Have you been with a guy?

[Mayo]

Fantasy is an important part of our sexual identity and our lives as sexual beings. Sometimes fantasies fulfilled are amazing and lead (as they have in your case) to personal growth and improved relationships. Sometimes the reality fails to live up to the fantasy (as has been the case for some members who've posted here) but people are richer for the experience. And some fantasies are better left that way. Your mileage may vary.

EDIT:

Although it would be nice to be able to factor in the fantasy element, which I think is an important one here and is a category in itself separate from any attraction to men and/or women. There are people who source their greatest sexual gratification on their own in this community.

In the absence of other information, an unfulfilled fantasy generally got the poster a rating of 1.

[Katey888]

Mayo - nice analysis!

This thread hasn't turned out very different from one that ran yonks ago that I attempted to analyse, albeit not to the Kinsey scale. Like you, I omitted responses that were unclear or not sufficiently specific... The simplified results looked like this:

SoJustHowStraightPie.JPG

Of course, we have the same issues with response bias and for a slightly different question (speaking as someone who's had survey research as part of their profession, what questions you ask and how you phrase them has a huge bearing on the responses too...) and a self-selecting respondent base, so the net result would be 'indicative only': you can only state gross observations from these results - nothing definitive.

As to fantasy - there's a whole section in Psychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/fantasies) devoted to what fantasies are about (creativity, largely - NOT necessarily a desire to enact) with this relevant quote from one of the articles (on sexual fantasies):

In fantasy, everything is permitted and nothing is wrong. Not everyone accepts this, but as sexual openness increases, so does willingness to daydream about sexual scenarios one would never really want to experience.
Michael Castleman

I think that is really relevant to the fantasies that many folk here confirm - having accepted a part of them that likes to express feminine, it seems only natural that some folk (those with sufficient imagination and inclination) would wonder what it was actually like to experience sex as a female... No big stretch and nobody should be condemned to eternal hellfire for fantasizing...

Katey x

[Bruce64]

I am not attracted to Men in any form, way, matter, never had never will.

[ReineD]

Absolutely, fantasy is a good and healthy thing when it enhances the sexual relationship between a willing couple, or when it enables a single person to have a rewarding sex life. The same can be said about non-vanilla sexual practices that used to be considered deviant.

I’m glad that sexual therapy now encourages the expression of all manner of people’s fantasies and proclivities as opposed to classifying them as paraphilic, as they did in prior versions of the DSM. It is no longer "wrong" to want threesomes, open marriages are perfectly acceptable as long as both partners agree, same-sex attraction is no longer seen as a sickness, all sorts of people are having fun with BDSM, and porn can certainly spice up a sexual relationship between willing couples for example.

But, when alone-time fantasies become the most gratifying outlet in situations where there are committed partners and the other partner is unaware, or when it takes the place of seeking real-life partners if someone is single, this attraction in my view cannot be classified as predominately hetero, bi, or homosexual. It is a preference for sexual activity that does not involve any active engagement with anyone else (except when they are used as props), not dissimilar to a person who has come to rely on or prefer porn.

There is an important element of auto-gratification among members in this community for the simple fact that it is difficult to find willing GG and GM partners who will fully engage in the cross-gender sexual fantasy, save for Admirers.

I was simply saying that it would be nice to include a separate category for people who actually prefer alone time over being with others (predominately autosexual), even when they do have sex with others on occasion for a variety of social reasons. However, it is difficult to do so because people who fall in this category tend to be unwilling to think of themselves as predominately autosexual. And let me say again that this form of sexual preference is just as valid as any other.

[flatlander_48]

It seems like it would be difficult to include the fantasy aspect in all this. Everyone has fantasies, but I don't think there isn't a clean way to categorize them; or at least I don't know of a method...

DeeAnn

[ReineD]

Yup. People would need to look deeply into themselves and willingly volunteer the information.

[TaraGrace]

ReineD, I think I get what you are saying.. but i'm afraid you'de have to classify that even furth to get the real picture.
Thinking of a relative large number of GG women I know personally that actually are "predominately autosexual" and not even due to prefference but mainly because they've placed other priorities above sex in their partner selection. I can only assume certain men did likewise (although perhaps less common), which would tick the box, but not really fit what you meant, right?

ps, I've skipped answering this post before, so here's mine;

1. Has anyone done it before? in girl mode: no / in boy mode: yes
2. Did you feel guilty later about it? in girl mode: - / in boy mode: once, lets write that off as poor judgement from my side on one date
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? in girl mode: - / in boy mode: no, I switch back and forth sometimes with months between
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? no
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? No, generally speaking most men are awfull allround lovers, just to name one thing: terrible kissers. Otherwise put; I would say women make better partners for a full evening and night out, where as men are more of a fastfood snack.. If I have the munchies, a quick burger can put a smile on my face too

[ReineD]

Thinking of a relative large number of GG women I know personally that actually are "predominately autosexual" and not even due to prefference but mainly because they've placed other priorities above sex in their partner selection. I can only assume certain men did likewise (although perhaps less common), which would tick the box, but not really fit what you meant, right?)

Well, if these GGs placed other priorities above sex in their partner selection, they'd be asexual wouldn't they? This would be a fifth category: [hetero/bi/homo/auto/asexual]. But if they prefer to be autosexual as in your example despite having selected a partner, then they'd fit into the autosexual category too, as would the partner if he went along with it and also did not want sex with anyone outside the relationship. If these GGs selected partners for convenience, say for financial reasons but preferred sex with a third party, then they'd be either hetero, bi, or homosexual depending on their choice of sexual partners.

That said, there are all sorts of reasons to form commitments to others. I know two same-sex couples (one homosexual and one lesbian), who entered into civil unions with the working partner of the other couple in order to be placed on the working partner's health insurance, before same-sex civil unions were allowed that guaranteed same-sex partners such benefits. They were legally married to people they did not live with or have sex with. lol. But they were most definitely same-sex attracted people.

[Kimberley May]

I've been bi-curious for many years but never did until a couple of months back. I see the crossdressing bit as totally unconnected to it. A totally different issue altogether. Although the crossdressing I found made it surprisingly easy to pick up guys. The offers I received were unreal, bloody flattering really. Why can't I have this kinda luck with the ladies?

Anyway as I was saying, I tried it with a guy a couple of months back for the first time, and I regret it.

I immediately ran a hot bath after he went to wash it all away. I felt violated, although it was my fault but now I kinda understand how women must feel. His smell seemed to linger in the room for days. I didn't feel turned on like I do with a woman and just went through the motions just waiting for it to be over. I do feel shame and regret, but then if I never tried it then I would still be thinking about doing it for the rest of my life which would drive me bonkers.

So, being bi-curious and even experiencing it to find out I believe doesn't automatically mean you're gay, confused sure until after you find out if you like it or not. I didn't care for it. I'm not in denial, I now consider myself straight and not bi. At least I know now, at a heavy cost.

[Mink]

I feel very similar .... very bi-curious but after FINALLY having some experience... it's not for me... I appreciated being desired and like "the girl" or object of affectation or whatnot but I wasn't into the male body / mode of sexuality or whatever... it made me just wish I was with a girl or an actual girl or SOMETHING!

and yes... the issue of how dang hard it is to pursue the ladies vs. how EASY it was to get with a guy... I figured why not give the thing the ol' college try!

but then I wanted to die!

[leonal123]

Hi Sam,

One question. Did you ever felt like there is something else inside your mind which is projecting those ideas? I mean, that you as a person don't want to be with a guy but there is something inside you which tells you that do it, try it. And finally it becomes hard to resist?
Do you think its not the physical part of the act but the mental part of the whole act which satisfies you?

1. Has anyone done it before?

Yes, the first few times it was scary, exciting and wonderful all at the same time. Dressing as a girl made it somehow seem alright to do things with guys...that was my pre-teen logic anyway.... because it was OK for a girl to do stuff with a guy. The only time I ever found guys attractive was when i was dressed.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it?

Yes as a teen anyway. Right after I would orgasm I would have this rush of guilt and want it to end immediately. Depending on what we were doing, that could be difficult. Like when he is banging your brains out and he is doing a great job of making it last. I would be praying and counting the seconds until he finished. Sometimes I would be holding back tears, waiting for him to finish.

Then....A few days would go by and I would become horny again and it all started over. I finally just got over it after one incredible night with a really incredible guy....it just didn't make sense to feel guilty about having so much pleasure. I just realized it was OK/

After that I really began to enjoy the freedom women have in sex. Its actually very relaxing with guys. They are actually really easy to please.


3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy?

I prefer women, except when I am dressed. That being said, it is a lot of fun being with a great guy.....its totally fun. Its relaxing. Its incredible to go all the way with a guy you really connect with.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy?

No I didn't. If I was a teenager now, it might be a different story. My guy friend and I get together about 4 weekends a year. Even though I am not passable, but I dont bring any male clothing on our weekend getaways. Basically I wear women's polo shirts, a women's leather jacket and clearly women's jeans. I sort of push it a bit further each time but no one has ever called me out. In the bedroom its anything goes.....bring on the corset and garters.

5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel?

Sex with guys is just different. Its just as wonderful. it scratches a different itch. Its sex from the other side. You are the receiver. Its fun.

The fun part of guys is that you know what they like and how to make them happy. You can keep him right on the edge for a few hours. It is something that most women do not understand.

[Chancey289]

No, I haven't been with a guy, but I am a little curious, however, I'd honestly really like to play around with another convincing crossdresser. I'm attracted to feminine beauty more than anything which is why I don't think I could do it with a just a straight up dude. Men just don't really attract me.

[flatlander_48]

Did you ever felt like there is something else inside your mind which is projecting those ideas? I mean, that you as a person don't want to be with a guy but there is something inside you which tells you that do it, try it.

That sounds like schizophrenia. Fortunately most of us do not have that...

DeeAnn

[Mink]

that's what our other personalities would WANT us to think!

oh god?

[Kimberley May]

Did you ever felt like there is something else inside your mind which is projecting those ideas? I mean, that you as a person don't want to be with a guy but there is something inside you which tells you that do it, try it.

That sounds like schizophrenia. Fortunately most of us do not have that...

DeeAnn

Or Bipolar-II Disorder, which is different to the more extreme Bipolar-I. A carefree careless promiscuous high sex drive even if it goes against your better judgment is a common symptom. I guess as a straight male it's why I still feel guilty about it and yet not entirely 100% sure that I wouldn't try it again, even though I don't find blokes attractive and could never fall in love with a guy.

[Emily W]

Thinking about my sexuality now, when I was in my teens and early 20s I was confused. I was attracted to both male and female, however all my partners were female. This was the norm and what was expected – 1 male with 1 female was acceptable. It wasn’t until my mid 20s that there was some male contact. I won’t go into details, but I liked the contact at times and not at other times.

Now I know that this was a period in which I was sorting out my role in a male-male relationship. Right up to my mid-forties I had male and female partners and considered myself Bi. Purges were definitely related to relationships and guilt. I still consider myself to be Bi but I have not had a female partner for more than five years. I know I am the exception rather than the norm for Cross-dressers where research clearly demonstrates 70% to 80%+ of Cross-dressers are Straight.

To answer some questions:

1. Has anyone done it before? In girl mode: Yes / In boy mode: Yes

2. Did you feel guilty later about it? In girl mode: Not at all now / In boy mode: No, never.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? In girl mode: I have found guys that I have been very attractive towards. / In boy mode: No, never.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? I often think about this – guy or no guy – if I knew what I know now back when I was in my early to mid-twenties I probably would have, but now No.

5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? Yes. How did you feel? With the right guy I find I am fulfilled as a woman, an amazing experience. When I do meet the right guy they can be very loving partners. You have to be fussy though as the majority, generally speaking, are selfish lovers. Would I go back to having a female partner at some future point in time? Probably not – but never say never

[Lilly 40C]

Here are my answers:

1. Has anyone done it before? Yes, several times and I enjoyed every minute of it..
2. Did you feel guilty later about it? No, it felt natural.
3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? No, but I now enjoy sex equally with both men and women.
4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? No.
Most Importantly
5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? Both yes and no but, very different especially oral sex. How did you feel? Like I crossed a horizon and entered a new aspect of my sex life.

[leonal123]

Not schizophrania.. But did you ever happen to touch or identify the area of the brain which projects those ideas?

That sounds like schizophrenia. Fortunately most of us do not have that...

DeeAnn

[threeheavenshigh]

No, I haven't been with a guy, but I am a little curious, however, I'd honestly really like to play around with another convincing crossdresser. I'm attracted to feminine beauty more than anything which is why I don't think I could do it with a just a straight up dude. Men just don't really attract me.

This is exactly how I feel. I would love to panty play with a CD'er, maybe even do some oral.

I haven't had penetration with anyone for a few years, and pretty sure I couldn't even do it if I wanted. Too addicted to clothing stimulation.

[flatlander_48]

Not schizophrania.. But did you ever happen to touch or identify the area of the brain which projects those ideas?

Basically it was a reaction to what sounded like references to 2 unrelated parts of the same consciousness. That seemed odd. We have one brain. There is a conscious part, but underneath there is a subconscious part. However, hearing voices takes it to a very different place.

DeeAnn

[shawnsheila]

I am not attracted to men/T-gals, etc... Only attracted to GGs though I may think a TG is pretty, it is not my thing.

Thank being said, I had some dudes in college hit on me and even try to get it on with me... not my thing and I had to shut it down for them (interestingly enough, the one dude who was outwardly homophobic, tough guy, very manly man... he was the one that tried to "seduce" me... He is a cop now... I wonder how many perps he pats down now... ahh, the college days)

That being said here are my answers:

1. Has anyone done it before? No, it is not my thing

That being said, do what you think you would like, if you find that you don't like it with a man while dressed, don't do it anymore... you wont know unless you try. Maybe give the guy a heads up (no pun intended) as to how you feel about it so you can have space to bail if you don't like it or don't want to go through with it.

[ReineD]

... that you as a person don't want to be with a guy but there is something inside you which tells you that do it, try it. And finally it becomes hard to resist?
Do you think its not the physical part of the act but the mental part of the whole act which satisfies you?

Yes, I think that's possible. You're describing a powerful fantasy of being a sexy, desirable woman. If you are hetero you might more easily picture yourself as a woman having sex with a man (this is what you know ... women and men having sex together), and so you might experience internal conflict if you are not attracted to men. Lots of members here have had such fantasies (the men in their fantasies usually have no faces) and they've followed through only to discover that it was best left as a fantasy. The reality of the experience turned them off. Of course there are homosexual and bisexual crossdressers too, who do not experience conflict the way a hetero CDer does.

[TracyUK]

I am not sexually attracted to men at all, but I do appreciate beauty and if I see a CDer who looks good I have no problem with those thoughts

[Sarah V]

I have been following this Discussion thread since it's inception, and I finally decided that it was time to say my peace with it. I liked the way one of the girls here was presenting her answers so I am going to do them in the same format. I am also going to add an additional Question.

1. Has anyone done it before? Yes, I too have finally had 'the experience" after years of thinking, mussing, and self-examination/wondering about it.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it? No not at all. And so far, I have found it to be a very pleasant, enjoyable, and empowering experience for myself. It's certainly brought out my femininity further and I am happy about that.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? No, I would not say I am addicted at all. However, truth be told, I have had several repeat "coupling" encounters since the first time with this particular gentlemen. He is the only one I have ever been with. Like I said, so far, it has been a great experience for me, and i will continue to "get laid" again.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? No, absolutely not. Like other's, I too am only comfortable bringing out the naughty woman in me on special occasions.

Most Importantly,

5. Has it been more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? So far, I think it has been about equal for me, but I am enjoying it very much, and can certainly see now why our GG/CIS sister's do also. I feel very much like any woman should who is having an physically intimate relationship with a man. I'll say it, he treats me well in bed, I certainly am enjoying myself there, and he continues to let me know I am pleasing him as well. I firmly believe that it DOES all have to do with how the gentlemen treats you. If he treats you well, gentlemanly, and like a woman should be treated, then good. I too hooked up with a older man (16years older) whom I first met casually at a LGBT club one weekend evening when I was out with a few other TG girlfriends. We chatted and exchanged eMail addresses. About a week later he contacted me by eMail, and things came about from there.

O.k., next question:

6: Now that you have done "it" once, are you going to plan on doing it at least again/or continue to do "it" now that you have tired it? Yes I am. Most defiantly.

[windycissy]

1. Has anyone done it before? Yes, although never with a girl present as you desire. That would weird me out, but I suppose there are girls who might get off on it.

2. Did you feel guilty later about it? The first time, I actually got sick afterwards. But I got over that pretty quickly.

3. Did you get addicted to being with a guy? I don't know if it's an addiction, or just something that I really, really enjoy.

4. Did you decide to go fulltime after being with a guy? No

5. Was it more pleasurable than straight sex? How did you feel? Depends on the guy! A good-looking guy who is experienced at making love to a tgirl can make me feel so good...certainly as good as straight sex makes me feel.