My wife told me last night that she is having a hard time dealing with this and would like to talk to another transgender female's wife to see how they cope and deal with it. Any takers?
My wife told me last night that she is having a hard time dealing with this and would like to talk to another transgender female's wife to see how they cope and deal with it. Any takers?
"Be who you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise"
"If you're not transgender, you don't understand, so STFU"
Perhaps a good start would be for her to join the F.A.B. forum here, if she's open to the idea. I know it helped my s/o.
April, i thought about that, but sometimes, I come here to vent about things and don't want her finding out i'm on here. . lol
"Be who you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise"
"If you're not transgender, you don't understand, so STFU"
Ideally, anything you would share here would be something you would share with her, but I understand it isn't always easy. Like you, she may need another outlet to discuss the situation with someone other than you, if only for a different, objective perspective. You may consider going together to see a therapist that specializes in transgendered issues, if only to open up the line of communication between yourselves.Originally Posted by mackenziem
Last edited by aprilgirl; 06-29-2015 at 02:17 PM.
April is right, having her join here and talk to people in the F.A.B room on in the Loved Ones room would be good.
I understand what you are saying about her also being able to see everything else you write, but as April also suggest, those things should be stuff you could talk to her about directly anyway!
Not easy for sure, but the GG's who come here would just be such a great source of help and advise for her!
Btw, her expressing a desire to talk to someone is quite normal. One of the worst feeling to deal with in all this, is that of being alone. She has most likely realized that she cannot share this with anyone in her normal social circle, not without potentially dire consequences at least. She likely feel completely alone with this. She needs someone to confide in!
Hugs
Suzie
Therapy could also be just for her, and not include you, so she could have a completely safe place to open up and explore. If you go this route, you should definitely make sure that the therapist is trans-friendly but doesn't have an agenda one way or the other.
Suzie, that's what she's feeling. Now, back in May, I did leave her for another woman for 3 weeks, but realized that I still love her, so i went back to her. Right now, the trust is not there, then I drop this bombshell 2 weeks after i came back home, and she is constantly thinking I dont love her anymore, that i'm gonna leave her again, etc. I told her that i'm a transgender female who wants to be with a female. I choose her! She doesn't want to be with a female though. That's what's gonna be the killer of our marriage. I'm not gonna force her to be with me. I do know she loves me, as i love her too, but i'm not sure what to do. She is a public school teacher and knows alot of people here, especially band/choir directors (that's what she does), and doesn't want me going out in public on an account I would run into someone she knows, which would get back at her job, then god knows what would happen.
"Be who you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise"
"If you're not transgender, you don't understand, so STFU"
Timing is everything, Mackenzie. I don't know what else to say, given the incredibly recent circumstances, but I hope you can work things out.
If she doesn't know your femme name she might not find out who you are on this forum. What stands out to me though is what you find so LOL about venting. Doesn't compute for me.
Ineke
Hi Mackenzie,
The other option is to find a local TG support groups and perhaps find other couples who share this journey and that way she might find someone to talk to. The key thing to remember is to allow her the opportunity to question and learn as that is the only way forward.
Hugs
Isha
In my opinion, the trust issues will take a long time to heal. Maybe seeing a therapist together would help. Good luck.
You better start venting in a PM,,lol If I were you I would tell her about this place asap,, My SO is here and was very reluctant to join and still does not come often because she fears confrontation from other TS girls and does not want to say or do the wrong thing.
I told her that it's cool and just say what you want if they don't like it they have mod
s that will put you in check,lol
But still she is afraid, When she first got on the boards she freaked out at all the CD stuff, An I told her that me being TS most don't apply to us and read all and believe very little,,,lol
But meeting the Real Deal Trans chic sure helps alot,, That's for sure, When I say the real deal I mean someone that lives it day to day,, Like we both met Badtranny and she was amazed at how Normal she was.
So put it off if you want to the only thing your doing is digging a deeper hole, She thinks your hiding on here,, My SO thought this was a dating site,,lol So there you never know what they THINK !!!!
Hi MackenzieNicole,
You want your wife to get a balanced picture about whatever is it she wants to know.
This forum may be biased in a way that it attracts a certain type of people, especially people who are having problems in real life.
There are probably heaps of people like us who are happily married out there because they have somehow managed to resolve of their conflicts without resorting to the forum.
I'm not saying there is nothing to learn from the forum, but I just want you to bear in mind that this may not be the best place to look for a balanced picture.
It is worth a shot with PMs, and personal emails.
Love,
S
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me" - Ayn Rand
You told your wife that "I told her that "i'm a transgender female" and she is having a hard time dealing with this?
Think about what you told her. She married a man and now she is being told that her "man" is now a female. That's a pretty serious shock to her world. She probably didn't dream of this when she was growing up, her plans were to marry a man and live happily ever after, not to marry a man who turned into a woman, thus making her an instant lesbian.
If you really believe you are a woman inside, you should probably set her free to find her dream man. If you are just a straight crossdresser, you should adjust the terms you use to describe yourself. Some women can live with and accept being married to a crossdresser. Very few will live and accept being married to a man turned woman.
im having a hard time with this, just from the short time you have been here iv read your intro 6-24 you revealed that you told her you want to be a women, you shaved your hair, pierced your ears, tried to book a marathon therapy session.....you are on a pink fog freight train barreling full speed ahead with no apparent care for what feelings she has except that she is not on-board with your wishes, not one sentence about communicating with her....seems fairly selfish.....slow down and talk to this women you shared your life with and communicate...who, what, where, when, and why things are going, talking to another GG here wont do that for you, and letting her find another place to learn about yourselves may work the opposite way, marathon not a sprint was my advise in the intro....im sure the euphoria of being among like minded here and reading all the positive stories has you feeling good... and it should, but some folks here on all different ends of the spectrum have a hard time dealing with this part of themselves....takes years for some to cope, this is still a shock to her, much harder for her to comprehend and deal with in such a short timeframe....work on including her and i think it will go smoother.....otherwise she may feel left behind and regret things....which you may regret...
sorry to be so honest with my opinion but since coming here and regretting being so with myself i do try to be without being negative.
so i think you need to slow down, include her in whichever direction you are heading.
Last edited by mykell; 06-30-2015 at 07:22 AM. Reason: added five W's
....Mykell
i dressed like a girl and i liked it!crossdressing...theirs an app for that
Hi Mackenzie, How did your wife handle you getting your ears pierced ??
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~...
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
mikell gives good advice above. Take it to heart.
Yes, read Mikell's post and read it again. You need to educate yourself, talk to a professional and stop having daydreams about HRT.
Try to use this website as much as you can, as much as I have seen everyone here seems to be really supportive and understanding. I have not been here long and I have not been CD'ing much but my SO accepted it because we both have a liking to it. So maybe try and change things up a little? Like if you are the dominant in the relationship maybe she can be the dominant when you are CD'ing around her or maybe she can do your makeup for you? The little things could make a big difference - Tia x
Well said Mikell!! Hope you read that a few times MackenzieNicole!
- Suzie
Not well, but she's ok nowHi Mackenzie, How did your wife handle you getting your ears pierced ??
"Be who you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise"
"If you're not transgender, you don't understand, so STFU"
This is going to sound selfish, but my feelings aren't changing, because I know 100% without a doubt that I am a woman trapped in a mans body. Yes, I realized that there is a high risk of losing her over this. I know this. But i am finally happy with who I am and I know all the changes don't happen over night and maybe it is a good idea to have more than one therapy session. . I don't know, but driving 3 hours to a therapy session twice a week for however long, is something I can't do due to my job. I am not ready to explain things to come out as transgender to my co-workers. I can probably get away with 2 full days total, but anything past that and they will question me about it.
"Be who you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise"
"If you're not transgender, you don't understand, so STFU"
Be careful. Perhaps start out with a female therapist. Because once you've started contact with other wives of CDers, you're going to expose her to every possible opinion out there, and at least one of those is going to be a wife who's husband wound up being TS and then transitioned. Which will fuel your wife's worst fears. Been there, been through it. Didn't work out well for me. We wound up getting divorced mainly because my ex wife's participation in CD'er's SO support groups convinced her that I was TS and would definitely transition. Nothing I could tell her would convince her otherwise. She even suggested that I move to San Francisco so that I could be with other people like me.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I honestly think my SO is coming around. I was given a padded bra and a new dress today and makes me look like I have boobs (pics are in the other forum). I told her that It feels great except that I don't have boobs. I told her I wanted to start HRT. She is highly against that, BUT compromised with me and said that I could have fake ones if i wanted them. (Better than nothing, I guess). Slow and steady hopefully will win this face for me.
"Be who you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise"
"If you're not transgender, you don't understand, so STFU"
Mackenzie, there are some trans support organizations in Arkansas. Check out this site, http://www.artranscoalition.org/, and if you don't find a counselor and support group, let me know via PM and I'll see if I can dig through my notes and find some of ones I know about. One of my friends in Tulsa helped establish a group in Arkansas recently. There are other trans women on this site who are also from Arkansas.
If you are in the western-most part of Arkansas, you might also find it worthwhile to visit the Oklahomans for Equality Center, which has a fantastic transgender support group. www.okeq.org
Please reach out if I can be of any help to you.
Last edited by PaulaQ; 06-30-2015 at 05:19 PM.
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