Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: Still stuck on behavior vs. identity

  1. #1
    New Member beth_myer's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Posts
    19

    Still stuck on behavior vs. identity

    Hi, all. Thanks for reading. I'm new to this whole thing, so bear with me.

    I'm currently dressing as female because I recently had a baby. There was a time when I dressed mostly male. At the time, it was more a matter of how much my then husband was annoyed by it. In the past, I've passed as male until I spoke. I've had people apologize for saying sir, and then I tell them not to worry about it. During that time when I was still married, I went to confession. I do attend church regularly (I'm orthodox christian), and my priest's advice was to tell me that it's just an unnecessary behavior. That was two years ago. I've since decided that it is clearly a matter of identity, not just a behavior, but I'm not sure why. I'm not sure where that leaves me now, especially considering the fact that I've been through a lot of horrible things since then including abuse and a difficult pregnancy. I don't even have any of my nice men's clothing anymore. I don't have much of anything anymore. I also still look pregnant because of some very large fibroids - I can't wait until I can do something about that.

    I hope to get back on my feet soon and replenish my wardrobe. It's important to me to be able to show my son who I really am. Any thoughts? As I wade my way through life and where I fit in this world, I have yet to find any labels that really work for me and if I never do, that's fine.

    I have a MTF cd friend that I really enjoy spending time with. He is very supportive, and he thinks I should get into being a dominatrix/female companion of some kind. I would love that, but where to begin?

  2. #2
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Central NJ
    Posts
    1,159
    Well. Your newborn needs you. You will be spending a tremendous amount of energy attending to his needs. Your identity is what you believe it to be. Explore to find out what makes you feel good about yourself. Start to build your wardrobe back. Wear what you feel comfortable. I have no suggestions about voice. Testosterone will make it deeper. In the interim try talking as a guy would. Short, direct, monotonal. Make a conscious effort to keep your pitch uniform.
    If BDSM is your thing. Explore Fetlife
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

    "Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation

    "A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W

  3. #3
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    3,043
    Hi Beth! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I'm not qualified to offer too much advice but one quick tip I can offer for presenting as a guy is 'take up space', guys tend to sprawl out when they sit and litteraly occupy more physical space than women do, it's an alpha male dominance thing hard wired 😈 if you need an inspiration boost as well have you looked up Buck Angel, wow!

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Cathedral City, CA
    Posts
    4,640
    b_m:

    You've certainly got enough going on that will work towards keeping your stress level up! Obviously having a child changes everything compared to how your life was before. I think it is important to settle into how your life is now and get reasonably comfortable with it. Once that happens, then you can figure out what your next move will be.

    Good Luck to you and your son!

    DeeAnn

  5. #5
    Silver Member JenniferR771's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    4,614
    Flatlander is right. Get your life in order. Understand yourself. Settle down. Get responsible. A child depends on you.
    I am supposing you are not lesbian, but you have some male tendencies. Love male clothes.
    That makes you a good fit with a crossdresser. Try meeting and dating a few MTF crossdressers. If you are accepting, you could find a good match.
    At the least he could loan you a few of his old suits.

  6. #6
    New Member beth_myer's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Posts
    19
    You suppose correctly, JenniferR. That would be great.

    Anyone near Santa Cruz, CA looking to get rid of old men's clothes?

    Thank you for the love and support, everybody

  7. #7
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Cathedral City, CA
    Posts
    4,640
    Quote Originally Posted by beth_myer View Post
    You suppose correctly, JenniferR. That would be great.

    Anyone near Santa Cruz, CA looking to get rid of old men's clothes?

    Thank you for the love and support, everybody
    There's a fine distinction between "old" men's clothes and "old men's" clothes.

    Just sayin' as I resemble that remark...

    Seriously though, continued progress!!

    DeeAnn

  8. #8
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    2,728
    Quote Originally Posted by beth_myer View Post
    Anyone near Santa Cruz, CA looking to get rid of old men's clothes?
    I've got some stuff gathering dust in my closet. Literally, how does so much dust get in the damn closet?

    Anyhoo, PM me with sizes and stuff and if it works, I suppose I can put myself out and drive down to Santa Cruz one of these weekends. :-)
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  9. #9
    Senior Member Krististeph's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    midwest suburbs
    Posts
    1,523
    not sure if i can help at all, aside from saying 'hang in there'. Being both a mom and a dad- that is actually pretty cool, IMO- aside from the negative stuff. I read something recently- "if you are going though hell, don't stop.". I take that to mean do not stop making the changes that you need to make. Your son has the chance to see someone who can be both genders- and understand why. Tell you son stories, your own. Read to him. Show him how to read- honestly- reading is the sure cure to almost all maladies- and speak with him as an adult- as well as a child. let him know people respect others who can read and speak well.
    As for labels- create your own- or let your son tell you what they are. Give him tons of hugs daily, and read a lot. these things create healthy happy minds. He will figure out things for himself, and probably surprise you in the process. teach numbers too- solid basic arithmetic. Teach him (and yourself if necessary) to use a slide rule, seriously, logarithms are a key to higher understanding. Seriously. Learning this 'basic' stuff- this is what opens up the mind.
    As for yourself, I'm MtF, so we are kind of crossed, but check out various sources for 5.11 pants- police/military/mountain. Serious gear for serious guys. 100% cotton or 50/50 nylon/cotton- they last a long time. I used to wear these exclusively doing serious field service- very high heat environment, best uniform i ever had. Royal Robbins was the name, but so many have copied the style. serious gender neutral gear.
    When he gets old enough- read Robert Heinlein to him- best ever sci-fi boy's author. Loved females- respected them as equals, but different. Great fun for boys. be warned- you will be lighting a fuse-- he will decide to be what he wants- very self-actuated.

    teach well the basics- both to yourself and your son- learn from the boy scouts- no, don't mimic them- learn from them: Take the useful and make it work for you, discard what is useless. This was Bruce Lee's philosophy, one tough, smart S.O.B. make it your own.

    One last bit of advice, watch the video of Marilyn vos Savant- an interview, search youtube or google, "raising intelligent children" and think of it as applying to you as well as your child. She's pretty smart- makes awesome sense.

    I am a professor- my best students are the ones who challenge me and give me trouble- on topic. I move mountains for them if they perform up to their potential. All you have to do is decide to be better than the rest.

    I hope this inspires you/helps. That was the intention.

    Best wishes and a bear hug. -k



  10. #10
    New Member beth_myer's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Posts
    19
    Oh! That's a good point point. I really just meant if anyone has any men's clothes they don't need anymore. Age of the clothing, not the person.

    Thank you, KristiSteph. That was inspiring. I've actually never seen a slide rule even though I've done plenty of math and I like it. I'll have to look it up. I will def. also look up that interview with Marilyn vos Savant.

    Sometimes I forget the potential for awesome things to happen when you have a child. You never really know what the future will bring. It is fun to watch him grow. He'll never really know how much I get out of being his mom/dad. Ok, we need a new word for that. I feel more like a mod. I should teach him to call me mod instead. That would be awesome.

    Forgive me, what is IMO? Is that one of those texting abbreviations all the cool kids know? (I'm cool, too, I swear )
    Last edited by Raychel; 08-06-2015 at 06:00 AM.

  11. #11
    Adyson Saikotsu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    484
    IMO is In My Opinion.
    IMHO is "in my honest opinion"
    The quest to find a label that fits is one many of us know quite well. My question to you is, do you feel you're a man in a woman's body? Perhaps you're transgender in that case. Do you feel that you're a woman, but prefer to wear men's clothing? Perhaps you're a crossdresser then. Do you sometimes feel like a woman, and others feel like a man? If so, maybe you're genderfluid like me.

    Regardless of which labels you embrace, the important thing to remember is that you are you.

  12. #12
    New Member beth_myer's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Santa Cruz, CA
    Posts
    19
    Quote Originally Posted by Robin414 View Post
    Hi Beth! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I'm not qualified to offer too much advice but one quick tip I can offer for presenting as a guy is 'take up space', guys tend to sprawl out when they sit and litteraly occupy more physical space than women do, it's an alpha male dominance thing hard wired 😈 if you need an inspiration boost as well have you looked up Buck Angel, wow!
    I took that to heart, and I've been practicing. I totally understand now why guys tend to have nice abs/shoulders, and all that. Interesting.

  13. #13
    Junior Member Stumble's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Elmira, NY
    Posts
    51
    Since you have some recent experiences of abuse, getting 'into' dominatrix/companion activities might well bring you more fireworks than you were looking for. Take time to sift through your experiences. This is a bad time to feel worse.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    Central Texas
    Posts
    5,990
    Beth, I'm a CD MTF well only in thought. When I'm male, boots are my top priority, With anything I wear. Also shorts are not to be seen on men out there. LOL. Jeans , T-shirt. or suit I have a boot for. I find that in my girly clothes I do have boots there also. Boots are very male. Here in Texas, cowboy boots are top. I also recommend taking your time with your son. After life gets better then find your mate. It is easy to find a submissive female. Heck when I was at a club I would go after those girls only to find they had a butch that took her away from me. LOL Yet any of those girls I thought that I could have. So there is a lot of submissive girls that wants a boy like you. Take your time finding one.
    Part Time Girl

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State