I agree so much with this statement. I was always fairly effeminate growing up. I made myself more masculine to fit in at the cost of my own happiness. I saw it as a flaw that I was not as masculine as my peers. To "relax" (but really to escape the inner turmoil that this caused) I started to smoke pot, which numbed me enough to hide this part of me.Originally Posted by St. Eve
I'm most definitely confused too, but enjoying the ride.
I was confused until I found the term androgynous and the fact that I'm a more fem male and never knew why. Now I do and I like to dress the fem side and display it. I also like to display my male side. I'm a true transvestite and love it.
Part Time Girl
Uh, yeah, sometimes I guess lol. There are times when I feel like I am slipping into more of being a woman in a man's body, but then I will do something like golf (not that it itself is just a guy thing) but how I like to play, aggressive, from the farthest tees, like to hit it past the other guys, like the male bonding that golf offers... Other things as well that give me the same types of feelings. I realize that I do not want to part with those things. I also did examine the possibility about a month ago or so of maybe some sort of transition, or going full/most of the time fem, which that itself would cause me to out myself to pretty much everyone.... And as I thought of it all, I realized that it really isn't in the cards for me. It sounds good sometimes, but the reality for me is that it would cause more harm than good. I just apparently do not want or need it bad enough to make those types of changes.
I sometimes get confused as to why I even try to CD at all and why I don't give it up entirely... Why I am only attracted to women, why I don't just give up and become one.... All of this just leads me to the conclusion that I am just somewhere stuck between a man and a woman, and CDing helps me to be part of who I am, whatever that is.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
Me confused? yes no and maybe. there are too many boxes I fit into and so many that I do not. I am totally comfortable underdressing, I am also comfortable hunting in a tree stand. there are extreams about me that are in conflict with one another but at some point I will gravitate to one or the other.
Im not cofused. I like my male self, but I find my feminine side to be very strong. When Im dressed being feminine is just natural. Very happy now being a crossdresser not at all leaning to be a TS.
Love Kim
Great thread! I've been confused about my gender for much of my life, but I think the cross dressing has been more of a symptom than the cause. It has always allowed me to access a side of my personality that was walled off from my male persona. I am less confused now that I have accepted myself as who and what I am. All that is left for me to do is make it so.
The struggle. She is real.
confused? normal? strange? differnt? and a lot of "other" such wordings. just was to box us (or anybody) in with.
with that said, right now just laying on my bed (just moved so no front room seating) i am underdressed forms and all. one of my "house" dresses on. no make-up. dreading having to change clothing for work, crazy thinking about leaving the bra and forms on for work... instant unemployment.
is that confused ?
I used to think I was a trans woman, I had even gone so far as taking hormones and seeing a doctor. Though I have left that confusion I'm happy i'm a man, Sometimes I go fem sometimes I go androgynous-ish. I have come to except and appreciate the man I have cultivated over the years and I have learned to appreciate and enjoy the woman that comes out from time to time.
I'm not confused. I have a male side and female side. When my female side is strong I like to dress up completely en act/try to be like a girl. When my male side is strong I don't like to dress up and act/be just a guy.
x Anne-Sofie
Na, I'm a guy.
I just enjoy clothing and makeup. \o/
Just Roll With It
I'm not confused at all. In fact, since I'm started embracing this part of me, I've come to realize that I really do feel as though I should have been born a woman. I don't know if I would want to transition, but there it is.
Thanks for all of the responses! I've changed drastically in the last few weeks and even though I don't know what this is in me that makes me want to cross dress regularly I know what it isn't.
It isn't sexual in nature. It feels natural, not erotic.
It isn't a fixed binary gender. I don't ever feel 100% comfortable as a man in a man's world but I can't see myself ever transitioning.
I'm exploring this part of me in hopes that I can integrate it into my identity so I can present as I choose. Maybe it's fluid, maybe it's androgynous or maybe I'm a Time Lord. Self acceptance is one again in my reach and I will not fall short this time.
No, I don't think I've ever been confused, but it did take a while for the reality to set in. However, my progression started with thinking that I was gay for the better part of 10 years. Then it occured to me that I was actually bisexual and that reality hasn't changed in ~15 years. Buy the time I added crossdresser about 8 years ago, it wasn't a big deal.
DeeAnn
yes you put what I feel though much more eloquently.
Hi Junius, I totally enjoy having the best of both worlds.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Works for me. I now fully accept all of me.Hi Junius, I totally enjoy having the best of both worlds.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
I like Kim's point of view. It is a very useful and erudite technique when looking at something that is not concrete. What if cross dressing is actually the clearest point of view for those of us with some aspect of gender identity variation? We are not female- physically. We are not fully male- intellectually. I say screw the 50 shades of grey and let's introduce technicolor. Seriously- we are something other than the majority, but just because we have aspects of both genders, this does not necessarily mean we are 'in between".
Native americans took gender dysphoria as a sign of shamanism. Now I'm not suggesting we are links to any higher intelligence because we are CD/TG/GD, but we do have a pretty unique outlook, or introspection even.
For every ape or nitwit who starts out with "I don't understand how these people<fill in whatever>", you have a person who just admitted that whatever 'deviation' they see is beyond their ability to comprehend. And when you think about it, that's a fairly big thing- to admit one cannot understand something. The problem is when these persons try to understand something by trying to force an idea upon what they do not understand.
What the hell is so wrong with not being able to understand something? I'm a professor- I teach adults of all ages a lot of stuff- even stuff they didn't even necessarily sign up for- but the idea of learning is what they want- and they get it. We all are on the path of always learning- especially in modern times- we'll never know enough, we'll never know it all, not by a long shot. The absolute best part of teaching in when I see people realize there is more to learn than they had thought- and start to question why the majority of people, the zeitgeist, think a certain way when it suddenly becomes obvious that they are in error. It happens on many levels.
Confusion? Hell no. Crossdressing is one of the few things that actually makes sense to me. I want to embody the feminine aspect I see as my ideal. Is this ideal real? Highly improbable- and having that inability to resolve this fact- this logical impossibility- to be female, when I grew up and experienced life as a male, keeps me grounded in the fact that there is no magic wand to make things "right". I, my desire or wishes, will forever be at odds with reality. And I have to deal with it.
Now go ahead and tell me that I am more confused than the average human...
Thanks Kim, and you too Junius.
-k
Without rehashing my life story (again) from previous posts, I was very confused. Conflicted would be a better term. Besides my own in-private dressing, the only real world CD experiences I had seen were drag shows....gay clubs..etc. For the record, I was one of those "straight" guys who went to the club with friends only to dance, drink, do drugs and dance. I didn't dare show my other side(s) This was in the 80s. Yikes! That was a while ago, eh
So naturally, I put two and two together: I dress, therefore I'm gay. Once again, seeing the world in black/white.
It sounds crazy after only a few months but since telling my wife, it's like someone threw a switch. Before I found this site, I tried chatting with guys in gay chat rooms about coming out to my wife but guess what? They only want to talk about sex. Go figure.
I can't figure it out. I was spending hours chatting, watching gay porn, cruising the CL ads (never hooking up).......but now, it's all gone. I've told my wife all of this. We even watched gay porn together a couple of times but now......eh, take it or leave it. I'm still interested in it, I suppose, and maybe if the right guy came along at the right time.....maybe. But I'm no longer thinking about it day/night.
I'm simply thinking out loud , ladies. I'm sorry to ramble on and on.
Earlier this year, before I finally hit bottom with all of the hiding, I knew something was not right. My routine would be to get a hotel room (my job takes me to many Hampton Inns), and it had to be a big me-party. I would plan for days what I would bring, making sure I had everything ready to go. I couldn't wait to check in and get dressed. It had always been sexual at first but then I found that I was forcing myself to actually make it sexual. I enjoyed dressing very much but then I couldn't finish the show, so to speak. Why didn't this turn me on like it used to? I couldn't figure it out.
I know that some of this cookie cutter, textbook: Our sex life was dead. I turned to something (gay sex) taboo to make it exciting and naughty....etc etc etc. And now that our sex life is back on track, I'm satisfied and am no longer wanting/needing anything else to fill the void. The desire to dress is still there but it's no longer so much a sexual thing. I've disconnected dressing with being gay. It's been an interesting few months, to say the least.
I hope that I didn't stray from the subject too much. I've still got a lot to learn about who I am and who Chrissy is. I feel that since she's no longer hidden, she has a chance to develop........if that makes any sense.
It feels good to talk to people (here) who understand when I talk about two different people: Me and Her.
Thank you
I'm most definitely confused. Since I started this journey is has been more and more confusing. Really having trouble to live up to my male role in all part of my life. Where this will go I don't know for the moment, but hopefully my gender terapist can help me sort something out :-)
Hugs
Henriette
Love and hugs
Henriette
Please visit my website to read more about me at http://henriette5.wix.com/mystory
Or visit my Flickr pictures https://www.flickr.com/photos/127846920@N04/ OR my Facebook site https://www.facebook.com/henriette.kristensen.357
Personally, I look at it as 2 presentations of the same personality. I have the same likes and dislikes, ethics, etc. in either presentation. The core remains the same. For this reason, I tend not to refer to DeeAnn in the 3rd person. That doesn't seem right to me and I think it also has to do with bringing things together.
Related to what I mentioned previously, to me it seemed that getting aligned with the sexuality part was much more difficult that realizing I liked to crossdress. But, as everyone's path is different, the things that we struggle with are somewhat different also.
DeeAnn
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