Freudian slip, LOL

[Tristessa]

So I was hanging out with my parents on the 4th (they know nothing about my girl side), and my mom was complementing me on my shirt. Without thinking, I said "yeah, I finally knuckled down and bought some new boy clothes". She paused, took a long hard look at me, and asked me "what other kind of clothes do you buy, girl clothes?". I looked her straight in the eye and said "something like that", and winked at her. No further discussion. My wife and I almost fell over laughing when we got some privacy to discuss it. I regret nothing about that exchange, and am actually hoping she'll broach the topic again at a later time when my father isn't around. Guess Tristessa really wants out!

[Sarah-RT]

Tristessa thats a hilarious story, would you have any problems discussing it with your folks?

Sarah x

[pamela7]

ab fabulous, nice one Tristessa. Makes me wonder if your mum stopped your dad dressing long long ago!

[Tristessa]

Tristessa thats a hilarious story, would you have any problems discussing it with your folks?

Not sure I'm quite ready, but I think I will have to broach it with my mother soon, as I'm clearly going to out myself if I don't! I think she will be confused and think that it's her fault somehow, which will be painful to witness. Ultimately I think her love for her son will trump any transphobia, so I think she'll come around. On the other hand, I can't even bear to imagine my father's reaction, so I'm hoping that once she's on board, my mom will help me figure out how to navigate that conversation.

Tristessa

[reb.femme]

Hi Tristessa,

I thought a freudian slip was something worn under a skirt,...so you live and learn. My mum and dad were completely hostile to anything and anyone that didn't fit their version of normality, so could never have told them. Hope your revelation when it comes, goes well.

I've been using this laptop at work (contracting at various sites) and my logon name is Rebecca. So out in plain sight of all, when anyone asks, all I've said is, "It's something I do outside of work" and grin. No further comments have been received but to hell with it.


Rebecca

[Sarah-RT]

I suspect all parents think kids that are LGBT are their fault, which is not the case, it's no ones fault. The second problem is thinking that it is a fault, while being male or female and straight is the default design, there are too many of us worldwide for it to be unusual anymore.

I hope if you do get round to talking to your mom that it goes well, are they quite conservative or just unexposed to LGBT people?
I spoke to my mom when I was about 19 but nothing ever came of it, I had wanted to tell her as far back as when I was 15, I went out for the LGBT annual pride parade in Dublin last month and left my wig, outfit and accessories in a pile on my floor when I got in as I was quite drunk, I was in work early the next day and when I got home my mom had changed the bedsheets and would have seen all but nothing was said.
I was worried it might make things awkward but it's been as normal as ever if not slightly better so I think your right when you say a parents love would most likely over come any perceived shortcomings. Time heals most wounds I guess, I'm almost 25 now so I figure she has gotten used to the idea.

Sarah x

[Tracii G]

That is awesome sometimes spur of the moment slips like that are good. Kind of priming the pump so to speak.LOL
I had a guy friend at a picnic last summer asked if that was pink stitching on my Converse tennis shoes.
I looked at my shoes and said oh no I wore my girls sneakers today.
He looked perplexed and his wife said oooo let me see!! I raised my foot up and showed her and she said those are too cute I love them.

[Tristessa]

I hope if you do get round to talking to your mom that it goes well, are they quite conservative or just unexposed to LGBT people?

Both, but more fiscally conservative than socially. Their trans- and homophobia is almost entirely a product of lack of exposure, although it has certainly been reinforced by conservative media messages. My mom caught me a few times when I was 15, but nothing was ever said about it except "stay out of my closet!". I expect she'll come around with time, she's not really a hater at heart.

[victoria76]

I'm in a similar situation wanting to tell my mom.
I also can't bring myself to do it though...

Funny story by the way!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tristessa, Other than my wife I never felt like laying this burden on anyone else.

[Tristessa]

Hi Tristessa, Other than my wife I never felt like laying this burden on anyone else.

Hi Blue Orchid, never compelled to tell anyone, or unwilling to subject your relationships to the test of coming out? I feel compelled to tell certain people. I feel I am withholding my authentic self from those I love if I do not, which I believe has greater and longer term negative impacts. That doesn't mean I am not approaching the process with great caution, however! But to each her own, this is not a cookie-cutter thing.

Love all your stories of how you and your loved ones have handled "discoveries"!

[Suzanne F]

Tristessa
You go girl! Only you know how much you need to be out. I had a great need to come out once I accepted myself. Now almost two years later everyone knows except work. I received a card from a nephew today that said Aunt Suzanne! My step father recently became friends with me on my new Facebook page. Yet my mom refuses to speak to me since my decision to transition. We have to let go of the results if we decide to be out. Easier said than done. Let me know when you want to have some coffee and talk.
Hugs
Suzanne

[reb.femme]

...I feel compelled to tell certain people. I feel I am withholding my authentic self from those I love if I do not, which I believe has greater and longer term negative impacts. That doesn't mean I am not approaching the process with great caution, however!...

This pretty much sums up how I feel right now, almost a 'devil may care' attitude. I want to tell almost everyone and couldn't give a flying fig if people found out but I keep quiet as agreed with my wife.

Rebecca

[Tristessa]

I received a card from a nephew today that said Aunt Suzanne!

I love it! Aunt Suzanne! Can I call you that?

I keep quiet as agreed with my wife.

Curious what your wife's reasons are for that. Is it about appearances, safety, or something else? Does she otherwise embrace your femme side?

[ChristinaK]

Tristessa,

You seem to be fairly young, which is to your advantage. Most people my age have kids your age and have a much greater understanding of the issues (depending on locality). So, she would most likely not like the situation, but be more willing to tolerate it, versus my mom, who was born in 1929, which would totally blow her mind. Now your dad on the other hand, regardless of when born, may have extreme consternation, and feel like he failed you somehow. Even though I've been a crossdresser for life, and am a better person for it, would probably feel like that on some level if one of my sons came out to me. Does that make any sense at all? Isn't human nature strange?

[Tristessa]

You seem to be fairly young, which is to your advantage.

I'm 40, my parents are both 70-ish, technically Boomers but more Great Generation in their values. My dad is really locked in to the binary and the traditional construction of the male gender role, my mom at least has some exposure to feminism, even if her expression is pretty cis. They will both feel like they failed me. My dad will probably outwardly blame my mom, because that's what narcissists do, refusing to acknowledge the role that his angry workaholic absentee construction of masculinity had in my move towards my femme side. I like to think I'd celebrate whoever my child wants to be, but I'm sure my fear for their safety would drive some guilt or an agenda or something.

[Mjane]

Tristessa, i am so amazed at how well you are handling this.For me, when my SO told me who she really was, it only served to help me understand her better and love her all the more.

[Bethany38]

Tristessa that made me laugh thank you for that

[Marcelle]

Hi Tristessa,

Cute story and thanks for sharing. Only you will truly know when you are ready to come out to others. When I started down this road, it was going to be a closely guarded secret between me and my wife however we soon realized it was much more than just dressing. So, I followed a slow release of information protocol with family, followed by close friends, casual friends and finally work colleagues. Now, most people know.

Cheers

Isha

[reb.femme]

Curious what your wife's reasons are for that. Is it about appearances, safety, or something else? Does she otherwise embrace your femme side?

She's OK with but not ecstatic about my femme side, even buys me things. However, she works locally in a very male dominated environment and would be subjected to a lot of jibes and I won't put her through that kind of crap. I can put up with it no problem, I know lots of the guys and I was even in the military with one of them, so a mate to both of us.

Rebecca

[Tristessa]

Thanks everyone for the comments! Isha, your words ring true, this is definitely more than just dressing, but getting there is going to be a gradual process.

She's OK with but not ecstatic about my femme side, even buys me things. However, she works locally in a very male dominated environment and would be subjected to a lot of jibes and I won't put her through that kind of crap.

Fair enough. You are a good partner to be so sensitive to the potential impact on her. I firmly believe that's the only way a marriage can survive something like this.

Tristessa, i am so amazed at how well you are handling this.For me, when my SO told me who she really was, it only served to help me understand her better and love her all the more.

Thank you, it helps to have an amazing and supportive SO on board for the ride. Your SO is lucky to have a partner that has your perspective.

Tristessa

[Alice_2014_B]

Hahahaha!!
Nice!