Hello all . . . I know . . . odd title choice.
I just finished my second week of work under the agreed upon workplace accommodation of presenting as a woman when I feel a requirement to do so. Last week it was the full week, this week it was 2 days. It was . . . interesting and a bit surreal at times but none the less, it is becoming more common place in the building. Well at least I didn't get half as many stares as I did last week and people stopped finding excuses to wander by my cubicle "Umm . . . is the coffee machine around here?.
All in all, it was really a non-event as most people either chose to engage and be friendly or ignore. I believe the pre-education briefings probably helped although there are still a few awkward moments when people get on the elevator I happen to be in. Most people are getting used to the switch in gender pronouns and titles although I still get the odd “Yes Sir, I mean Ma’am . . . sorry about that Sir . . . I mean Ma’am” . . . Exit stage right jazz hands engaged. While this happens quite a bit, I cut people a lot of slack because it can be confusing but I have to admit the glimmer of evil which resides in my core, does get a chuckle when this occurs but of course I keep that to myself .
Now for an interesting experience . . . Last week I was attending a meeting as the resident subject matter expert which means that there was nobody else in that room with more knowledge about the subject than me. There were eight other participants, an all-male cast and Marcelle (girl me). I knew it was going to be awkward as these were some strong alpha male mucho macho men so, I started the meeting slowly and let people adjust and figured I would cut them some slack. However, before I knew it, I was being marginalized and talked over by people who knew less about the subject than me with the odd “kind of what she said” (well at least they go the pronoun right) thrown in for good measure . Heck, I was half expecting someone to tell me to go fetch coffee while slapping my butt. My internal voice screamed “What are you doing? Stop cutting these clowns a break and take control of the meeting”. When I tried in my female voice (or a close proximity of one) . . . Nada, just the odd did she just say something stare and then back to their sidebar discussions . It took my male voice to bring them back in line. Eventually they got it and I returned to my female voice and things went better but every so often, they would start down that road again but I got very good at my "not impressed gentlemen" stare and they stopped: . . . very surreal.
It has been a learning experience for certain. Before I started presenting at work, if I was presenting it was on my terms on my own time. I could dress as I please (jeans, comfy shoes) and spend as much or as little time out and about. However, now that I work some days identifying as a woman, that means I spend the whole day as a woman start to finish. Clothing choice is business casual so I have learned that while heels might look nice as do some sandals or flats . . . nothing beats a nice pair of comfy running shoes when taking public transit especially if you have to walk four blocks to work from your bus stop. They might not be haute couture with a skirt but my feet thank me . . . heels/flats/sandals go on in the office and off for the commute home. We have been having a heat wave of sorts and I still struggle with sleeveless and my arms, but sweaters (to cover my arms) on public transit are super warm to downright hot if the AC is not working. While I tried short sleeves and jeans once, I was not sure how I would look in a sleeveless sundress but it was my lovely wife who finally gave me the push to just be comfortable. I had a dress on and asked her what she thought about sleeveless. She looked at me and said “Sweetie, how can I say this delicately . . . you are not fooling anyone so you might as well be comfortable and just go sleeveless” . . . you mean I don't look like a gorgeous 50+ woman . . . my life is shattered . It may sound harsh but she was right. When I identify as a woman, it is just me and all my male physiology and to be honest “the kid ain’t pretty” so having a more burly upper body than your average gal, is something I just have to live with and the least of my worries. It was the last hurdle for me to finally come to accept me for me and it feels very nice indeed to not worry about it . . . okay, perhaps I am still a bit self-conscious but it is getting better.
Cheers
Isha (Marcelle)