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Thread: Am I Transgender?

  1. #1
    Eva evadan's Avatar
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    Am I Transgender?

    So with all the media hype and focus on Transgender brought to forefront by Caitlyn Jenner (and I still wonder about a 60 + woman calling herself Caitlyn - is that for real), I feel like I have been left behind in the public Transgender discussion as the focus has been on those who transition. I love to dress and have been doing it in some fashion or other since I was 12 (I'm 52 now). There has always been some eroticism in my cross dressing but mostly just wearing lingerie with my wife in the bedroom. That has diminished over the years as many her have notes in previous posts. I dress fully when I can but just really started doing so about 5 years ago when I told my wife I really wanted to dress and present completely as a woman. Thankfully, she has been supportive and helpful. I don't know if I will ever go out in public. I'm just content with where I'm at in CD spectrum.

    On the other hand, I like the "male" side of myself. I like my motorcycles, '66 Mustang, football and hanging out with the guys doing guy things. I have no desire to dress full time or transition. So am I Transgender? the term seems so fashionable now. Would society be anymore accepting of me now that Transgender is such a hot topic? Somehow I don't think so since my place on the Transgender spectrum isn't really discussed publicly or understood.

    Thoughts?

    Thx

    Eva D.

    PS: Moderators - I hope I posted in the right place?
    Last edited by evadan; 08-19-2015 at 06:13 AM.

  2. #2
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Eva,

    That is a topic of much debate and discussion here and if you ask 100 people it is likely you will get 100 different answers. Most (not all) tend to view the term Transgender (TG) as a spectrum encompassing a wide swath of gender non-conformity. On one side you have the CDing crowd which in and of itself varies. Specifically, some just like to dress up for a moment or two feel good then pack it away until next time, others want to dress and go in public, where as some will only wear clothing (no make-up or wigs). On the other side is the Transsexual crowd (TS) and those are the folks who truly feel trapped in the wrong body and work to align their physical self with their gender identity. In between it is a wide spectrum. For myself I am gender fluid, I sometimes identify as a woman and dress according in my private life, public life (including work) and sometimes I identify as a man and dress accordingly.

    So to answer your question . . . Are you TG? Well, if you view it as a spectrum . . . then yes. Where you fall will depend on how far down the rabbit hole you are.

    Cheers

    Isha

    Isha

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Evadan,
    Why worry about labels, you know where you want to be with your CDing and your wife is OK about it, you're not questioning your gender ! You have a comfortable life with other guys doing male things why try and complicate all that with thinking you have the wrong label !

    I have so many uncertainties, a DADT situation and brain going round in circles , at the moment my labels keep changing ! Consider yourself lucky !!

    The thought of ending up on the same road as CJ at the same age is very scary when you don't have that level of support !
    Last edited by Teresa; 08-19-2015 at 06:35 AM.

  4. #4
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    Hi Eve, You just sound like a normal Crossdresser.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

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  5. #5
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Isha covers it very well. Yes, you are somewhere on the spectrum of transgender. No, you're no transsexual. It's not a rank or a grading system. You're fine right where you are.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  6. #6
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    Yes, you are transgender - this is an umbrella term that means your gender identity and / or gender expression don't conform to societal norms for your assigned at birth sex.

    In your case, you are male identified - you're a dude - but you dress like a woman sometimes. Your gender expression crosses societal gender norm boundaries, therefore you are transgender.

    That you feel "I'll never go out in public this way" is a valid choice shows just how far we need to go in the advancement of trans rights. I'm not saying what you are doing is invalid or a poor choice given the realities you face. I am saying that you shouldn't even have to worry about such things, in a world that wasn't transphobic. Unfortunately, that isn't our world.

    The reason you aren't a transsexual is that you do not identify as a woman. I do, and I also present as one, and do a great many medical, social, and legal things to transition to living my life as a woman.

    BTW - expression is independent from identity - I could end up transitioning to live as a woman, but present really, really butch. I don't - but some trans women do.
    Last edited by PaulaQ; 08-19-2015 at 06:54 AM.

  7. #7
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    Based on my understanding of the term, yes you are :-)

    Will people be more accepting? Depends on the people. There certainly doesn't seem be the same reluctance to discuss TG related topics in mixed company, as before the media blitz that happened this summer (becoming us, I am jazz, I am cait, OITNB, transparent, probably some other shows I forgot about).

    I think that's probably a good thing ... though it probably means it's safe to come out now, in the same way racism is over because we have a black president, lol. YMMV as they say.
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  8. #8
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Ahhh... The whole TG vs CD debate. It appears to me that on this board there is about a 33/33/33 split on that opinion. Some think you are TG and some think you are a CD and some think that no labels should be used at all. Personally I would say that you are a transgender person who expresses that by cross dressing. But that may be offensive or just plain wrong to some. It kind of depends on your definitions of TG. I take it to be an umbrella term that covers anyone who experiences any sort of gender variance. I suppose you have to decide what definition is acceptable for you.

    But what is up with this thought of your yours:

    Quote Originally Posted by evadan View Post
    (and I still wonder about a 60 + woman calling herself Caitlyn - is that for real)
    What is wrong with that? Should she have chosen a different name? Is that name too young for her? Or what?
    Last edited by Nadine Spirit; 08-19-2015 at 07:59 AM.

  9. #9
    Junior Member ShriekCassandra's Avatar
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    Most people I've seen who are content with expressing both the masculine and feminine aspects of their personality at any given situation or prefer to present as neither exclusively one or the other seem to identify themselves as genderfluid or bigender rather than TG, but it all falls under the same trans* umbrella I guess. I wouldn't concern yourself with overly specific labeling unless you find it necessary, the plebs do a good enough job of doing that for us already.

  10. #10
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    I have wondered what would happen if I witnessed a crime while out in public em femme (some would say that itself is a crime - haha). On the witness stand I am asked if I am transgender, to reconcile why the witness who appeared to be a woman appears in court as a man. To answer the question honestly I would need to know if we're working with the same definition. As a CDer I answer yes (under the TG umbrella). Those who hear my answer think I'm TS, gay, whatever.
    Eva, you ask if you are TG. If you can define TG, you can answer for yourself.

  11. #11
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    You are not "transgender", you are a crossdresser. Plain and simple, just a crossdresser.

  12. #12
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    As for the name.... what is going to happen to a new born girl whose parents name them Caitlin when they turn 60? Are they going to have to legally change their name at a certain age??

  13. #13
    Member Elli87's Avatar
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    I co sign what everybody else has said,

    1. it's a very common question, one I have nearly everyday,

    2 everyone has their own opinion about it
    well even if i'm wrong, you know i'm right

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nadine Spirit View Post
    Ahhh... The whole TG vs CD debate.... I take it to be an umbrella term that covers anyone who experiences any sort of gender variance. ...
    I think this is the first time I have seen it written like this. I can not argue that as a cross dresser I am experiencing/exhibiting some kind of "gender variance." So Nadine, you got me with definition. Well done! What always sets me back is that I do not FEEL that variance. I'm a dude always. Whether in a dress or racing a mountain bike. I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

  15. #15
    Diva AbigailJordan's Avatar
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    In society's eyes, yes you are transgender, in that you do not fully conform to the expected "norms" of male behaviour.

    In your own eyes, you are whatever you choose to be.. there are many terms and labels, gender fluid, gender blending, part-timer, but it is rare that anyone finds a "perfect term" for how they feel.

    You're a guy with a strong feminine side moving towards female impersonation.. some call it crossdressing, some call it transvestism, some call it transgender.. you own the labels you choose to own.. just like in your wardrobe

  16. #16
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by evadan View Post
    (and I still wonder about a 60 + woman calling herself Caitlyn - is that for real),
    Well, I kinda wonder about a 52 year old man calling himself Eva.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
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  17. #17
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    “Transgender” is an umbrella term that covers many diverse groups that have little or nothing to do with each other. Many people assume it refers just to transsexual people, but they are wrong. Transsexual people only represent a small fraction of those who are considered “transgender”. And for the record a transsexual person is someone who was born with a brain-body mismatch, literally a female brain in a male body or vice-versa. It is a naturally occurring birth condition. Through the process of TRANSITION transsexual people change their bodies to match the true inner gender and assume a gender appropriate role in society. Also one does not “become” transsexual; as I said we are BORN that way.

    “Transgender” refers to anyone who varies from the societal norms for their gender as assigned at birth. Other than transsexual people other groups under the transgender umbrella include:

    Cross-dressers (obsolete term was “transvestite”)
    Drag queens
    Drag kings
    Androgynes
    Genderqueer
    Genderf*ck
    A-gender
    Bi-gender
    Two-spirit

    And more.

    Now, take a moment and think about yourself. Where to you feel you fall within this spectrum? Or, do you fall within it at all?

  18. #18
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
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    As usual, Krisi is dead wrong. You crossdress because you are somewhere on the transgender scale...

  19. #19
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    Yes you are Transgender, even if your identity is male. I am male, I don't even have a female name nor I want one, and like me, there are others. Not all Transgender means we will end up transitioning, and the term is not well explained in the media.

    PaulaQ explained everything perfectly. I suggest you pay attention to what she defined in that post.

    You are not "transgender", you are a crossdresser. Plain and simple, just a crossdresser.
    Sorry, the OP, by the current definition of the term, yes s/he falls under the Transgender label.

    Krisi, I don't know you, but you seem to be even more "fem" than me, given the fact you use a female name, whereas I do not. If I am okay with the label, why aren't you?

    I know you will say you are a dude, but I'm a dude too and I have no problems with identifying as Transgender.

    Don't take it as an attack or anything, Im not trying to enforce my opinion on you, so please don't misunderstand me as you usually do, I dont want we end up having an argument like usual.
    But I'm just curious why some here want to divide crossdressers from other transgender when all we have in rights will be lost if we do such a thing, atleast now in this moment of time.

    My advice is to stay together to be strong. If the community is divided, we will suffer more.

    Those who think crossdressers should stand apart, well, maybe in the future, but division right now will only make us weaker against those who want us to suffer.
    Last edited by Ezekiel; 08-19-2015 at 11:12 AM.

  20. #20
    Non-binary/Questioning Mayo's Avatar
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    Jorja (and several others) pretty much described it. That said, a significant source of confusion may derive from the fact that the word 'transsexual' (TS) is rejected as self-descriptive by many (but not all) who live full time as the opposite gender because they feel that it is

    1. primarily a medical term that
    2. is archaic and
    3. suggests there is something medically wrong with them and
    4. may imply that they have had genital surgery.

    As a result, the term 'transgender' (TG) also serves in popular parlance as the new word for 'transsexual', and so there is often some ambiguity as to whether one means

    1. 'falling under the TG umbrella because one is gender-variant in some way' (e.g. a crossdresser) or
    2. 'living full time and identifying as a member of the opposite gender' or
    3. 'living full time and identifying as a member of the opposite gender and having had gender confirmation surgery'.

    The impression I get is that some CDs reject the TG label because they have no doubts about their gender. The question then becomes whether or not 'transgender' refers to gender identity or gender expression, a question on which there appears to be no unanimity. The edges are fuzzy.
    Last edited by Mayo; 08-19-2015 at 11:50 AM.

  21. #21
    Mumbler Samantha Clark's Avatar
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    The trouble with language is that it evolves. I feel that it is unfortunate that the common usage of transgender, at least my observation of the more recent media usage, has morphed to become synonymous with transsexual. While we, here, may hold to the older usage of the term in its generic sense of any departure from normative gendered expression or behavior, that is not the same usage having currency in the broader social conversation.

    The dissonance became clear some time ago when my wife reacted to my use of the term transgender, and she immediately thought that I was going to transition. In her words she asked isn't that what Bruce Jenner is?

    It's disappointing to me that the common understanding of the term, transgender, is losing its broader, more generic meaning. As a consequence, it makes discourse and understanding more difficult.
    Last edited by Samantha Clark; 08-20-2015 at 10:03 AM. Reason: Typo fixed
    Putting the y (chromosome) in girly!

  22. #22
    Senior Member MsVal's Avatar
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    Wow, that sounds SO familiar.

    Eva, my advice to you is to disregard labels and follow your heart.

    I wondered the same things that you do. Worse still, the introspection resulted in different answers on different days. I was confused. I was afraid that I may be transexual and wanting to be no more than "just a plain vanilla crossdresser". For several months I spent many anxious days fretting about the label. Several times I asked my therapist "what am I?" It took a while, but my therapist finally convinced me that I am ME, just plain old ME. I don't need a label. People with labels often feel a need to validate that label rather than following their own heart.

    I no longer try to make a label fit me, or me the label. There are more important things to fret about than a label.

    Best wishes
    MsVal
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  23. #23
    Sweet 'n Sassy sugarbabe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    I think this is the first time I have seen it written like this. I can not argue that as a cross dresser I am experiencing/exhibiting some kind of "gender variance." So Nadine, you got me with definition. Well done! What always sets me back is that I do not FEEL that variance. I'm a dude always. Whether in a dress or racing a mountain bike. I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.
    I, of course, can only speak for myself. I do seem to have days where I feel male and other days when I feel female and want to express that with my appearance. Sometimes I even desire being flirted with by cute guys, but haven't put myself in any situations where that could occur yet

  24. #24
    New Member Danica F's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brenda.Clark View Post
    The trouble with language is that it evolves. I feel that it is unfortunate that the common usage of transgender, at least my observation of the more recent media usage, has morphed to become synonymous with transsexual. While we, here, may hold the the older usage of the term in its generic sense of any departure from normative gendered expression or behavior, that is not the same usage having currency in the broader social conversation.

    The dissonance became clear some time ago when my wife reacted to my use of the term transgender, and she immediately thought that I was going to transition. In her words she asked isn't that what Bruce Jenner is?

    It's disappointing to me that the common understanding of the term, transgender, is losing its broader, more generic meaning. As a consequence, it makes discourse and understanding more difficult.
    And I'm sure this is why many, myself included, don't consider ourselves transgender. If I were to say to someone "I'm transgender" and mean "I'm somewhere on the transgender spectrum" instead, what they hear and understand may not be what I said. To most people, to be transgender is to live (or desire to live) as the opposite sex. I don't have any desire to do so, therefore to most people I am not transgender. Therefore, I should not consider

    Language depends on people understanding one another. If I used the word "stick" whenever I should use the word "tree" (or vice versa) and tried to correct everyone's understanding of the words to fit my definition, that would be confusing to everyone. To add to that, including too many subcategories under "transgender" and defining yourself as such muddies the water. If the word means too many things, it is meaningless altogether.

    To Eva, it doesn't sound like you fit the "popular" definition of transgender.

  25. #25
    Senior Member Hell on Heels's Avatar
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    Hell-o Eva,
    Your a CD'er? You fit the TG profile.
    A male that intentionally wears female clothing for his own personal satisfaction has to have some degree of GID goin' on (don't ya think?)
    Now if that doesn't qualify as transgender.....
    Much Love,
    Kristyn
    I smile because you are my friend, and
    I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it!!!

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