How bad I really looked

[Maria 60]

My wife asked me to take a few days off work to enjoy the last few good days of summer. To convince me a little she suggested that we can go to this park that we go to and I could drive there fully dressed and it will be quite during the week and we can have lunch and maybe take a few pics. Well you know I couldn't refuse, I went all out took hours to get ready. When I left the house I took a final look in the mirror and thought I looked amazing. The drive was great, both of us wearing short dresses and getting lots of attention from the passing trucks and when we got there she was right it was quite, a few people walking or bike riding but to far to get a close view of me. We had lunch sitting on a picnic table, the light breeze flowing up my skirt and the sun beaming on my pantyhosed legs drove me crazy. We started taking pictures like I was a car model and took more pics. It was an amazing day I then got changed and I knew there was a small town near by that my wife loves. I forever thanked her for the amazing day. Well the bad part started this morning when I wanted to take the pictures off the camara memory card and put it on my secure memory disk. For Maria I still use the camara and when I downloaded the pics on my laptop I couldn't believe how bad I looked Iam descusted on how bad I looked, I thought I looked good not great but I looked like a guy wearing a dress, my five o'clock shadow was out and when my wife woke up this morning I ask her how she let me leave the house this way and lately I have been taking drives on Friday nights and if I look that bad then too. She told me what looks good in the light of the house is a much different story then of natural light outside and that I looked much better then the pictures did not do me any justice. I was going to delete them but my wife is telling me they look good and to keep them for a memory of a great day out with her. I will keep them for her, but let's just say it's going to be a while before I forget about this and walk out that door again. I don't know what I was looking at before I walked out that door but it wasn't pretty. WOW what a rude awakening. Better get out of this delusional world and open my eyes before I walk out that door again.

[Meghan4now]

Maria,

I know what you mean about the photos. Of course without seeing them, it's hard to say for sure. I think we don't look as good as we think when we look in the mirror, but not always as bad as what it sometimes looks.like in the photo. Often a photo seems to amplify the shadow. I have a 35mm photo from 20 years.ago that didn't look to bad, but when I scanned it in to email a friend, the shadow grew! Almost like I hadn't shaved at all!

Don't beat yourself up too much. Try to learn from it and see what you can improve.

[bridget thronton]

I am glad you had a great day. I know several GG friends who will not allow themselves to be photographed - even though I think they look fine - we are our own harshest critics I think.

[Sarah-RT]

I know how you feel, for every nice picture I have there are 100 I delete.
Natural lighting really makes a difference than artificial lighting in the bathroom.
Any time I have gone out I usually end up in a bar that's dark and gloomy

[~Joanne~]

I actually think I look a lot better out in natural light than I do when I am inside taking pictures. I also think we are our worst critics all of the time also. I took a few pictures at the park once with My SO and I was in complete horror as to how I looked so I know what your going through. I swore I would never leave the house again but I did and got much better pictures the next few times out. Don't give up!

If the shadow is what threw it all off for you, try dermablend and do a better cover of the area. Like you said, you had a great day and everyone was far enough away not to get a really good look so why ruin your feeling of the experience over a few pictures? Other girls here would have killed for the day out.

[Kate Simmons]

I experiment with different looks myself. Some look pretty good, some not so good. Rather than getting discouraged, I look upon the "bad" looks as a learning experience and opportunity to improve. Let's put it this way, when inventors are developing products they sometimes go through many disappointments before coming up with a viable working prototype. I look at my femme initiative as a work in progress constantly going through continuous improvement. It "works" for me.

[JenniferR771]

Show us a few pictures. Let us decide; we can vote.
sometimes your mind plays tricks on you--self critical; it happens.

Remember photo editing is your friend. Retouch can improve anybody's photo.

I am trying to learn--send me a photo.

[Stephanie47]

Maria, first off, your wife is wonderful. She is correct in asking you to keep the pictures as a remembrance of a great outing you had with her. You're in the early fifties. Some day one of you is going to probably predecease the other, and, those pictures will become special.

As to how you think you looked. One reason I do not venture forth from the house or backyard is exactly what you experienced. It's been along time since I took pictures of myself en femme. The last time probably was over thirty years ago. I used a self timer. I could not review them off a memory card. I thought I looked good, but, hoped for the best. It was a trial of faith when I went to pick them up at the store. Those pictures actually turned out nice. Now?

Now, I look like a man in a dress. When I look at myself in a mirror from afar my eyes see what my mind wants to see. I think I look OK. I don't even consider the fact I have aging wrinkles. The five o'clock shadow stays away for several hours. One of the "benefits" of aging for some is lessening of hair and the remainder becoming finer. You can also thank pre-diabetes and diabetes for a little assist.

The wake up comes when I see pictures of myself wearing male clothes and shaven and hair combed....at least what's left of it. Then my eyes are not seeing what the mind sees in a mirror, but, what my mind sees viewing pictures. I see in the pictures what is truly there.

So, the mirror image is off a mature lovely woman. The actuality on the camera is a man in a dress. Your post should be viewed as a wake up call for those who want to throw caution to the wind and venture out en femme.

I know you're sort of bummed out right now. Here's a suggestion that I have stated a number of times on other threads. I like to take evening strolls when it is dark, but, still early. That usually means it's fall to late winter. Go out when it's drizzling or light rain. I use an umbrella to shield my face from others if I am passing by a person. I wish I had my wife by my side, but, alas, she is not accepting like yours. I really enjoy the cool breeze caressing my stocking encased legs. I love the wind playing with the skirt of my dress and the nylon slip underneath. So, just accept the realization you may not look as good as you think, but, still find ways to enjoy the moment.

I know you'll always remember the day with your lovely wife.

I am not anywhere adept using a computer, but, I bet you and your wife can sit down and do some photo shopping and clean up some of that five o'clock shadow.

[kimdl93]

I have that feeling every time I see a picture of myself, but I'm told that I'm too harsh a critic. However, I never leave the house with any illusions about passing. At best I hope to blend in and go about my business nonetheless.

I do have a question...what's the deal with getting attention from truckers? It's seems a bit, well exhibitionistic. I haven't really found myself watching to see what truckers do or don't notice.

[pamela7]

so talking crossdressers and a lot of GG's; we're not all disney princesses. Don't look in the mirror unless you're planning on becoming the wicked witch. Enjoy your dressing, your time, your experience, don't worry about what anyone else thinks, let your loving SO love you as you are. Remember, you're a guy (assuming you're not TG), and the sense of handsome still comes through a frock.

xxx Pamela

[Allisa]

I try to stay away from straight white or fluorescent lighting when applying my face, a combination of yellowish(daylight) and white light seems to work best for me, also the flash on the camera shows the blue tint more, I keep the bad shots to compare as I hopefully get better at my application skills. But please remember the good feelings on your outing and get out there again soon and enjoy being Maria.

[Marcelle]

Hi Maria,

Don't beat yourself up as we are our own harsh critics and we are more likely to spot everything possible when it comes to what could be wrong with a photo. I have started taking dreaded selfies with my cell phone in various harsh lights to get a full understanding of how I appear to the world since I spend a lot of time interacting . . . not impressed with the results . . . point in case my new avatar which I took at work today (went in to drop off my uniforms). It doesn't help I am sporting my own hair vice a wig . . . so all I see is a dude with make-up staring back. Meh . . . it's me so I decided rather than despise I'll just own it because the kid ain't fooling anyone.

Don't let it get you down and don't stop having fun.

Cheers

Isha

[Rachelakld]

I find the same, the flash and some other lighting sources really exposes the blue beard.
The main thing you should remember is, you and your wife had a lovely outing and if it's upsetting, leave the camera at home next time.

[Robin414]

Yikes Maria! I feel your pain hun! Personally I find inspiration in photos and therefore tend to delete the bad ones myself but not when they're from an occasion though. Everyone takes a bad photo, even super attractive GGS can look like ogres in a really bad photo, don't let it get you down! Lightning is so important too and I still believe digital cameras are sensitive to IR wavelengths (take a photo of the light from you TV remote) and I don't doubt it has an impact on the pic!

[Ceera]

That's actually one reason why I either take several selfies or have my daughter take several pics of me before I go out each time. I review the pics before I leave the house, and sometimes that causes me to fix something I hadn't noticed in my bedroom mirror.

It's also nice to be able to compare what I look like today versus how I looked months or years ago. I file them by month and year so I can look back and review my progress.

[sometimes_miss]

Your wife was just doing what she would to an acquaintance. women tell each other that they look good all the time, even when they look ridiculous. They don't want a confrontation, and they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. After all, why hurt anyone's feelings when they can live happily in a state of delusion (especially if there's no other good option)?And this is why I don't take pictures of myself dressed in girl clothes. I don't have much, but I have my dreams. Why shatter them. Leave well enough alone, I think.

[Tracii G]

So now you are going to chicken out and never go out again?
You need to understand the camera can hurt you or help you it just depends on the lighting.
There have been days where I thought I looked blah before I left the house but took a few pics outside at the park and they looked really good.
Don't be a big baby and give up on yourself.
Most of us don't pass anyway so welcome to the club.LOL

[Joni Beauman]

I find it a curious phenomenon that many of us have the same experience: finding reflection in mirror to be affirming while a plausibly more objective photographic image not so flattering. Its caused me to stop taking photos! While traveling for work, I went shopping and ate dinner as Joni a couple months ago - kind of routine during summer field season. Fortunately, everyone was nice. They didn't see my photo. Joni

[theresa renee]

Other girls here would have killed for the day out.

i know i would.

also, you have an amazing wife - there are so many other threads with stories not as upbeat as the day you had with the mrs. we all want to look our best, but maybe looking at the best perspective of the day is really what matters.

there are no failures, only opportunities to learn, adapt, and evolve.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, your mirror and camera can sometimes be your best friend, other times they can be your worst enemy.

[AnnieMac]

No dear Maria, you didn't look bad, you just looked real. You looked like a dude in a dress, well, because you ARE a dude in a dress.
We are all dudes in dresses here, and we need to stop deluding ourselves that we are females. Sure we like female clothes and all that goes
with, but we should be comfortable with who we are within ourselves as men who cross dress, as the title of the forum describes. I am not there
yet either, as far as being free to wear what I want out in the whole world. The transgender thing is a different ball of wax.

[Leslie Langford]

Humorist Erma Bombeck once wrote a book entitled "When You Look Like Your Passport Photo, It's Time to Go Home". 'Nuff said...

[jenniferinsf]

maria

your wife sounds amazing....you are a lucky girl. i hear you on the photos...took some myself the other day...and when i looked at them i hit the delete button...however, i do believe like others said we are own harshest critics but looking objectively we learn what to improve. i also think that we all look better than we do in photos

have more days out with your wife and enjoy them...they are special

jennifer

[ReineD]

I don't like pictures of myself either. I try occasionally with my laptop and end up deleting them all. I tend to focus on all the negative stuff, but the people in my life just see the inner me that shines through. They're a lot more forgiving than I am, which is a good thing.

[kelseygal]

Don't beat yourself up, photos are tricky in the best of circumstances. Sometimes I shoot 3-400 photos during a shoot and yield nothing that is fabulous without a little *ahem* post processing. On another note, there is a good take away from watching yourself perform at any skill. All baseball, football, and other pros watch their performances to find ways to improve. I know I have watched many of my own rock gigs, and some of them were painful to watch... at best.