In my EBB these days.

[AnnieMac]

Hi y'all,
Well, I've been doing this crossdressing thing long enough to know sometimes there is an ebb and flow to it, often the desire to dress comes and goes,
and perhaps maybe some of the feminine nature with it. (sometimes I think human emotions are mostly chemical driven anyway).

Right now, I seem to be in a real negative pink fog, and looking at pictures of everyone and myself dressed, has been really a turn off lately, and makes me think, what the hell are we all thinking here, and who are we kidding? So i've been kind of disgusted by it recently, and figure we aren't kidding anyone, we are indeed delusional dudes in dresses.

Yeah I know, I'll be back that's how it works, and I'm not calling anyone out since I include myself, I often think what a bunch of knuckleheads we are here. GGs & SOs would probably secretly agree.

My crossdressing has often been driven by kind of a bucket list mentality. Like, I wonder what it feels like to experience wearing certain things, high boots, eyelashes, corsets, certain wigs, etc. Then once I do it, the urge for the experience subsides. It's like because I now have the knowledge of the experience,I no longer need to do it, and it somehow puts me on more equal footing with females in general.

But I do have to admit, being in this EBB mode as I call it, I do begin to miss the more engaged "Annie" part.
Done with rant - don't mean to offend - but that's seems to be where I am at currently.

No Worries, No Purging, Love,
Annie.

[Pat]

I always say we need to be forgiving and accepting of ourselves. So rather than lump yourself in with the knuckleheads, think "I do this sometimes" be either forgiving of the mysterious behavior or accepting that it's something you've done and you know you'll do again. This cognitive dissonance (that I have experienced as well) may come from unrealistic expectations or it could be some physiological change between ebb and flow, as you put it. We don't know enough yet to say. I often liken it to Don Quixote looking in the mirror -- we get a sudden look at ourselves and our behaviors in the mirror of "reality" and choose to believe the negative interpretation which completely defeats us. But each time we fall we shall rise again... etc.

When I look into my crystal ball I see that we'll eventually find out that crossdressing is a symptom of suppressing our natural personalities. Speaking ONLY of male crossdressers now, especially those who say "I'm fine being a male, I just like to wear women's clothes sometimes," I'd say we are a *kind* of male whose role is not taught (or valued) in our society at present. That suppressing the parts of our personalities that make us who we are creates the need to crossdress. If we could be who we really are, we wouldn't need to pretend we're women, we wouldn't agonize over "passing" and we wouldn't be closeted from our friends and our families. We'd be out there in the sun, valued by our society and contributing something of value. I don't think that's going to happen in my lifetime, but I like to think it will someday.

[CarlaWestin]

Annie, I know exactly what you're talking about. This morning I did my elegant dressing and then the fantasy dressing and now I'm in drab. I just have too much to take care of today to be femmed up. And I can't imagine burning away productive hours just shopping fashion or changing makeup. The break is good because it starts the desire brewing again. This is a sure sign that you are a gender explorer and not TS. And that's a good thing. I watch Caitlyn with her incredibly high cost transition and she still does man things and I wonder.

[Allisa]

Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones because I am totally male at work and can be femme at night and on the weekends. I too used to ebb and flo with the pink fog and the blue haze but now I've found a balance in life and work, I know from which you talk, maybe one day you too will find a balance if that is what you want. It is a strange road we travel. Good luck in your journey.

[Sarah Doepner]

I think I understand and it's frustrating at times to be swinging on that pendulum. As I look at most of my recent posts they are mostly along the line of trying to reduce the range of that swing. Call it integration or acceptance or balance or something else, it can be a real hurdle to overcome. I range from looking in the mirror and seeing a woman needing to greet the world through a guy in a dress (a real knucklehead) to a guy who should grow some facial hair or a fellow with a real need to get in touch with his feminine side. There are also times when I just don't seem to care what I'm wearing or how I look, but I know it's all going to cycle through regardless of what I seem to want. So I guess I'm resolved to continue moving through the Ebb and Flow to see what the next swing reveals rather than finding a spot to stop the constant change. I guess that means I need to be careful in what I ask for, because if I settle into something it might not be what makes me happy.

[AnnieMac]

Jennie, I think you are right when you say "we are a *kind* of male whose role is not taught (or valued) in our society at present."
I have often thought that at times we are crossdressing, even when we are not dressed, at least in regards to our personalities.

Funny, I just so recently posted this, and what did I just now do before popping on this site now to read? I checked out the cute new fall outfits that popped up on my pinterest.
What REAL guy does that, that isn't deep down inside a little different? And, they DO look so cute, on the females wearing them, and I would love to be able to look like that and express myself through my clothes, but guys generally don't look so good in those clothes, without the other female accoutrements, like hair and make-up. (aka fully cross dressed).

I also now am really beginning to admire guys that have the courage to totally wear female clothes, just looking like themselves. Well, it still looks a little odd, because we (even us) are not used to it. It could become a natural look for men who like those styles, if it were more prevalent, and maybe it may be some day. Case in point, is one style that seems like it could merge to be totally gender neutral, is the whole tunic & leggings look. Check out how many guys now openly are wearing leggings or tights under their shorts or sports wear, under the "guise" of it being athletic, running or biking wear. So not that far off.

On the Caitlyn Jenner thing. There is just something off about that whole thing, I don't really get it. The whole thing doesn't strike me as very genuine and honest ( or at least as honest as the folks that post here are). It's as odd to me as Michael jackson.

[Rachel05]

I certainly used to Ebb & Flow but somewhere along the line, I found my inner peace with who I am and what I do and it no longer bothers me, I crossdress because I really enjoy being dressed, it makes me feel amazing, it makes me feel happy and I never ever get the feeling of disgust that I used to get back in my teens and through my 20's

I will never be an amazing looker like some of the ladies on this site, but I don't do it for that, can't say I don't look at myself and actually I quite like how I look but I am not thinking I will fool anyone, but then I am not doing it for anyone, I do it for me and how it makes me feel

Sometimes I go on the pictures section on this forum and I look at some of the pictures and I think what the hell, is that really a man !!!!! some of these ladies are amazingly convincing and more convincing than some GG's

One day you will find your inner peace one way or another and then you will enjoy the calmness that goes with it, I love dressing and underdressing and all things feminine and I am hoary that I found that peace, I am what I am

Keep talking and enjoy the times when you have a positive feeling

[Kandi Robbins]

Annie,

An interesting post, for sure. This morning I ran a race and when I came home I showered, pulled on some yoga pants, a bra, a pink top, necklace, earrings and bracelets and spent a few hours cleaning up some paperwork and prepping my lunches for the week (I'm alone right now, so no need for a wig and makeup). All the time in the kitchen I was thinking that a year ago, this would have been a very short experience, I would have eventually gotten disgusted with myself, taken everything off and probably disposed of what I had. But since then, I have come to accept that I am a crossdresser and I enjoy this very much. It has truly unlocked a part of my personality that was deeply buried and I have found that I have easily made many new friends and have never been so happy with myself. But it's only been about 10 months and I have no idea where this is all going. I guess my point is life deals us so many variables, so many twists and turns. We're all not really sure why we do this (and I am referring to crossdressers, not the transgendered because that brings a different need to dress), but none of us deny that need. For some it is more frequent, for others not so much, for some we have the need to get out, for others they are happy in the privacy of their homes. I look at many pictures here as well and think, damn she's good looking or what was that person thinking. I've been lucky enough to meet many girls, some of the good looking ones and some of the not so much girls. But you know what, when you get to know them, you start to understand why they all do it and feel guilty for being so judgmental. I guess I'm "flowing" now and have never been happier. But I did spend an entire lifetime (and I'm old) ebbing, hating myself and feeling guilty. Why as a society can't we simply let everyone be happy (as long as they are not hurting anyone)? We'll all, unfortunately, go to our graves asking that. Ok, I'll shut up now. Not sure I even made a point.

Kandi

[theresa renee]

Check out how many guys now openly are wearing leggings or tights under their shorts or sports wear, under the "guise" of it being athletic, running or biking wear. So not that far off.

On the Caitlyn Jenner thing. There is just something off about that whole thing, I don't really get it. The whole thing doesn't strike me as very genuine and honest ( or at least as honest as the folks that post here are). It's as odd to me as Michael jackson.

to your first point, yes, i've been doing that for years... and i don't really run or cycle. busted, i suppose.

regarding caitlyn jenner... would it be easier to accept if the whole kardashian clan wasn't a pop culture phenomenon?

Also, Kandi, you made an excellent point... message received loud and clear, and from someone who's only been at this a few months, thank you.

[Samantha2015]

Annie, the only time I think I'm a knucklehead is shopping online for another pair of heels. I never thought I was a shop-a-holic until
the pink fog hit me hard last year sometime. I think I've tamed it a little. I still browse online and may even put a pair or two in the shopping
basket but when I click the checkout button and review the items I say "you idiot you do not need another pair of shoes" !!! Close the window and
go do something else. I hope the cheapskate male half of my brain can keep things in check !!

I do know what you mean there are times I wonder why the hell do I do this ?? I'm never going to transition or have any surgeries or do anything
that is permanent. What does all this accomplish ?? It just makes me feel good for a while. Completing the illusion, whether I'm passable or not,
is my goal for that day. Probably why I don't go out is if I'm not passable and got called out I'd feel like I failed. I know I'll never be 100% passable
but it is fun to try and get as close as I can.

I don't understand the guys that still present as male but wear female articles of clothes and go out. That takes courage waaaay
beyond what I could ever imagine. If that's what makes them happy though, to each his own, as the saying goes.

I hope your ride on the ebb tide is smooth and just remember you have many folks here who understand what you are feeling.

[Jenniferathome]

... and makes me think, what the hell are we all thinking here, and who are we kidding? ...

Annie, I often think this cross dressing thing is nuts. It makes no sense. If it made sense, we'd be able to explain it. I firmly believe it is genetic. It's innate. I have reached to point in my life where I am not trying to nor am I fooling anyone. Everyone who seems me knows I am male or they think I WAS male. Either way, they know I am not a natural woman. Accepting that fact has made me more comfortable going out or staying in. I am not trying to be someone who I am not. I think if you are trying to fool others, you will be disappointed.

[Allisa]

Well said Jennifer, I concur.

[Jennifer B]

My Ebb and Flow used to be from one extreme to the other and it's taken years to figure out, and I'm still figuring it out. Unless the pink fog hits it's no where near as extreme as it used to be and CDing is pretty much a daily thing for me. But I still have issues occasionally and inevitably questions. And I can't see that ending soon.

After years of doing this thing we do, I'm in the most part, happy with the fact that I'm a hetro male CDer with no desire to transition but I was tidying the bedroom up the other week and cleaning up I realise that I have over 100 pairs of Women's knickers of various colours and styles and just 4 pairs of mens boxer shorts, 3 of which have holes in them! A few years ago this discovery might have caused an existential crisis about who I am and who I want to be, but fortunately I found a cute pair of pink silk knickers that I'd forgotten I had, so I put them on and got on with things.

It's not normal is it, but then what is? And isn't normal just so overrated anyway. I just glad that my underwear draws have more to offer me than 4 pairs of black boxer shorts. How depressing would that be.

[Robin414]

I'll say, I "ebb'ed" 20 yrs ago but it came back, oh did it come back! Hope I don't ebb again, I can see it now " hmm, how can I unload these shoes, designer clothes, MK purse, and how do you remove these 'real tits' and the 'that's my real ass!' butt padding 😃

[Tina_gm]

Sometimes when I am driving to work, I will think what the heck and I doing? There is no real point to it all, it creates difficulties, and I should just go back to having it somewhere caged up in the back of my brain.

[Angela Marie]

Well I think we all go through these feelings. I went out yesterday shopping and had a great time. Today I'm going to,for the first time, go out enfemme without makeup or wig. Pair of jeggigs and pink running shoes. Should be interesting.