En Femme vs Gender Blending

[AbigailJordan]

This is something I've noticed previously in every day life that features quite prominently on here also for some reason.. allow me to explain.

When out dressed fully en femme, when meeting new people, out and about shopping etc, you notice the odd look here and there that you know is the look of "Is that a guy or not?" which as dressers we accept as "the norm" for now. Most tend to do the double take, shrug and move on, a sign of "whatever floats your boat I suppose"

When "blending", i.e. presenting as male but wearing feminine style clothing, I think many of us have our favourite skinny jeans and neutral tops etc that we use when we have to be in "guy mode" first and foremost but not necessarily bound by any clothing convention, the looks you get are different.. the whole "Is that guy wearing womens jeans? Why on earth would he want to dress like that in public?"

Now it seems to me, having done both and observed peoples reactions, that many people are far more disturbed by a guy wearing a jumpsuit with an embellished neckline, than they are when I present en femme in a sexy bodycon dress and heels etc.

Now at first I assumed this was merely down to the way that most un-initiated people can at least fit Abi into a semi-binary gender view.. at least I'm a man appearing to be a woman.. no grey area. Whereas a guy wearing a dress, or a jumpsuit etc is much harder to place on one side of the line or the other.

However, having read a few posts recently concerning "casual dressing" or "gender blending" seems to have provoked a similar response among the people here too. Comments such as "why would you want to go out in public in a dress anyway?". Which is akin to those of us who are out being asked "why would you want to go out en femme anyway?"

We are all different, we all dress for different reasons, and we all have different goals we are looking to achieve, even if that goal is learning more about who we are, and I find it amazing that full en femme cd's seem to join the societal judgement of guys who like to wear the clothes but not transform. Is this merely a case of "I want the right not to be judged but I maintain the right to judge others"? Are not the needs and desires and rights of the casual dresser as important and valid as those of the full on crossdresser? or the pre-op transsexual.. or the post-op transsexual?

It seems almost a case of "you're not a proper crossdresser so you don't have the same rights as me". It's quite disheartening to see such judgement from within our own ranks and wondered if anyone else had noticed a similar attitude to gender blending or casual dressing in life or online? Do you think that people of all backgrounds generally have a lot more trouble with the "half way transvestite"?

[Jennifer0874]

Gender blending has kind of become the norm for me around the house after work. It usually involves yoga pants or women's athletic shorts. What it means is I want to dress comfortably and not have to worry about the hair and makeup.

Most nights my wife and I take our dog for an evening walk and I wouldn't think of changing. It's kinda funny because in cooler weather both of us have on yoga pants. In warmer weather were both in short shorts.

I'm at a point where I want to maximize my dressing opportunities and blending is an easy way to do it.

[Angela Marie]

I usually wear tights especially at the gym when I work out. I'm about the only guy that does but no one has hassled me or said anything. I also wear my tights around the house. They are soooo comfortable. The other day I was wearing them with a nice pink top doing some housework and the UPS guy rang the doorbell. I answered and he was really flustered lol. I singed for the package, said "thanks sweetie" and closed the door. Would love to have heard that conversation at the end of the day lol

[Allisa]

When I'm out presenting as female if you get close enough or I speak there is no doubt I'm male and as long as my actions are equal to my presentation most just shrug me off as compared to when I'm dressed as a more femme male, long hair down, nails painted, tighter jeans, jewelry, slight make-up, maybe bra, possibly visible and so forth then I believe I'm pigeon holed as gay and that still discusses some so I am rejected as a person and not to be taken seriously. As far as other members here it takes all kinds and every one has a right to their opinions, all taken with a grain of salt. The term "half way transvestite" seems to be judgemental on your part but that is YOUR right.

[Beverley Sims]

I find blending successful as I am usually mistaken for a female.

[Pat]

Oh dear, so now we have two meanings for "blending" that mean opposite things? In one case someone dresses fully en femme "to blend" and in the other someone dresses in a mixed presentation "blending" genders? To me it's the use of language that's distressing, not the acts it describes.

We're a reasonably diverse cross-section of the population, so it makes sense that we'll have the full spectrum of behaviors including intolerance of other people's choices. The thing to strive for is growth/evolution. Maybe people with a strong sense of correctness will get exposed to others who have differing opinions and both sides will adjust their views. I know I've run into concepts that I never considered in my own crossdressing but now accept (albeit I accept them as things I'll never do. )

[Katey888]

It seems almost a case of "you're not a proper crossdresser so you don't have the same rights as me". It's quite disheartening to see such judgement from within our own ranks and wondered if anyone else had noticed a similar attitude to gender blending or casual dressing in life or online? Do you think that people of all backgrounds generally have a lot more trouble with the "half way transvestite"?

Abi - may I call you Abi? - it can be disheartening but I think because we represent such a broad cross section of people - backgrounds, cultures and experiences - we also have some that reflect the more polarised views of a lot of society. The one thing this place has amplified for me in the past 18 months is the benefit of tolerance of all sorts - gender and sexual preference, religious, political, artistic, etc. I don't believe every en femme CD feels this way about other 'types' of CDer - I know I don't, and I've been vocal in expressing support for everyone from those who 'gender blend' right through to guys in dresses... I'd feel as if I were on extremely thin ice to be critical just because I'm of the femulator persuasion.

As far as the muggles go, I'm certain they have more difficulty understanding anything that falls out of the gender presentation binaries. The average muggle scope for tolerance probably goes something like this (highly simplified and omitting fetish CDers):

1) Presenting fully en femme/ Femulator: "Probably transsexual or transgender... yeah, I can sort of get that..."
2) Gender blending/ Androgynous look: "Seems a bit effeminate... probably gay - yeah, but I kinda get that too..."
3) Man in a dress/ Neck-up male:Neck-down female: "I have no idea what that means... I don't get that at all..."
4) Gender fluid/ One day fully male:Next day fully female: "I don't get that either... why....?? how...??? aaahhh... "

To be fair, there are aspects of our condition that also puzzle me but I'm more happy to accept these differences as an expression of diversity in presentation and feeling without needing to question their validity. But it underlines again for me, why muggles find it so hard to grasp just what we're about...

Doesn't give anyone actually in the community an excuse, though...

Katey x

[ErikaS]

I am one who gender blends I wear 80% women's clothes every day not really full enfemem. I found It keeps me sane in a happy place. I do goll all out and out sometimes. I do understand the looks and the wtf but I really don't mind or care. I'm being me.

Erika

[Rachael Leigh]

Being one who does wear women's clothes in guy mode it really is just my choice. I do like womens styles if I'm dressed full or not, not to mention sometimes I just don't have time to get dressd fully. So I'm glad I have freedom to dress in whatever. I don't go overboard in guy mode and usually just in gender neutral clothes

[sometimes_miss]

First I have to mention that I don't leave the house while dressed as a girl. However, should anyone ever ask:

<snip>However, having read a few posts recently concerning "casual dressing" or "gender blending" seems to have provoked a similar response among the people here too. Comments such as "why would you want to go out in public in a dress anyway?". Which is akin to those of us who are out being asked "why would you want to go out en femme anyway?"

And the answer remains the same: Because I feel normal that way.

We are all different, we all dress for different reasons, and we all have different goals we are looking to achieve, even if that goal is learning more about who we are, and I find it amazing that full en femme cd's seem to join the societal judgement of guys who like to wear the clothes but not transform. Is this merely a case of "I want the right not to be judged but I maintain the right to judge others"?

Absolutely. Far too many feel the need to denigrate others in order to feel better about themselves. Even after they, themselves, have experienced the same type of judgement from others.

It seems almost a case of "you're not a proper crossdresser so you don't have the same rights as me". It's quite disheartening to see such judgement from within our own ranks and wondered if anyone else had noticed a similar attitude to gender blending or casual dressing in life or online? Do you think that people of all backgrounds generally have a lot more trouble with the "half way transvestite"?

Sadly, we still have critics among our own who think their way is the only way. That's probably not going to change, as people need to feel that what THEY are is normal, as opposed to what anyone else does. It's human nature. But it does get tired that so many who know what it's like to be looked down on, continue to look down on others in what is basically the same type of situation.

[Ineke Vashon]

What's a muggle?

Ineke

[AbigailJordan]

Ok, just to clear a few things up, when I use terms in quotation marks, I am not applying a label, but merely referencing common labels that are used by many and provide a common frame of reference without having to resort to a detailed politically correct description of particular behaviour. Using the term "gender blender" or "half way transvestite" is quicker than using the term "guy who likes to present as male but wearing female attire", and it also highlights the way we are viewed by those who do not understand or agree with a particular behaviour.

Jennie, I apologise if I've used the term incorrectly, but "gender blender" I have always understood to mean combining aspects of both feminine and masculine and presenting as androgynous. perhaps a hyphen would help to distinguish, but blending also means to deconstruct edible ingredients in a mechanical kitchen device, for the purposes of this post, the use of the derivatives of blend are in relation to "gender-blending" rather than en femme "blending in".

Katey, of course you may, all my friends call me Abi And you're right that we in the community have no excuse, but I have seen occasions where one of the girls posts that they want to go out en femme and receive dozens of supportive comments.. you go for it girl. good for you.. be yourself etc etc. The same with those of us lucky enough to have our first outing en femme. And yet one of the "guys" posts that he wishes he could wear a dress in public and it's a very different matter.. lots of negativity and "advice" to just stay in the closet etc.

And I guess of your 4 categories I fall into the latter one. I present 5-6 days a week as male, I work as a male, I shop as a male etc. Saturday and occasionally Sunday I present fully female without changing my normal weekend routine. But I'm still well aware that wearing an obviously female outfit in guy mode poses too many questions for the "muggles" and is harder to deal with than even option 4. I just don't understand the community making a distinction and offering differing support for each. That's kind of like gays fighting for equal rights, acceptance etc.. but excluding bi-sexual people from the same kind of support and benefit. I just don't get it

[kimdl93]

I tried the mixed presentation as an intermediate step before going out fully en femme for the first time. I found that the discordant appearance attracted more attention, elicited more reaction and perhaps more confusion than when I finally presented en femme. Besides, I felt much more complete and at ease when I went all the way.

[Rhonda Jean]

I work as a male, but I've recently spent more time fully en femme than usual. I must say, though, I love mixing genders. Specifically I like wearing nail polish and carrying a purse. I sometimes do more. Heels, makeup, tops... Just about anything that would be part of a female presentation I might do in an otherwise male presentation. I think I've always done this in one form or another, it's just that I'm in a nail polish and purse phase right now. I occasionally see other guys with their toes polished. I push it a bit beyond that, but I see it as just barely pushing the envelope.

[jjjjohanne]

I always present male. I normally wear skirts if I am crossdressing. The public notices, but they do not react significantly. It is obvious what I am doing. If I had on yoga pants or something. Maybe they would look longer trying to figure out if I am crossdressing. I don't know...

[Sarasometimes]

Abi,
Interesting post that will get all sorts of replies, some of which, I believe are not your intent. My explanation is that the uninformed, bigoted, phobics have the most difficulty if they don't have a clear reason to be repulsed, offended or afraid. If you are en-femme you sort of answer this question enough for them, you are TG, worse case for the professional bigot, a Tranny. If you give a mixed gender message they feel challenged and may just resort to he is gay but they may also think sissy which can make a confrontation a bit more likely. Recently I've started to think that the best commonly mentioned label that best describes me may be "gender non-conforming". Previously I have felt I was more just a CD because when I go out I cross dress and present as a female (hopefully blendable). With these recent revelations, I'm thinking the full enfemme is done more to be accepted/tolerated by more people not out of an inner need of mine to appear female. In therapy (not to be cured or due to feeling something is wrong with me) the concept that women can rather easily and with encouragement at times can blend masculine and feminine in their dress and appearance. Just last night my wife asked me about a pair of my running shorts in the wash. I clearly identified them as mine but that I hadn't worn them recently. She was curious about the size, we concluded that she has been wearing them and will continue to. (yeah, I know to some here this was the golden have the talk moment, trust me it wasn't).
I like to also do really fem stuff like play with hair and makeup on women as well as really manly stuff that is dangerous, hard dirty work. I hope I'm on target for your OP.

[Eryn]

I go out fully dressed quite often, but when I cannot (work or local community) I wear women's clothing that works for male mode. With a ponytail and earrings I still get "ma'amed occasionally.

I have no animosity toward full timers or toward those who stay at home. People do what they want to do when they can do it.

I have seen some rather surprising examples of disapproval, such as CDers ostracizing TS folk, and I've seen various TS folk belittling CDers and even other TS individuals who haven't had the level of medical intervention they consider to be required to be "authentic". I think that, in the end, it is a bit silly to be in conflict with each other when the real enemies are the people who would see us all in prison or worse.

[Sarasometimes]

Well put Eryn! We need to lead by example and not have so many posts that criticize how others here conduct themselves. I know i hesitate fairly often because a concern that my post will be misinterpreted or that I used a label...

[AletaHawk]

3) Man in a dress/ Neck-up male:Neck-down female: "I have no idea what that means... I don't get that at all..."
4) Gender fluid/ One day fully male:Next day fully female: "I don't get that either... why....?? how...??? aaahhh... "

I don't understand #3 myself because it feels like the kind of thing that's only going to draw negative attention or be seen as mocking. There's the occasion where you see a dad dressed as a Disney princess to go along with something a daughter is doing (I keep seeing this on Facebook as a "look at this great dad!") that's different, but otherwise I'm not sure I've ever seen a positive out of it that wasn't a show of support on this site. Still, live and let live I say.

#4 is exactly why I'm not "out" publicly. I identify as Gender Fluid, but most people have no flipping clue what that means. I barely understand it, so explaining it doesn't make it any easier. It should be as simple as "Sometimes I like to wear a skirt. Deal with it" but we all know that doesn't always work

I don't want to rant, so I'll stop there but yeah. Being Gender Fluid is a nightmare. At least it has been for me.

[flatlander_48]

I think at the root of this discussion is confusion...

About an hour ago, I returned home after attending a meeting and going out for a drink with a couple of other folks. We were all dressed, including makeup, jewelry and in the case of 2 of us, heels. However, it wouldn't take much scrutiny to arrive at the notion that we were all genetic males dressed as females.

Regarding people who dress in some sort of male/female amalgam, I think it confuses the general populace. They are not sure what the person's intentions are. And further, unless you know the person or start a conversation with them, you will likely never know.

DeeAnn

[Belle Cri]

I guess I gender blend frequently. It does not bother me. it bothers the hell out of other people for reasons correctly identified, but that really isn't my overall concern, as rude as that may be. I do not judge or attempt to evaluate them sexually. Why am I suddently a meat/not meat candidate because I do not fit a pre-fitted gender norm. Sorry, no, I refuse that one, and will go put on my heels, stockings and other fantastic outfits when I am good and ready to, not someone else, sorry. Not a big fan of pandering. Sorry if I've been strident or offensive. I've suffered from that too much in the past.

[pamela7]

okay, so I've been living this "blending" as Abi has called it, these last 6 months. Often people are so engrossed in themselves they don't even notice me, with no wig, no make-up. There have been gay/bi assumptions made, yes. There have been double-takes, yes. There has been puzzlement.

Last Thursday I was meeting a friend at a pub i'd never been to before. As I arrived outside there was a rowdy crowd of men clearly long in the drinking, and so i waited in the car, then closer, until my friend (a lady) arrived, when we just entered the pub, and all was well, actually. It was my fears, really, and the pub staff gave no sign of problems, nor did other customers later - the odd double-take as i went to the men's room in a long skirt. Longer or shorter male hair can be styled femininely, and at distance I can pass well enough not to get a second-glance. As none of us will pass given close-up scrutiny, and as there are tall ladies out there, perhaps the fears are just our own?

The normal feedback from someone who is not quite accepting is "why do you do it?" (with an incredulous expression). I used to think that I lived a "live and let live" life and yet many other people don't, but now the dressing is showing that most people live and let live, actually. It takes quite a bold and probably sociopathic personality to have the courage and nerve to verbally or physically assault another person. Yes, we've seen this happen in late-night places (Isha), but I reckon it's the exception not the norm.

If I could adapt my lifestyle to make-up more often, I think I would - my nails are mostly painted these days.

So, back to the point, I feel a proper cross-dresser, regardless. And I appreciate the effort others go to, to make-up to the nine's. I might even be "more" than just a CD on this spectrum or not, I don't know. What I do know is that the more we live and let live, the happier everyone can be.

xxx

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Abigail, When I dress it is full feminine all the way I never thought of my self as a (BENDER)
but maybe I secretly am a bender as I wear women's elastic waist jeans and tee shirts around the house.

[Richelle]

Since I telecommute everyday, I guess I dress gender bending all the time. Full wavy hair, long earrings,bright nail polish and colorful women's tops and pants. No makeup or forms. Like Erin, I am Ma'maed all this time.

I only consider my self as out 'enfem' when I wear makeup and my breast forms.

Richelle