under garments and male cloth on top of it.

[AbigailJordan]

I often refer to Abi as a third person.. but funnily enough.. she rarely refers to me in the same way.. I think it comes down to introducing her when revealing to friends etc.. it's just easier to show a pic and say "this is Abi".. and once that's done.. she is forever a third person in conversation.