Accepting ourselves - what helped you the most?

[Julie1123]

A lot of us struggle with accepting who we are and what we do. I know I've had my ups and downs. One of the biggest things that has helped me feel more comfortable was, well, finding clothes that were more comfortable. I really like the idea of a full feminine look but to be honest the wigs I tried just irritate me and make up just seems to take to long for a couple hours of dressing at most. I know more practice would make it better but for now its just not cost efficient with my time. As far as clothes go, I like a lot of the stuff I have but some of it just wasn't comfortable to sit around the house in long term. A big thing has been to find items that I can do just that in. For example, right now I'm wearing a full length mermaid cut jean skirt, that I absolutely love, and a Star Wars tee.

So, yeah, a combination of not worrying about going the full nines whenever I want to dress and finding comfortable lounge around clothes has made this a whole lot easier. Get to concentrate more on the relaxing and enjoying.

If you've struggled what has helped you the most?

P.S. Also, this site of course, and the people here. You all are amazing. Can't say that enough.

[ErikaS]

It took me a long time to accept me as a women and moving from a male wardrobe to a female one has been fun and interesting. I am buying more open neck blouses and shirts it's all about being comfortable and relaxing. And yes my wig is hot but I am growing out my hair and I only do light makeup. It's fun to just relax in yoga pants/shorts also but my work attire is getting more femme so who cares I'm being me.

Erika

[Ashley_K]

While I think accepting who you are is easiest if you can say screw what everyone else thinks, I am me, I can't do that very well. I still take cues from those around me, which is both good and bad. For me, I'll feel much better once my SO is more accepting. On days she is, I tend to feel much better about myself than on days she isn't. But as far as dressing goes, I just got a wig in May, and wow, seeing myself in the mirror for the first time was like bringing a fuzzy vision into focus. That was pretty cool.

[Jennifer B]

A few things helped me. 1. Was my ex-girlfriend buying me lots of knickers over time. 2. As you say comfortable lounging female clothes. I don't have the figure to carry off a ballgown and tiara, I do have a ballgown and enjoy wearing it on occasions, but girl jeans and girl striped top and simple underwear etc is much more manageable for my body shape. 3. Whenever anything CD / Trans is mentioned in mainstream media. It's an acknowledgement that outside of our own community and sites like this one, those who don't, know we exist.

[Adriana Moretti]

I always try to remember this is supposed to be fun. and a gal can never have too much fun ......xoxo

[LeslieSD]

The moment is when my fiance would not accept my dressing.

It sounds ironic when the moment is when my value is really being questioned. I thought so hard on what I can do to get her over that issue because I don't want to lose her. And then all the sudden it dawned to me that that's truly who I am, including the fact that I am a crossdresser, and it will probably be that way forever. There is nothing wrong about it just like the color of my skin and my race. I will have to accept it with no apology no guilt of being who I am, otherwise no one will accept myself.

It took me decades of struggle to really see that simple fact. I may still have issues here and there now a day. But that is the moment I truly accepted myself.

[msniki48]

While I think accepting who you are is easiest if you can say screw what everyone else thinks, I am me, I can't do that very well. I still take cues from those around me, which is both good and bad. For me, I'll feel much better once my SO is more accepting. On days she is, I tend to feel much better about myself than on days she isn't. But as far as dressing goes, I just got a wig in May, and wow, seeing myself in the mirror for the first time was like bringing a fuzzy vision into focus. That was pretty cool.

as Ashley said, the part where we need to be able to say screw everyone else, this is who I ,is something i think i will struggle with for a long time. [ or at least as long as i need a job ] .

as far as dressing, i trully see niki when i am fully dressed and made up....thats when vince disappears

hugs

niki

[Samantha Clark]

No. 1 is my wife who is open to allowing me to be more accepting of myself and my desire to get dressed up. I think in time as we both get more comfortable I'll be able to be more accepting.

No. 2: finding this site and realizing I'm not alone.

No. 3: the clothes and makeup and forms and wig. I love my clothes and love the look back from the mirror. Have a way to go to perfect the makeup but that's another topic. Anyway, seeing a simulacrum of a girl in the mirror helps.

It's still a struggle to be at peace but at least I feel there is a path without insurmountable obstacles.

[Dana44]

For me it was a long road. Finally I have an SO that is accepting. That helped me the most. Yet I pushed the fem time a little hard and she wants me to be more manly. I am growing a beard and will go male for a couple weeks and see how she reacts to it. Heck, I am a more feminine male though.

[Junius]

There's a lot of factors in accepting myself but it all boils down to giving myself permission to be who I feel like I am. Like Julie, finding a comfortable set of clothes rather than going all out just to lounge in is helping me a lot. I've taken to avoiding boxers and mens jeans in public because no one really notices your underwear and choice of denim.

A big step I've taken is getting my ears pierced and eyebrows shaped. I knew that pretending to be fully male was becoming painful so if presenting female was out for now I gave myself permission to present androgynous. When the outside matches the inside it becomes easier to accept yourself.

What kicked this all off though is my pot smoking habits have changed drastically this year. I felt like I didn't belong in a mens world before but then I discovered weed. I smoked to bury myself then I smoked more to numb the pain this caused me. I haven't smoked a whole lot since February. This has given me a clear mind to reflect and I've found that the old me is coming out of hiding. This time I'm giving me permission to be me.

[mechamoose]

I think finding others like me had more to do with my image.

If I were the only one out here, I couldn't do this.

ETOH is a far worse mistress than weed.

I'm a prime example, pm me if you want to know more.

- MM

[Pat]

The thing that helped me most was learning to be relaxed and forgiving of myself. I was being 'way too type-A -- if I dressed, I felt I "should" dress to the nines. And it cut both ways -- I had to look manly when a man and womanly when a woman. I had to teach myself to relax and to listen to what The Real Me wanted, not obsess on what I ought to want. And if I do something imperfectly, I learned to forgive myself. Bad makeup job? It's OK. I need the most forgiveness (from myself) that I don't have a very female body -- I'll never be petit, I'll never have skinny wrists and ankles. But that's OK -- I have beauty even if it's not the beauty I'd prefer.

The biggest thing that helped me attain the above was turning 60. It's clear to me that I have fewer days in front of me than behind. I've fulfilled my responsibilities to my family and society. I decided I'm not going to my grave without finding peace with myself.

[Laura912]

So an opinion from a third NC member....first was wife accepting me and seeing the normality in CDing, at least for me. Next was this forum. Then I think retirement helped because some bodily changes could be made that allowed a little more feeling feminine...nails, eyebrows, shaving.

[AbigailJordan]

Strangely enough, the fear of being outed was probably the biggest single factor that helped me. Although I have always been comfortable and have rarely suffered the doubts and anguish that some of our sisters have. I did always keep things very private as far as possible, with only one or two very close friends confided in.

It was the day that I discovered that many people around town knew about me. It was when I discovered that the town gossip, one of my biggest detractors knew about Abi that everything flipped. I found that far from the fear and anxiety taking over and crushing me, the mere thought of such a challenge against who I am was more than my inner tiger was willing to take. It was the "fear" of being gossiped about and having my name dragged through the mud that made me decide to get out there and own the hell out of it.

From sneaking out after dark, I am now perfectly happy popping down to the corner store in leopard print harem pants and poncho style jersey. I still have limits around some people who "may" have heard, but generally the freedom I feel now to be myself (whether in drab or drag) is so much greater, and all because I refuse to hide away and allow people to think I'm ashamed or embarassed about what I do.

[mechamoose]

The thing that helped me most was learning to be relaxed and forgiving of myself

The biggest thing that helped me attain the above was turning 60. It's clear to me that I have fewer days in front of me than behind. I've fulfilled my responsibilities to my family and society. I decided I'm not going to my grave without finding peace with myself.

Way to go Jennie!! If you don't have faith in yourself, then nothing else matters.

- MM

[Jorja]

For me, it was finally moving forward. I had been trapped for 22 years. The day I said I am doing this was the key that unlocked the door. I have never looked back and never second guessed my decision. Yes, there were some hard times but there have been far more good times in the last 35 years. Be confident in yourself, love life, and be free to be your true self. You deserve it.

[Amy Fakley]

Like many of us, I've struggled with this since early childhood. I didn't know why I wanted to be pretty, but in my household it was definitely considered "sin", and I learned damn well from the get-go to feel horrible about myself for doing it, and to hide it at all costs. And so from about 7 or 8 years and for the next 30 or so, that wrapped around my axle over and over, and my internal life became more and more convoluted and broken.

What helped me to come out of that, was cancer. If circumstances had not forced me both to viscerrally confront my own mortality, AND have a few months off work where there was little else to do but cherish the silence and for once in my life, stop and actually think about the life I'd been leading to that point .... that's what finally allowed me to come to terms with it.

If it hadn't been for that, I don't know how much longer things could have gone. I probably would have broken in some other, more destructive ways before finally coming to terms with it.

That's how I first came to accept that this is who I have always been, and it was not probably gonna ever change.

But the second stage of growth didn't happen until I came out, and was really accepted by my wife. Her acceptance, on some level, allowed me to accept myself utterly and completely, in a way I never dreamed to imagine. God, I love that woman! :-)

[Rachelakld]

Divorce from wife number 1 was a major unshackleing - got full wardrobe, wig & make up went public within 2 weeks.

Redundancy, and a move back to the bottom of my career ladder gave me a "don't care attitude"

[2B Natasha]

Divorce from wife number 1 was a major unshackleing - got full wardrobe, wig & make up went public within 2 weeks.

Redundancy, and a move back to the bottom of my career ladder gave me a "don't care attitude"

OMG. It like you read my mind. It took me more like 6 weeks to go out. But the same for everything else.

[Heidi Stevens]

I came to the realization of my true self just before therapy lbegan last winter. The therapy has confirmed what I have come to accept, I am female. My goal now is to be myself, while helping our marriage to stay strong. Even if I'm not presenting as a woman 24/7. I'm happy and at peace.

[steftoday]

Therapy.
Two GG women that know both sides of me.

[Teresa]

Julie,
In one word , " This Forum !"
Through reading other members comments especially ones older than me I realised that CDing was for life, that changed my perspective and has helped me accept myself !
I think it's irrelevant what we wear it's accepting why we do it !
I agree kicking off the heels after a few hours is heaven but I know I'm going to do it again !

[Allisa]

I found myself reading some old muses I wrote, when I was deep in denial, and oddly enough an off cuff remark about my hairs length for a person of my age. Made me realize that I was pleasing and conforming to every one else's standard and said enough is enough I am who I am so, no more shame, no more denial, I am going to be myself in my gender fluidity and dress as I please. The more I progressed in my expression the more accepting I became until one day viola I just didn't care anymore who knows and who sees me in my femme dressing, all the time being a member of this site helped me greatly realize I was not alone and added to my confidence as a CDer that I was just as normal as anyone else just with a little extra personality. And I must say that I am a better person and more open. What helped the most? maybe a little bit of everything and the maturing process with age.

[kimdl93]

Maturity. I was tired when I wrote that terse response.

But I owe some elaboration. Life experiences gained through time are what maturity is made of. But I've also had some outside help. My psychologist, who helped guide me back to emotional health during a rocky period, among other things helped me begin to understand that this part of me was OK....something I never before could allow myself to imagine. And coming out...first to my then girl friend, now wife, cemented that realization.

The act of coming out to someone close to you certainly is a risky business. But as in so much of life, there is a strong relationship between risk and reward. Others cannot give us acceptance if we don't seek it. We deny ourselves acceptance if we do not at least pursue it.

In the end, perhaps I reached a point where I cognitively understood that being TG was ok, and with maturity realized that the risk of rejection was worth taking. I could, and can live with the occasional rejection in return for the occasional acceptance from others. Perhaps that is self acceptance.

[Barbara Jo]

Simple ......

Genuinely liking myself and, just being glad to be alive .