Am I Transgender?

[evadan]

So with all the media hype and focus on Transgender brought to forefront by Caitlyn Jenner (and I still wonder about a 60 + woman calling herself Caitlyn - is that for real), I feel like I have been left behind in the public Transgender discussion as the focus has been on those who transition. I love to dress and have been doing it in some fashion or other since I was 12 (I'm 52 now). There has always been some eroticism in my cross dressing but mostly just wearing lingerie with my wife in the bedroom. That has diminished over the years as many her have notes in previous posts. I dress fully when I can but just really started doing so about 5 years ago when I told my wife I really wanted to dress and present completely as a woman. Thankfully, she has been supportive and helpful. I don't know if I will ever go out in public. I'm just content with where I'm at in CD spectrum.

On the other hand, I like the "male" side of myself. I like my motorcycles, '66 Mustang, football and hanging out with the guys doing guy things. I have no desire to dress full time or transition. So am I Transgender? the term seems so fashionable now. Would society be anymore accepting of me now that Transgender is such a hot topic? Somehow I don't think so since my place on the Transgender spectrum isn't really discussed publicly or understood.

Thoughts?

Thx

Eva D.

PS: Moderators - I hope I posted in the right place?

[Marcelle]

Hi Eva,

That is a topic of much debate and discussion here and if you ask 100 people it is likely you will get 100 different answers. Most (not all) tend to view the term Transgender (TG) as a spectrum encompassing a wide swath of gender non-conformity. On one side you have the CDing crowd which in and of itself varies. Specifically, some just like to dress up for a moment or two feel good then pack it away until next time, others want to dress and go in public, where as some will only wear clothing (no make-up or wigs). On the other side is the Transsexual crowd (TS) and those are the folks who truly feel trapped in the wrong body and work to align their physical self with their gender identity. In between it is a wide spectrum. For myself I am gender fluid, I sometimes identify as a woman and dress according in my private life, public life (including work) and sometimes I identify as a man and dress accordingly.

So to answer your question . . . Are you TG? Well, if you view it as a spectrum . . . then yes. Where you fall will depend on how far down the rabbit hole you are.

Cheers

Isha

Isha

[trisha kobichenko]

Well put Isha...some days I am on the female side of gender identity, other days I am on the male side. Some days it varies by hours, time of day, and how I feel. If you asked me where I am on the gender scale, the answer is smack dab in the middle. i don't present as female in public, since I have some male attributes (beard), that I like when I am feeling the male side. My closet is about 50/50, and on any given day I may dress in leggings and a male t-shirt.
hugs,
trisha

[Alexis08]

Let everyone call themselves whatever they want.

Personally, I'm fine with these two terms crossdresser and transvestite. No more labels needed for me.

[evadan]

Really great thread and discussion! I appreciate everyone's input and insight. The real issue as some of you have touched on is now in broader society, "Transgender" means "Transexual". And that is where the focus is. It seems it is easier for people to accept and understand a person who dresses as a different gender, says they are a different gender and wants to completely transition to that gender than someone who occasionally (or more often) wants to dress and present as the other gender. It would seem society is okay with gender reassignment but not ready for a guy likes to wear a dress!

Thanks y'all!

Eva D.

[Teresa]

Evadan,
Why worry about labels, you know where you want to be with your CDing and your wife is OK about it, you're not questioning your gender ! You have a comfortable life with other guys doing male things why try and complicate all that with thinking you have the wrong label !

I have so many uncertainties, a DADT situation and brain going round in circles , at the moment my labels keep changing ! Consider yourself lucky !!

The thought of ending up on the same road as CJ at the same age is very scary when you don't have that level of support !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Eve, You just sound like a normal Crossdresser.

[kimdl93]

Isha covers it very well. Yes, you are somewhere on the spectrum of transgender. No, you're no transsexual. It's not a rank or a grading system. You're fine right where you are.

[PaulaQ]

Yes, you are transgender - this is an umbrella term that means your gender identity and / or gender expression don't conform to societal norms for your assigned at birth sex.

In your case, you are male identified - you're a dude - but you dress like a woman sometimes. Your gender expression crosses societal gender norm boundaries, therefore you are transgender.

That you feel "I'll never go out in public this way" is a valid choice shows just how far we need to go in the advancement of trans rights. I'm not saying what you are doing is invalid or a poor choice given the realities you face. I am saying that you shouldn't even have to worry about such things, in a world that wasn't transphobic. Unfortunately, that isn't our world.

The reason you aren't a transsexual is that you do not identify as a woman. I do, and I also present as one, and do a great many medical, social, and legal things to transition to living my life as a woman.

BTW - expression is independent from identity - I could end up transitioning to live as a woman, but present really, really butch. I don't - but some trans women do.

[Amy Fakley]

Based on my understanding of the term, yes you are :-)

Will people be more accepting? Depends on the people. There certainly doesn't seem be the same reluctance to discuss TG related topics in mixed company, as before the media blitz that happened this summer (becoming us, I am jazz, I am cait, OITNB, transparent, probably some other shows I forgot about).

I think that's probably a good thing ... though it probably means it's safe to come out now, in the same way racism is over because we have a black president, lol. YMMV as they say.

[Nadine Spirit]

Ahhh... The whole TG vs CD debate. It appears to me that on this board there is about a 33/33/33 split on that opinion. Some think you are TG and some think you are a CD and some think that no labels should be used at all. Personally I would say that you are a transgender person who expresses that by cross dressing. But that may be offensive or just plain wrong to some. It kind of depends on your definitions of TG. I take it to be an umbrella term that covers anyone who experiences any sort of gender variance. I suppose you have to decide what definition is acceptable for you.

But what is up with this thought of your yours:

(and I still wonder about a 60 + woman calling herself Caitlyn - is that for real)

What is wrong with that? Should she have chosen a different name? Is that name too young for her? Or what?

[ShriekCassandra]

Most people I've seen who are content with expressing both the masculine and feminine aspects of their personality at any given situation or prefer to present as neither exclusively one or the other seem to identify themselves as genderfluid or bigender rather than TG, but it all falls under the same trans* umbrella I guess. I wouldn't concern yourself with overly specific labeling unless you find it necessary, the plebs do a good enough job of doing that for us already.

[Jenniferathome]

Ahhh... The whole TG vs CD debate.... I take it to be an umbrella term that covers anyone who experiences any sort of gender variance. ...

I think this is the first time I have seen it written like this. I can not argue that as a cross dresser I am experiencing/exhibiting some kind of "gender variance." So Nadine, you got me with definition. Well done! What always sets me back is that I do not FEEL that variance. I'm a dude always. Whether in a dress or racing a mountain bike. I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

[sugarbabe]

I think this is the first time I have seen it written like this. I can not argue that as a cross dresser I am experiencing/exhibiting some kind of "gender variance." So Nadine, you got me with definition. Well done! What always sets me back is that I do not FEEL that variance. I'm a dude always. Whether in a dress or racing a mountain bike. I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

I, of course, can only speak for myself. I do seem to have days where I feel male and other days when I feel female and want to express that with my appearance. Sometimes I even desire being flirted with by cute guys, but haven't put myself in any situations where that could occur yet

[PaulaQ]

I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

This:

How to tell your wifehttp://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=#post2428087

argues that at some point, you felt something most men don't feel. Most guys don't need to come out to their wives.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

I wonder if there is a "feeling" that others have that I do not.

Think about it this way. How do you feel when you make the decision to dress (that is before you start getting ready)? What is your motivation? Like Sugarbabe I have moments when I distinctly feel one gender or the other. Those feelings affect my reactions to situations, like am I going to act with empathy or with aggression. Of course its when my feelings are more feminine that I feel the pull to make the outside reflect the inside. Why that happens is the $64,000 question for all of us.

Bridget

[NicoleScott]

I have wondered what would happen if I witnessed a crime while out in public em femme (some would say that itself is a crime - haha). On the witness stand I am asked if I am transgender, to reconcile why the witness who appeared to be a woman appears in court as a man. To answer the question honestly I would need to know if we're working with the same definition. As a CDer I answer yes (under the TG umbrella). Those who hear my answer think I'm TS, gay, whatever.
Eva, you ask if you are TG. If you can define TG, you can answer for yourself.

[Krisi]

You are not "transgender", you are a crossdresser. Plain and simple, just a crossdresser.

[jenni_xx]

You are not "transgender", you are a crossdresser. Plain and simple, just a crossdresser.

Where do crossdressers fit on the LGBT spectrum?

[Jorja]

Pssst, look under the T.

[jenni_xx]

*shakes head*

You do realise why I asked that question in response to Krisi's comment?

[AbigailJordan]

yes Jenni, we know why you asked it.. ironically, the intended target of the question is probably blissfully unaware of the irony of her original statement anyway and will therefore, quite ironically, miss the irony of your subsequent question.

Oh and Jorja.. haven't you heard.. it's now LGBT+.. we had to have a designation for all those who are "just crossdressers plain and simple".. next it will be LGBT+% for all the half and half.. and in 10 years time it will be have a high security rating as a password

[jenni_xx]

yes Jenni, we know why you asked it.. ironically, the intended target of the question is probably blissfully unaware of the irony of her original statement ...

Where is the up-vote button? I'm simply loving this post. Nails, heads, and hits are doing cartwheels in my mind!!

[Tina_gm]

As for the name.... what is going to happen to a new born girl whose parents name them Caitlin when they turn 60? Are they going to have to legally change their name at a certain age??

[Elli87]

I co sign what everybody else has said,

1. it's a very common question, one I have nearly everyday,

2 everyone has their own opinion about it