This thread is now getting good........carry on.......
This thread is now getting good........carry on.......
You are equally wrong Valery. While greatly misunderstood, I have not yet encountered even one person who expressed any hatred of me. Nor have I felt remotely unwanted in someone's presence. IF people felt that way, they certainly kept it to themselves.Originally Posted by Valery L
I don't see how anyone can argue with this. But is this the norm in your experience? In my world, people are who and what they are regardless of time of day and location. Of course I have read about the occasional homophobe (evangelists and politicians seem to be a favorite. One such example is former Senator Craig from Idaho) who gets busted with a male prostitute or trying to pick up one, but isn't THAT is rarity? I agree that if you dis someone during the day, you lost all your party rights at night with them. Crazy freaking world.
Last edited by Katey888; 07-02-2015 at 10:23 AM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...
No - you just said:
So what you really meant was: "Some CD's who will..."
Hence the need to rephrase... and I'd accept that...
I just don't like the idea of being categorically lumped in with anyone who - however metaphorically you may or may not mean it - is enough of a hater to resort to violence. Some of my best virtual friends on this board are gay or bi - it really doesn't make any difference to me a person's underlying sexual preference here or anywhere and I happily carry that distinction through to my professional and private life. I don't think the majority of us here who are accepting and supportive should be tarred with a broad brush just because you can't be clear in what you mean.
I don't think it's helpful...
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
I just want to clarify that I am NOT advocating for CD's to 'come out' and ruin their lives. I don't even think TS women should transition if they can avoid it, so I certainly don't want part-timers to start telling people they are a woman.
What I would like to see however, is some ownership of their secret activities. You don't have to be 'out & proud' but you do need to get over yourself and be publicly supportive. You don't have to be defensive, but you do need to defend your sisters when one of your drinking buddies calls me a 'he/she' as I have the misfortune of merely walking by.
It is unacceptable that so many have bras on under their business suit while they laugh at the queers in the coffee shop. Those queers have the courage of any ten men who act like macho jerks while they're wearing Hello Kitty panties. Nobody is asking the closeted to join the fight, but is it too much to ask that you at least quit being the opposition?
If you are a closeted CD, my heart goes out to you. I am grateful everyday that I can live my life out in the open (for better or for worse). Look inside yourselves and realize that you are one of us. You are not a regular straight guy who just likes to wear panties. Regular straight guys don't like to wear panties. You are different and there is nothing wrong with that. Accept yourself and join us as an equal. You don't have to be OUT, you just need to be an authentic person. Get real with yourself, and you will find yourself being accepted for who you really are.
...and Katey, didn't we just have a couple of threads about violent reactions to someone who was being rude to one of us? Are you trying to tell me that there isn't a contingent here that would fight if someone called them a fag while they were out dressed?
Last edited by Badtranny; 07-02-2015 at 10:51 AM.
I have a number of gay and lesbian friends, and many have made public positive comments about transpeople or have even explicitly identified as trans-allies. I'm not out to (most of) them yet, but it is nice to know they'll have my back if and when I do come out. More so than your average person, they get what it is like to be discriminated against.
I understand, and I respect your opinion on the matter. I think they should - at least those in a situation where it won't wreck their lives should consider it. You know, if a CD lives in some hellhole like rural Texas or Oklahoma, or they work for an intolerant company, or their home life will be destroyed - don't come out. You'll screw up your life.
If you live in a major metropolitan area, work someplace where it's not an instant firing offense, if you are single, or your spouse is otherwise fairly cool with it, then I think it's worth being out. Why do I say this?
- As one of my straight friends said: "Why do gay people have to be out? Why does anyone have to know about this?" (The answer is exactly because of this statement!)
- Out gay people made last Friday's marriage equality ruling from the Supreme Court possible. If no one had stood up, this wouldn't have happened.
- Out gay people have made an increasing number of straight people realize "oh, they are just normal people like me."
- Out and visible trans people are doing the same thing. The advances for trans rights from the Obama administration, and in cities around the US simply wouldn't have happened without advocacy from trans people. (As well as our gay and straight allies.)
- Being out is risky and often not easy. However, the payoff is that the people who are part of your life accept you for who you really are. Your relationships are more real.
- Being out gives you freedom to be you. Your life is more authentic.
- You don't have to hide all the time. You no longer live in fear.
- You keep people like me and Badtranny from reinforcing the idea, however inadvertently, that gender is a binary. (In our case it's binary - just flipped from our sex assigned at birth.) I submit that most of the people on this forum, save for those of us who ultimately transition, and even for some of us who do, are not aligned to the gender binary.
I'm not suggesting this for everyone. But as long as most CDs act as if what they are doing is shameful, and necessary to be hidden, then people are going to think that very thing. The idea that there are straight, but feminine, men is an idea that would really shakeup the way many look at gender. You aren't supposed to exist, and if nothing else, that erasure should anger you. Who you are matters, but they take that away from you.
Our society does not value honesty and authenticity. In fact, unless you happen to conform naturally, you will be strongly encouraged to conform. Most of us here have experienced this. The more of us who stand up against this, the more people will realize "oh yeah, this may not be so severe, but this affects me too." (BTW, the real answer is that actually it is that severe, and it affects even cis, het people, sometimes in genuinely terrible ways.)
BTW, folks on this forum who are homophobic really should look in the mirror and work on eliminating their homophobia. None of us here have any room to talk. (I've also observed a number of folks here grow in this regard, some even becoming straight allies, over the couple of years I've been on this forum.)
I totally agree with Melissa and PaulaQ...they speak nothing but the truth and you know what the truth will always set you free
I have never had a bad experience at a gay bar.
The guys are really not interested and leave me alone ... which is great.
I have always met some nice gg's there and have gotten alone with them well.
Much more fun going to a gay bar than a 100% straight bar.
You are accepted and usually not bothered.
I think that is why most straight gg's go there also.
Thank you all for the replys.
I did forget, the only problem it the gg's there at the gay bar think I am gay.
Hi Natasha, You will find bias everywhere and you can't use a broad brush to paint a whole group.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Most seem to like guys that wear mens clothes.
Like a lot of women really.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I go out dressed to gay bars often. No one has ever been mean or rude. If I go alone no one usually gives me a second look. If I go with my very social wife were bound to have several people talk to us. Usually GGs have a lot of questions for my wife.
Also the bartenders are very nice to me because I drink a lot and tip well.
As someone who is a gay male crossdresser, I would say that gay people are WAY more accepting of trans people, than the general public. If I were a straight man who crossdresses, I think that I would have some difficulty coming out to friends and family as a crossdresser. However, my gay friends are very accepting of my crossdressing. When I tell them that I am a crossdresser, they say, "so what? Let's go out!" However, I will say that when it comes to finding a romantic partner, a gay man may not choose me because I dress up.
Last edited by maya1love; 07-16-2015 at 07:17 AM.
Some boys just can't help acting like girls...
My pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mayatoronto/
This is a very interesting thread for me. As a married cross dresser I think of myself as hetero, BUT when I am in my "Wanda" role I feel like getting male attention and I appreciate the sexual tension between me and them. But I have only experienced this online so far. And I am always appreciating another cross dresser. I think they are a wonderful combination of sensuality.
My wife and I have a good gay friend in OK. When he found out about my crossdressing he flipped out. He's sure that my wife and I are going to break up and he's disgusted by dressing enfemme. We just don't get it. My wife says to him that with all the intolerance of gays over the years shouldn't he be more accepting? He's not. We've been distancing ourselves from him over the last many months. It's sad.
I still feel that "comparatively speaking" gay men are more tolerant of CDs/TVs than straight men are. Perhaps we are setting the bar too high for gay men.
Some boys just can't help acting like girls...
My pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mayatoronto/
I've never had a bad experience but I have read blog posts by gay guys who dislike cross dressers because and I quote " the cross dressers are stealing all the hot guys "
I have also read posts by crossdressers that dislike members of the gay community that crossdress occasionally only as a way to attract hot " straight " guys. IE take that older , balding , slightly over weight average looking gay guy who get little attention at the bar on Friday night He puts on a corset , make up , a wig , high heels and a short dress on Saturday night and he is getting a lot more action. I don't have an opinion either way. But these are some different posts I've read on different blogs
Posting Permissions
