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Thread: a episodic low point

  1. #1
    Junior Member Melissa_Rose's Avatar
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    Jul 2013
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    Louisiana
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    a episodic low point

    In general, I try to remain positive about life and understand progress and transition is slow. I have periods where I see progress and changes in my body that I like.. And then.... there are days like today where all I see in the mirror is my former guy self. On those days I tend to have the thought of "what's the point of this". And the occasional "am I sure??"


    I have a very specific mental image of what I want to look like. I am hoping and believe once my body aligns with that image I will finally feel at ease and at peace with myself. But where I am in this process, there are days I don't see what I am wanting. I only see the guy I used to be.
    Does this ever get better?
    I don't like these days and I don't know what triggers them..
    I have changed a lot.. especially over the past year.. I should be glowing with happiness..
    In my head I am a size 6.. in the mirror I see a size 14
    One day I hope mind and mirror match

  2. #2
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    May 2013
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    Canada
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    I get these occasional or more than occasional "WTF am I doing?" moments. I think it's quite normal. Also, when I look in the mirror, I see a guy looking back. I know most people who see me don't see that, but I'm just resigned to seeing that for quite a while longer.

    Just say to yourself: Overall, am I happier? And if the answer is yes, then you're on the right track regardless of who you see looking back at you in the mirror.

  3. #3
    Driver karenpayneoregon's Avatar
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    Apr 2015
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    Keizer Oregon, USA
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    192
    Personally what helped me was a friend took pictures of us together over the past two years and looking back invokes memories of those times when I did not think my physical appearance was good enough but at the same time did not discourage me from forging ahead. If I now look back and compare a picture from just a year ago with one from today it's very noticeable. Then I look back at pictures from my early thirties and they collide. What I mean by collide is that the earlier pictures I look fantastic but as I got older I lost that and then after hormone treatment I got it back so it was a bit of a rollercoaster. Wish I could share a picture from four years ago but it's in a setting that is prohibited here. I just looked at it and still amazed at the changes.

    So from this all I can say is let time and hormones do there thing and see where it leads for you, always looking at the bright side of how your transition will go.
    “When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be.” ― Julia Glass

  4. #4
    Gold Member
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    Dec 2008
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    6,896
    I am going to add a layer to this. I have done the same bouncing over the last 8 months with the greater acceptance starting in late March. Some of the reasons that I can identify are settling in to being me, gradual effects of hormones, and increasing my skill in presentation. The last one had me thinking. I am being me and any presentation should bring my own acceptance. But as I got more comfortable with myself, I started trying styles; clothing, make-up, and hair; that I hadn't tried before. I drilled deeper into who I perceived myself to be. And as I started seeing what I wanted, I started getting the smile now and then looking into the mirror.

    Now it still fluctuates. Some days I get that smile and some days I get the frustration. Welcome to being a woman! At least for me, that is what it is. I know a lot of women who who throw down make-up brushes and slam curling irons because it isn't just right and eventually say "whatever, I am done" and tear out the door. And I think there is always going to be a layer of that for me. Again, your mileage may vary, but the advancement of accepting in the beginning is very common after transition and I believe this continued "I look good today and don't tomorrow" is common also, for all women.

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