Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 53

Thread: I really want to tell my wife ...

  1. #26
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Jennifer,
    I have to agree with you on that one ! I certainly try and not do it intentionally !

  2. #27
    Reality Check
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,842
    Jennifer, I could type it all again but it would come out the same. My story is accurate but abbreviated. I've posted it before and nobody misunderstood it. Perhaps I didn't make completely clear the part where it was playful, not serious. I was kidding around with her when I said they were my bras.

    Someone compared my method to slowly boiling a frog in a kettle.

    I don't know how you can misinterpret it but there's nothing more I can say.

  3. #28
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    2,615
    From my own experience, the easing into it and dropping hints is not likely a good strategy. I tried this too, soften the blow, maybe hope she figures it out on her own or lessens the shock. It really does not work that way. Even if she suspects or thinks of some of it, it is likely she will still be very surprised by much of it. She will likely not like the feeling of you leaking out either, it typically feels like a dishonest ploy, from what most GG's have stated here. My wife never got the hints, in her mind, she always explained it away to herself as something other than what it looked like. A type of denial from her.

    I would do an upfront disclosure. Once I finally did, and yes, then she fills in some pieces, well, my wife did, and that what I was trying to do did not help her in any way. It didn't soften any blow, and she also felt a sense of dishonesty, since I was doing things like shaving my legs without telling her why I was shaving my legs. The smooth feeling I liked is not a lie.... but its not the entire truth either. Omission can and has been argued to death about whether it is a lie or not. Technically speaking won't help any argument, trust me on that one. Lost that round big time.

    I find that the more I own it, which does not mean flaunt it or disrespect my wife in any way with it, but own it without apology, and feel at ease with myself, the less she feels threatened by it. Not that she doesn't still feel that way to a degree, but less so than in the beginning.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  4. #29
    Senior Member JocelynJames's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    MA
    Posts
    1,336
    Quote Originally Posted by mechamoose View Post
    I'm sorry. I know I'm not the average bird here. I just don't understand.

    How can you hide being 'weird'?

    - MM
    Heh, I can't . In my eight grade year book several people noted that I was weird but a good kid.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    629
    Before I started this thread, I read as many threads on here about this subject, and I also read the thread "Tips to an SO's acceptance" to be as informed as possible.

    I would have to say at this point I am 80 to 90% wanting to do full disclosure, but the remaining is hesitant for fear of her reaction or things going horribly sideways. I regret not telling her from the beginning, as it would have made things way easier.

  6. #31
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,335
    Indeed it would have been easier. I didn't tell my wife until after 20+ years of marriage. Each year you wait it gets less easy. I firmly believe we all reach a point when disclosure will happen. You appear to be at that point. The worst thing possible is accidental disclosure where you don't get to tell your story, your way. Good luck

  7. #32
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    92
    Wendy

    All I can say is good luck and read the advice given here, and use it well. I used to be a lurker here for years, but joined so that I could discuss the best way to come out to my wife. All I can say is I am totally glad I did. It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. We have now got to a point where I can dress fully in front of her.

    Good luck take a deep breath
    Rebekah

  8. #33
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    869
    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    I find that the more I own it, which does not mean flaunt it or disrespect my wife in any way with it, but own it without apology, and feel at ease with myself, the less she feels threatened by it. Not that she doesn't still feel that way to a degree, but less so than in the beginning.
    So true in my case. Even though my wife is not thrilled about my CD, she started to accept it more when I started to own it, when I stopped wining that I am afraid or worried, when I stopped waiting for kids to go to bed. In other words, when I accepted it myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    Jennifer (and Wendy), I believe there is a way to "ease" into it. I say that because that's exactly how I did it. She asked me to order her some bras from eBay. When they were delivered, she said "Are those my bras?". I said (grinning) "No, they are my bras, my name is on the package. I immediately stripped down and put one on. Then I commented that I needed a pair of panties to go with my bra. She went out shopping and when she came home I was wearing a pair of her panties and showed her. She said "Don't wear my new ones you can wear my old ones." and she gave me a few pairs.

    I don't feel like writing a book this morning, but after a while she gave me some old blouses she didn't wear any more. She got some bras with the removable pads which she removed. She said "Do you have any use for these or should I throw them out?" I said "Yes I can use them." And immediately stuffed my bra with them.

    Eventually, over time, I bought real forms, a couple wigs, padded panties, jewelry, etc. We shop together for skirts and blouses.

    She won't go out of the house with me dressed but I can dress at home around her and she accepts or tolerates it. She will often comment saying "That top goes great with that skirt". Or "Your butt is bigger than mine."

    Each relationship is different and each couple knows each other best. I think it would have been a big shock to my wife if I had let her leave homer in the morning and come home to Krisi in the afternoon.
    Krisi, you just lucky to have one of those wives who feels at ease with CD like some others here. This is why it worked for you. Most likely anything would have worked. Basically, one has either accepting spouse or not. It is better to take precaution and do it the right way and laugh later together than blow it and see your marriage goes down the hill.
    Last edited by Katey888; 09-07-2015 at 02:17 PM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...

  9. #34
    New Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Posts
    13
    Unspoken and unknown are not the same thing. My wife knows everything about me, including which of her friends I would bang and what kinds of porn I like. I don't dress around her unless she initiates (which she does sometimes) because it sometimes makes her feel insecure when I do. This is something that is a big part of who we all are and it's unfair for us not to at least tell our SO about it and let them decide whether they want to be involved or would prefer a DADT situation. And truly, I think its something that needs to be shared early in any serious relationship. The longer it takes, the more likely it won't go well more because the other person feels they've been lied to or not really let into your life than because of the dressing. The foundation of any lasting relationship is honesty, even when it's scary.

    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    There are many things in our lives that we don't share with our life partners. How many other women we have slept with and how often is a good start. The fact that you fantasize about banging her sister or friend is another. The fact that you "pleasure yourself" while looking at porn would qualify.

    If you are a serious crossdresser and are starting a new relationship, this would be a good time to tell her about it. If you have been together for twenty or thirty years and your desire to dress is more recent, it's hard to bring it up for fear of losing her or seriously changing or damaging the relationship.

    Yes, trust is important and I trust my wife not to tell others about Krisi, yet we are still individuals and some things remain unspoken.
    Quote Originally Posted by wendy View Post
    Before I started this thread, I read as many threads on here about this subject, and I also read the thread "Tips to an SO's acceptance" to be as informed as possible.

    I would have to say at this point I am 80 to 90% wanting to do full disclosure, but the remaining is hesitant for fear of her reaction or things going horribly sideways. I regret not telling her from the beginning, as it would have made things way easier.
    You should be sure to tell her this as early in the conversation as possible and tell her that you've wanted to for so long but it just got harder as time went on. She's likely to be more upset with how long it's taken to tell her than what you're telling her.
    Last edited by Katey888; 09-07-2015 at 05:49 PM. Reason: Consecutive posts merged - please use edit post to add to existing post rather than adding a successive post...

  10. #35
    Member Gabby6790's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    294
    The more I read on this topic the more I get confused. Its sounds like a lot of the out posters put this pressure on those looking to come out. I am a in a similar situation at the OP especially with the dropping hints part. I feel like I am doing that for a number of reasons but most importantly I am feeling my SO out while I figure out what is going on with me. I don't have all the answers yet but I am doing my best to find them.

    I think we have to remember that there are two parties here and neither are at fault. Laying it all out on the table sounds good typed on the forums and may be good for those that have done it but its gut wrenching to think about for some who haven't yet.

  11. #36
    Member Nadya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    423
    Up until the tights example, I was sure she already knew or would be comfortable with it. She will probably need some time with it. Since she knows about the swimsuits, I'd think this would be less shocking to her then. Good luck! I hope it goes well.

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    12,387
    I was reading your first post and I was a bit taken aback that in the second line of the post you had gone from worrying about your relationship to lamenting the loss of a particular garment in a purge. It may be that your anxiety has sent your thoughts in several directions at once or you might not be taking this seriously enough. At this point your focus should be on your wife, not an article of clothing.

    She needs to know how deeply you feel about her and your relationship.

    One approach is to tell her that something is bothering you (it is, after all) and you want to talk it over with her. Then lay it out for her, simply and without embellishment.

    It will take time for her to assimilate it. Give her that time. She will have questions. Answer them, but remember that "I don't know" is a valid answer if you truly don't know. Don't make promises you can't keep.

    Have resources ready for her if she needs them. There is a lot of info out there on the web, but there is a lot of scary stuff and even hate sites that purport to "support crossdresser's wives."

    More than anything else, reassure her that she is the center of your life and you are telling her your most guarded secret because you love and trust her and don't want to keep it from her any longer. You're the same person, what has changed is that she has more insight into what makes you what you are.

  13. #38
    Member Tania's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    PNW
    Posts
    123
    Wow! I have ten swimsuits and thought that was a lot!

  14. #39
    Reality Check
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,842
    The reason I did it the way I explained (step by step) was that it gave me the opportunity to judge her response and level of acceptance before moving on to the next step. And I was actually moving along step by step as well. At the beginning, I didn't have a wardrobe of female clothes, forms, wig, etc. I had only one of her cast off bras and water balloons. I would wear her blouses (out of the dirty clothes basket) and sometimes her tights. I had been doing this for many years. Coming out to her in the way I did allowed me to stop hiding what I was doing and allowed me to move forward as Krisi. We now shop together and she sometimes buys stuff for me when she is shopping for herself.

    BTW: The bra thing happened exactly the way I explained it. It was not a plan on my part, it was a spur of the moment opportunity. The statement about them being mine because my name was on the package came out of my mouth spontaneously.
    Last edited by Krisi; 09-08-2015 at 08:08 AM.

  15. #40
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    629

    Update : I really want to tell my wife ...

    I read and re - read everyone's thoughts/posts, plus read and re - read the thread "Tips on SO acceptance", plus any other related posts, and I finally told my wife about my CDing today.

    I share this same sentiment with anyone else who has told their wife, I feel now a huge weight and burden has been lifted off my shoulders, and it feels great. I feel now I don't have to hide who I am, and I also feel I can now share my CDing with the woman I love.

    I'll be honest, it wasn't easy but I forced myself to do it, and I have no regrets.


    This is how it started :

    we were both laying in bed chatting away, when there was a few second lull in our conversation, I seized my chance and I said :

    "I want to thank you for being so supportive and understanding about my crossdressing in swimsuits."

    her : "I don't care what you wear as long as it makes you happy, and it doesn't hurt anyone."
    me : "Even if I wear pantyhose/tights ?"
    her : "yes, but I don't wear pantyhose/tights."

    The conversation keeps going :

    her : "Just don't wear any of my stuff, as you will stretch it out. I don't want you to wear my spanx or my pumps because you will stretch them."
    me : "Ok, but what if I bought my own stuff ?"
    her : "Fine, fine."

    Later in the conversation :

    her : "I just want you to be honest and open."
    me : apologizing as I haven't been honest and open about my CDing.


    Near the end of our conversation, she said she if you want to dress like a woman, go ahead. She then goes to her skirt collection and suggest I try them on, to see if they will fit (the skirts have an elastic band, so they are ok). She also has a black wrap style dress with a belt and suggested I try that on too. I told her no, I want to buy my own clothes and wear those.

    She also said if you want to buy woman's clothes, she will go with me to the ladies dept and make the purchase for me so people will think it is for her. She won't buy it outright, but offering to make the purchase (me handing the money to her and she goes up to pay for it) is awesome.


    I then told her I want to be totally honest, and informed her that I already owned some woman's clothing and I've been storing it downstairs in the basement. She then said if you wear them I'll critic it (with a chuckle). She also said she knew a long time ago, and was wondering why I was bringing it up now.

    However, she did have 2 concerns :
    1) will I be dressed and going outside ? Answer is no.
    2) she doesn't want me to spend too much money on women's clothing, as she knows I've already spent much money on my huge women's swimsuit collection. In other words, her concern is purely monetary.





    As I am typing this in, she has gone to take a nap. I told her (before her nap) that I will be dressing up and when she wakes up I want to show her my outfit. She said fine.


    My whole experience has been positive, and she did not flip out or become angry or anything. I am so thankful that she is supportive, understanding, and open minded.
    Last edited by Katey888; 09-13-2015 at 05:35 PM. Reason: It is preferred that you keep just one thread open on your subject. :)

  16. #41
    Seasoned Member Rhonda Darling's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Near Winston-Salem, N.C.
    Posts
    1,146
    Wendy:

    I have heard many stories with good outcomes, many with bad outcomes, but now you come along with a GREAT outcome. Wow! Congratulations are in order. You must be truly ecstatic, and pinching yourself to see if it was all a dream. Well, it was a dream --- a dream come true.

    Now, don't overwhelm her. And if you later decide that you'd like to go out dressed, be honest with her. Many of us want to keep taking more and more steps. If she draws a hard line for you, be very careful of what's at risk if you cross it.

    I'm happy for you both.

    Best,
    Rhonda
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Be all the woman that you can be!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    . . . and now, On With The Show!

  17. #42
    Member Martina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    U.K.
    Posts
    124
    Hi Wendy,
    I am so pleased for you that your reveal of your dressing to your wife has come out in a very positive way and wish you both much happiness in your journey.
    I would ask her how long she has known and why did she not say anything to you?

    Martina
    The girl my Mother longed for trapped inside a boys body If she had only known I was there.

  18. #43
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    somewhere in a truck
    Posts
    285
    It is great she is accepting and supportive of you. I Just want to remind you to remember to also give her time with the man she married. Don't let the pink fog get you in trouble.
    Best wishes and enjoy

  19. #44
    Senior Member UNDERDRESSER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Usually, wearing a skirt somewhere
    Posts
    1,137
    What with the swimsuits and Zentais, I'm not surprised that she is at least tolerant of it, nor am I surprised that she already knew. Got a keeper there though.
    "Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO

    Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.

    The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.

  20. #45
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    Posts
    7,212
    You're not necessarily out of the deep end of the water. Don't go and start dressing up 24/7 just yet. Women's biggest fear is that we'll transition, and nothing makes them think that more than an ever progressing move into dressing more and more often, indulging in make up, wigs, watching videos to learn how to walk like a woman, practicing talking in a higher pitch, focusing on sitting with your legs crossed all the time, perfecting walking in heels, etc.. Take what she's given you and enjoy that for a while. And when the girls clothes come off, make sure you go back to being just a normal guy (don't be a macho jerk, but don't adopt feminine body language while dressed as a girl, either). There are lots of women who initially accept it because 1. they don't want to appear politically incorrect, 2. don't want to lose their husband, 3. are still in sort of shock and haven't had time to think out what they should do. Take it slow. And, good luck. If you can manage to pull this off, you've won the crossdresser lottery!
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  21. #46
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    2,331
    Wendy - You know your wife. No one else here does. Tell her the way you think you need to tell her, with care and love and candor.

  22. #47
    Member Joni Beauman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    240
    Nevertheless, it could be a roller coaster for a while - years. You may need to prepare yourself that that sort of time scale. Patience, tolerance, and love seems to be a rewarding combination even if compromises are made short of full acceptance. Joni

  23. #48
    ADMINISTRATOR Sandra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    25,347
    I'm pleased so far it has gone well, but you still have to be prepared for her to have her off days and tell you that she doesn't like it, it may not happen but be prepared for it


    Quote Originally Posted by wendy View Post
    I feel now a huge weight and burden has been lifted off my shoulders, and it feels great.
    Make sure that you don't load the burden onto her shoulders. A lot of cders say this and then the SO says that they now have the burden on their shoulders, and then of course the cder often goes all guns blazing and starts dressing all the time, buying stuff that isn't really needed, not taking into account the SO feelings...what I'm saying is take it easy on't rush her because if you do rush then you will be taking steps back and not forward.
    Sandra
    Administrator

    I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs

    R.I.P Rianna

  24. #49
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    43,781
    Hi Wendy, I'm so happy for you, Now that the ball is in her court go slowly and don't try to overwhelm her with this program.
    Last edited by BLUE ORCHID; 09-14-2015 at 06:44 AM.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  25. #50
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    629
    Thanks for everyone's words of encouragement.

    I do remember some members stating that after telling their SO, to take it slow and not go guns blazing. I will heed this advice, and as some of you mentioned, there maybe days where she won't put up with it at all and I'll have to be aware of that.

    As Sandra has pointed out, on my my worst cruxes is once the flood gate has opened I tend to go on a shopping spree (hence the 100+ swimsuits). I will have to use all my will power to not do the same with women's clothing.

    However, I have also taken the advice whereby : be honest, truthful, and open. My wife asked me what I used for boobs and I informed her it was breastforms. She commented on my camisole, and I told her what store I bought it from (the store chain no longer exists), and she says "that is a long time ago".

    Anyways, after her nap on that Sunday, she yelled downstairs to my man cave and asked "are you ready ?" (referring if I was all dressed up). I said "yes".

    She comes down and I am in full Wendy mode, black tights, black Merona skirt, white blouse, black lazer, wig, pumps, the whole meal deal. My stomach was in knots, and my heart was racing as this would be the first time she would have seen Wendy. Once she came downstairs she commented "Ok, looks nice. You look like an airline stewardess."

    So we both go upstairs and she helps me try on her Old Navy black wrap dress. That evening after supper I dressed up again in my black Merona sleeveless dress, and we watched Fear The Walking Dead and Bob's Burgers (full 2 hours in Wendy mode). It was a good evening.

    As I mentioned before, I'll try my best not to overdo the dressing and not to overwhelm her. I'll move slow on this so it will allow her time to digest on what has transpired.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State