First , was coming to terms that this was who I was that alone took 40 years, then telling my wife , most important thing ever....finally therapy and clothes that fit and are my style....much better today but not all the way there yet.
First , was coming to terms that this was who I was that alone took 40 years, then telling my wife , most important thing ever....finally therapy and clothes that fit and are my style....much better today but not all the way there yet.
No regrets except I should have got dressed & stepped out sooner.
For me, it was therapy
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
I find wearing panties everyday very comforting. Gives me confidence. I also can't stand any kind of wig but real human hair. These wigs feel more natural and are worth all the money. I build more confidence the more I accept myself as this is me. Wished it wouldn't have taken me so long to let it all out.
My SO says I worry too much about people noticing me underdressed or completely shaved. Most people don't bat an eye at what I'm wearing. Given me more confidence after venturing out in public and trying it out.
Last edited by Katey888; 08-16-2015 at 05:19 AM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...
I always try to remember this is supposed to be fun. and a gal can never have too much fun ......xoxo
The moment is when my fiance would not accept my dressing.
It sounds ironic when the moment is when my value is really being questioned. I thought so hard on what I can do to get her over that issue because I don't want to lose her. And then all the sudden it dawned to me that that's truly who I am, including the fact that I am a crossdresser, and it will probably be that way forever. There is nothing wrong about it just like the color of my skin and my race. I will have to accept it with no apology no guilt of being who I am, otherwise no one will accept myself.
It took me decades of struggle to really see that simple fact. I may still have issues here and there now a day. But that is the moment I truly accepted myself.
Leslie's Advanture into the Unknown - http://lesliesd.weebly.com/
1 - This place/finding out I'm not alone. Working it out that I didn't have to battle through my own questions by myself.
2 - Having my girlfriend, now my wife accept. This helped to alleviate SOOOO much of the guilt and hurtful side to this
3 - Having a good friend (a GG) accept me with the truth, for showing me that there IS tolerance and love from your truest friends.
Samantha -x-
Hi Julie,
For me it became easier to accept myself as I began to engage in the Vanilla world as a woman more and more. I realized people may notice the "guy dressed as a girl" but for the most part people either did not care or if they did had the good graces to keep their comments to themselves. I have had set backs but each good foray in the world (now including the work place) raised my confidence level to be who I needed to be. If the world could tolerate/accept my existence, then I suppose I had to cut myself a bit of slack as well.
Cheers
Isha
I think it was easier to accept myself after finding on the Internet that many more males than I would have though share my "hobby". I've also discovered that many are far more "strange" than I am and that puts things in perspective.
Strangely enough, the fear of being outed was probably the biggest single factor that helped me. Although I have always been comfortable and have rarely suffered the doubts and anguish that some of our sisters have. I did always keep things very private as far as possible, with only one or two very close friends confided in.
It was the day that I discovered that many people around town knew about me. It was when I discovered that the town gossip, one of my biggest detractors knew about Abi that everything flipped. I found that far from the fear and anxiety taking over and crushing me, the mere thought of such a challenge against who I am was more than my inner tiger was willing to take. It was the "fear" of being gossiped about and having my name dragged through the mud that made me decide to get out there and own the hell out of it.
From sneaking out after dark, I am now perfectly happy popping down to the corner store in leopard print harem pants and poncho style jersey. I still have limits around some people who "may" have heard, but generally the freedom I feel now to be myself (whether in drab or drag) is so much greater, and all because I refuse to hide away and allow people to think I'm ashamed or embarassed about what I do.
The thing that helped me the most was meeting other people like me, both online and out in the wide world. Its nice to realize that you are not alone with this strange need! Getting to that point was tough though - especially the outdoors part. I had all kinds of doubt and fear about being ridiculed, beat up, whathaveyou. I was really lucky in that my wife is generally accepting of CD'ing and taught me about makeup and how to pick a flattering outfit.
Lots of practice and a diminishing concern for what strangers think have gotten me to where I am now.
The struggle. She is real.
A work in progress still, but I think I have come to a point where I have gone farther or accepted more than what I have left... I hope anyway. I cannot say it is or was any one thing. I know part of my acceptance in the beginning was all of the society ills and expectations I felt I was having such a hard time living up to. And the desires I had which were sooo taboo. And at the time, for so long, there was only tranny porn that I saw as to others who were like me, only I didn't feel like any of what I saw. In fact, it was horrifying to me. So for decades I just felt very disconnected and afraid, going through massive denial and repression. I really do not know if there was any one thing I can point to. I do remember a few years ago thinking, I just don't have the energy to fight it anymore. Now, whether that is because it has grown to be stronger, or whether a person only has so much energy or resource to deal with any one thing and I just ran out, I do not know. But I do know that over the last 2 and a half years, actually a little more than that now, since I began a journey of self acceptance, I have just grown to feel more and more ok with myself. I no longer feel I am bad in any way, or wrong, or mentally ill. I used to feel all of those things. I am still not 100% there as to full acceptance yet, although it is more from just not wanting to be so different rather than being wrong or bad or ill.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
as Ashley said, the part where we need to be able to say screw everyone else, this is who I ,is something i think i will struggle with for a long time. [ or at least as long as i need a job ] .Originally Posted by Ashley_K
as far as dressing, i trully see niki when i am fully dressed and made up....thats when vince disappears
hugs
niki
After a lifetime of fighting the urge and denying what I am, I finally just got fed up. I actually spoke out loud (to myself) that I am a crossdresser. CDing for me was never any fun and was very guilt ridden. I only dressed partially, always from the neck down. I then decided to try and enjoy it, keep a few items instead of doing the quick purge. Lo and behold, it all started feeling better, felling right. Now the big hurdle, tell my wife. It only took 2 months to build up the nerve. She was accepting and supportive, thank goodness. Fast forward 10 months and I have my own lingerie drawer, a closet full of dresses, skirts, sweaters and tops, makeup, a wig and a box full of jewelry. My wife shares her purses and shoes with me (we are the same size). I get dressed completely as a woman at least once a week, usually twice. I eat in restaurants, shop and volunteer en femme. But I never forget the struggle, the years of self-loathing this all created and am thankful for every day that I get to zip up my dress, slip on my heels, grab my purse and go face the world!
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
OMG. It like you read my mind. It took me more like 6 weeks to go out. But the same for everything else.
You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same
I came to the realization of my true self just before therapy lbegan last winter. The therapy has confirmed what I have come to accept, I am female. My goal now is to be myself, while helping our marriage to stay strong. Even if I'm not presenting as a woman 24/7. I'm happy and at peace.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!
Therapy.
Two GG women that know both sides of me.
When the answers escape us when we start to fade
Remember who loved you and the ones who have stayed
Cause my body will fail, but my soul will go on
So don't you get lonely I'm right where you are
I know this sounds simplistic, but for me it was those moments in the mornings when I awoke and the fog lifted. Whenever I found myself male, life just went on. No big thing. But when I awoke to find myself femme - adored from the night before and with the day ahead mine - I aways smiled and felt empowered, felt honest. That realization, when finally held, changed everything.
Last edited by Robyn2006; 08-15-2015 at 12:27 PM.
When lost, alone, or blue I know I can always get through the day, for I've always another shade of lipstick to make things right!
Lots of self deliberation, a little bit of therapy, and plenty of exploration helped me. Still not entirely bulletproof but If I ever find a way to be, I won't hesitate to share it.
1. Coming to the point of knowing that I couldn't change me, so it was go crazy, or acceptance.
2. Finding this forum and reading about how others had similar struggles.
3. Having an accepting wife who helped me move forward in self acceptance.
4. I stopped thinking that I had to be like everyone else. I stopped caring what others thought.
I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!
For me it was simply the passage of time and increased maturity. I ultimately came to realize that this was a part of who I am. I'm not hurting anybody and its something I enjoy.
As a benefit, my wife (who knew about Jenn before we got married) has said that I bring something extra to the marriage in that I have a sensitivity and gentleness that she appreciates.
Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.
Its taken me a many a year to come to this point, to comprehend and understand the "Spectrum" of both gender and sexual identity and that they're not one and the same, and its been a journey in comprehension and understanding,........................and a whole lot of denials overcoming heavy handed cultural, societal and religious conditioning. The internet has been a God send in understanding and comprehending that concept of it all.
For me, this site helped a lot. For years, I have hidden my crossdressing from those that know me (and I will continue to do so) and I would guiltily buy things, hide them, dress when I could and then purge thinking that "this too shall pass" Well, it has not. So, out of curiosity, I kept trying to figure out what this urge was. Was it something unique to me? Are there others? Thankfully this site has helped me realize that I am not alone. Obviously there are many crossdressers out there who are truly "out", there are likely many like me, who are only out a little bit but who deal with it in their own ways. This site has enabled me to see that spectrum and I appreciate it. The other thing that this site has helped me with has been giving me the confidence to make my crossdressing experiences more rewarding by encouraging shopping in the right places where I can get the nice things that I want without embarrassment or fear.
I still have a long way to go and am not yet sure where it'll end up, but being accepted into a Skype discussion group of transwomen has helped me a lot with accepting my own inclinations in that direction as well as knowing a couple of other people who've transitioned.
For me, it was admitting to my wife that I am a crossdresser and not having to hide this side of me from her. We have along way in the last couple of years. From not wanting to see me dressed, to seeing me dressed in jeans and a femme t-shirt, to finally seeing me with women's capri's a nice ladies peplum top and padding in my bra tonight. The only thing left for her to conquer is the sound of women's heels on our hardwood floor. When I shaved my legs last winter she encouraged me to keep them shaved permanently, she was correct when she said nobody cares they are to busy with there daily lives.
Two people, actually, have helped me accept myself. The first was my very first actual girlfriend back in 1997. I made a passing joke about being prettier than her in a dress, and she called me out on it, which I secretly wanted. She actually put me in a dress, and she liked what she saw. She taught me about make-up, helped me shop for clothes. She accepted me for me and even after breaking up, we have remained friends. She is, in fact, my best and most important friend that I've ever had. If it's possible to have a soulmate who's not a life partner, then she most definitely is.
The second is a friend I knew from church growing up. She's a lot older than I, but we date back in '98, lost touch, and recently we found each other again. It had been years since I let Stefani out, my ex-wife making snide remarks of the fact that I existed in this form. I let this friend know, and slowly I began to emerge from hiding. The first few outfits were bad, but soon we learned what size I wore, what looked good, and what my style would be.
It took two of my dearest friends, and almost two decades, to come to terms with the idea that I was a crossdresser. I've come to realize that I'm more than just a guy in a dress, but a woman who masquerades as a man solely because I had the misfortune to be born a boy. The both accept me for who I am, and that allowed me to also accept myself, and to learn to love myself. I'll never let another woman take that from me again.
stefanilara.wordpress.com
A Girl in disguise
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