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Thread: Transition because you have to?

  1. #101
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    it's a good question Gendermutt and something I've given a lot of thought to.

    The funny thing about a gender transition is how absurdly simple it is to conceive of once you accepted who you are. Who am I? Well since you asked;

    I am someone who has identified as something else for as long as I can remember. I thought that something else was gay until I tried being openly gay, and realized I might be wrong. When I finally found out what my real issue was, I was terrified and resolute that I was NOT going to transition. All it took was a near death experience for me to open my eyes to the life I had, instead of the life I wanted. I didn't want to be this way. What way is that? Well I'm glad you asked;

    I am someone who wants to act exactly the way I feel without people thinking that I'm supposed to act some other way. As it turns out, I've always liked feminine things and expressed myself in a feminine manner. No I'm not an overly femmy person, and I don't care for overtly femmy things, but for the most part everything about me was decidedly not masculine. I love women emotionally but being friends with a woman was not possible due to normal sexual chemistry and my testosterone fueled love muscle. My affection for women was forever being misconstrued by them AND me. I loved doing things with the guys sometimes but I resented being ONE of the guys. Anyhoo, coming out as trans allowed me to just be myself and no longer have to police my mannerisms, or my interests, or my language. I tried the gender queer thing but I found that I really didn't like being perceived as a man. My transition was kind of the last thing I tried and sure enough, the personality issues that plagued me my whole life were mostly resolved by the freedom to express myself openly, everywhere, every day.

    What if I would have been allowed or encouraged to just be myself as a kid? I guess we'll never know.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  2. #102
    Silver Member STACY B's Avatar
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    Melissa you got it all right,, We will never know what would have been ? An same as you I hated to be one of the boys sober,, I could be the Best Good Old Boy while intoxicated ,, Some say they couldn't drink a lot before for fear of what they would say or do,,lol,,, Hell I have a fix for that,, Stay drunk,, I did and loved it and it kept everyone away from me for long time. Not all the way but never let anyone get to close.

    I tried to STOP this Madness trust me I did. But nothing on earth could help me, I tried it all and nothing worked, SO GUESS WHAT? Yep Transition time,, How do you do it? When do you do it ? When do you do anything else,, How do you do anything else? Why do you do anything else? Hell I don't know,, Maybe they will write a Book on it and tell us the correct way with instructions and Call it The Transition Bible ?

    I ma going to wing it,, Let the HRT do it's thing an hope that the GD stays at Bay? Hey how bad came it be? So far so good in my book, I even asked melissa some stuff when I met her an she told me and my SO hell she didn't understand this Crap no more than I did,,,lol,,,,

    So believe it or not it made me feel better if I am doing it an no one really knows how,, How can I be doing it wrong? Everything has a Perk I guess.

  3. #103
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B View Post
    Everything has a Perk I guess.
    That's the ONLY thing you consider a perk? What about my damn sparkling personality!
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  4. #104
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    You might want to add a few diamonds in there, Melissa.

  5. #105
    If only you could see me sarahcsc's Avatar
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    Too young and you're unsure or unable.

    Too old and it's too late or it'll cause significant problems professionally and interpersonally.

    Sounds like gist of the message?
    "The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me" - Ayn Rand

  6. #106
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Actually, Sarah, the gist of the message hasn't changed
    Transition if you need to
    Don't if you don't
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

    Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist

    Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity

  7. #107
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    You are never too old. It doesn't always cause problems professionally. I know many that their careers thrived after transition. My business has thrived since starting transition. It's not easy. There are obstacles that were not there before. But not fighting an internal war every single day allows all that energy to get channeled into positive energy.
    Last edited by stefan37; 08-06-2015 at 12:06 PM.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

    "Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation

    "A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W

  8. #108
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    no no no.. you are never too old or young... everybody is different.


    the gist of the message is that you better be darn sure transition is for you..
    you better work hard at it, and you better think it through....

    young old or in between, you get to a point in your life where you realize that you must live authentically, and nothing else will do... then you take steps to live...


    the prevarications, the fantasies, the excuses, the imponderables, and the lies all seem petty and empty to people that have reached this point in their lives because nothing matters except living your own life.
    this is why sometimes there is a seeming chasm between people that have transitioned trying to explain why how and what they did to people that are confused, frightened and lost

    and people that have not transitioned keep trying to define what it is, and trying to figure out what makes a person transition.. and they cant.
    Last edited by Kaitlyn Michele; 08-05-2015 at 09:03 AM.

  9. #109
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarahcsc View Post
    Too young and you're unsure or unable.

    Too old and it's too late or it'll cause significant problems professionally and interpersonally.

    Sounds like gist of the message?
    Sarah, you really do make a great point here. Wait until a full adult life has been established, then basically crumble it. (providing there was not any serious foreknowledge of this happening) How much will likely have to change along with the legal and physical gender. At a much younger age, without all of that which has been established, the transition would go so much easier (I didn't say easy) without so much of a life that has to be dismantled.

    But then what if *OOPS* transition really wasn't the correct choice, maybe living more of a dual gender existence.... It seems that the only way to really know you cannot live the life of the gender you are born with is to go through hell trying to live it for a long period of time, suffering most or all of it.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  10. #110
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    Exactly why transition should be approached cautiously. Especially the first year. Add long as you don't shout out to the world. "Hey I'm transitioning". It is easy to hide the effects of HRT, facial hair removal etc. By the time stuff starts to get noticeable you should have a pretty good idea if it's right or not.
    When GD gets to the intensity where you need to transition. Fence sitting no longer is an option regardless of the damage transitioning can cause.

    It's why it's said. " Don't transition unless you need to. And if you do. Don't let anything get in your way. "

    Those that are sitting on the fence advocating not transitioning because of the damage or loss. Don't have that need to transition and should not. Other means need to be explored to mitigate and keep your dysphora in check.
    "When failure is off the table the only thing left is to negotiate levels of success" M Hobbes

    "Never Let your Fear Decide Your Fate" Awolnation

    "A new dawn destroys the tranquility of the darkness" Steph W

  11. #111
    Transgender Member Dianne S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    But then what if *OOPS* transition really wasn't the correct choice
    Then you detransition. Or you live a gender-fluid life, or whatever.

    I strongly believe that there's no point in second-guessing yourself or regretting decisions you make. In life, everyone will make bad choices sometimes. You deal with them the best you can and move on. But refusing to make any decision at all (out of fear, second-guessing, whatever) is usually worse than any of the choices.

  12. #112
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    you can talk and speculate about the downsides, shouldacoulda's and maybes all day long...

    if you have to do it, none of that matters..

    and despite all kinds of issues and problems more often than not, transition improves quality of life for transsexuals

  13. #113
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    If you're that unsure, the answer is obviously don't do it.

    I would have done it in my teens but fear, crippling low confidence and a total lack of information kept me caged in my own secret hell. Also my parents then just wouldn't have tolerated it.
    I simply didn't know stuff, I knew how I felt but with a lack of info, I just thought something was wrong with me, all outside influences tell you, you have to be this man.
    Then I spent half a lifetime trying so hard to fit in I never looked into other options as there didn't appear to be another option.

    That's changed, the info is readily available, support is there and society and media are more open to this and hopefully it will only get better.

    There are a lot of young people that know, I met loads at the Gender clinic in London.
    Their lives will be vastly improved by doing it early, you can see how the hormones and lack of testosterone has made a huge difference to their appearance and sadly it is appearance that really helps your integration easier.

    Talking about parents, because I believe they really shape many of your early decisions.
    My parents now especially my Mum has watched all sorts of program's and been influenced by modern media, they are way more open to people being different. This is key because changing attitudes makes it a bit easier for each coming generation.
    My parents now have been very supportive, my parents when I was born in the seventies would not have been.

    I do think it's better if your younger (now) but that depends on your upbringing and how sure you are.
    I think the main point being made here is not about age, but about need.

  14. #114
    Silver Member Starling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stefan37 View Post
    ...not fighting an internal war every single day allows all that energy to get channeled into positive segment.
    Not sure what "segment" means here, but living a miserable double life squanders the spirit.

    Lallie
    Time for a change.

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