What is feeling feminine to you?

[Tina_gm]

Often times, when one of us describes feeling more female, or more feminine, gg's often will question this, as they will respond that feminine or femininity just is. Also of course that we cannot possibly feel female as we are not actually female. More like a female perhaps?

For me, the feeling more feminine is that I relate to women more than men. I literally see more of myself in a woman than a man. I tend to over hear women's conversations more than mens, and take a greater interest in those conversations. I feel more at home, or more comfortable in women's sections of stores. Perhaps feel more comfortable wearing women's clothing. Women's fragrances smell better to me than men's do. So to me, I equate these things to feeling feminine.

This doesn't occur at equal amounts all the time. I sometimes will feel equally masculine, and by that just reverse my discriptions. For me, even when feeling more feminine than masculine (which is occurring more often these days- see my thread on lack of cding time as it has correlated ) presenting as male does not cause me discomfort. Internally, I feel more aligned with women, but being or presenting male does not cause distress. I do sometimes feel that I would be more comfortable if I was presenting female.

[Marcelle]

Hi GM,

I guess each of us will define it as it relates to them. In your case it is just a feeling more at home in your skin sort to speak regardless of which gender you are presenting.

For me, I struggle with this as honesty, I don't think I can answer the question what it feels to be feminine or for that matter what it feels to be masculine. I find in the end when people irrespective of gender discuss being either masculine or feminine, it always comes down to societal stereotypes (okay . . . not always but that tends to be the consensus . So when people discuss feeling more feminine they attributes emotions like being more empathetic, caring, nurturing, loving or past-times more related to perceptions of being a woman such as cooking, cleaning, shopping, primping or different likes more related to stereotypical feminine pursuits such as watching romantic movies, reading more feminine oriented literature, bonding with other women, conversing about women things (whatever that may be). On the other hand we tend to relate masculinity with being brash, in your face, bread winner, strong and past-times best reserved for stage coach drivers and cowboys (spitting chewing tobacco and grunting ). IMHO neither of those defines what is masculine or feminine but legacy issues of what society dictates is such.

For example one my GG friends is a ranked MMA fighter, she likes high speed, low drag activities, hates romantic movies, would rather talk shop with the guys, likes to dress in PT gear or jeans and t-shirts and has more body art than most dudes. Does that make her masculine or feminine? IMO . . . neither. She is a genetic woman who is living her life as she sees fit. In my own case, I am a genetic male who sometimes identifies as a woman and sometimes as a male. I have had heated conversations with my male friends about work related mucho macho stuff while dressed as a woman and conversations with those same guys about vacuuming (interesting story BTW) while dressed in combat fatigues. With the exception of changing my dress and presentation to be more in line with whatever gender I am identifying with, I think my concept of who I am is the same irrespective of gender. I like the same things, I have the same conversations with the same people, engage in the same past-times. For example today I identify as a woman but my share of the yard work still has to get done and I still had to take my dog for a run this morning. So, I shaved as close as I could this morning, no make-up, no wig put on my female running attire and a hat and went running. After I got back, I put on a pair of women's khaki shorts, a tank top, boots and the same ratty hat (still no make-up or wig) and just finished cutting the lawn and will now be laying some cement walkways . . . Okay, the kid ain't pretty (especially sans make-up) and I look nothing like a woman (except the clothing and pink work gloves . . . wife's little fun when she bought them ) but in my heart of hearts I am a woman today . . . not very feminine (in that stereotypical way) . . . just a woman working in the yard, sweaty, dirty and being eaten alive by deer flies .

Cheers

Isha

[Teresa]

Gendermutt,
If you gave the feeling inside a different name the need to satisfy it is still there, it just happens to be trait which I believe to be female. when I do dress fully and look in the mirror the image is feminine, yes it does make me happy to have the appearance that matches the feeling inside, I do admit I prefer to look and feel like that ! Maybe it's not so much wanting to be feminine but more a greater dislike of having to appear male to satisfy the people around me !
Am I TS rather than TG I really can't answer that truthfully at the moment, I'm hoping gender therapy may help !

[jigna]

I feel absolutely feminine after epilating all my body hair, applying moisturizing cream, wearing Bra and panty and looking in the mirror, looking at my silky legs and small breasts.
Never had a chance for last few months to do make-up or wear woman cloths/ornaments etc, since my family members are around. My wife has also lost interest in dong make-up for me or to help me in wearing saree.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

GM are you reading my mind? As I've been processing notions of masculinity and femininity similar thoughts have occurred to me. I've been trying to sort out what intrinsic qualities make me feel more aligned with women than men, and I came up with a nearly identical list. I also do not feel any discomfort when I am feeling more male or need to take on a "male" role.

Isha, I see where you are coming from. It is certainly true that all humans are capable of feeling the same emotions, having the same past times or pursuits, or relating to each other in the same ways. Any individual can exhibit any mixture of traits as a reflection of his or her personality. However, there have been plenty of studies to show that there are measurable differences between males and females in areas like social skills and forms of play. These have become the foundation for society's expectations for masculine and feminine. When you look at a human population statistically there will be a greater proportion of females over males who will prefer pursuing emotional relationship with others, while the males prefer social activities that allow them to rate one another to establish a dominance heirarchy. Are these behaviors socially programmed or a natural choice due to "feminine" or "masculine" nature? Probably a mixture of both. Cross-cultural comparisons would probably help sort that out.

My personal focus these days is to allow myself to exhibit whatever traits or behaviors I feel are most natural for me without getting hung up on whether they are masculine or feminine. I figure if I'm gender fluid then I should just go with the flow regardless of how I'm dressed.

Bridget

[Mollyanne]

Hi GM, You raise a good valid point(s) when trying to define the term(s) feeling feminine and femininity. I have ALWAYS gravitated more towards females than males, and this has been all my life. I was never been a sports minded male and ABSOLUTELY hate the male ego of superiority. I discovered early that the feminine brain is more accepting and understanding than the male brain. I also find myself skimming through female magazines looking at clothes, hair styles and make-up. The male persona is that of a "chest beater", I prefer a much softer approuch but nevertheless firm as well.

Molly

[kimdl93]

That's so hard to express. I've heard women here state that they don't 'feel' female any more than one feels male. For me,mother closest I can come is the feeling of being 'right' inside and out, versus feeling fake.

[Tina_gm]

Feminine or femininity is highly subjective. Unfortunately for the U.S and the middle east, the most strict when it comes to acceptance and the rigidity and conformity of what is deemed feminine or masculine. In some cultures, what some of us do may not be nearly as much on the scale of what is deemed feminine, and even though we may fit on the feminine side, many some other cultures will not deem it to be as much of importance or of much negativity, or of any value in terms of news worthiness.

The middle east of course being the most strict adherence, when it comes to gender crossing or sexuality. Death is an accepted consequence of those who cross lines.

Still, it is those of us on this board, to varying degrees at least, if not down right identity who do cross over into the other gender territory in both internal and external ways. It is almost always to some extent, an internal mechanism which makes us desire to cross into the other gender territory externally. It is a choice as to whether we actually do or not. But, it is not a choice for the internal.

@Isha, I like how you use woman in your descriptions. It is my belief that regardless of physical gender, being a man or woman is something that can only be internal. Male or female, at least to me is what one actually physically is. And like many CDers, we are somewhere in between, or perhaps both. We may be "like" females in many ways, and TS who are males but are internally women, can alter themselves to be female as it makes life so much better to live, and in what many have stated, the only possible way to live. For those of us on the spectrum, being both or some of or what have you, to be able to live life in some ways as women externally makes life much easier to live, and maybe even the only way to live.

@Teresa, I would agree that a gender counselor may help you in understanding your true gender nature better. But ultimately it is you and you will have to come to a point of knowing and accepting of who you are. Because of society and of those around us, we end up with many blockages that often will not allow ourselves to fully accept or understand ourselves. Something I wrestle with still, and have done so my entire adult life.

@Bridget, I like how you talk about being more aligned. I think that is an excellent way to describe many of us. I am not a female, but am aligned in many ways closer to them than males. How much if any that makes me a woman, or partly a woman, or just a man who aligns with women/females. I find myself thinking a lot these days about being aligned. (and no I am not reading your mind. I need to get to mine 1st )

@Mollyanne, There is a significance of some sort as to why we on this board do gravitate toward women/females. I can only come up with that we are more feminine than a large majority of men. I know I am coming to a true acceptance of my own femininity. Although it can be debated as to what it is, internally, physically or intrinsic in nature. My wife still tells me that I get caught up too much in what is what, even though I am going to much effort not to. I think I have gotten better than I was. Perhaps it is because I live within both worlds of gender, so I tend to recognize it more than she does, or that many of us do, moreso than cisgender people do out of our natural state of being.

[Candice June Lee]

Well, its a feeling of smooth a d silkiness, nice colors cute clothes. But even more is a freedom of my mind, carefree fun and a certain amount of sexiness thrown in. Its feeling of the underwire poking you, the hassels of make up, shaving and hair dos. Painting toe nails, learning to ignore cat calls, stares and come ons. The do i look good in this, am i cute and thin, or the i am me and screw you attitudes.
There is so much into being feminine that we could all blow our own minds over the whole thing. Our minds are blown anyway right? Giggle
so what mind can we blow? Who knows, how about the passers by.

[sometimes_miss]

Getting dressed, focusing on color matching what I'm wearing. Putting on stockings instead of socks, pumps or sneakers with pink laces or some other type of shoes that men don't wear, or wearing them in a way that men don't (say, common pennyloafers with knee socks and a plaid pleated skirt). Polishing my nails. Picking out accessories, Brushing my hair. Spending hours online looking at pretty clothes, planning on what i'd buy if I could find it in my size. Reading online forums on girls websites talking about fashion, relationships, sex, everything a teen age girl would. Finding pictures of a somewhat average girl that I dream I might have been had life handed me a different situation, and how it might have all worked out, knowing that I might have very well wound up as a gay girl. Reading Cosmo, Glamour, Seventeen, or young adult paperback novels which are marketed towards middle or high school girls. Watching cheerleading, tennis, skating, track & field or other girl's athletic events where the girls still look like girls. Fashion shows. But I still can't handle soap operas.

[Tracii G]

I really don't know how to answer this.
Even in guy mode I feel more feminine than manly and that does get me into trouble sometimes around my male friends.
They can say certain things and be kind of crass and it bothers me.
Sometimes I will say thats gross and mean why did you say that?
I guess its the sensitive side of me reacting because those are things I would never say.

[docrobbysherry]

For 50 years I lived as a man with no gender issues. I can honestly say I never felt "masculine". Simply took it for granted that I was a man. But, I always thot I was different because I felt that way.

Since I began CDing 17 years ago in my 50's, I can't say I've ever felt feminine. I simply learned how to look it. I feel different from other TG's, too.

I really enjoy these "feeling fem" posts. It helps me understand what others r feeling. I have always just felt like ME. And, have continued to amaze, confuse, and confound myself just being THAT!

[Krisi]

My answer isn't as "deep" as some of the answers given, but here goes:

Feeling feminine to me is having the breasts and butt. Having the long flowing hair. The skirt, blouse, shoes and jewelry.

I realize that these things feel normal for a female but when I put them on I feel feminine.

[pamela7]

Hi Gendermutt,

You know we cannot find any real male or female activities outside of birthing/breastfeeding/impregnating that transcend any/all cultures. So it's down to what our wider society calls feminine and masculine.

Within this context, I feel a deep upwelling of emotion/tears that I believe is the result of 54 years of having suppressing my natural feminine side. Feeling feminine goes to the roots of civilisation for me. In the wild, hunter-gatherer, there's nothing really different, not beads nor body-paint. Being feminine is ALL about the dress, the pink, the forbidden-to-males. If we're not allowed it, then its what I want.

Now, to the FEELING, in the clothes, in the dressing, feeling feminine is a feeling labelled "feminine", that's it, there are no other words that fit, no way I can describe it, it just is.

xxx Pamela
PS I've taken days to try to work out how to reply to this one!

[njcddresser]

Feeling feminine to me can mean many things. It might be when I catch a glimpse of my brightly painted toes or catch a whiff of my perfume. It might be feeling silky lingerie on my skin or when I look in the mirror and see a beautiful woman looking back at me.

It can also be nothing more then the thoughts running through my head and how it makes me feel.

[Dana44]

Feminine feelings are part of me even as a male. I might have feminine thoughts. So it was hard for me to be by a type A male. They always read me as feminine. When I was trucking one trainer said he wanted to do me. He read me as feminine. It is the mannerisms and emotions and caring are feminine thoughts. I was trying to act masculine and a type A male will always read me. So it is hard to hide feminine thoughts. My ex wife knew right away that I was different. My current SO knew also. So feminism is inherent in us. It was always hard for me to stand up to a type A male. I sure was not one of those. LOL and if the world was different. I think I would love to be my female self.

[Jennifer H]

What makes me feel feminine is the touch of silk or soft undergarments.

What makes me feel feminine are the bright colours of my favorite dress or skirt and top.

What makes me feel feminine is the fantastic feel of stockings on my legs.

What makes me feel feminine is the hair brushing against my neck when I turn my head.

What makes me feel feminine are the heels that make my legs look sooooo long.

What makes me feel feminine is my beautiful pink lace bra, and also the white one and the black one and all the others that I have.

What makes me feel feminine is the feeling I have when fully dressed and I look in the full length mirror and see Jennifer looking back at me.

Am I paranoid about crossdressing, you bet I am, and that gives me a feminine feeling to.

Jennifer. xxx

[Sandie70]

Trying to feel feminine is like flying through a cloud. You reach out to grab that essence of femininity you want to become and hold it close, but you can't touch it. It flows like vapor through your fingers. You see it and desire it, but you can't really be it.

So you study women in all their beautiful complexity and construct your own personal dream of what your idea of being feminine is. And this you can touch - because it is a part of you. Your idea of femininity is what you make, what you mold from your dreams of being a woman.

For each of us it is different, but for each of us it becomes real - we make that dream of being feminine real by our crossdressing. We take cloth, wigs, shoes and makeup and become feminine in a way that is true to our own desires. And if someone looks at you and asks "what are you?", you reply "I am what I am - a woman of my own making - like no other in the world."

We each define our feminine self. And that makes us each unique. And beautiful.

[suchacutie]

Even those of us who identify as female and have transitioned or wish to transition would have some trouble explaining what being feminine me as ns to them. For me, when I transition to Tina, it's as if I never plan to transition back, no matter how short or long Tina will be around. I leave behind the activities and relationships that my male self became accustomed to for my first 5 decades.

Tina has taken the time to build her own relationships and activities. His wife is her girlfriend. He plays the violoin, she plays the harpsichord. He is righthanded, she is lefthanded. He is the problem solver, she will possible and moan about issues to reach a consensus.

To put her into this mindset, the process of transition is one of putting both the illusion and substance of being my male self behind. My male side doesn't wear lipgloss, eye shadow, foundation, dark mascara, eye liner, breastforms, bras, stockings, and all the rest that makes the feminine illusion possible. All those things that my make self doesn't do becomes feminine. He hates chickfkicks, she loves them.

Living as a women, changing styles of just about everything, presenting as a woman, even changing opinions to those from Tina's perspective are all a part of what feels feminine to me. It's almost a complete lifestyle change:

"Two apps working off the same database, just not all of it from each perspective. "

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi GM, Getting all dressed-up and seeing that pretty lady looking at me in the mirror, That does it for me.

[sfwarbonnet]

Wearing a bra (& slip, sheer nylons, and women's pants with no fly) in "boy" mode.

[Catherine383]

I think feeling feminine is being with a group of girls and sharing with each other. I have never been much of a "man's man", and find myself gravitating toward the girltalk when there is a group of people. I have always felt like this, so pretty sure that feeling feminine and female are what I feel all the time. I haven't really felt masculine like other men.

[Lacyfem]

BlueDress4 (2).jpgI guess I'm not sure about that as been dressing since I was 10 and throughout the years I've been told I have a very feminine side. I take this as a compliment as those who have told me that have no clue about how much I dress and love being a woman. When not dressed I'm masculine and I guess as it's hard to look at ones self from the outside. However, when I go into a dept. store I immediately want to go to the women's section and check out the new lingerie or new colors and all other items I love to wear when I can. I long always to dress but do keep that under control but my fem side just completely comes out as soon as I start the dressing process from hose to makeup as I start to act fem, move fem and my voice goes fem and it all seems so natural too me. So feeling fem is natural and not forced and just comes from the inside....

[Tina_gm]

Thanks again for the replies. For many of us (not me though) just the physical sensations of wearing women's clothing or looking like a woman seems to do it, and the only reason to do it. I am actually very low on the dressing part compared to most here. I don't always dress fully fem. and I don't do a full transformation (wig, make up etc etc) and I do not go out. Not that I won't ever, or that I would not want to, someday, maybe. For me, my "feeling feminine" is more about feeling more connected to women than men. What I do dress, which sometimes is just under dressing, girl shorts, a top, jeans, heels and a couple of dresses that I do have, is just something that makes me feel comfortable, but does not really change anything internally. There are times when dressing has more of a desire for me than other times, although I don't think there is ever a time when I totally would not want to. I never feel real desperate to dress either though, and I never get real bummed out when I do put on male clothes again.

[sfwarbonnet]

gendermutt, try these. All are OK out in public in either "boy" or “girl” mode. Wearing clothes usually associated with the opposite sex rapidly becomes normal. Underdressing also provides a “head-start” for presenting as a woman since you are already wearing a bra, panties, slip, and nylons! Items that could be spotted as women’s clothes when underdressing, such as a bra and nylons, are more of a challenge in “boy” mode; but when there is no reaction from either men or women that invites one to wear only womenswear. I have found these items both acceptable and practical; they are readily available and, in fact, are mass-market items in the women’s department.

!) Slacks: Women’s pull on pants are much easier to put on than men’s belted pants. They do not need a fake fly, as the absence of it is usually not apparent, but I prefer non-figured and solid color, non-pastel pants so they are not readily identified as women’s clothing.

2) Panties: Underwear with a fly is unnecessary with womens pull-on pants. Although there are no-fly briefs in the men’s department, women’s full-cut briefs work just as well, and are often cheaper.

3) Slips: Shirttails tend to readily pull out of pull on pants. This can expose panty and pantyhose tops. A “solution” is to wear a full slip that is short enough to be worn with slacks. Also slips are usually made of material that makes it easier to pull on and straighten pants.

4) Bra: Although wearing a bra in public in “boy” mode can make one nervous and it is a challenge to “hide” it, wearing a bra can make one feel feminine and can be practical in “boy’ mode to keep non-adjustable straps on a slip from falling off the shoulders.

5) Nylons: Although wearing them in public can also make one nervous, an MD suggested that I wear pantyhose to avoid the indentation in my lower legs that mid-calf or knee-high socks make. Pantyhose do not require anything that is not also needed with women’s pull-on pants. Opaque ones are best, as they aren't readily identified as women's hosiery, but that isn't necessary and sheer nylons are OK and are more available. I actually prefer thigh highs as they are easier to put on than pantyhose, they do not need to be lowered to go to the bathroom, and only one leg needs to be thrown out when a run becomes apparent.

Finding women’s clothes that fit a GM is a challenge, as a bust and an hourglass figure are often presumed in women’s clothes. Particular examples are all-in-ones and garter belts. In the former, if one gets a large bandwidth, the cups are usually too large for underdressing, and garter belts, which are supposed to keep stockings from falling down, often fall down themselves as GM’s usually do not have a large difference between waist and hip measurements. For me, a short 38 slip with no bust darts makes an OK undershirt, although most of my shirts are 42-44 and narrow, non-adjustable straps on a slip fall off my shoulders (probably due to lack of boobs) unless I wear a bra with adjustable straps. To get an appropriate bra size, use the largest chest measurement as the bandwidth, and get an AA cup.