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Thread: Trying to stand up and dust myself off

  1. #1
    Member Jordan-NH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    New Hampshire

    Trying to stand up and dust myself off

    For those of you who know me, I went silent a few months ago. I felt the need to put Jordan away and focus all of my energy on the woman I love. This is a sweet girl that I met just shy of 3 years ago. That girl had a smile and an energy that pulled at my heart. She was the first person that I had ever met that I just felt comfortable with. I opened up to her immediately about dressing and so many things. She accepted me and I accepted her. In these three years she gave me strength and confidence I never knew I had. She helped me learn better style, better posture and the greatest gift the ability to go out in public and be myself. Even outside of dressing she provided unconditional love and support that I never expected to find in my life. She has made me a significantly better person.

    Last week, at the age of 34, I lost my love to her 6 year battle with cancer. I have a hole in my heart that I doubt will ever heal fully. But thanks to her love, I am a stronger person that will continue to press on and improve myself and do my best to give others the help they need to improve themselves. I knew how lucky I was, I was one of the few that had a truly supportive mate. My message to those of you who are as lucky as I was, cherish what you have and let them know just how grateful you are. Only now do I realize that I wasn't vocal enough for my gratitude for such a true love. Go and hug your loved ones and appreciate them while you can.


  2. #2
    Gold Member Rachael Leigh's Avatar
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    Sep 2013
    Dallas Ft Worth metro
    So very sad, glad you had her those 3 years though.
    Sorry for your loss

  3. #3
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Dec 2014
    God bless you!
    Pictures and stories of every time out:

    Google "Kandi's Land" and visit my blog for positive and uplifting posts!

  4. #4
    Madam Ambassador Heidi Stevens's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Central Arkansas, U.S
    I am so sorry for your loss, Jordan. It was a blessing that you had the time with her and shared your love with her thru her struggle. You will recover faster remembering the good times you had together. Take care
    Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!

  5. #5
    I've made it and love it Jennifer-GWN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013

    So sad to hear of your loss. Special people are hard to find at the best of times let alone adding the complexities of our various worlds. My condolences go out to you and her family. Cherish the time you had together and keep the memories strong and fresh.

    All my best with a heavy heart for you. Jennifer
    I am who I am... I'm happy...I mean truly to the bone happy...and at peace with myself for the first time ever. I'm confident and content as the woman I am.

  6. #6
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Happy for your amazing three years, sad beyond words that you have lost your love so young and to a cruel illness, but she did something that many of us strive to do and that is make a difference to peoples lives, good on you for sharing your story, sorry for your loss

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    My sincere condolences Jordan. I know the heartache losing a loved one can cause, lost my wife of 34 years 6 years ago September 1st. Still miss her everyday. Like you said,"cherish what you have and let them know just how grateful you are".
    Couldn't have said it better. Thanks for sharing your story, brought big time tears to my eyes.
    God Bless you,

  8. #8
    silicone member Danielle_cder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    So sorry for your loss.
    the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.

  9. #9
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    I am lost, and I like it. Don't find me!
    Dear Jordan,

    I am terribly sorry for your loss of your love. No words any of us can produce will ease the pain for you right now, but know that many are standing with you and hold you with our love such that you can find strength to go on.

    The hole in your heart will not heal, but with time you will find that it transforms from the space of sorrow and sadness it is right now, to a space in your heart where joy and good memories for your love and the time you had together will be collected. No, it will never go away, but it will eventually stop hurting and become comfort.

    Remember Tennyson's words: "Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all".


  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Words fall short at times such as these.

  11. #11
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Sadly none of us can fill that hole in your heart only the one you lost, life is sometimes very cruel when you find the happiness you had ! I really hope time will heal enough to find another to fill a space in your heart again !

    I wish I could follow the advice of your last line but it takes two and it's sadly not going to happen for me !

  12. #12
    New Member
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    Aug 2015
    portsmouth, uk
    So sorry for your loss 😢 sending you hugs xxx Jessica xxx

  13. #13
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    SW England
    So sorry for your loss. It may not seem possible but a few years will bring healing. I hope you can still hear her in your heart and be with her in your dreams.

    xxx Pamela
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Jordan, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Love, Holly

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Brandy Mathews's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    So sorry for your loss hun.
    Brandy Mathews

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    just west of syracuse n.y.
    You were truly blessed to have such a sweet lady if only for a short time in your life. I so sorry for your loss Jordan.

  17. #17
    Senior Member Bria's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Kansas City
    Jordan, I send you my sincere condolences for the loss of the love of your life. I'm sure you will remember the good time that the two of you had together for the rest of your life. My prayers go with you and your dearly departed.

    Hugs, Bria

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member Sarah Beth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Small town in western Kansas middle of nowhere
    I am so very sorry for your loss... it sounds like she was an incredible person and you were lucky to have had those years with her.
    "It takes all kinds of kinds" Miranda Lambert
    Now some point a finger and let ignorance linger
    If they'd look in the mirror they'd find.
    That ever since the beginning to keep the world spinning
    It takes all kinds of kinds.

  19. #19
    Gone to live my life
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Hi Jordan,

    My heart felt condolences to you . . . loosing someone near and dear is never an easy thing to face. Know that she gave you love and encouragement to be who you need to be and living that will be the greatest testament to her and your love.


  20. #20
    Diva Victoria Demeanor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Oh Jordan,
    Condolences, I wish I had the words, but know that you have my thoughts and I am glad that you had the time you did. Always remember the good times and let go of the bad. You may not have been vocal, but I'm sure she knew, I'm sure you showed her.
    Jordan Peace be with you.
    When I am still and quiet, people who do not know me think, Oh how cute she's shy.
    People who do know me think, OMG RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Girls will be boys and boys will be girls It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola

  21. #21
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Old Hampshire, UK
    That is truly so very sad but how wonderful for you that you were able to experience that...

    I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that you can continue to find a positive aspect for the future.

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  22. #22
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Central Texas
    Jordan, Sorry for your loss. I know we are so mortal. I am sure that she knew your love for her. We should love and appreciate our mates every day. Keep her love in your heart as you go forth in life.
    Part Time Girl

  23. #23
    Aspiring drama queen Isabella Ross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    So sorry, Jordan. My wife is going to be the recipient of an unusual amount of love and affection tonight, because of what you wrote.

  24. #24
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Almost the Great White North...
    I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  25. #25
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Eugene, Oregon, USA
    Oh dear... My heart goes out to you, so, so much! I know that feeling of loss much too well. It's less than two years ago that I lost my mate, to a sudden and unexpected heart failure.

    Yes, a hole in one's heart is an apt description, and no, it probably never will heal fully. Yet the pain you feel is a measure of how great that love was, and of how good the time you had together was. Cherish her memory, remember the wonderful few years you had together, and she will live on in your heart and your memories.

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