Hi All,
A friend I met on the way to the forum, a little birdy as it were, has told me that I’ve ruffled some feathers and caused concerns that I might adversely affect impressionable others into headlong transitioning or outing in more dangerous life settings or situations. In no way do i wish to encourage others to take their lives, their livelihoods, local reputations at risk when they are living in what I would call sociotoxic environments, and others might call “conservative”.
They mentioned I’m a little terse in my wording, and that I leave too much unexplained or lacking background, and asked me to say in more depth and detail the situation, the story and to contextualise the rapidness of events.
So here we go, sorry in advance if this is longer and rambling, but this is my slightly autistic physicist being used to using 5 words where others might use 100, trying to explain:
1. my relationship with welshgirl
2. about “me”
3. my journey into CD wonderland
I’ll mix them all up, of course, and begin with 2, drift into 1, and finish with 3, at least that’s the initial plan.
I’ve always been fast, academic, a high-achiever, a world leader in fact in my technical niche back in the 90’s. I’d typically program 20 times the code of the other engineers in a year as well as run projects, do the meetings and marketing, and help others. It’s part of how I am, and used to piss off managers in other departments, and other schoolkids cos they felt it made them look bad. Being slightly autistic and nonsocial with it, I didn’t really notice or realise the impact I had on folks outside of my focus, and I rarely realise the consequences of my power/strength/words/being on others, a frequent feedback being “does not know his own strength”.
Anyway, in 2001 I started on a journey into the psychological world, and away from engineering, all around self-discovery and trying to understand these other beings on two legs (not just birds).
In 2002 I got to know Welshgirl and we fell in love, like soulmates. We’d had unhappy relationships - my ex refused couple counselling, and hers was a dominating bully, so I rescued us both and we dived into being together, moving countries, families, jobs, houses all at the same time. We agreed on one golden rule: our past relationships had died due to not talking things through, to gradual shadows growing and ruining the love, and therefore we would deal with any issue however small, immediately and with top priority over anything else, including earning money.
This rule was tested many times, as I helped Welshgirl to recover from the emotional and mental battering, and become her true self, and we married in 2006. Later that year I went off the rails, off with the fairies really, literally out of the matrix in true Neo style, and ordinary life/money things meant nothing to me, and that lasted until quite recently. It had an impact on us, but she stood by me, as we journeyed on our own self-employed lifestyle, home-educating the kids and making enough to sustain a life largely offgrid. In 2011 I caught a serious tropical bug that debiltated me for years, and she stood by me. In 2013 she got an aggressive cancer and I stood by her, caring through nights and attending to every need. So we have thoroughly tested and verified our relationship and its strength, endured and still today we look at eachother like newly-weds with silly grins on our faces. We are lucky but boy have we made this luck, to keep everything as fresh as the first day.
So part 3, the CD’ing. When we met in 2002 I had a panties fetish, and one of the early things we did together was to go shopping to buy me my first ones, and I’d wear them under my manclothes on weekends when we were alone. That’s how it was really until early this year, when a conversation over christmas started me looking at “meggings” (mens jeggings), and suddenly a new Pandora’s Box opened, the story of which is largely documented on this forum.
Everything I’ve talked about on the forum, welshgirl and I have discussed and processed. As the processing progressed so I could go further, respecting her limits and fears, and like a birthing process, also pushing and releasing. I don’t know where it is going, and I’m happy not to know. Welshgirl supports whatever I choose, however far it goes, because as she puts it, “you’re still the same person I love underneath all that”.
We’re sitting in the lounge, I’m all in pink, loving it, with 3 of our kids, life is good. Depending on work clientele I can dress or have to go drab. I’m not allowed out into the street or town in a dress, but I am in neighbouring towns/the car/house/garden and andro ladies clothes anywhere is cool, and this works for now. We know why welshgirl has her fears over me being fully out, and that’s where our boundary lies for now.
We do live in a very broadminded town, with a highly spiritual outlook, and so it’s easy for me. I recognise many folks here live in close-minded conservative, even backwoods areas, where anything out of the ordinary might result in a lynching. Folks, MOVE to somewhere tolerant or teach your neighbours better, or stay closeted.
My psychological insight into our CD world is that we/you are the real superheroes, like batman and robin, masked to hide real identities in order to protect those you love. It takes real balls to walk down the road in full dress, or even as a man in a dress. I take my hat off to you all, for embracing the feminine side that this male-dominated world so needs to embody.
Probably even with this, the story is too short, too little detailed, so ask away if you wish, or PM me, I’m not too scary in reality.
xxx Pamela
Originally Posted by pamela7
