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Thread: Crossdressing in public but purposely not passing? (No wig, maybe no makeup?)

  1. #1
    Josy Rose
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    Crossdressing in public but purposely not passing? (No wig, maybe no makeup?)

    I'm going out to lunch with one of my friends who knows I crossdress. (She doesn't care what people wear haha.) I don't have a wig that looks real and we will be in broad daylight. Should I just wear whatever clothes I want (cute summer dress and jean jacket), light amount of makeup, and not care what random people think? Or since I am not actually trying to pass, just skip the makeup completely to see how that goes? Should I dress more on the androgynous side for now since I'm still new to going out in public, and go slowly?

  2. #2
    Banned Read only
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    I think you should do what makes you feel comfortable. I do admire a cd who isn't scared to wear feminine clothes while not trying to pass as a woman. I think that takes great courage and is akin to facing the world head-on, knowing full well that you will be seen as a man in women's clothes.

    You may find that throughout the time that you are out, your confidence will feel like a rollercoaster. For this reason, I think taking along a change of clothes with you will help should it become too much to bear. It's happened to me in the past - I've gone out without wearing make-up or wig, so was obviously seen as a "man in a dress". At certain points I felt fine. At other points I felt incredibly vulnerable. And of course, when out in public, you just never know what is round the corner.

  3. #3
    Member jigna's Avatar
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    This is beyond my imagination to go out in public. wearrin woman cloths.

  4. #4
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I agree with jenni, a change of clothes as a back up would be a good idea.
    I still tend to use a dab or two of foundation and a discrete lip colour
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  5. #5
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Good advice from Jenni I think... a backup plan is always a good idea.

    Depends a lot what type of place you're going - I would have thought an androgynous look would be accepted most cosmopolitan places today, so perhaps that would be a less attention-grabbing tactic... but it depends on the effect you're prepared to have too...

    Whatever you choose, I think you have to be prepared to not care what random people think...

    Decisions, decisions...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  6. #6
    Deanna DW's Avatar
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    Really depends on the venue. If you are going to someplace that is accepting of CD's, then dress The way you want, they won't care.

  7. #7
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Do you care what other people think of you? Your parents, your wife, your children? Your co-workers and boss? Potential employers?

    If not, the "dude in a dress" look is fine. If you care, you are outing yourself to the world and once you do that you will not be able to take it back.

    Personally, I would not do it, I would be all woman or all man and if all woman, I would do it in such a way and such a place where I would not be recognized as my male self.

  8. #8
    Member Secret Drawer's Avatar
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    It seems that if you identify with yourself as a gender fluid person or are truly not out for negative attention then it shouldn't matter much. Once you reach that moment in your life that you accept yourself over what others think, and are not intentionally trying to upset the applecart, then it is all good. There are a few members here that don't typically do the whole hog thing and are generally labelled as "men in skirts," but from a genderfluid perspective this is not necessarily true outside of appearance.
    Also, you will NEVER please everyone, so random people are just random, and most won't care. Just be safe!

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member jjjjohanne's Avatar
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    If you dress like a responsible woman your age would dress, and do not try to be sexy, etc. People will look and leave you alone, in my experience. If your friend does not pass, then I anticipate that people will assume that you are in a relationship with your friend. If you have never gone out as a man in a dress, it might be a bit of a stressful choice to go to a sit-down restaurant while dressed pretty. However, when I have gone to a restaurant, people see you come in if they look away from what they are doing. Then, you disappear. Your clothes will be below the table for the most part and only a few nearby tables will be able to see you. In the end, most of my experiences like this have been non-events.

  10. #10
    Gold Member DonnaT's Avatar
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    Do as you wish, but you might ask your friend about her comfort level with how you intend to dress.

    Additionally, if presenting as a man in a dress, just remember, if it becomes necessary, you'll need to men's restroom.
    DonnaT

  11. #11
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    It depends on you. I tried the androgynous...I felt incongruous until I could present fully as a woman...regardless of how anyone else might have seen me. But it could be different for you.

    Here's a thought, though. Why not ask her to accompany you to a local wig shop, pick something together that works for you, then head to the nearest MAC or similar for a makeover. That way, you experience being public both ways.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 06-22-2015 at 05:07 PM.
    The years to come seemed waste of breath,
    A waste of breath the years behind

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member MelanieAnne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    Do you care what other people think of you? Your parents, your wife, your children? Your co-workers and boss? Potential employers?

    If not, the "dude in a dress" look is fine. If you care, you are outing yourself to the world and once you do that you will not be able to take it back.

    Personally, I would not do it, I would be all woman or all man and if all woman, I would do it in such a way and such a place where I would not be recognized as my male self.
    Best answer! Took the words right outta my mouth.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member
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    I couldn't do that. Although, in the past I've seen a fair number of CDers partially dress in public - and they certainly got the stares. For me, I am more into wanting to look and act as much as possible like a woman when in public, even if I can't pass completely. The ultimate challenge for me is to blend in and be accepted as much as possible as a female - not to actively challenge those around me to accept a partial presentation of such.

    Certainly, I support your decision to partially dress and I believe your decision is a brave one, but at the same time I can understand the confusion on the part of strangers around you who might be perplexed by your choice. I know that is their problem and not yours, but as the public is slowly starting to accept crossdressers and transgendered women, I personally wouldn't want to confuse the waters for those who are just beginning to accept us.

  14. #14
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    if you are comfortable doing it then by all means do it. I do this but I always make sure that anyone i am with is comfotable with me. It is your life and only you can answer if it is right but i see nothing wrong with a man wearing a dress and not trying to look like a woman.

  15. #15
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    No one here can predict how you're going to feel out dressed. Whether its in a complete formal gown and outfit, t shirt and jeans, or a man wearing nothing but a sundress .

    Go out wearing what u think will make u the most comfortable. Here's your back up plan:
    If u, your friend, or the folkxs around u stress u out? Go home. Think about what you'll do next time that u didn't do this time. Then, if that doesn't work either, try something else.

    If u never get comfortable going out dressed you're a closet dresser. Don't fret. Most of us r.

    But I get the feeling from your post you'll get comfortable out there in no time!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  16. #16
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Before I finally transitioned, I spent my life trying to find a comfortable middle ground. Just before going full time, I had a cute pixie haircut. I wore earrings,light makeup, and women's pants or jeans, ballet flats, and a peasant top. I carried a purse. It was andro bordering on full out cross dressing. I got a few looks, but most people didn't notice.
    I would never have worn a dress tho'. Some things are just too much to be called andro. High heels, red lipstick, pearls.
    Do what makes you comfortable, but beware, a guy in a dress really sticks out.

  17. #17
    Multi-Blogger Barbara Black's Avatar
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    I agree with Jenni also. I think she is right about choosing your attitude, as well as having a backup plan in case that changes due to circumstances.

  18. #18
    Junior Member Robinadress's Avatar
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    This is the way I always go out in public. I don’t go out with friends in public places, but it has happened. Last spring I agreed to meet up with a friend and his wife. I have been with them as a girl earlier, but that was in the period I wore a wig and makeup. I had recently told them that I had gone out just in a skirt or a dress for a period because then I could still be me, but wearing the clothes I like. They are both accepting. We agreed to meet up in a public café. I wore a black skirt just below my knees, high heels and a blouse. I was very nervous because I hadn’t been out with them in this mode before, and it was also at a public café.

    As usual I was sitting in my car thinking if this was a good idea. I think about what is the worst that could happen, and how great it will be to just walk out. Then finally I just went out and walked to the café. We had a great time, and the nervousness disappeared after a short period. There were absolutely no reactions from the other people there.

    You can go like that if you are ready for it. I would recommend you to practice going in public before you do it in a restaurant with your friend. Maybe it is a good idea to bring extra clothes incase you want to change. If you go I doubt you will change. The most important is that you need to be prepared that you can meet someone else you know. I take that risk, and it has gone well for me(almost every time), but that is just luck.

  19. #19
    Careful I bite <3
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    Depending on your age, area, and family you could end up with a lot of different experiences with this.

    I've always done a certain level of "blending", but normally with some form of "underdressing" type of idea. Where people wouldn't obviously figure it out. For me when I go en femme I do it all the way. I live in Florida which is this weird blend of relatively accepting liberalism, with super conservative areas.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandie70 View Post
    I couldn't do that. Although, in the past I've seen a fair number of CDers partially dress in public - and they certainly got the stares. For me, I am more into wanting to look and act as much as possible like a woman when in public, even if I can't pass completely. The ultimate challenge for me is to blend in and be accepted as much as possible as a female - not to actively challenge those around me to accept a partial presentation of such.

    Certainly, I support your decision to partially dress and I believe your decision is a brave one, but at the same time I can understand the confusion on the part of strangers around you who might be perplexed by your choice. I know that is their problem and not yours, but as the public is slowly starting to accept crossdressers and transgendered women, I personally wouldn't want to confuse the waters for those who are just beginning to accept us.
    I agree with Sandie. When I go out, it's full femme. I wouldn't be comfortable at all half way. But that's just me.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  21. #21
    New Member Ellaxo's Avatar
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    It really depends on the area. I was at Santa Monica a few months back, and I seen a CD with their SO walking without trying to pass. No makeup, hair in messy bun that was barely noticeable, tank exposing the belly, and short jean shorts. The clothing obviously came from the female racks. You could feel/see his no ****'s given attitude, and honestly I admired it. I also noticed that the people in front of me/around didn't give a second glance or give any negative stares/etc...

  22. #22
    always lurking geek's Avatar
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    So, Josy Rose, how did it go? Did you wear your sundress and jean jacket or decide on something else?
    Most any thing I post is from my phone, this is why my answers are short and also why I don't post all to often.

  23. #23
    CD from ME
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    Not passing

    Quote Originally Posted by Josy Rose View Post
    I'm going out to lunch with one of my friends who knows I crossdress. (She doesn't care what people wear haha.) I don't have a wig that looks real and we will be in broad daylight. Should I just wear whatever clothes I want (cute summer dress and jean jacket), light amount of makeup, and not care what random people think? Or since I am not actually trying to pass, just skip the makeup completely to see how that goes? Should I dress more on the androgynous side for now since I'm still new to going out in public, and go slowly?
    I say "whatever floats your boat". I was in Togus (near Augusta, Maine) at the VA (military hospital/clinic) and saw a guy with long hair and a beard walk by me with a denim mini skirt on. I kept on walking but inside said to myself ( because my adopted son and SO was with me) "GOOD FOR YOU,
    be proud and walk proud". And that is my advice to you. If you are not afraid of being seen in public and are not afraid of all the repercussions of
    work and home life then I say GO FOR IT! Do what makes YOU happy not everyone else. I would advise you to expect the unexpected if you know what I am saying. or maybe or perhaps Good luck!

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