Yep, I got asked out on a date

[DonnaT]

Can't see but one problem with it. What to do if he asks you on another date.

So, if you go, make sure he knows it's a one time deal.

[Krisi]

My experience is that if a man is willing to pay for a date, his intentions are to put something of his inside something of hers. He may deny it but that's what is driving him. That doesn't mean it has to happen but that's his goal. Be very careful unless you're OK with this.

[Lorileah]

If you like him and you have things in common and you have ground rules...why not?

[Vickie_CDTV]

Your wife is really ok with it? That sounds a bit odd, and as others said I'd suspect she might be testing you. And really, if you are not interested in men, why go there? I am sure there are other trans he can find to date who like men.

I'd take your wife out on a date instead.

[aussie cd]

donna , I don't know your wife so its hard to tell
my wife no problem with the dressing and have been out with her ...tells me if I want to go on a date....she would have no problem...but I know if the crunch came I'd be labelled and it used against me...so I leave it be and tell her I was just testing her when I asked what would she do
that said it would be sort of a little exciting imo , with of course set out boundaries!

[Katey888]

Wifeofdonna: You are a gem!

Unlike many here I'm sure you understand that this wouldn't be a 'date' for Donna... this would just be something completely social - as to the suggestion Donna goes in drab, that rather misses the point of the social dynamic between an admirer guy and a t-girl... which brings me to this...

I just had to come back and add a perspective on this as I believe it touches on sexuality and social acceptance - I'm as straight as any other straight guy here (and before I hear a uh-huh, yeah... I personally doubt that anyone who throws on a dress whenever can be considered totally kink-free, but I digress.. ) but I would love the opportunity to engage an admirer in real conversation - I would really like to understand what goes on in there heads, as to why a straight guy, presenting as a presentable female, might be of any interest to another guy... I'd just love to have that chat. And if it could be done in a completely civil way, with pleasant surroundings, a modicum of flirting and good food and wine... and he's paying (and ALL he's getting is conversation! ) - then - in Donna's situation (partially out, approving spouse) why not?



Katey x

[Donnagirl]

Again thanks all for your commentary. I really do appreciate the spectrum of opinion...

Katey, you got it.... That darling of a wife knows me, has been through all the trials and tribulations and trusts me, implicitly. She knows it's a learning curve moment, an experience, a step through an avenue of life that must be trod once... (Anyone who equates lack of literacy with my deaf wife with lack of intelligence or cognisance sorely misjudges her).

Suffice to say I will not be going on this 'date', nor any other in the foreseeable future... It's not my poor wife's request but more that of the girls I work with who, I think, look back on their dating history and regret the false hope sown a amongst so many. Even friends in the CD/TG community have intimated such an action may impact on friendships formed over many years. Whereas I have a want, they have needs and values and their friendship is, to me far more necessary, wanted and desired.

There are many situations I have to compensate... I have booked two CD formal balls over the next few months, one I'm going to with friends (Victoria) and one my where lovely wife is accompanying me as my date (NSW)... In both I will meet many friends formerly only Facebook or other social media friends...

I have an enviable life, I admit it, but there is, occasionally, a bridge too far for any, or all of us.. This is one of those... Thanks XXXXXX for your offer.

Donna xx xx xx xx

P.S.

I know I've upset a few here, apparently suffering no negatives, none of the difficult times suffered by so many, everything working out for me... A life of rainbows, lollipops, unicorns and sunshine... But... I'm not lucky... I'm not special... I have worked on my successes, not been off put by failures and worked to, and focused on reasonable and achievable goals. This acquiescence is but a small example of a sacrifice for the greater good.

[Tina_gm]

Donna, congratulations on what I feel was the right decision to make in regards to not going on the date. While you would not be doing anything wrong morally, as your wife had agreed it was ok, consenting to it the whole way, sometimes being a good partner goes beyond just what is technically ok.

While I am sure the intrigue of having affirmation to your female identity must be strong, there are other ways in which to get affirmation. What is most concerning in a situation like this would be the man who has been persistent in asking you, all the while knowing your situation, and that you are married and plan on staying faithful to your wife, yet still he has persisted.

In a case like that, this man has motives that are anything but honorable. Admirers may be ok to be with for someone who is single, but for those of us who are in committed relationships and or married, the persistence will likely lead to a very bad outcome. If it was a one time ask, you explained your situation and then he said ah ok, that is one thing. But, why someone persists as he has means something entirely different.

He will almost certainly see it as a challenge. Even though he may play it cool on the 1st date, he will only further persist for continued meetings. He will likely become very persistent that it move further than casual meetings. He will likely become a serious intrusion into your life with your spouse. It will almost certainly end up testing your marriage in ways it never needs to be tested. Congratulations again for putting your marriage 1st in what is likely a very tempting or at least intriguing situation.

[flatlander_48]

Dg:

I had nothing against the possibility of this encounter, and I would think that it had the potential to be very interesting and enlightening. BUT, there are many ways to go wrong and for someone to get the wrong impression. Regardless of how benign the situation is, if anything goes the slightest bit pear-shaped, it would not look good at all. Perception is everything...

DeeAnn

[Debb]

And this from the girl who has happily leapt from perfectly serviceable planes and wouldn't have thought twice about jumping into a bar room scrap with the neighbourhood sheep wranglers (or whatever they're called... they can't be cowboys but I'm guessing not sheepboys either, and shepherd just sounds too dainty... )

And one little meal and a few friendly drinks is getting you all het up... goodness... :

The wife approves; you've told him straight your situation so there's no leading anyone on... If you can have drinks and dinner with other CDs, why not with a guy who actually dresses like one?

In the words of a great British philosopher: "He who dares, wins Rodney...!"

Katey x

Just an aside ... the standard retort to "perfectly serviceable plane" is "no plane is perfect".

[Pat]

Just an aside ... the standard retort to "perfectly serviceable plane" is "no plane is perfect".

Many more planes crash on landing than on take-off or level flight. So I think the only reasonable strategy is to ride it up and then jump out.

[Badwolf]

I know a few men that can be honorable in those situations but they are few and far between. Most wouldn't badger a girl into date without some sort of hope though. But I still agree, the bigger argument is the effect on other people, including false hope for a guy if he's really hoping for something. Friends and family sometimes accept things in theory, but have other issues in practice.

You made the right, responsible, adult choice.

[Donnagirl]

Many more planes crash on landing than on take-off or level flight. So I think the only reasonable strategy is to ride it up and then jump out.

There's a military aircraft here, the De Havilland DHC-4 Caribou which I've taken off in many times but never yet landed in!!!