Why do Gay men hate Cross dressers ?

[Natasha V]

I have gotten bad looks or vibes from gay men I just don't understand why the hate. I feel like we should support our community but they see us as if we are not authentic. I hope someone can give me a clue on what's going on.

[AllieSF]

Maybe it is where you live. Texas appears to be a world apart in how they treat people. I love all my gay acquaintances, old, current and yet to be met. They always treat me well and are so much fun to talk with. They may not understand why I am me, but they really don't care. Have you talked with them? If you do, just give them your opinion about how you feel and give them a chance to reply. Better yet, ask those that give you the stink eye. You may be surprised by their answers.

[Zylia]

I haven't really experienced any real hate from gay men. As far as I know, the 'typical' gay man is about as knowledgeable and accepting of transgender people as any other cisgender person in general. There's the LGBT community of course, but most gay people I know aren't really actively involved in that.

[BabyTia]

As Zylia said in the comments here I have also not experienced this...

[Natasha V]

Thanks maybe its just the local community then because my spouse spoke to a few gay friends she has and they were telling her all kinds of negative stuff about the way we are. Then we attended a party where they were also present and I got got stinky eyed and bad vibes. Just wondering why they would question my spouse why she would put up with me. Thank you

[Andromeda]

While I am not sure that I agree with your premise the reason that, at least some, dislike us is the simple fact that most of us are not, in fact, GAY. In the eyes of this group we are "weird" heterosexuals and are thus suspect at some level.

[Jenniferathome]

I have never had that experience. In fact, the last time out, a gay man sitting next to me at dinner was happy to chat about any old thing. His partner was chatting a way with a few women and a cross dresser.

[Fany27ab]

thats easy "Because we look better"

[Natasha V]

Hahaaa, that's funny maybe hunn

[Jodi]

Natasha, You are making a strong generalization. A question for you? Why are you generalizing? Just because you believe something, doesn't mean it is everywhere.

Jodi

[Tristessa]

I'm guessing that gay men in your community have to work hard to legitimize themselves, and a lot of that depends on not sticking out too much. Then we come along and attract attention (because we're beautiful!), which makes people uncomfortable, but since they don't understand the distinction between GI/CD and sexual orientation, they direct their transphobia at the gay men in the community, who then distance themselves from us and join in so that they might continue to maintain their hard won social stature.

[Dianne S]

Not all gay men hate CDers or transwomen. However, most of them are indifferent to us. They're looking for guys, not women or CDers.

[windycissy]

I used to hang out with a lot of gay guys and girls at an LGBT square dancing club, and I never experienced any kind of hatred. Several of the guys were very cute and I was attracted to one but he sort of brushed me off, politely, and I came to realize that most gay men aren't interested in crossdressers - they're looking for men! But they were all very polite and respectful.

[AllieSF]

Dianne, I hear you, but ..... Just because someone is gay or lesbian does not mean that they are always "looking" for someone (guys or girls). They are human beings and interact with others, gay, straight, trans or whatever every day. Most of the gay and lesbian bars and clubs here in SF always have straight singles and couples, plus maybe a few of us under the "T" umbrella too, in attendance looking to have fun by drinking, conversing and dancing at the clubs. Now if most of our CD/Trans interactions take place on their home turf, i.e. gay/lesbian bars or clubs, then they just might be looking for someone. I go everywhere and encounter them everywhere and their reaction has always been the same regards to carrying on a civilized normal conversation. They do it as a normal human being and talk about normal things for the venue and topics of conversation. Again, your results may vary depending on where one is located.

[Rhian]

My best friend is gay and finds cross dressers disgusting - awkward. I'll leave my opinion as to why in the words of Edmund Blackadder (and an annoying song). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11gtw0dGuAA

[Sandie70]

I've found that the gays I encounter generally accept me in a somewhat indifferent way. I wouldn't think the gay community would hate us considering their fondness for drag shows (a club close to me has drag shows and all the drag queens are gay... go figure).

What does puzzle me somewhat are the large number of hetero men who fantasize about us (in a carnal way).

[Dianne S]

Allie,

Yes, I probably should have clarified that. Gays just out and about in their normal life would probably treat trans people just like anyone else. However, my experience was at a gay bar, and it was the type of bar where almost everyone there was definitely looking. I have no idea why my friend thought it was a good idea to go there.

[Ceera]

I've never had any problem with gay males here in Austin, TX. I go to a local gay club (Bout Time II) about once a week as Ceera, and have always been well accepted there by everyone - CD's, Drag Queens, Gays, Lesbians or Straights.

[AllieSF]

Thanks for the clarification Dianne. One of my regular wine bars is in the Castro, gay central, in San Francisco. In that particular bar there are some gay hook ups happening (more often they are there on first dates, I know because I ask them), as well as every other type of clientèle just looking for an enjoyable moment out in a neat place, and that includes tourists, straight, lesbian and others. However, almost next door and around the corners are several gay clubs with that same mixture of people, with a lot of the gay men obviously looking for their next hook up. At times I enjoy going there to dance and watch the eclectic group of people. Sometimes I talk with whoever is standing or dancing next to me and other times I dance with a cute gay man or boy when they ask me. I treat it as all fun and I think that they do too when asking me to dance, and I am not a bad dancer either!

I really do believe that it depends on the location and maybe make up of a particular gay bar. I also believe that sometimes we tend to put incorrect thoughts in others' minds without ever talking with them to confirm our suspicions. Since I am extremely extroverted I usually start the conversation with them with great results. If I was more introverted or shy, then maybe I would have a different opinion. But I am not and all my experience is the close and personal conversational type.

[Natasha V]

Your absolutely correct I shouldn't be generalizing because if a few treat me that way doesn't mean they are all the same. I'm sorry but the question was simply to find out if others in our community are going through this. Thanks for the correction.

[Teresa]

Natasha,
I'm wondering if gay men find CDers more confusing than women do ! A CDers sexual preferences are wrapped up in a strange package to many people , they don't all come over as effeminate men and yet they don't attract the attention of many women ! So what exactly do they want and what are their needs ? I tell my wife clearly what my preferences are but she just answers that she's not a lesbian !" Looks like we're back to autogynerphilia again !

My own thoughts and are probably more a misconception, that in a male homosexual relationship one partner is usually more submissive and effeminate and I wonder if that's where some people think the idea comes from when they ask if a CDer is gay ?
I guess gay relationships are like any other in that they're all different ! Some of us are in workable CDing relationships and some aren't, I guess gay men can also be CDers but their partners may have the same feelings of approval or not as a GG does !

[Natasha V]

I'm not sure where we stand but I suppose you are correct that perhaps the gay community has different views depending on what gay partner or spouse you ask but if that's the case then more input is needed from both sides of that relationship. I have a friend who is a lesbian she ones told me that she is not really attracted to cross dresser a or transgender. But would love to help us in anyway she can with fashion or advise but that made me wonder we have a long way to go to figure out how many variables are in each community. This may be something to start researching because we are generalized in one batch and that umbrella may just be a Canopy. lol

[sometimes_miss]

I never met any gay people who hate us, but the few I've spoken with about it have mentioned that they believe that we're really gay but just in denial. Especially because a whole lot of us claim to be straight, but admit to finding the idea of dating or having sex with a man exciting while we're en femme to be a smokescreen of sorts, and I understand why they feel that way. It's not hate; but they feel that we deny our homosexuality because we believe it to be an awful thing, as we do everything we can to deny it, and it's the belief that we feel it's a bad thing that irritates them, because it's who they are.

[kimdl93]

I have been to many gay bars and frankly I've never encountered any attitudes from gay men.

[Sarah-RT]

I don't know anyone personally who's gay that dislikes the T of LGBT but I have seen some commenters online who have a dislike of us. I think thy feel we undermine them since they are sexuality and we are gender.

I have 2 very supportive gay friends, and 1 Lesbian friend. Their attitude is that we endure "coming out" and stigmas together so it's easier to be supportive, like in return I am to them.

Sarah x