When did you know you were more than a crossdresser? I have always had an internal struggle of what I am and I am trying to figure it out. Did most of you know forever or did it grow more as you got older?
When did you know you were more than a crossdresser? I have always had an internal struggle of what I am and I am trying to figure it out. Did most of you know forever or did it grow more as you got older?
Forever...it became imperative later
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Pretty much forever. I was 5 or 6 when I was secretly dressing. I knew I felt different. Just didn't quite know what it was.
When did I know that I was more that a crossdresser?
i would have to echo the answers above and say forever BUT that answer did not really come until I stopped denying my true feelings and started being honest with myself.
Megan
Forever but took along time to accept it.
I agree with all answers so far,, In other words me too,,lol,,,
I was never a crossdresser. I just transitioned and threw out my old clothes after I bought a new wardrobe.
"Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)
I started about 5 the grade I realized I didn't like myself and have allways wished i was born a girl instead. Once I started cding I was much happier but hated changing back for life. Then therapy made me start thinking.
Unlike the previous responses, I haven't known forever. The short answer is that I had an epiphany in December, 2013. It was like a switch clicking on in my brain and I understood "Yes, this is who I want to live as."
The longer answer is that I probably did have flashes of insight going back to as young as 6 or 7, but at first I didn't really understand them and afterwards I suppressed them.
It's also a bit dangerous to assume that people who say "I've known forever" are not projecting backwards on their younger selves the realizations that only came later. I think that's why the standard narrative is "I've known forever" and why some people are a little suspicious of (or confused by?) late-bloomers who only realized it much later.
I had the thought since I was very young I should have been born female. Seeing the trailer for the Christine Jorgensen movie somehow clicked. At 12 years old mom would not let me see it. As I grew older I was able to suppress the feelings. It was the only way to avoid humiliation and beatings. I crossdressed and that was enough for the most part. I knew it was a part of me and told the 2 women I got serious. The last became my wife for the last 31 years. I finally reached the point for reasons unknown I had to transition. The rest is history.
"When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes
"Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation
"A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W
Count me in on the forever camp. It took a long time to see it become a reality and in the process reaching a very deep and dark place. Digging out and moving on was the only option short of a lack of existence.
I am who I am... I'm happy...I mean truly to the bone happy...and at peace with myself for the first time ever. I'm confident and content as the woman I am.
My earliest memories were of thinking I was supposed to be a girl. The thing is at the very young age I really did not understand it, but was in fact dealing with the desire to be a girl. I began trying on my moms clothes and playing make believe about being a girl very young at around 4 or so. I grew up dressing in various items when I could, and never really understood why.
Learning about a "sex change" was probably another turning point in my life. It was when I heard about Rene' Richards. I knew then that this is what I wanted, but it went in under the file of "my wildest dreams".
It wasn't until I was in my 50's that I finally overcame the fear and decided to do whatever it takes to transition.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
Honestly, I've always known. Before I knew what 'it' was. Later, each time I saw a public story about a transsexual person, I saw myself in them, and I was frightened to admit it.
Angela mentions Renee Richards. I recall her as well...and the fear that people could see what I was hiding, after learning her story.
Last edited by kimdl93; 07-07-2015 at 10:56 PM.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Oh my god Kim.... Yes when it was all over the news everyone around me was laughing and saying the most awful comments, while I had to act as if I wasn't interested. It would have been worse than death for anyone to know I was like that.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
Forever, but I didn't realize it for a long time. That's largely because I didn't really understand my feelings on the matter, nor was I comfortable with the consequences of accepting them. Over time, through lots of life and therapy, those issues went away. Here I am.
To be totally honest, the last vestiges of thinking/hoping I might "just be a crossdresser" went away pretty quickly after I started spending time around crossdressers.
Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.
I wish I could say that, after a life spent in purely manly pursuits, I sprang as a full-grown woman from the head of Zeus, but I'm not even Greek. I started pretending in childhood that I was a girl, and dressing with odds and ends when I could. Then later I started buying clothes and spending more time dressing in the closet--and hating myself for doing it. It was always in me; and there was no causal event I could ever put my finger on, so I imagined all sorts of crazy s**t, which added up to my being a horrible monster. Yet discovering the real truth about myself late in life has been both a blessing and a curse. I finally achieved the psychological/spiritual integration I've sought my whole life, and vanquished the shame I always felt, but it's a danger to every other good in my life: health, love, work and creature comfort. And the process is taking so damn long...
Lallie
Time for a change.
I used denial, and the excuse that I was 'Just a crossdresser' for years. I was desperately seeking a balance, where I wouldn't have to go any further. From occasional CDing, years ago, it escalated until I could not deny I was full time, and that still wasn't quelling the need. Actually, full time made it worse, I'd look in the mirror, see a woman, and know it still didn't feel right. A lifetime of stopgap measures, when I could have gotten it right in the first place.
Actually, never considered myself a cross dresser, always felt female from a very early age which was around 6 years old.
“When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be.” ― Julia Glass
Oh, yes, I can identify with that. Both in real-life hanging around CDers and transgender people, and on this forum, I quickly discovered I had much more in common with transsexuals than CDers. I mean, you can only listen to so many stories about great skirts, heels, exciting clandestine adventures, where to hide your stash, etc. before you nod off from boredom.Originally Posted by Zooey
Last edited by Dianne S; 07-08-2015 at 10:26 AM. Reason: Fix typo
me too..
on both counts.
I always advise people to spend time in therapy groups if possible.. getting first hand person to person contact to share experience can really help everybody
Yup, I am with Kaitlyn, Zooey and Diane.
Seize the day. Life is short, and you're dead a long time...just sayin' ...
When I first started going out in public, I went with a group. It was pretty well divided into CDers, and those transitioning, or about to. I immediately felt more comfortable with the latter. The CDers talked about the external-forms, makeup, pantyhose, and the transsexuals discussed feelings, politics, HRT and the like. Nothing wrong with either camp, just felt more at home in one than the other.
For most of my life I was ignorant of the reality of myself.
I've always known that something was wrong with me; but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong with me.
I can look back and say that I've always felt this way about myself, but I was in denial and thought that my feelings about myself were nothing more than fantasy.
Neither of these factors seemed connected to each other until a little over three years ago; I was doing some research on something for my writing and things just kind of fell into place and the pieces fit together as I discovered more and more about GD.
It's amazing how powerful thinking about this is for me. After I finish this, I will need to fix my makeup.
The source of fear is in the future
And a person freed of the future
Has nothing to fear
"That's life. It's not always rainbows and farts. Sometimes the farts have a little something extra." -Emma
Rock meet Hard Place.
I have just been wondering. If I wish to be a girl, am I a TS or CD? I always thought I was just CD. But I would give about anything to be a girl! Alas I have a family that i love and business that would be ruined by me transitioning.
well as it turns out you actually would not give about anything to be a girl..
unfortuntunately for many transsexuals the cost to live authentically are very high.
you will find out your fate over time...if you are transsexual, this will not be the end of it, it will not be something you can just shoo away
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