I dressed up last night, which I'm always happy to do, when my friend asked me if I ever wanted to go out for a drive while dressed up as Stefani. I looked at her like she was crazy and said that of course I would. I then said I wanted to go out for a drive right then. We waited for it to get dark, which was around 8:30. That walk to the car was excruciatingly long, and I was nervous the whole time. Once we got into the car and drove off, I was fine.
Going back to college, I used to sneak out of the house while my roommates slept, and I would get dressed up in the country, out of a deserted dirt road, and then just drive for an hour or so. The last time I went out has to be at least twelves years ago. This was my first time in a very long time!
I drove down Western and jumped on I-40, headed east until I drove out of town. I turned back, went through downtown, and even drove by my work, hoping each moment not to get caught by someone I know. We must have driven around for an hour an a half. I decided I needed to gas up while dressed up, so after driving around another thirty minutes, I found a relatively empty gas station, psyched myself up, and proceeded to step out of my car. I gassed up, jumped back in, horrified and exhilarated at the same time. I survived!
I know it wasn't much, but that first step out into the world is the scariest. I need to get used to being me, figure out how to walk like a woman, as my friend says, and simply relax. Still, I count this as a victory! I can't wait to actually walk into a store and interact with people. Baby steps, people!
