Confused as to what I am

[Confusedcrossdresser]

Hi all,

I'm totally confused as to what I am. I have always identified as a gay male but a few months back I started cross dressing and then meeting straight guys on the Internet. I found it sexually exciting being treated like a woman and being able to hookup with masculine guys. Now I don't know whether I'm just a CD or transgender. I can't work out whether I want a we'd change? Up until now I've always been fine with my male body. I grew up around a lot of women and still most of my close friends are women.

[Sarah-RT]

Is the attention you receive while being female something you only enjoy while being female or is it a possible submissiveness you prefer? I have a few gay friends and I've heard all the stereotypes before of dominants and submissives.
Perhaps if you separate relationships from your dressing you might get a better idea towards how you feel?

Sarah x

[Pat]

I'd say you know what you are, you just don't know what people should call you. Current thinking is that sexuality is separate from gender so if you always enjoyed having sex with men exclusively then you'd be homosexual. Otherwise you'd be bisexual unless you don't accept the gender binary in which case you'd be pansexual. With sex out of the way, we're left to consider gender -- if you're comfortable presenting male or female then you're considered transgender, and of course when you present female you're crossdressing. Crossdressing is a behavior so it's something you do, not something you are. So you'd have something like "gay transgender crossdressing male" to put on your business card. That would be what you're called, what you are is something you have to discover over your life.

[Katey888]

Hey Confused - and welcome...

I personally wouldn't sweat it too much - you're still very young; I'd assume that your sexual tastes may well mature as you do, over many more years, as will your perspective to CDing and whether or not it means anything more to you in anything other than a sexual sense. I imagine we've all had concerns about some aspect of this passion we all share to some degree - for some of us (at one extreme) it's an indication that they are fully transsexual (TS) and ultimately transition; for the majority of others its just that we have a feminine facet that finds all types of expression in making us feel satisfied and comfortable with who we are - it really doesn't matter about the fine detail...

Take your time over this - if you're feeling happy with your male body, then you're just a plain, gay, crossdresser... well, hopefully a little more fabulous than just plain...

Live a little more and enjoy what you're doing - it will become more clear over time...

Katey x

[Jenniferathome]

... and then meeting straight guys on the Internet. ...

i don't know a lot of things but I do know these are not straight guys you are meeting on the net.

[kimdl93]

Ok, will not get caught in the definitional trap. Let's just point out the obvious....the heterosexual guys you have been meeting...did they know you were genetically male? If so, then these were not heterosexuals...they may have been bi or gay. Had they been heterosexual, and mistaken you for GG, at some point the mistake would become obvious and the interactions might have become rather unpleasant.

Being mistaken for GG is neither a precondition for being transgendered nor for being transsexual.

[Pat]

Ok, will not get caught in the definitional trap. [...]the heterosexual guys you have been meeting [...] may have been bi or gay.

But didn't you just fall into the trap? If you adhere to strict binary definitions, then "straight" guys who have sex with anyone who has a penis are gay or bi. But if you accept the spectrum, then you have to allow for guys who are only into women and crossdressed males -- they're out there. Many of them like to call themselves 'straight' and because we don't have a word to accurately describe the situation, you can't really contradict them. 'Bisexual' wouldn't work because these guys are not interested in males who are presenting as males. Once you introduce transgenderism, sexual orientations multiply dramatically.

To the OP, I reiterate, be who you are; figure out what you should be called at your own pace.

[Jenniferathome]

"... Many of them like to call themselves 'straight' and because we don't have a word to accurately describe the situation, ..."

yeah, we do: gay or bi. Occam's Razor in living color. The western world and the USA in particular have taken political correctness to absurd extremes.

[kimdl93]

But didn't you just fall into the trap? If you adhere to strict binary definitions,.....

Lest we get drawn further into the weeds, the definitional trap I refer to is CD vs TG, as per the OP.

[Tracii G]

Don't get locked into trying to figure out where you fit in the transgender spectrum because it is a very wide spectrum and it will drive you crazy.
If you are gay then you are gay clothes won't change that.
If you are talking to "straight men" online and they think you are a genetic female thats fine have fun.
If you hook up with a straight guy and he finds out what you have "down there" you might get in a situation you don't want to be in.
Its best to be honest and tell them you are a gay male crossdresser.A lot of guys are into people like us and you may have a great experience.

[Confusedcrossdresser]

I've never met guys pretending to be a woman. I've always met men who are seeking cross dressers and transgendered.

[Alexis08]

"... Many of them like to call themselves 'straight' and because we don't have a word to accurately describe the situation, ..."

yeah, we do: gay or bi. Occam's Razor in living color. The western world and the USA in particular have taken political correctness to absurd extremes.

So far as I know, gay men aren't attracted to MTF crossdressers that look like women. Only those somewhere between bi and straight are attracted to them.

[kimdl93]

See this is the path to confusion. One cannot define your gender identity based on other peoples sexual preferences.

Some gay and bi men may very well enjoy cross dressing partners. That does not define their partner's gender.

[Tracii G]

Kim is right.
There are no one size fits all classifications that work with peoples sexual proclivities.
The only way to know is ask them what they prefer.

[atlflygirl]

Dear, I'm gay as well and love crossdressing for other men. I do not consider myself a woman but a genderfluid guy in that I'm just a feminine dude who cannot escape the part of his character or presentation that feels womanly. So often, I just want a guy to call the shots and take the lead, as I'm perennially stuck in the role of the pursuer, the payer, the decider and the taker. Also, I have an incredible urge to wear lingerie, makeup, wigs and dresses and look pretty for the boys I meet. They have always respected and enjoyed their time with me more than many gay guys I know. So, to make a long story short, I'll always be a man, but I will always be feminine in my heart and crave my hose, panties and bra in anticipation of the next man, which are all part of my genderfluidity.

[PaulaQ]

@Jennifer - would you consider my boyfriend to be gay or bi? I still have factory original equipment down there for the next two weeks. If you consider him gay or bi, then there are a couple of issues here:
1. That means you'd consider me a man, which would be pretty insulting
2. He is not attracted to men, period. He is, in all certainty, straighter than you are.

So if you agree that my boyfriend is straight - then why can't the OP possibly be a straight transwoman who hasn't come out to herself yet? Just saying that is a possibility.

Straight vs. gay has not much to do with genitals. I'd hope people here would understand that.

[Lorileah]

In order to really answer the OP's question, there has to be parameters set. First, is the OP a CD (i.e. a male who dresses for enjoyment but reverts to male after) or Transsexual (a woman with a body that doesn't match her identity but considers herself a woman in all aspects of life). Seems the original question was that, not was she gay or straight. Also the answers here I don't think were addressing the OP's gender or sexuality but the men who she contacts. Now we HAVE to admit, if they wouldn't date her except the fact she has male parts, they are likely at least bi. I have been through this scenario (OK I wouldn't ever ever advertise for anonymous sexual encounters) where a man wanted to date me (a transwoman) but honestly told me when I transitioned they didn't want to be with me any more. That says "I am not dating YOU I am dating your parts". I thought I could play that game but it turns out, it wasn't who I was.

All the arguments of gay bi straight are moot. I have my definitions. Gay (MtM) is when you play and you both have penises and you would never consider sex with anyone with a vagina. Bi, is people who will play either way and straight is when a man (or woman) would never consider touching in a sexual manner the same parts they have. Thus, in my world, you can't be a straight man when you are dressed as a guy and become a "lesbian" when you dress as a woman. Life is so much easier when you believe everyone is bi on the scale somewhere...