Just looking for some honest answers ! To some basic facts .

[Teresa]

For those who've been here for a couple of years you may know most of my basic facts, I don't want to go into too much of that apart from what basically drives my CDing.
I never claim to be different so I hope others will agree that their lives have a similar thread.
My Cding started with an unexpected sexual occurrence dressed and the link has never gone away, I didn't need to be dressed to enjoy sex with women but it does take it to a higher level . I'm sure I had and still have a high T level so dressing and sex alone has always happened and still does ( I felt this touched on Transvestic Autogynerphilia ) . Like most in the earlier years guilt followed the deed so the need to rid myself of the clothes usually followed, now that doesn't happen. In some respects I don't always like my dressing to result in sex at some point, but now I remain dressed, I know now there's something in my CDing beyond sex !
After almost ten years of my wife's lack of interest I feel I've gone almost full circle. We have talked about this and my wife knows she is being substituted, I hope she doesn't beat herself up too much over it but does accept I still have needs . I accept that part of me is still a fit and active male but this is not in anyway an excuse to boast about my capacity !

To get to my question revolves round my gender counselling that starts on Thursday. I read that some members had been prescribed Tblockers , I assume that if testosterone is reduced , sexual interest may ebb and perhaps reduce the need to dress as a stimulant . Is this a correct assumption ? This is making the assumption that the therapist may want to offer me a way of settling my mind !

I have to now admit that after all these years of the shame and guilt associated with CDing I now don't want it to stop . It gives me something in my life that I don't and will never now get from anything else ! I almost feel that a so called normal man is missing out on something very special, the sad part is others don't see it like that !
I guess it poses another question, where does that feeling place me on the gender road ?

[Katey888]

Teresa,

All good questions to pose your therapist I feel...

Any answers you get here will just be poorly informed, albeit well-meaning individuals recounting their own limited experiences - I don't think you should set any preconceptions about your session - talk to your therapist, honestly and openly, and see where it leads YOU!

Good luck!

Katey x

[Laura912]

Teresa, there is an unfortunate phenomena caused by the Taris passing too close to the Enterprise and causing more questions in the universe than answers. Katey is correct that the therapist is the best guide for this. A skilled one will not directly answer your questions but help you find your own answers. Best.

[stefan37]

The root cause as I see from your posting is your inability to freely express yourself. And needing validation from your spouse which is not forthcoming.

Freeing yourself to dress and express when you need will reduce the desire to dress. It may not relieve the sexual tension. But your inner war with your identity will reduce.

Reducing your level of T may or may not suppress your libido. Low level blockers did nothing. It was only after starting higher level blockers with the addition of estrogen did my libido dive. Along with performance issues.

The only one that can determine how far you have traveled down the rabbit hole, or how much farther is you. You need to dig deep and accept who you are. From acceptance comes the freedom and relief. Since gender expression is not mainstream. Life issues will crop up. Your therapist should be experienced in gender issues and ways to cope with the life changes that accompany gender expression.

It may also mean parting with your spouse if she can't accept you. Your kids have accepted this part of you and I don't see that changing. The thing is. As long as you deny and suppress your identity and expression. The inner war continues and you will find no relief. All the stress and strife you are experiencing will continue and can get worse.

It is hard work to figure out where you are (and that can change as you travel father). It is even harder work to deal with life changes as you accept and implement who you are even with a supportive spouse. Dam near impossible with one that is not supportive.

In the end it's your life to figure out. You can reach a point of balance with major life change. Or you can keep the status quo. Continually battling, trying to gain acceptance and validation from your spouse. Not expressing your inner self as you wish when you need.

GD is a horrible condition. Majority of cis individuals don't, won't, or can't understand it. But only you can take control to get the best quality of life for your remaining years. Ask yourself if all other factors were off the table. How would you like to address this forum and society in five years. As a male, as a part-time male/female or female. Then take those steps to make that your reality.

[Krisi]

My personal observation (I have been reminded by someone who doesn't know me that I am not a doctor) is that testosterone reduction does not reduce sexual desire. I was diagnosed with low testosterone and given a prescription for "Androgel", a testosterone replacement. I had plenty of sexual desire with low testosterone and plenty after using the replacement therapy. It didn't change that. The only difference I noticed was an increase in energy and decrease in night sweats with the use of the Androgel. So no, your assumption is not necessarily correct.

Remember though, this is my personal observation and I am not a doctor. Your results may vary.

[Suzie Petersen]

Teresa,

I too have read many of your posts and know of your story from these posts. I think your therapy sessions are going to be good for you and I wish you all things good in the future.

Therapy is going to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings, but it is not going to provide a 5 page report and a well defined solution to all your concerns and problems. The outcome depends entirely on you and the therapist can only help you to make more order of the mess in your mind. (not saying you are a mess, just a term for the stack of confusing thoughts most of us have in our heads).

I dont think you should go to the first meeting with predetermined solutions such as T-blockers etc. If you know that is what you want to try, go to your regular doctor and talk to him/her about that. The therapist is more for helping you to deal with your life and maybe help you identify some things you can change to make your life better.

Expect the first, and maybe several of the initial meetings, to be about getting to know each other. Dont expect to come home from the first visit with a solution or a plan for anything. This will take time and work!
You need to get to a place where you completely trust your therapist and feel you can speak freely without holding back. And .. just as importantly, he/she need to feel the same about you.
Always give it a chance, but dont be afraid to chose a different therapist if the first one is not right for you!

Hugs
Suzie

[CONSUELO]

Teresa,

I have followed your journey for some time now. You are about to embark on an important new course that I hope will give you confidence and eventually serenity with yourself. My story has some parallels with yours. Ditch the guilt. It is imposed from the outside and has no meaning for you. Transvestism and sexual enjoyment go together for me. It is all of a bundle and I don't bother to question it any more.

Keep us posted on your therapy journey. Give it time and solutions will emerge but you have to give it time and make sure you and your therapist do the ground work before thinking of any drug therapies.

[Amanda M]

Hi Teresa.

First of all, I have, for several months, followed your posts on here, and it is clear that you have been on a very rocky road indeed. It is not for your therapist to decide whether or not you need or should have T - blockers. That needs the specific skills of an endocrinologist, so make sure that you get that help.

Secondly, even if you do take T-blockers, it will PROBABLY make little or no difference to your sex drive. I say probably, because individuals react uniquely to medication.

Thirdly, Guilt. Shame. Given your wife's intransigence about your crossdressing, and her withdrawal of normal marital relations, you have NO NEED to feel human. You have your needs, they are legitimate and natural. Let it go, if you can, and at least talk to your therapist about it.

Hope all goes well,

Amanda.
(Not uninformed, Katey - ADHP(NC), Dip. Ericksonian Therapy(NC), Certified Life Coach, UKCP Registered Psychotherapist, ECP (European Certificate in Psychotherapy, Consultant Psychotherapist.)
Not being confrontational, but quite a few of us on here are suitably qualified to comment. Big hugs to all in Hampshire, and if you can get down to the World's End, the Hampshire Bowman, or the Old Inn in Congresbury, have one for me!

[Sometimes Steffi]

Teresa

I think you're jumping way out in front of the therapy. I don't know about UK, but most therapists in the US can't prescribe meds; it's against the law. But my therapist did help me with the guilt, the desire, and getting a better understanding of myself.

However, one of my therapists determined that I was gay at the first session. She said something like, "You're gay, but there's nothing wrong with that.

I ran an experiment. I snuck peeks at the guys in the men's locker room, under the assumption that if I was gay, men would be a sexual turn-on. They weren't at all; more like they grossed me out. So I self assessed that I wasn't gay, and found a better therapist.

So, I suggest that you look for understanding yourself first, before you start asking for or taking drugs.

[Candice June Lee]

There seems for me, and maybe it will resonate to you as well. An internal fight ensues to some of us. We wonder if we are or arent gay, bi, straight. Some have it figured out, otners like me and possibly you still wonder after years where we fit. That may be the root cause as i tend to not want to ruffle feathers. So the desires that i have when private get hidden causing my own internal issues. Now, i can go to a therapist to gain some insite to my self. But is that person just gonna say what i want to hear, or truly be honest. Truth of the matter, we could very well come away more confused and still have to make that last and final decision. We have to accept ourselves for who we are first. Then we can seek help in what we need to do. The only person who can make the decixions is ourself. Not a phyciatrist, not our SO, not our families. We have to decide on our own to be happy. Accepting all the other things that can arise. I have been fighting this internal fight for many many years. In a conversation with my wife, evenxshe told me that i have to decide for me where i belong. And in dojng so to leave her out of the equation. Thats a tough thing to do. So the baby steps are in swing. Its better that way, for her as well as me. It allows us both acceptance to who i am. Maybe later after my own acceptance and hers too, with some more living in tne way i feel i should, things may go further.
Anyway i hope this will help you in your journey. Nothing is perfect, as perfection is a road and not a destination.