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Thread: Question from GG

  1. #1
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    Question from GG

    Hi, I was on this site a while ago (I'm a GG) and I posted about my friendship with a CD'er who is married and about 20 years my senior. We had struck up a friendship - we don't live in the same state and haven't met. His wife doesn't know about my existence (which is basically the reason why many were against it). I don't want to rehash how we met and go over all of that again, but I should say that we are still friends and I adore him and I believe he feels the same way about me.

    The reason why I came back on here is that there was something that came up in our discussion that is a bit confusing to me. I guess it would be helpful to say that he basically just wears women's panties - all the time and also wears/enjoys women's lingerie (slips, nightgowns). He doesn't wear women's outer garments at all and doesn't wear make-up - he actually has a mustache/goatee. He told me that he would love to have breasts, but would never want to give up his penis. He has gone to sites and that is what prompted him to tell me that. I feel like he loves breasts so much that he wants them on himself. I guess the longer that I know him, the more that I will learn about him, but I'm wondering if asking him outright if he would like to be a woman (transgender) would be okay or if I should just let him come out with his feelings on his own in his own time. I guess I'm wondering what the consensus is about CDer's who are straight men and who would like breasts - are they really men who would like to be transgender and feel female inside, or do you still feel like you are a man but just want breasts?...not sure if my question makes sense. I will not judge him and do not care either way. I want to be the best friend to him that I can be and just wanted some thoughts from others. Thanks in advance for any thoughts/comments!
    Last edited by Lorileah; 08-02-2015 at 10:50 PM. Reason: sorry that is a word that we don't really allow here

  2. #2
    I am me! TrishaTX's Avatar
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    I'll tell you about me because I can't tell you about him...I love lingerie and panties as well. I especially love putting on forms, it is very sexual for me. I would also never transition it is just not for me, but I understand that other do. I think he might still be figuring this out too.

    BTW he should tell his wife, just my opinion.
    No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.

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    Thanks TXcrossdress. I don't want to rehash the "wife" thing because I'm sure he won't tell her about our friendship because he doesn't want a divorce and I think I'm the only woman that he can share this side of him with - he's in his seventies.

    That being said, can I ask, even if you never would transition, in your head at times do you think that you would love to have breasts? I know all of this is extremely sexual for him too, so not sure if that makes a difference.
    Last edited by Lisa9099; 08-02-2015 at 11:21 PM.

  4. #4
    California Dreamin Michaelasfun's Avatar
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    My .02 is that, as friends, you should just ask him whatever it is you would like answers to. An informal poll on here would probably just muddy the waters for you, since we all fall in different places on the spectrum , from guys who just like to wear female things to those who do wish to change genders, it's very unique to each person.
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  5. #5
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    If you hang around here enough you will find that having breasts is a common fantasy for CDs. I have the fantasy but the reality makes no sense as I'm in guy mode 95+% of the time. I doubt if many, or any, CDs transition just to have breast implants.

    And to your question: ask him anything you want about it. You'll find some people have spent much time thinking about it and others, not so much.
    Last edited by Taylor186; 08-02-2015 at 10:25 PM.

  6. #6
    Girl underconstruction Paulette's Avatar
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    First thank you for being a friend to someone who is in need. Open honest communication would be the best between you both. Since this is a cyber friendship, you have nothing to lose if he gets mad and stops communicating with you. Trust me when I say there are hundreds of guys on this site who would love to be able to talk about cross-dressing with an accepting GG.
    Just and older girl trying to experience all that life can bring.
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  7. #7
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    Well, I understand that for most CD's on here having breasts is a common fantasy and that most wouldn't transition. I guess my question is for the men would love to have breasts (even though they wouldn't go through with a transition), do they feel or associate more with being a woman, even if they wouldn't go through with a transition?

    I do plan on asking him, but I wanted him to be able to disclose things for me when he's comfortable disclosing them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Paulette View Post
    First thank you for being a friend to someone who is in need. Open honest communication would be the best between you both. Since this is a cyber friendship, you have nothing to lose if he gets mad and stops communicating with you. Trust me when I say there are hundreds of guys on this site who would love to be able to talk about cross-dressing with an accepting GG.
    Thanks for the reply, Paulette, but I beg to differ with "having nothing to lose". We really have become close and have a special bond and I think we both have a lot to lose if we stop communicating (which I don't think will happen as he said he's not one to get mad generally). I just don't know if a "straight" CD'er will be insulted if I ask if they feel like they want to really be a woman.
    Last edited by Lisa9099; 08-02-2015 at 11:23 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts. try and merge posts with edit or use multiquote

  8. #8
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    It is frequently the first or second question asked of every CD when they come out, or are found out. I've been asked it many times without offense taken. The other question is, "are you gay?"
    Last edited by Taylor186; 08-02-2015 at 10:40 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Taylor186 View Post
    It is the first and most frequent question asked of every CD when they come out, or are found it. I've been asked it many times.
    Does it make you feel uncomfortable when asked? He's not out to people - only his wife and immediate family know - and myself. I don't know if it's appropriate or not to ask even though I'm very curious about it.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Gretchen_To_Be's Avatar
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    Hi Lisa. It's very selfless for you to help your "pen pal." I'm very grateful to have formed a friendship or two over the years. My wife is fantastic and very suppotive to a degree, but English is not her first language...and there are things we haven't talked about yet. Somtimes I want to express nuances I cannot, in the Spanish we speak at home. Plus it's great to get an objective view. My internet GG friend has been a tremendously helpful sounding board. To answer your questions--she can ask me anything and I won't be annoyed or embarrased. Regarding breasts, I think having breasts would be great, but I won't take that step until I transition. Being a man with breasts has no appeal for me.

    Good luck!

  11. #11
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    good question. One that I think GGs often think about. There are a lot of things that people here "want" or think they want. It is how they picture being a woman...breasts, being taken and/or having a man, living like a movie star (oh wait that's me). What they don't think about is the day after. The fantasy is far better than the reality. Breasts are a forever thing. You can' try them on (OK you can but it costs a lot of money both ways). To address your question: if by transgender you mean transsexual...I would say probably not. At least at this point in his journey. We don't have any idea what is in his mind. Some people dream about having what they like with others, that would be my take in this case.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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  12. #12
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    Go ahead and ask, but he already told you he doesn't want to give up his male parts so the answer is no he doesn't want to transition.

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    Thank you, Lorileah. I think you answered it for me, and I don't think I'm going to ask him unless the topic specifically comes up. I don't think any differently of him one way or another - it's just very hard for a GG to understand some of this - it intrigues me to no end though.

  14. #14
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    Transgender is not what I would call your friend he sounds like an underdressing CDer.
    He would like to have boobs but that doesn't make him transgender.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    He would like to have boobs but that doesn't make him transgender.
    Thanks for your reply. He does only underdress and if it makes any difference, it's all extremely sexual for him. He underdresses 100% of the time.
    Last edited by Lorileah; 08-02-2015 at 11:30 PM.

  16. #16
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    He sounds like he has a fetish for ladies underwear and thats about it.
    Technically CDing yes but nothing to do with being a transgender person.
    I think its nice you have an online friendship with the guy.

  17. #17
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    Thanks Tracii G. Our friendship isn't just online - we talk on the phone and communicate other ways - maybe some day if he outlives his wife and if I'm still single, I'll meet him...but no intention otherwise. He's been a good friend to me and I want to be the same to him.

  18. #18
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Lisa, this stuff is very confusing. Often for each one of us trying to figure out what we want and why.

    I began dressing in my 50's. I wanted breasts and fantisized about full transition. This continued for over 10 years. Until I got my female suit. Which is like suddenly having a complete female body. Even when naked. (Photo below). It makes breast forms seem like training wheels. Within weeks my desires for breasts and thots of transition disappeared. That was 7+ years ago. I now realize I'm simply a crossdresser who wants to feel and appear female. Not be one. And, now I can whenever I choose!

    I'm straight and dressing is often sexual for me. But, that's me and my journey. It's taken me 17 years to work this out. Everyone of us here has their own unique story! My point is; even if u asked him direct questions? He mite not be able to give u definitive answers because he's still figuring things out!

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  19. #19
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    I have some fairly decent forms and I love to feel them when I am wearing them. But of course, they don't have nerves that are connected to me, so the feeling is only in my hands. I often wish I had real ones so that I could experience that part of the sensation, too. It's never going to happen though. I'm male and I don't plan on transitioning or having implants. So for me, it's a fantasy that I shall just have to live with. The forms do a great job but it's the nearest I'll ever get to the real thing.

  20. #20
    Gail gailbridges's Avatar
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    Lisa, I am going to reply to you in the voice of Dan Savage. (Sex advice columnist. EVERYBODY should listen to his podcast. http://www.savagelovecast.com/)

    I don't get it.
    You say you are close friends, albeit online-only friends. But you don't want to offend him?
    How do you get close to someone without asking probing and intimate questions eventually?

    It's really simple. You say, "Hello Dear friend.... Look, I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to ask you some more personal questions. I don't mean to offend you, and know that I will always be supportive of you, but.... Do you......(fill in blank here)?"

    As someone above mentioned... we girls are DYING to chat with interested GGs. My god, you're like a Unicorn sighting.
    And BTW, he may have been holding back for fear of offending YOU.
    I think most tgirls here think that ALL GGs are pretty well disgusted by us, and our hobby. That our hobby/lifestyle/whatever is a waste of time, or insulting to women, etc.
    Many of our wives just want to be "the girl" in the relationship. Hell, my wife has told me that she thinks she plays second-fiddle to Gail. (though I've never dressed in front of her, and we never really discuss Gail.)
    I would love to have a wife that is supportive, but that is not terribly likely. And it appears that our situation is very common amongst the membership here.

    I'm surprised you haven't played the "Girl" card. Meaning, females are talkative, and inquisitive. Get chatty with him!
    How has this stuff not come up in conversation previously? I suspect that you might be one of those overly polite, socially accommodating girls..... always smiling... a people pleaser. And that's fine. I don't see why asking personal questions would violate those boundaries. That's how we become better friends.

    Good luck, Gail
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  21. #21
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    Hi Lisa,

    As you can see from the plethora of responses . . . there is no real answer to your question as one aspect does no necessarily mean you are or are not Transgender . . . heck we can't even agree to disagree on the terminology. I would suggest that your friend is definitely a CDer with a penchant for lingerie. The breast thing is a wild card. Was he talking about real breasts or breast forms? I am assuming it was real breasts? As Lorileah posted, TG perhaps but TS not necessarily. I consider myself gender fluid in that some days I identify and present in my daily life as a woman and other days a man which puts me clearly in the TG spectrum leaning more toward the TS side of the house. However, I do not desire breasts of any form (implants or breast forms) . . . so you see, very confusing this thing we do.

    Cheers

    Isha

  22. #22
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Transgender is not what I would call your friend he sounds like an underdressing CDer.
    He would like to have boobs but that doesn't make him transgender.
    Hi Lisa - I think Tracii's comment got to the point...

    I recall the discussion last time you were here - I think you should just keep talking - doesn't sound to me like there's much more going on than having you to share fantasies with... As Gail said correctly, many of us express the desire to share this part of us with a GG, perhaps as a sort of validation which is possibly what is being sought here...

    Just keep talking but keep your distance and take care...

    Katey x
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    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
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  23. #23
    Claire Claire Cook's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa9099 View Post
    I guess my question is for the men would love to have breasts (even though they wouldn't go through with a transition), do they feel or associate more with being a woman, even if they wouldn't go through with a transition?
    Hi Lisa,

    Well as you can see you've generated a variety of replies, and that reflects the diversity within this group. Probably many, if not most of us fantasize about having boobs, but for various reasons don't go for hormones or implants. For myself, my breast forms are an expression of my inner self ... and of course improve my female presentation and make my clothes fit better. I associate strongly with being a woman, but that is something within and is there no matter what I am wearing ... boobs or not. If that helps to answer your question ....
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club

  24. #24
    A lady in the making..... Erica Marie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    He sounds like he has a fetish for ladies underwear and thats about it.
    Technically CDing yes but nothing to do with being a transgender person.
    I think its nice you have an online friendship with the guy.
    I'm afraid I have to go with Tracii on this one. I know from my own experience, that I would prefer to be a female and honestly breasts are the last thing on my mind. I just want to be myself and be accepted for who I am an not how I look. It may be a fetish, it is hard to say without asking him. I have a friend also, we met once but are mostly online friends. He also feels that he should be female, wanted to go on hrt but his doctor turned him down, now alot of his online posts and behaviors lend me to believe that most of how he feel is fetish related.
    Dont be afraid to ask questions. It may be good for you to know how he feels, and it may help him sort out his feeling by having someone that he can be totally honest with.
    Erica

  25. #25
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    I suspect he has strong fantasies about being a woman, hence the fascination with lingerie and breasts. However, it doesn't appear that he self identifies as a woman.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

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