Who are we to judge?

[Kate T]

Many recent threads on Caitlin Jenner and also previously on Laverne Cox, Conchita Wurst and others bring up many comments along the lines of "if only she dressed more appropriately it would be better", "she's too beautiful", "she's had too much surgery", "she doesn't present a good image of TG's", "all that other stuff is getting in the way of her educating the general public" etc.

It is about time we stopped expecting others to do our own dirty work and then criticising them when we don't like the way they do it. So you don't like Caitlin's clothing choices. You don't think a lady with a beard represents TG people. Or TV stars with glamorous looks make people think all TG are early onset transitioners. It is NOT their job to fight for your rights. They are enablers. They let you start the conversation. So your straight friends think Caitlin is just doing this for publicity. Do you then steer the conversation and remind them of what she is really talking about, that LGBT youth have the highest rates of suicide and homelessness of ANY minority, or do you just agree with them and go "yeah, she's over the top, I don't like the way she does x/y/z"?

It behoves all of us whenever we would like to comment on one of these threads or even start one up to stand in front of the mirror and ask ourselves, exactly what have I done to inform and educate others about TG'ism. Then have a good long hard think about this:

WHO AM I TO JUDGE?

[Brenda79135]

You know, your going to put the news stand rags out of business with thoughts like this.

Brenda

[pamela7]

casting stones i believe is where we have to first be without sin according to some dead guy who may or may not have even existed! He's right, I agree, we're not here to judge, we're here to embrace and accept, within the rules and guidelines. :-)

[kimdl93]

I would guess that relatively few of us are really outstanding representatives of the TG community. I know I could do more than I am willing or able to do. The propensity to find fault with others, however, is an unseemly part of human nature. I'm certainly as guilty as anyone in that respect. The recent fascination with CJ is the tabloid monetization of prurient interests. At least beyond the tabloids and the supposed reality TV format, there has been some conversation started. Certainly now, more than ever, people are acknowledging that we exist.

[Belle Cri]

I wholeheartedly concur in Adina's observations. I only really get to judge myself, and that is far too brutal a jury as it is. This is similar to a discussion I frequently find myself in - if someone disapproves of my dress or appearance, then stop looking at me.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Adina, My thought is live and let live !

[KayMcLaughlin]

If what you're doing isn't hurting anyone, and feels right, why not? Also, envy is one of the least useful of emotions IMHO (unless you are using it as a spur to push you to where you want to be yourself, perhaps).

[Krisi]

It's human nature to judge people. We all do it. We may not be saying it out loud or posting on web forums but we judge other people constantly.

And when people put themselves out as celebrities, they are inviting being judged.

[Pat]

I very much agree we should live and let live, but when we get militant about it, it turns back on us very quickly -- who are we to judge those who judge us? And who are they to judge us for judging them, etc. Everyone contributes to the rich panoply of life, and we should accept that but in all of recorded history we never have. So I totally agree with you, but this is going to go nowhere.

[CynthiaD]

Remember that Caitlyn is a sister. She's gone through the same internal struggles that all of us go through, and she puts her panties on the same way we do.

Yes, she's richer than most of us, she's more famous than most of us, but so what? None of that made her journey any easier. It's the internal struggle that makes us sisters, not fame and fortune.

The fact that she allowed the media access to her transition has done us all a great service. It sends the right message. The message is that being transgendered is a normal part of the human spectrum. We're not weirdos. We're not crazy. We're not sick. We don't need to be ashamed of our state of being. We don't need to hide it from others. We're here. We're all around you. And we're normal.

[justmetoo]

Hear, hear!
I prefer to concentrate my energies on compassion, empathy, sympathy, and even joy, rather than on judging others.

[paulaprimo]

great thread btw and I couldn't agree with you more.

I for one am grateful for CJ and others like her being in the public eye. good or bad publicity
is still publicity for the TG community, and the more it is in the public eye
the better it will eventually become for us.

gaining outside support is hard enough. and after reading some threads on here, it amazes me
the way we are divided amongst ourselves.

[ReineD]

This is a discussion forum.

Discussion: noun.
1. The action or process of talking about something, typically in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.
2. A conversation or debate about a certain topic.
3. A detailed treatment of a particular topic in speech or writing.

Synonyms: Conversation, talk, dialogue, discourse, conference, debate, exchange of views, consultation, deliberation;
examination, exploration, analysis, study;
Origin: Middle English (denoting judicial examination): via Old French from late Latin discussio(n-), from discutere ‘investigate’ (see discuss).

People will offer differing points of view. There will be a dialogue with some debate. Some people will agree, and some will not. I suppose you could call this "judgment" (the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions), but reading down the posts in this thread, I would not call it "casting stones", ""finding fault with", "envying", or "getting militant".

We can either discuss, or an OP can make a statement, and it can be followed by 25 "I agree" comments.

[Krisi]

Good point.

All too often someone will make a statement and a bunch of "Internet bullies" will gang up on that person for making the statement. Just because we are all crossdressers doesn't mean we agree on everything.

[Kate T]

Thankyou Reine. And of course you are right.

However I feel this forum is at it's best when it debates ideas, not individuals and how they choose to present themselves.

[ReineD]

Idea1: Discuss how a CD should dress the first time his wife or girlfriend sees him dressed. (Actually, this has been a topic here on several occasions and the suggestions have always been, don't overdo it. Why is this?)

Idea2: Discuss whether or not TSs, when first presenting to family, friends, or for the first time at work, should present a highly sexual facet of themselves. Discuss the various potential reactions given existing social bias, and discuss whether the manner of dress chosen will be counterproductive to the TS's immediate goals of acceptance. Further discuss whether or not the same rules might apply in a year after said TS has presented all the other facets of herself.

Idea3: When member A becomes privy to some information that might be helpful to another member (such as a loved one or a boss' real reactions behind the member's back), should member A share this information? Might it provide the other member with an opportunity for self-assessment in order to temporarily change tactics if his/her immediate goal is eventual acceptance or keeping his/her job? Discuss.