How do you tell your teenage daughter?

[Belle Cri]

This is coming for me. She's 13. Has anyone else gone through this, and how did it go, etc.? This is probably the scariest part of the whole thing for me. Her mother is, well, long story and not a good one.

[kimdl93]

I waited. Bit longer than 13, but I don't think there is an absolute right time. The issues I think would depend on how involved you are living openly as a transgender person. The greater the degree, the more important to tell your kids before they find out second hand.

[char GG]

Please let me clarify that I have only raised one daughter so my experience is limited. Everyone is different and your daughter may be just fine.

13 for a girl is not a good age for big surprises at home. The drama of their lives, friends, school, etc, is typically magnified out of proportion than it really should be. They are usually self absorbed and very concerned about what others, usually peers, think. I doubt that it is a secret a 13 year old girl would keep (again, just my opinion).

Are you planning to live full time as a woman? Transition? Is this something that she needs to know during her teenage years or can it wait until she matures?

My daughter is in her 30's and knows about her dad. She doesn't mind at all - now.

I think kimdl93 is right. There is no absolute right time.

Best wishes for a happy outcome.

[Kate T]

My eldest daughter is 14, next is 8 and son is 5. They all know, have known for over 3 years, have been out with me dressed and they know I am on HRT and a pathway to transitioning.

I will contradict Char here I am afraid. Children are perfectly capable of keeping secrets. They are not fools. Nor will they deliberately hurt the ones they love. So no, they have not told anyone (except my mother in law) this "secret". But that is not really your problem. The bigger concern is that you appear not to have the support of your partner. I think without a doubt with children THE most important thing that helps them deal with this is if BOTH parents are on the same page and supporting each other. You must come to a some sort of agreed ground there with your partner before you consider telling or risking your children finding out.

[Teresa]

Belle Cri,
There's never a right time to tell anyone but I would hold off telling your daughter she may have enough of her own problems as a teenager to deal with without giving her your problem. You may feel better for it but she may be pretty upset and think she's lost your support as a father !

I only came out to my daughter by accident , she caught me ironing a dress she knew didn't belong to my wife so I felt I had to tell her before asking my wife about the dress . She was older and at university so she was mature enough to handle it and she has been very understanding and supportive since then .

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Belle Cri, My two daughters are both in their late 40s' and I see no need to lay this burden on them.

It was bad enough that I had to lay it on mywife.

[Christa001]

I have told both of my daughters and it has been heartwarming ! Full acceptance ( and shopping ! ).One saw some things on the computer,than started asking questions.The other one lives with me now so had to be told.As a footnote,I told mine when they were both 20ish.Try to gage the mindset of yours before you tell.Most important-Ensure your wife is ok with you telling
her

Christa
.

[DanaR]

Some of you might have had a different experience than what I had. My daughter found out about me, when she was 19 years old. Until then we were good friends. That changed for a long time, looking back, maybe ten years or so. She would say some of the most hateful and hurtful things to me. She seemed like she wanted to break my wife and me up. We couldn't figure out why she acted like this. Once in a while she will climb back on this wagon, the last time was about two years ago, when my wife took me down to get my ears pierced for my birthday.

[Rachelakld]

Easy
Over winter I started wearing warm cotton leggings/tights around the house, I told her, like her I find them comfortable and warm.
Latter I started wearing shinny leggings/tights and explained how I like shinny clothes.
About 14-15 when shopping, I would comment how I would like to wear the same type of clothes - mine said we could share if I got girl clothes (she saw it as a way of doubling her wardrobe)
3 of my 4 daughters have since seen me fully dressed (they tell my wife off, if I'm not allowed to dress pretty).....
... oldest one would scream and shout to everyone she knows a 100 time that I'm a pervert (at 23, it's the only word she knows for "different")

[Sandra]

We told our daughter when she was 14 and had no problems, we just said that dad liked to wear womens clothes. In fact she said that she knew there was something going on then asked her dad if she could borrow her clothes To add to this Nigella was in denial when we told her and since has transitioned fully and our daughter has supported Nigella all the way through.

One thing I will say is don't ask her to keep your secret is it just not fair, she should not be expected to keep this to herself and only having you to talk to about it and her feelings.

[Belle Cri]

Thank you - for obvious privacy reasons, I omitted one fact. Her mother is not my SO - we divorced bitterly some time ago. So, thank you, I'll heed the advice and back off for my daughter's sake. Just because I am more comfortable en femme does not mean I stop being a father who deeply loves his daughter ... ever

[veola]

I wore women's clothes until my daughter was 6 years old once at a party she said that the Pope is the high heel shoes. After that I stopped to change clothes when her daughters.Many years have passed. I think they know about my hobby

[Ceera]

My daughter was 16 to 17 when she first learned I was weraing panties under my male clothes. At the time, that was all I was doing. She was 18 when I came out to her that I was Bi and that I wanthed to cross dress. She was always been understanding and supportive. She already had openly gay and Bi friends, and even one teen friend who was a MtF trans. So it was no big deal for her.

[antonyio]

I too are/were in the same boat,divorce but with two daugthers age 15 and 13,i just keep droping clues and they are getting more accepting of it ,they have seen a friend change and were happy,now when we shop I hold the clothes up to me so they can see what its like and thing I do at times they go dad you are so a girl,a couple of times I have gone ,yes I am but they have not responded,they know something but not all,like you I am proably scare of the ex reaction more than the kids,all I say is keep dropping hints and in time tell herAttachment 248747

[CDPheobe]

I myself have two teen daughters. One 15, the other,13. I wear either tan or black pantyhose with boyshorts and my wife's long silky top. As soon as I get home, I'm showered and dressed comfy. Both my girls see me daily like this and never once really questioned why I wear what I do. Mom wears pantyhose around the house but not as often as me. I love wearing pantyhose. I feel it's the most comfy piece of clothing. My wife says they are too hot to wear in summer. I showed her how to cool off with a mister spray bottle and spray her.legs till they are moist. She loves the idea. I also showed her that you can massage lotion on the nylon to make it a bit silkier.