the difference between dressing feminine and being feminine

[MsVal]

Does it seem to you that a few of our friends are unaware of the difference between dressing feminine and being feminine?

I can only speak from my own experience and the experiences I have read about but I am convinced that many are best satisfied by dressing in very feminine clothes and acting feminine for a period of time. Others appear to be best satisfied by being feminine and dressing in ordinary feminine clothes all the time. Of course, there are no absolutes, but it seems to break down that way.

Me? I express a feminine demeanor with feminine expressions regardless what I am wearing. Of course, some nice shorts, a pretty blouse, and cute sandals make my day, but the way I talk, think, act, etc. remain the same, regardless how I am dressed. I don't need to dress in feminine clothing as much as I need to be feminine. There aren't separate boy or girl "modes".

Those like me can enjoy the great advantage of being true to ourselves without having to dress for the occasion.

What do you think? Am I alone in this belief?

Best wishes
MsVal

[AbigailJordan]

I have always been a little more feminine in my manners etc.. of course it comes out most strongly when I'm fully en femme with heels makeup et al.. but I also notice little quirks or mannerisms that stay with me even if I'm in full drab or just lounging around in something cute yet comfy.

[AllieSF]

I take on feminine attributes and mannerisms when dressed as a woman. Those tend to leak over to me male self sometimes. I am still me in either mode. My female mannerisms are the same whether dressed as a woman in casual or dressier clothes.

[Michaelasfun]

I'm in your camp, Val - I actually feel somewhat limited by societal constraints when in male mode, and liberated in fem mode, like I can feel more free to be me, wear more colorful things, don bracelets/necklaces, etc., kind of the same me either way, but more me when dressed...

[Jenny Elwood]

When I look like a girl I (try) act like a girl. When I look like a dude I act like a dude. For me, personally, there's nothing worse than looking like an effeminate man. That's why dressing androgynously really doesn't do it for me. I'm not gay why would I want to look like I am? But that's just me and (thankfully) the reason I've never been hit on by another dude (besides the being ugly bit of course!).

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ms Val, I have to watch myself sometimes I catch myself doing or acting in a feminine matter.

[AngelaYVR]

Those like me can enjoy the great advantage of being true to ourselves without having to dress for the occasion.

So why isn't someone who satisfies a transitory need being true to themselves? I'm never quite sure if some of the people posting in this forum have noticed that it is the crossdressing forum, the TS forum is further down the list. Nobody gets to proclaim that they have the one true faith here.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Hi Val,

I was about to start a thread based on this same theme, but with emphasis on those of us who consider ourselves gender fluid. You are correct there is a difference between dressing feminine and being feminine. Dressing feminine is all about the externals, what other people see, and can include taking on feminine mannerisms. Being feminine is about how you take in and process infomation which then affects how you react in different situations. In other words, being feminine is a state of mind.

I think It is the ability to switch between states of mind and the desire to present an appearance that is consistant with those thought processes that defines the gender fluid person. I'm not 100% on this, so if anyone wants to make a better case be my guest, but that's how I experience things.

The hard thing is understanding what feminine thinking is all about. All humans are capable of the same types of thinking and feeling, it's just that we tend to ascribe certain traits to men and others to women. It might prove to be in intersting discussion as to what constututes the feminine state of mind and how it is different from the male mind. Any takers?

Bridget

[CynthiaD]

My feminine clothes are mostly every-day ware, because I expect to wear an outfit all day and wear it everywhere I go. When I wear male clothing, it's with the specific objective of pretending to be male at some specific place. So I act male when dressed in male clothing. Except when I'm sure no one can see me.

[Katey888]

Hi MsVal,

I think in this case we have to apply the: "To each, their own" rule...

If I'm dressed I do actively try to be feminine, but I find it's genuinely easier to do so because I know how I'm looking (if I've been paying attention..) and I know that there are certain guy traits that need to be corrected... I think that's more because I don't want the illusion to be spoiled than anything about my self-expression.

If I'm not crossdressed I do find that I have some gestures that are feminine-leaning, but I don't actively try to be 'more guy' (wouldn't know how) or to suppress a natural expression.

I have met quite a few girls now at events and there have been one or two who present very nicely when static, but have exhibited a gait redolent of John Wayne when making their way to the bar or the powder room - I personally would work on that, but I also have to respect that's just me, and other folk have all sorts of motivations for doing this thing beyond just gender expression.

I definitively dance femininely whether guy or girl mode - a fact that has often amused my unknowing wife.

There are no absolutes, as you rightly say, but a preponderance of individuals...

Katey x

[CarlaWestin]

....................... but I am convinced that many are best satisfied by dressing in very feminine clothes and acting feminine for a period of time.

Yeah. That's me. The period of time varies. I do tend to dress every chance I get. And I might be dressed feminine or uber fem and not fully enact female mannerisms. It's just sort of a choice.

And I certainly don't mind being male. Hey, you gotta problem with that?

[kimdl93]

Of course. Clothes are just that. Being...well, that's something intrinsic to ones personality. Being is not a role, but rather a truthful and unaffected expression of ones identity.

[Samantha2015]

I have no misgivings about my crossdressing. I will never be or feel fully feminine, it's just not in my head that way.
95+% of the time I'm dressed & feel male. It's just easier, I've had 40+ years to perfect being a drab schlub.
Samantha is a fantasy, an illusion but I enjoy being her for that little bit of time. I also know I could never
present female even 20% of the time. It's just too much work. I've said before I'm not really into presenting female & drab,
I want to her to look as good as she can. Male vanity ?? I'll leave it at that, my head hurts already.

[Jenniferathome]

So why isn't someone who satisfies a transitory need being true to themselves? ....

Angela beat me to the same response. But I find it ironic that dudes are writing about being feminine. Cross dressers are actors. I can't even imagine that one becomes feminine with SRS. I think one needs to live it, for a long period of time, or maybe the equivalent is the time it takes to forget being masculine.

[Sandie70]

When I study women as I'm out shopping, etc., I see an incredible range of femininity - each woman slightly different from the other. So, I've come to the conclusion that even with GGs there is no defining standard... they are each unique and stand alone as a woman - some beautiful beyond measure and others looking and acting like a lumberjack, but each truly feminine in their own way.

Therefore, when I dress, I like to think I am being true to the feminine nature that is me - the idea stuck in my mind of what I would act and talk like if I should magically transform into a real woman. When I dress, I become more than a mannequin merely aping an imagined image of what it means to be feminine - no, I become feminine as I define being a woman... my own, individuality creating someone new, exciting and very much a woman - even if I don't get all the mannerisms right.

[ChristinaK]

It's very difficult for me to stay in role as I have manly mannerisms, walk, etc. Even dressed at home I can't keep it up very long. Wish I could as I do like feeling feminine so much. Still haven't figured out why, but maybe I don't need to.

[Marcelle]

Hi MsVal,

Interesting post. That is the beauty and wonder of TG spectrum in that we all land somewhere which makes us comfortable and able to face the day. For some it is simply wearing a particular piece of clothing under male clothing, for others it is dressing to the nines make-up and all and simply watching TV, for others it is going out fully dressed and for others it can be a state of mind. However, the concept of feminine/masculine still escapes me even though I know when I feel female vice male and vice versa. When I try to break it down in my mind to explain it to others, it usually comes to specific traits, walk, talk, gestures which can all be learned. I asked my wife what it means to her to be feminine and she could not provide response beyond the same things I thought of.

As others have said this concept of femininity can vary in the GG world as well. The other day I was training and a woman came in looking very fit wearing workout clothes. She was definitely "GG" but when she came out of the change room in her work out shorts and crop top . . . well, let's just say there were a lot of men who felt less than manly that day in they gym. I have always been self conscious about my arms but hers made mine and several others look downright puny and she had more body art than most men I know (think full sleeve tats plus). I spotted for her a few times and we struck up a conversation, her likes vary from stereotypical female pursuits to stereotypical male pursuits. She is married and has two children. She walks like a guy due to her body shape and swears like a trucker but her voice is as soft and sweet. All this to say, I truly believe beyond the concept of stereotypical traits, feminine/masculine are societal constructs only.

Hugs

Isha

[Claire Cook]

Hi MsVal,

Really interesting thread. My first reaction is that I'm not sure it's the femininity, but the softer, gentler side that I now embrace -- no matter what I am wearing -- that is making me a better and happier person. So maybe for me it is less the outward expressions of being feminine but the putting together of my inner gender blending that is important. But yes, when in Rome I suppose I do as the Romans do -- use more male mannerisms when in male gear, and the more feminine gestures come naturally when I'm dressed comfy. Perhaps some of these spill out when en drab?

[Zylia]

Some here obviously live on a higher plane of existence where intrinsic femininity is something absolute, as to be understood by natal men who spent most of their lives living as men. Does it seem to you that a few of our friends are unaware of the difference between being 'feminine', and feeling good or euphoric because you do something that you like? And what of the notion that everything should either be in the male 'bucket' or female bucket?

The thing that makes me a crossdresser/genderfluid/whatever is the fact that I'm 'myself' regardless of my gender presentation. For me, it is not important if I'm in the male bucket or the female one in terms of identity.

[SonjaThompson]

I would say that I fit into the the first example you have given MsVal. I enjoy dressing and being feminine for short periods a couple of times a month, and eventually I do tire of it and enjoy transforming back into male mode. I am not sure in all honesty why this is the case, but it is simply what I experience. I am very happy being a guy, and my transvestism is something that I enjoy almost as a hobby. A hobby with a strong compulsion, but a hobby nonetheless.

Sonja

[Tina_gm]

I am a naturally feminine person. I have many feminine traits/mannerisms. As a male, I have learned how to mostly hide or suppress these in public. occasionally something will slip out, and I have even been told about certain things. I am not without masculine traits/mannerisms either. I do not try to suppress these either, however the more I accept myself, the less I feel a need to boost those, while suppressing the feminine attributes of myself. There will always likely be some suppression while in public or with friends and family over, but I am finding that I am no longer as crazy worried about it all. I am also finding as I further accept myself, that it is harder to keep the feminine traits/mannerisms suppressed.

[justmetoo]

I'm not sure I even know what being or feeling feminine is. I'm not sure I know what being or feeling masculine is either. I only know what being or feeling like myself is, but I'm not sure I could put even that into words.